OK with the disclaimer out of the way, here's the question:
Hubby and I have been married for 13 years now. We've always had a decent sex life. Not a crazy 3 times a day type of sex life. But never ever a we haven't had sex in a month and we both just noticed sex life either. Not even through 3 pregnancies, job changes and financial stress. Generally we average 2 - 3 times a week. Sometimes we won't have sex for a week due to tiredness and work etc. Then we'll have sex every day for a week. OK the issue is that I feel we're in a sexual rut. We have certain signals to one another showing we're "in the mood". We only have sex in our bed at night. Morning sex is not really an option. We all have to be up by 7 to get the kids to school, hubby to work, and also the baby wakes up usually around then too and I have to feed him.
So .... what should I do to spice it up? I do have some lingerie but it feels so..."put on"
We are way tight on money so going to a hotel is just not an option right now, although I think sometime soon we will plan a weekend getaway of some kind.
I'm not looking to go way "wild" and try a threesome or something.
Maybe sex toys? If so, which ones?
We have done different things like sex outside in our yard and stuff but it's so buggy here at night...just not super awesome for me.
Ideas appreciated!
We are reading this book called "The Passionate Marriage" by David Schnark and we really like it. It totally changed how we view sex, and each other.
Start a game, once a month hubbie buys something you have to wear, watch or do,.......the next month its your turn.
I WAS playing it for a few months and got pregnant, lol. Thats how well it works. We did do it on the trampoline during that time, sometimes you have to do things you normally wouldnt, but its o.k.. You're married.
I sometimes suggest he wait and shower after we put the kids to bed (we both shower at night) and we can conserve water.
We also sometimes stay in the living room after the kids go to bed. Lots of furniture options in there. :)
I bought some stupid "lottery tickets" that have been kinda fun, just something different to help generate a mood.
Well why not try a different location? If the kids are in bed and y'all stay up to watch a movie, why not cuddle up or straddle your man and stay on the couch instead? The couch may allow for a different position, therefore something new and fun and perhaps more pleasureable. What I have found is once you get back into the groove of things, you'll both want it more. I think it's like "You gotta get more to want more" idea.
Do you get the big "O" every time? Most of the time? If a toy will help you reach the big O and therefore enjoy it more, then get yourself a toy, so long as your husband is game for that. Go to the store together and let him pick something out. You dont want your husband feeling inadequate in the sexual dept, even if that is the case. If the toy requires him to use it or hold it, then I just think that he should pick something out that he's comfortable using.
I agree that Lingeree can be 'put on' I bought some cute (and comfortable) underwear that make me feel sexy, I think they look sexy, but they're comfortable enough to sleep in. They're boy-type shorts, but they hug my butt so I think they're cute. Try finding something like that. Or just change up whatever is the same. Do you sleep in pjs? Try just your underwear and a tank top. Try anything that will surprise your husband. Being surprised after this long of marriage would be a good thing, right?
Just a few ideas. Good luck.
One thing I've done is put a really sexy bra and panty set on UNDER my regular clothes and wear them all day. All day at work, I feel extra sexy and think about his face when he sees it. I make sure to send him a few "thinking of you" texts during the day. When we are getting ready for bed, I'll ask him to help me with my shirt, or else I just show him a tiny peek - and it's ON...
Film yourself and watch it, or hook a camera up to your TV while...you know. My face is already red, that's enough. :)
We keep our kids Christmas gifts in the attic. After playing Santa I gold my husband I was going up to make sure we didn't miss anything. I put on just the top of a Santa costume with high boots. I felt really silly but he loved it.
Just be creative. Sometimes silly is just the ticket. ;)
Find a good steamy novel and read to each other. You may have to look around some for something that appeals to both of you, and the really graphic ones aren't alway the beast for this sort of thing.
If you have a sitter that can TAKE the kids somewhere, even if it's just to their home, so you have the house to yourself for a few hours to do whatever you want, that may help a bit. My son is 4 and still takes an afternoon nap so hubby and I take advantage of that. I know I'm a lot more into it during the day cause I'm less tired.
Roleplay
LOVE IT
maybe get a sitter for the evening and goto an adult shop and pick something out together. then come home and try it out. maybe if he showers at night get in with him and umm 'caress' him down in the shower and then ask him back to bed.
Make the morning an option...try it...you might like it...then you will be smiling all day long. And for sex toys take a trip one day to see whats out there that looks interesting...and just have fun with it...
With Halloween coming up pick out a sexy costume, I bought a Alice in wonderland one last year that my hubby went crazy for! Maybe you could give him a little show to spice things up.
