Time Out - Cumberland,MD

I guess you can call what I do "time out." I tell my kids to do something like, "Please shut the door." Opening the front door is a favorite thing for my 2 yo dd to do right now. I'll usually give them an opportunity to change their activity like, "Come here and help Mommy find her wooden spoons." If the door is still not closed by then, I'll say, "Close the door," one more time before I start the "One, two, three." My dd will actually be 2 next week and she's well aware of what "1-2-3" means. It means she's pushed her antics far enough and she needs to stop before I make her sit down for two minutes. I guess that's time out. It's effective because I'm making her sit down because I'm unhappy with her actions. If I say, "Let's sit here for a while" under any other circumstance, she's fine with it. I'm not shutting her off from family or being cruel. I'm just getting my point across in an effective manner that (when done consistently) rarely reaches that level. I can now say, "One..." or maybe, "One, two..." and she's done testing. Keep it up and always remember to be patient and loving, the hardest part sometimes! They thrive knowing they live with protective limits in their little world. Good luck!

Time out is not a punishment when used correctly, it's a time to calm down and re-direct that energy that was being used incorrectly. At that young age it's not going to work to make them sit in a time out chair or in the corner something quiet.

Most of this is really good advice on using time out.
http://www.parent-childservices.com/handouts/timeout.htm

We do not use time out as a discipline method. We don't think it is the most effective way to teach children obedience. In our opinion, it teaches children to learn to live without fellowship with their family as they get used to being separated. We also don't do restrictions when they are teenagers. But, by then, we rarely have discipline issues that need that sort of attention. We also do not have rebellious teenagers or children. We have sweet unity in our family.

Generally, the most effective way to handle a young child's acting out is to consider what is actually age-appropriate, to provide the more gradual transitions and playful interactions that children need, to direct their attention elsewhere, to avoid overstimulating or over-scheduling, to be sure that kids get rest and nourishment when they need it. And if they act out anyway, model the alternatives.

For biting or other aggressive behavior, many of us will simply and immediately restrain the child by holding arms down gently, removing him from the scene of the behavior if necessary, while using a calm but firm command like "Gentle!" or "NO biting!" Then model, or coax the child to role-play, the preferred behavior. And model using words, like "I feel so mad," or "Don't pull on me!" or "That was mine!"

This will begin to teach other choices, and at younger ages, will probably make a stronger impression than a couple of minutes in isolation, which very few children will connect logically to the original offense, made in a moment of frustration or outrage.

"Discipline," as originally used, meant guidance and teaching, rather than punishment. And time-outs, if used, are ideally a calm retreat in which a child (and even a parent) can regain control of emotions, and not a means of deprivation or punishment, which only tends to provoke even further outrage in some children who sense that they are being punished unfairly.

Even most proponents of time-outs see them as being pretty useless before 18 months minimum. While there's a range of opinion, many parenting experts doubt that time-outs are as useful as other forms of teaching, and for some little personalities, they do not work at all. Particularly if the time-out itself becomes the battle, and the original misbehavior is lost in a drawn-out struggle to make the child "do his time." This can begin an antagonistic relationship between parent and child, which is sad and unnecessary.

It's helpful to recall that a frustrated child who's barely more than a baby has very little emotional capacity to be patient, consider alternatives, and make the wisest choice. Impulse control is learned only gradually over the next several years – even grownups haven't mastered it under all circumstances.

Check out this video to see Dr. Harvey Karp "reach" young children and get them on his team, emotionally. Very effective: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... .

I hope you'll also google Emotion Coaching and get a glimpse of what great results can be had using non-confrontational parenting. It's still very authoritative parenting, it is just more polite and respectful than some of the traditional authoritarian approaches. And since kids learn what they see by example much more effectively than through verbal instruction, they become civil and polite without being scolded into it.

Another superb source of advice is the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. As your child develops an ability to listen and communicate, the wisdom in this book will make it a resource you reach for again and again. It's my current favorite with my 4.5yo grandson. The techniques and ideas are mutually respectful, and they work brillliantly.

My daughter is 21 months old and I've been putting her in time out since she was 1. It takes a lot of work but she understands she's in trouble it's just hard to get her to sit. We do it though. She gets one minute for every year old she is, so she gets almost 2 minutes. She gets the hint and stops doing what caused the time out in the first place. Kids test their limits that's their job. Our job as parents are to let them know what the rules are and that there are consequences if those rules aren't followed. I think you are completely justified in wanting to put your child in time out.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. Our kids were put in time out (we call it "the naughty spot") at that age and it worked (and still works) good for us. We always talk to our kids after they get out about why there were there, What they should do differently next time, etc. Obviously at your sons age he can't tell you what he'll do differently in the future but he should still be reminded why he was there.

I don't think there is anything wrong with using timeouts. If it works for you, and your child seems to understand its purpose-why not? Time outs have not worked for us-yet:) Whenever my 19 month old hits he has to stop what he's doing, put down whatever he has, I tell him no hitting and to say you're sorry (he hasn't mastered that yet). Then he has to show that person how to be gentle, usually by softly rubbing their head while he says gentle-it's very sweet. Anyway, I've done this with all 3 of my little boys and they are (usually) very sweet brothers. I'm sure whatever discipline you choose will be fine as long as you are consistent-good luck:)

I agree with another poster - it it works for you and your kid, do it! I could never get my girls to sit still at 16 months. One of my daughters was a big hitter - she would hit people when she was mad or happy or excited. Every time she did it I got down on her level, held her arms down and said NO, very sternly. She outgrew the hitting phase well before she was 2. I hope you didn't mean what you said - "telling a child no is pointless." Really??? There are so many reasons/situations where you need to say NO to a child!! I assume you're telling him why you're putting him in time out in the first place? That's just another way of saying "no", or "we don't do that".

I think that's fine. Just make sure that you don't leave him there too long. One or two minutes tops at his age. ---

However after reading some of the comments from others I'm going to amend my answer... If time out works, then I'd stick with it. Some kids it works, others it doesn't.

Another option to try, that I don't see mentioned here, is to fawn over the injured party (other child, dog, cat - whatever) and ignore your biter. I got this suggestion from my pediatrician when my son was very little and liked to hit the dog.

Something else to think about is why do you think your son is doing this? Is he lonely, hungry, needing affection, etc.? See if you can head-off the problem rather than react to it.

As for what worked in my house... well I wasn't consistent, and it's 13 years since he was that age, but I think the option of really going overboard with concern for the injured party, while completely ignoring my son, probably worked the best. I was blessed that he didn't bite, but he did like to hit the dog. In retrospect I know it's because he just needed more of me.

Good luck,
J.

If it works at this age, that's fine, but keep it age appropriate, 1 minute per year of age. But typically the reason for the timeout when they are young is to stop the bad behavior in its tracks, not necessarily to give them time to "think it over" because they won't at that young age. Stop the behavior, give simple instruction, i.e. hitting the dog hurts the dog, and redirect to something else. Ideally, if you can stop him before he actually makes hitting or biting contact with the victim, that's even better. Then there is no "reward" (i.e. the bad attention from mommy). That goes along with the other posts that say ignore the hitter/biter and lavish attention on the victim. When they don't get any attention at all, they are less likely to do the bad thing.

How Long Do You Leave Your Child In Time Out? My Daughter Is Also 16 Months And Is So Bad! I Have Tried Doing Time Out For One Min But She Doesn't Seem To Care Half The Time. She Hits And Scratches Her 6 month Old Sister.

I see you already followed up by saying it is working for you. In my opinion that is the key to parenting - use what works with your child. I do like a signal to let my kids know that the behavior is not acceptable (ie counting to 3).

Where did he learn to bite, push and hit? Time out is not for children his age-he is too young to understand the chain of bad behavior, punishment, reward, etc. Set him up for success-eliminate the opportunity for bad behavior. If he has a meltdown in the grocery store-don't take him there-if he whines for certain things-eliminate them from his world.Keep his day structured-keep him rested and engaged. Don't let him see you get angry or impatient-they can smell fear!

there is nothing wrong with that whatso ever.....advice i got when my daughter was that age that i practiced and as a result have a VERY well behaved daughter....be strict now so you wont have to be later

stand your ground mommy!

I just had to say, I'm impressed you can get a 16 month old to sit in time out.

You'll probably get a lot of answers for this one. I (and many others) raise well-behaved children without timeouts - I focus on follow through that what needs to happen does.

It really works. There are lots of books out there to support this (as well as books supporting timeout.) My take is why punish your kids when you don't need to? I don't like to be punished, why would they? There are many many other ways to get your point across.

"Between Parent and Child" and "Your Kids are Worth It" are just two of the many books that teach alternates to timeout and other punishments.