Think We'll All Turn into the Mils and Control Freak Mothers We Complain About?

The funny thing about my ogre MIL, is that she STILL talks about how mean HER MIL was to her!
Hmmmm....so maybe in her mind, she IS being nice? ((Shudder, shudder))

I have wondered the same thing--where do they come from? I think amnesia sets in. It starts when baby #1 starts growing up. Then peaks when the kids get married and have their own kids! Cue the crazy! As a mom, I can tell you I ALREADY do things I swore I would "never" do. Guess what? "Never" is relative. I have pre-counseled my husband to please give me a wake-up call if I exhibit this crazy behavior. Maybe I should write myself a letter to open in 20 years!?

Well, since my MIL thinks everything I do *including mothering my own children* is intended to insult her, and since she acts like she's my husband's crazy ex-girlfriend rather than his Mom, I'm pretty sure I'm safe from becoming her - barring a serious head injury.

I think as women we tend to feel threatened by other woman who are important to our men. If we all looked at our mils like we do our own mothers, I think we would see them differently.

I told my husband that if I ever start acting like his mother, that he should cart me off to shock therapy! He promised! :)

I get along fine with my MIL, but having boys, I do wonder if my daughter in law of the future will want to nag me just because I love my boys and for just being a M.. I think that's why I am sensitive about the MIL issues because one day we all are going to become one if not already. I am independent, but love my hugs and family time, so I do wonder if they are going to move the farthest they can away from me being men or they are going to stay close and have their wives have an issue. My MIL is far away and I do see where my husband could involve her more and call her. I am the one pushing for him to get warm and fuzzy and find out how his mother is doing,

My husband and I both love my mom. And we both have a hard time with his mom.
My mom loved her mother in law and (to my brother's wife), she is a wonderful mother in law herself. My sister in law trusts her more than her own mother.

I will certainly do everything to be like my mom and not at all like my MIL.

Here are a couple of principles I'll do my best to apply:
- Give my kids roots to know where they come from and wings to fly on their own. Have them use these wings. Not trying to keep them in the nest forever.
- Respect their choices
- Let them do their own mistakes and learn from their own experiences
- Do not interfere in their personal lives (even now, when they cannot yet read, I would NEVER open a card addressed to them without their permission). The person they want to live with, the place they want to live in, the number of kids they want to have, the way they want to raise them... As hard as it may be to step back and watch, I will try.

In many cases, the issues between the daughter in law and her MIL are in fact boundaries that are not respected because the son/husband was raised in a way that
- he puts his mom's feelings/interests/wishes... first or
- he cannot stand for his wife

It's not always the case. My husband always stand up for me and is on my side whatever his mom says and she still makes our lives difficult (and she lives overseas!).

i absolutely love my mom and my husbands mom, i want nothing more than to be like them when my kids are grown!

I know one of my friends will, she has even admitted that NO girl will be good enough 'for her boys' because she is a perfectionist and her boys deserve perfection! Lol! I pray for her, her boys, and their future girlfriends!

Me- I hope I'm like my mother. She realizes we have our own lives, we are a family, and the world does not revolve around her.

My mother-in-law has taught me how important it is to 'share' family time. She thinks the world DOES revolve around her because SHE'S grandma. Forget that the kids have two other grandma's. (Hubby's parents are divorced.) So, I hope I have learned to not do that to my kids when they grow up. :)

I like Hummingbird's "I just smile and bake." Sounds like a recipe for success to me!

When I married my hubby almost 20 years ago...I got 2 MIL's! His bio Mom was the way she is his whole life...and HE made the decision finally a few years ago to stop to roller coaster ride of "we are speaking to each other..now we are not" with his Mom. Our lives are much happier now.

His step Mom..I can tolerate. We don't have "issues"...we just don't always agree...but we do mostly get along. When my hubby married me, he got the best MIL there was..he will honestly attest to that...My Mother was great in all ways and we miss her greatly (she passed away on Thanksgiving day 3 years ago now...shockingly...no illness or any such thing..just...gone). His Mom's had the best MIL too....cuz his Grandma Nellie was a saint...she was the best lady around..much like my own mother was....the two of them are telling tales and "tsch, tsch'ing" us down here on earth .....wagging their fingers at us for all the mistakes and silly things we are letting get to us.....

I hope so much that I can be that MIL someday that those to fabulous ladies were! So far I am the "cool" Mom! Its a good start! LOL

I LOVE Hummingbirds post!

My plan is to be just like my mom, NOT my MIL. My mom gives us space, is always positive, tells me what a great job I'm doing with my kids and how proud she is of me, never gives advice if I don't ask (honestly, she never does!).. and she doesn't nag my husband. She's awesome.

Now, my MIL? Everything opposite. Enough said.

Neither my MIL or mother are controlling. They are crazy in other ways.

my mother in law hated her mother in law. my husband says i would have loved his grandma :)
my mother had a wonderful relationship with her MIL, and she has a wonderful relationship with all her three daughter and sons in law. i hope to be like her and have a great relationship with my future sons in law.
i think moms who can't let go will turn out into this monsters in law. i will have a hard time letting go off my kids but instead i think i will try to bring in her future partners instead of fighting their presence. it makes a difference. crazy MILs are everywhere. it takes an effort to make a good one.

Unless you have a sudden and irreversible break with sanity, I think it is safe to assume you will be the same person 10-20 yrs from now that you are today. Unless your child brings truly crazy/criminal/abusive SO into your family, you'll be fine! = )

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LOL - Very astute observation and excellent question!!

I am not one of the complainers (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) about my mother or MIL, so I'm hoping I'll be ok. I have good examples to follow.

But it does stand to reason, that we will become mothers of adult children, and hopefully, mothers-in-law, so I suppose it could happen!

Merry Christmas!!

Women have been complaining about their MILs since the dawn of time so my guess is for the majority of us the answer is ... Yes.

I hope to be able to have some time alone with my grandchildren.

I hope to have some time alone with my child and grandchildren.

I hope my DIL will want to go shopping sometimes with me, her and the kids, without her husband/my child.

If I get those separate times, then I would be happy and they should, too.

As for all of us together, I hope to be able to have big Sunday dinners once a month and also big holiday get togethers.

I pray that my DIL is kind to me.

Hahah...hopefully not! And if it does happen, then those who have horrible MILs and controlling mothers will know why they acted that way...lesson learned? Or vicious cycle? I saw a similar question on the skinny scoop:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/question/q/2486?utm_campaig...