The Terrible 3'S??! - Chicago,IL

It never really ends it just morphs into something else.
you'll prob get a break at 4, then the whiney 5s and picky 6s come in , then 7 -8 is attitude. Then you get the hormones of the tweens .

I'm still waiting for it to end...lol. My daughter really didn't have the "terrible two's" but boy did she have the "terrible 3's" and is now in the "forget about it 4's". I'm really hoping for the "finally have my sanity back 5's." Hang tough Momma it gets better;D

When are terrible 2's and 3's over?
Right about at 4 yrs old. Their understanding just expands so much by then everything seems to go much more smoothly.
Telling someone NOT to do something automatically makes them think of doing it (try NOT thinking about a pink elephant - you just thought of one didn't you?).
Instead tell him what he can do. Redirect him into something that's acceptable to you and when he's doing it, he won't be doing what ever it was that was annoying you.
Also, transitions from one task to the next might be a stumbling block.
Give warnings when he needs to stop playing.
"We're going to the store soon, be ready to stop playing in 10 min."
"We need to put our shoes on soon. You've got 5 minutes."
Now when it time to go your son's been warned and it's not a surprise.
Try giving him 2 simple choices (both of which are acceptable to you).
Not 'will you put on a shirt?' but 'will you wear your red shirt or your blue shirt?'.
Before you tell him to do something, make sure he's listening to you. When they are deeply into playing they tune out everything.
They are not ignoring you on purpose.
The ability to concentrate on something is a good thing, but you have to break that concentration so that they hear you.
I use to have my son look at me first, then tell him what I wanted, then ask him to repeat what I just said.
Much better meeting of the minds that way!
Keep directions short and simple.
"Put your toys away" is too general.
Break it down into simple tasks.
"Put your blocks in their box." After that is finished, "Put your books on the shelf". After that is finished, "Put your cars in the toy box". Etc.
Sometimes I think terrible 2's and 3's are more about training the parents than it is about training the kids, but once you get the hang of it the number of melt downs really diminishes.

Exactly what B. said.

Don't say no. Say yes - yes we can play as soon as we brush your teeth.

Don't yell - get down on his level, make sure he is looking at you and talk. They get so engrossed in what they are doing they do not hear us.

Make it fun - instead of 'stop playing, it's time to brush your teeth' - wow, I bet I can get to the bathroom faster than you. I bet I can count to 10 before you get the toothpaste onto the brush. Let's make sure we get all the bacteria off of those teeth - oh, there's one now, got it.

Give 2 positive choices - instead of go clean your room - 'it's time to clean your room - should we pick up the trains first or the lego first?'

Do it together - instead of 'go clean up your room' - let's go clean your room now so we will be able to take out the (whatever you're doing next) and have room to play.

Model the behaviors you want him to do. If you want him to speak politely, you have to speak politely to him (yeah, not always easy). When he says ' mommy, I want.....' I repeat back to him ' mommy, may I please have some..." time consuming but eventually effective.

Remember - he is doing the best he can for who he is right now. Not who he will be tomorrow or in a year and not who you would like him to be now. He has no more desire to be yelled at than you do to yell at him.

I have never done time outs or 'consequences' (other than the natural ones like gravity) and DS has survived to be 5.

I always tell my friends 2 is nothing just wait until 3. Good thing for you he's started early so maybe it won't last as long into 3. I love the book 1-2-3 magic it works....no yelling :)

Hello there! My son is exact age as yours (will be 3 in June) and does a lot of that as well. We did time outs and taught him to say "Sorry". He misbehaves, then says "Sorry", but the behavior repeats. I started reading Love and Logic books and tried out some techniques they suggested. It is hard to be calm and lovingly say "uh-oh! It is sad, but it looks like a time out", take him to his room and shut the door and not to say anything else... It is hard but it works. Yesterday it took me 5 times to repeat the scenario, but in the end it worked. As soon as he heard "uh-oh", he would behave, and he cleaned up the mess he had made. I think the only way to conquer this is to be consistent and very very patient to stay calm during the misbehavior times. This one is hard for me. Good luck!

For me...it stopped at age 5 for both sons

That's my life right now and he's just about to turn four. We use the time-outs and that really seems to work because he seems like he's actually remorseful and stops doing that naughty behavior.

Now I just remind him how what ever he's doing once got him put in the chair and how he doesn't want to go back there. That behavior USUALLY stops fairy quick. It probably helps that I have a pretty emotion driven child and doesn't like to disappoint me or dad but I'm SURE that'll change.

I don't know because I only have one child, and he's 3. I do hear ya, though, Mom!! What I did was check out the 1,2,3 Magic video from our library because I wanted to see and hear the author and see examples played out (as opposed to reading the book, that is). I wanted to see how this method differed from what I was already doing with timeouts. I invested an hour during naptime watching it, and it has really helped. I heard so many mamas on Mamapedia praising the system, and it really works. I am much calmer and my son falls into line much easier and knows where the boundaries are. It generally is counting and time outs, but its the details of the way he does it that makes the difference. I don't feel like I'm always yelling any more--I am a nicer Mommy to be around. Good luck!

Do not yell or he will not listen to you and will get upset and probably start crying when you yell at him. I would tell him, I am going to take such and such away if you do not listen. Get the book how to talk to your kids so they will listen to you. You need to be consistent with him. I know I am not perfect but I try not to scream. At least now when my son is upset he tells me why he is upset and listens better.

i know it's hard, but stop yelling.
decide in advance what the consequences are. make sure they are appropriate and meaningful. tell him what will happen. deliver the consequence. calmly, quietly, inexorably.
it WILL stop.
khairete
S.

O man I feel for you. I'm there, too. 3 is, so far, my least favorite age.
You say:
"he looks at me as I ask him not to do something, does it, and then stands there smiling and looking at me like "what are you going to do about it". ARGH!"
I will never forget the day that little lightbulb went off in my kid's head. It was shortly b4 3 also. That was the start of the war. I could see the inner dialogue. "Wait--what if I DON'T do what she says? Hmmm...."
All I can say by way of a comfort is that he is normal. There are only 2 things you can do right now. 1. Stick to your guns. It's your job not to let them get away with stuff even if you have become a broken record. This is the year of wearing you down and if they win this year don't expect adolescence to be any better or different. (Doesn't it drive you insane to have to explain the acceptable, non-whiney way to communicate to your 3y/o only to have them lose it over the smallest thing and whine when all they have to do is say "Help please!"--20 times a day???)
2. Make sure you take time throughout the day to spend quality time with him so that you aren't JUST correcting him all the time. Give him opportunities to make a mess and be 3 w/o restraint or nagging. Then you don't have to feel so bad when you inevitable start being a broken record AGAIN.
I have no clue when it ends. All I know is that mine is almost 3 1/2 and the nightmares have started. Chances are that full nights of sleep for you are about to become a distant memory as well. My hubby and I are up with our 3 y/o 2-6 times a night lately. It's not their fault and everyone we talk to says it's the same with their 3 y/o's. Something about 3 and they start having nightmares. Of course I hope this doesn't happen to him/you! Just preparing you for the next phase in case...

Yes... the terrible threes are MUCH worse than the terrible twos. Just decide on one discipline system and very consistently stick with it. And then ride out the storm. Good luck out there!

DD is just over 2.5 and it seems the closer we get to three, the harder it gets. When I find myself snapping at DD (get off the toy stove, don't eat that, don't put that in the DVD player, etc), it helps us to change pace. Put on a CD and dance to music to get some of that energy out, or run an errand or go somewhere she can run and yell and not be destroying things. I try not to yell. If I find my voice raising a lot, I'll try to take a few breaths before responding. Sometimes it is better to talk to them quietly on their level (face to face). It's a technique my mom (a preschool teacher) uses. Yelling begets yelling when they are older, so try to practice it now.

I also count for warnings. I count to 5 and rarely get past 3. And she knows I'll do time out anywhere. We did a time out in the department store once.

When she whines I tell her I can't understand her and to take a deep breath and start over in a normal voice.

The other night she took this wood thing we have and was banging on the cabinets. We told her not to. She tested us by continuing to tap on them, just more quietly. She was very much trying to see what our limit was. She got a warning about time out, did it again, went to time out. Sometimes they just want to see what you'll do and then you have to follow through.

Hang in there, and don't forget to catch him being good, too. When he listens, make it a big deal. Show him what you do want just like you tell him what you don't.

Threes are the worst. The worst.

My only advice is to make sure he has lots and lots of time that he can really play - running, screaming, throwing, play - and not get in trouble. I'm sure it's cold where you are too, but as soon as you can get to the park, do so. Indoor playspaces too. It's hard for little people to be "good" so much of the time when everything that seems like fun is "bad."

But that doesn't make it easier on you. Deep breaths. And, per the advice I gave to another poster the other day, a big martini once he's in bed! You'll make it!

When our son whines (on a good day, anyway) I tell him, "You need to say that again. Mommy can't understand you when you're whining." On days when I'm stressed, I yell. Definitely get better results when I ask him to say it again. He knows what he's being asked to do and that whining isn't going to work.

You could also try being very firm and consistant when disciplining. Try not to yell (I've very guilty of this one, so this is a good reminder for me). Again, I tend to get better results when I'm calm and firm, but not too angry.

It stinks, but this is an age that really shapes them. Hang in there!