Boys and Whiney Attidues

I agree! It is so hard to be patient with all the whining!! I try to gently correct my daughter every time, "Instead of saying what is wrong, give me an idea of what to do right," but argh! Will she ever get it?

Sounds like maybe T-ball isn't the best thing for him... I don't know, it might be worth trying out a different sport the next time round. Maybe something that doesn't have as much down time on the field -- like soccer, basketball, martial arts, or tennis.

Dr. Phil just had some experts on to deal with a kid who was a whiny tantrum-thrower. The parent was doing a lot of yelling - kind of like your husband belittling your son.

The advice was to get right down in the child's face, acknowledge that you hear that he is angry or frustrated, but not to give in. "I know you are angry because you want X and I'm sorry that you cannot have X." Ignore the tantrums, they said, and the child will see that it's not working - they are getting a lot of attention by misbehaving.

If he doesn't go to Tball, that doesn't mean he sits in front of the TV and plays video games. We have a whole generation of kids who aren't active because all those things are provided - severely limit the time he spends in front of a screen and let him find another interest. If it's Tball, fine. If it's riding bikes, fine.

I know what you're going through. I have a whiner too :/

Funny how different kids are. None of my other children whines- just him.
They each have something, though. My 1st is strong willed, and will dig his heels in about little things- yet go along with other things fine. My 2nd is obsessed with getting new toys- seems he constantly wants something.
My 3rd is the whiner, and my 4th (only girl) is in constant motion. She is waaay more active than any of her brothers.

My point is only- that's just the way he is, it's not something you did (in case you're being told you are spoiling him). He'll outgrow it, but 'til then, I just tell him I can't understand what he is saying when he is whining (even if I do), and praise him for not whining when he doesn't- just like you're doing.

It could be stress that is causing the setback. The teacher could be very structured. Some kids thrive under lots of structure, but some are stressed by it. My oldest son is like that. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot we can do about that. The other 2 do very well with it. (4th isn't in school yet, so who knows).

As far as t-ball goes, there are lots of people who say make them stick it out. I would agree if they were old enough to really know what they were getting themselves into, but when they're little like that I give them a pass.
I went through the same thing with my 1st with t-ball- only not because it was too tough. It was actually the other extreme in our case. There was no instruction at all. It was a learn by playing approach, I guess. My son didn't have the slightest idea what he was supposed to do when he was in the outfield and was bored to death. He didn't want to go back, so I let him quit. I had my hands full with his 2 younger brothers @ the time anyway.

I don't think it has to be a choice between t-ball or sitting around the house watching tv and playing video games though. There are lots of other things he can do instead. It doesn't have to be a sport. Maybe your library has something going on for kids his age? Michael's craft store has art classes for kids on Saturday mornings (or at least they used to- I would assume they still do). Maybe he'd prefer Karate. Even if it's none of the above, he could play outside ( swings, sand, bubbles, bike riding) or Legos or something else inside. Oh, I just noticed you're in Williamsburg, maybe there are events for kids at the Colonial Williamsburg Historical Site?

Yeah, I agree that DH needs to lighten up a little. Maybe if he understood better what is typical 5 yr. old behavior...? Not sure how to go about that, just wondering.

Hang in there, Mom, you're already doing a good job! :)

I think every child tries whining at one time or another.
The ones who keep doing it are doing it because they've discovered it works.

You never HAVE to let any child sit in front of a tv and/or play video games all day. Turn it off. Lock up the plug. If he wants to sit in front of tv for hours when it's turned off he's more stubborn than I give him credit for.

Just my opinion, but team sports for little kids really suck. More often than not most of the team stands around waiting for something to happen and the few times they do get to do anything they either don't know what to do or freeze up with stage fright because everyone is looking at them.
Throw in crazy parents and/or coaches (and they are out there) and the poor kid needs therapy to get over the whole mess.
There are plenty of other things for kids to do that are not team oriented and are physical - taekwondo, tumbling, skating, etc.

One thing I've learned while raising our son is
if you are not making progress by trying to forge ahead
then take a step sideways and approach it from a different angle.
It might take a few tries but thinking outside the box will solve the problem faster than beating your head up against a brick wall.

I will tell you this one thing...TBALL sucks for MANY kids. It is really too young to start baseball and for the majority of little boys it is BORING!!! I saw this in my own son. The first 2 years he would literally sit down on the field during a game. Or call out in fromt of everyone "MOM-when is this going to be over?" It was just too long and dull for an active little boy. And my son has always been, and still is, exceptionally mature for his age. He has never ever been a whiner-he is probably the most well adjusted child I have ever met to be honest. But T-Ball, forget about it. Once he hit his third year in Baseball he really started to enjoy and get into it. He is now 9 and loves it so much. So realize your son is not the only one who does this and try not to be so hard on him. And let me tell you-if you think he behaves badly at practice just wait until the games start. If I were you I would think about giving him an out. Maybe get him into soccer or something with more activity. Otherwise it is going to be a LONG summer.

Oh. and I think it is HORRENDOUS that your husband teases your child. Really-100% unnacceptable. Stop it now in any way you can. I have seen the by product of children that are teased by their parents and it is not pretty. They are insecure and have incredibly low self esteem. I mean-wouldn't you be if the people you trusted MOST in the world teased you?????????????? Make it a knock down, drag out, refuse to talk to him and move in with your parents type of fight if he won't stop it. He needs to know how serious it is.

And I think you can find the answer to his whininess in the way your husband treats him.

Never underestimate your child, they will blow you away every time.

You feel his teacher is expecting 8 year old behavior? I will be honest and say, I doubt this. She is expecting him to act the way she has witnessed him in the classroom acting at his best behavior.

She is encouraging him to quit his childish ways and reach his potential every time. I am sure she has seen it.

You and your husband need to step it up and remind your son that he is a big boy now. He will always be your child, but he needs to act like a kindergartener. This means "no whining".

You are doing good to tell him "use your words", "use your regular voice" etc. Now you can add, "go to your room and look for a regular voice" or "I cannot hear whining".

The main rule is to NEVER give into the whining. Do not give in even "this one time" just because you are tired and worn down. Let him realize you are serious. Figure out what seems to set off the whining.

Each time he asks for something without the whining, tell him you are proud of him. I liked how you asked for that cookie without whining. Thank you for not whining. (pick one)

Is it when he wants something and does not think you will allow him to have ?

Is it when he is tired?
When he is unsure he will be able to do the task by himself?
Is he afraid of failure?

Instead ask him. "Why are you whining? Sit down right here and think about what is making the whine come out." "When you figure it out, use your regualr vcoice so we can talk about it.

"Are you afraid, nervous, tired (pick one that you think may be the reason)?" "Do you need a minute to calm yourself down?"

Some children like to know exactly what to expect. "We are going to tball. Remember to listen to the coach and to cheer on the other players. " Remember everybody is just learning to play the game. Just do your best."
"We do not lay down during tball. Be a good teammate and sit up and watch your teammates.

"There is no winning or whining in tball, it is just everybody helping each other try their best"

At tball tell him, "I liked how you payed attention to 'Billy 'when he was at bat." "That was a good way to be a good teammate"

Your husband cannot tease his son. This just frustrates and humiliates his child. If your husband was being teased at work about the way he did his work, it would be called harassment. He needs to show respect you his son and be a person his son will trust.

I am sending you strength. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

A couple of things come to mind.
One, his teacher treats him more like an 8 year old than a 5 year old.
Is that necessarily a bad thing? It sounds like she wants him to behave in a way that he has every potential to.
You don't like your husband making fun of him or "picking on him"...I'm assuming it's for whining related issues.
You feel like you are the only one in your son's corner.
You hear it that your son has a lot of baby in him.
Are you perhaps babying him too much?
He's old enough to understand that the whining needs to end. You will not respond to it. Period. Instead of trying to change your husband's attitude and warning him he'll get a result he doesn't like, why don't you come right out and say that to your son?
"If you whine, it's going to end in an unhappy result for you every single time. If you want to cry like a baby, then go in your room, close the door, get it out of your system and come back when you're attitude has changed. If I don't see you until tomorrow morning when it's time for school, fine with me. Just brush your teeth and put your pajamas on before you go in there."
As for activities your child wants to do and then changes his mind, he has to finish out the season no matter what. He doesn't have to do it again, but he has to finish and participate like all the other kids do.
I have a friend who put her kids in absolutely every single thing they said they wanted to do. It took a fricking village to get those kids to every single thing and they mostly complained the entire time anyway. They threw fits, they were cold, they didn't want to do it anymore. Dad finally put his foot down and made the rule that it was one thing per kid at a time. If they were going to gripe and whine about what they wanted to do in the first place, there would be no more sign ups and they could have more time for chores.
Mom threw a fit and thought Dad was being far too harsh.
Their mom wanted the kids to have and do anything they wanted and no one was enjoying ANY of it.
If it's to a point where YOU need the strength to just keep going, maybe you just need to change your tactics.
Sometimes you just have to throw it out there and talk to your kids like they can understand you.
Your son can understand that he has to follow through. He can understand that he doesn't need to resort to baby fits when things don't go his way. He can understand that it might not be nice, but if his own dad makes fun of him, other people might do the same thing and they won't be anywhere near as nice.
Whining, pouting, crying. These are behaviors you are hoping to change.
It will not harm your son in the least for you to come right out and tell him that this isn't acceptable behavior and you're going to focus on changing it.
Then do it.
I don't know about you, but I have known whiney adults. It's not a pretty picture.
Handle it now.
Make tickets. On each one write something like, "Take out the trash". "Rake the leaves". "Fold and put away laundry". "Weed the garden". "Sweep and clean the front porch". "Vacuum the living room". Make a whole ton of them.
Everytime your son whines or has a tizzy, have him choose a ticket. Set it up like a cussing jar. The chore on the ticket might not be able to be accomplished right at that moment. So....they can add up and he can clear the jar out by completing all his tickets on the weekend. If he whines over his chores, start pulling tickets for the next weekend.
Let him have a visual and tangible way of seeing for himself how much he whines.
I mean no offense in any way, but whining is extremely annoying. Kids don't have that annoying center in their brain fully developed so it doesn't really bother them unless you help that along a little bit.

Best wishes.

if a five year old boy knows that if he whines, he can stop participating, go home and play video games, then thats what he will do, kids not are stupid, they know what to do to get what they want. the next time he whines, just tell him no video games, for the next six hours, no exceptions.
K. h.

From a completely different perspective, could your son be whining more because he is not getting enough sleep? I know my daughter gets really crabby if she doesn't have enough sleep. Neither of my boys were like that, so it took us a bit to recognize that she just needed more sleep than they did.