I have a wonderful new husband and beautiful daughter. Before me, my husband dated another single mom (who he also dated for a few months in high school). It wasn't anything serious but they had just broken up when she called to say she was being kicked out and needed to live with him for a little while or she would have to live with her daughter in her car. After she moved in they started dating again and then she claimed she had no one to watch her daughter while she worked so my husband would watch her. They got into a fight to which she let him know they were broken up by having her "friend" drop her off at his niece's birthday then all three of them went out afterwards to which she was holding the "friend's" hand. She refused to move out then when she did she quickly married the other guy. As you can see it was a very tumultuous relationship. Anyway, when we started dating she decided to contact him online by sarcastically saying "I see your "smitten" LOL". He responded by telling her he did not want her to contact him again. She responded by writing him a letter saying basically how dare he treat her that way. The letter went in the trash to which he did not respond. Now that we just got married she feels the need to start up again. My friend (also hers) photographed my wedding and posted the photos on facebook. She quickly responded with "Wow. Never expected to see that happening!" My friend found this rather insulting and blocked her from viewing the album. I responded with "Um, thanks? For the record most people just say congratulations". This is the only time I have ever spoken to her. So even though this isn't a very serious situation, how do I politely tell her to back off?
Thanks for all of the advice. I am very secure in my relationship with my husband and don't usually let his ex's snide comments bother me. I just found her posting that public comment on my wedding album beyond inappropriate and most certainly wanted to let her know it was unacceptable. I will take the advice of not saying anything else. I'll just think that she is jealous of his commitment to me, something she couldn't have, and she really isn't worth my time. Just an annoying mosquito buzzing in my ear at most!
In this case I would say the best response is no response, just ignore her and hopefully she will go away.
I think your husband and your photog friend have the right idea. DO not respond. Any communication from her gets trashed immediately. Block her from everything. Do not give her any power by engaging her. Don't let her in. Bloack and Ignore. Eventually she'll get bored of the one sided fight and find another target to harass.
I think not responding to anything she says or does is a good start. If you and your husband are secure in your relationship, then her sarcastic remarks etc. shouldn't be a question- just sort of a mosquito buzzing around. You can be civil to her if you have to interact in social situations and not play into whatever game she may try, and don't start any games of your own. Your relationship with your husband, and his with you, are what count.
IGNORE HER
Think of the source, Not worth your time or frustration, let it go. Take it as a compliment!! She is jeleous it was not her.
ADDED: I know that it is easier to say if=gnore it, but when you can feel the pain from the kick in the gut, it is hard to ignore it. Nothing you say or do is going to change what she has to say. She is a looser and is PO'd about being so. Her prob. not yours and it is her that is walking around with egg on her face so let her.
I agree with the other ladies. It won't matter one little bit what you say to her, you're only going to be adding gas to her fire. She's not worth your time & only going to end up getting you worked up when there's no reason why you should be. She is nothing more than a jealous child. Leave it alone.
She sounds like a nut don't talk to her, also I would have your hubby not saying anything either. By responding you keep her going.
Go onto facebook, and block her, also make your settings so that friends of friends can't see your stuff either. Then ignore her.
No response = no attention and she should go away.
Both you and hubby need to ignore her and she should go away. If the two of you just can't stand it any more then hubby needs to address it not you. He needs to let her know that any contact she makes with either one of you will be ignored. She is no longer part of his life. Oh, and let your friend know what's going on and ask her not to talk about your family with her. If the Ex brings it up to her your friend needs to tell her that she is not going to talk about your family because it's none of her business.
You don't say a word to her. Just ignore her and get on with your life. Why give her weight in your marriage. Your husband is looking toward a future with you and has moved on and so should you. Leave the past properly behind. Don't entertain drama. It's not worth it. Live a simple life. I hope this helps.
I think you already did. Ignore her. She's bitter.
You tell her to back off by cutting off all communication with her. Your husband does the same. End. of. story.
She'll have no more comments when she has no more audience. And...that'll irritate her even more (which always indulges my evil side when dealing with people :) )
She's just trying to get under your skin. It is up to you if you let her. Otherwise, take the high road, ignore it, and you'll wind up for the better!
By reacting you would only be giving her the satisfaction. If you persue this and start reacting you could risk starting problems in your relationship with your hubby, as I learned this the hard way. Just ignore her and be happy with the family you have and that will be your revenge to her. Taking the high road.
I'm sorry, but you are just flanked by idiots. First the rude SIL from your other post and also the EX.
Memorize this:
"Contentment is the only true source of wealth."
People who treat other people the way you describe need to be ignored. You need to engage them as little as possible. You need to create your own happiness with your new family. No wonder you husband, with a sister like you described, chose an ex like that - it was all too familiar to him.
Move on honey and don't look back. And love your husband extra tonight for getting away from that craziness.
WOW she sounds extremely immature! All she is doing is embarrassing herself. How pathetic!
I agree with the others = ignore her.
That will annoy her which will then give you major satisfaction!
By the way, I love your response back to her. It was mature and did not come off like she was getting to you. It sounded very matter-of-fact which I’m sure pissed her off LOL!!
People who try to cause chaos do so because it makes them the center of attention and they then have controlled the others who respond to the chaos. If you and your husband totally ignore her, then she will not be getting what she wants, which is attention. She's like a toddler who has not been properly raised. So, just ignore her, don't even tell her to back off (that would be giving her the attention she craves), and block her from your Facebook and other avenues to contact you. If she is not pathologically disturbed, she'll get the hint and find some easier victim to get her attention fix from. If she persists and becomes a stalker, then perhaps a restraining order would help.
Be polite but not too much. Say something like " I understand that you are having some problems however we have our lives to live and I would appreciate it if you would not be in ours". You have to be a little blunt because she won't get it otherwise. Also, I think she wants a fight because she is not over him. She's tacky and disrespectful. If she still doesn't stop, the good old restraint order works too. I'm serious. I had to do that to an ex-boyfriend.
tell her you had him and didnt want him so go away obviously he isnt interested in you either get over yourself. oh thats not real polite huh but poite may be out the door with her.
Hello Momof1,
I completely understand because for the first few years I was with my now husband, his ex-wife would contact us all the time. It made my blood boil!!! It was a little different, because it was my husband who wanted to continue to be civil to her, and I thought the best way to give her the hint was to ignore her!!!
It doesn't matter if you are sweet as can be, or totally rude, ANY response to her keeps the lines of communication open. Taking the time to respond to her shows her that you have time for her in your life. From what you said, I am guessing that is NOT true and you just want her to leave you and your husband alone. As long as she is getting a reaction from you, she will continue to make her digs. If she is ignored, like your husband did with the letter, she will move on.
It may take time and some will power. No matter how enraged, mad, annoyed, etc you may get, please resist the urge to give her any satisfaction. She doesn't need to know how you really feel. She needs to know that you don't have time for her in your life because she is just not important enough to get a second thought.
Good luck! It took my husband a while to realize he didn't have to be civil to his ex, just because she continued to contact us. Now, we may hear from her once a year, if that. I guess she finally got the hint. Your husband's ex will too!
L.
By ignoring her. She seems to be full drama and people like that will lose interest if there is none. Don't answer her emails/letters/facebooks posts, etc. Un-friend her on facebook, have the hubby do the same.
Don't talk about her to friends (so there is no chance of it getting back to her). Pretend she doesn't exist and she'll probably disappear.
If she does get aggressive or stalk-y, contact the police and if you feel endangered, get a restraining order. But that is only if she goes psycho-like.
She only has power in your life if you give it to her.
Congrats on the wedding!!
How about a horses head in her bed? Do you think she'd get the picture? I don't. It doesn't matter what you say or how it gets said-or if you ask her to repeat what you said-a house is going to have to fall on this one!Do you relize that had so alienated herslf from friends and family that she had to guilt your husband-"we have to live in a car"...What a manipulative, conniving b word!
