Respond or Ignore?

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She's crazy &a you can't reason with crazy. As tough as it is just try to let this go. People who spend enough time with her will see that she's nuts

You can't hide crazy forever & she just let hers slip!

I would cut the relationship clean off. Don't respond, just be done with it. People like this can bog you down in life..better to just leave it as is, and if she chooses to get in touch with you sometime down the line, take it at face value. JMO.

She is just waiting for you to send her a nasty email back so she can tear into you again. Let it go, ignore her. I agree with your husband on this one.

I would not respond. Also block her from being able to contact you again.
I am sure the other person has also noticed that she is strange and if you tell her you did not do what was said, she should believe you.

I'd just ignore her. No reason to initiate any communication to fuel her need for drama.

Agree she sounds at the very least irrational and probably has some psychosis. I would second your husband's advice - no response at all, cut her loose. Who needs it? Seriously. The primary thing on my mind would be damage control -- maybe reach out pre-emptively (and in person or by phone - not by text or email which could be forwarded) to other common acquaintances just to head off any other trouble she might try to start. Completely distance yourself from her and consider it good riddance - you've always thought there was something wrong, after all.

Good luck!

I was in a similiar situation once, and I engaged back and forth with the 'crazy person', and I lived to regret it. No good will come of it. This person got me so mad I said things I normally would never say and I became someone very ugly. I know how, right now, your blood is boiling and you want to tear into her, but don't. Don't be that person. If it helps, write out an email, get it all out, then hit the 'delete' button.

I have long since calmed down about the situation I was in, as I have not talked to or seen this person in years. But actually now if I did see her, I would apologize for the nastiness I spewed at her. We do things out of anger that are not really reflective of who we truely are. Be the bigger person, let this go and absolutely do not respond. Nothing good will come out of this. Good luck.

IGNORE!

You don't need that kind of drama in your life, who has time for that!?.

My friend had a neighbor like that. My friend has some health problems and the neighbor would run errands for her, etc. My friend gave her a key, and then realized that the woman was coming into her house when she wasn't home! And she would randomly be mad at my friend. So my friend had to change her locks and started ignoring the woman. People like that are frightening - I would ignore her and not respond - you don't know what she might do if you provoke her.

ignore...sounds like drama to me, and something you don't have time for! try to let it go...you don't need her! :)

She may or may not have hoped to get a reaction out of you. Either way, what she apparently did "need" to do was to let fly with the feelings your comments aroused in her and give you a piece of her mind (sane or otherwise). Now, you are wondering (sane or otherwise) whether you should let fly the feelings she aroused in you, and give her a piece of your mind.

Of course, you can do whatever you really must do, but if you keep up the exchange, it's a fairly sure thing that she will, too. Do you want it to continue, or just do your bit to stop it now? There's no guarantee that she'll wander off and leave you alone if you don't respond, but chances are much better than if you do. And you'll feel like the bigger person to just let this go.

Block her on your email and be glad she is out of your life. Cut the drama as much as possible.

It sounds like she could have borderline personality disorder. This is classic, textbook behavior. I have a relative exactly like this and she pulls the same thing with all her friends and relatives. She can usually hide it for a while, but it usually comes out. They do this to people to kind of validate themselves, a way to test a person, to see how much that person will take and still like them. Possibly one reason it came out now is because you moved away and in her twisted mind is feeling betrayed. It's best just to cut her loose. Anything you say to her, even if you are kind and totally apologetic will likely just result with her going nuts on you again and spreading even more lies. The best thing oyu can do is let others know that what happened and that you just hope the best for her. Remain graceful and non gossipy about it. If you had that off feeling about her in the beginning, odds are that other people do too.

Forgive my confusion, is it the gal that lived on your street the one that got miffed and replied ugly to you?

Well, I know how it feels to really want to tell someone off and knock them off their peg. Not long ago I was in a situation where I was left whether or not to respond. I chose not to. Even though I think about it every now and then, I won't give her the time a day anymore. When I know I'm in the right, even after thinking about things calmly, and I know I'm right, I tend to feel like I 'need' to spat back. But I always come to the same conclusion, that when people get off on a tangent, it's best to just leave it alone.

It does speak more to 'ignore'. Don't engage in the spat anymore. You told her how you felt, and she obviously doesn't want to respect how her actions affected you, so let it be her problem.

You're sensitive I can tell because I'm the same way. When you are close with someone ie: a friend, it really hurts when they act out this way, and clearly it is surprising to you to learn of her behavior with that other gal. That's probably why you lost sleep last night. But try to get some rest tonight. There are people in this world where we click with right off the bat, and then down the road their true colors show. We all make mistakes, and we all have made assumptions; but it's how we learn from them, and how we apologize that can really make a friendship grow. May be in time she will realize she blew things way out of porportion and apologize for coming back at you the way she did.
Next time, when a friend tells you that someone else is saying bad things about you, or talking trash, confront that friend calmly because it could very well be a lie and that person never said a word about you. Just be cautious with what you say and read between the lines. :-)

Let this one go. You just consentrate on you and your family and the positive energy around you. Let this be her problem now. :-) You'll feel better for it.

Best wishes to you! And cyber HUGS too! Sounds like you need a squeeze! :-D

Rather than assuming what the other neighbor told you was truth, maybe you should have talked to your friend instead of believing 2nd hand gossip. I know when there's a misunderstanding and I'm on the receiving end of the backlash I tend to get pretty angry and lash out at those who are talking about me. Especially not knowing what I'm supposed to have done wrong (lots of history w gossiping inlaws has taught me don't always believe what you hear)
And you said the neighbor asked your friend "what she ever did to you?" Which sounds like maybe she thought you were angry with her so she felt it necessary to pad the conversation a lil bit.
Also, you didn't really tell everything you put in this email except "Thanks for talking about me and telling lies".
Was this all you wrote?? Or in your moment of anger & hurt did you write more that you don't want to share now???
Sounds like a bunch of 'she said/she said' drama to me, and you should really have gotten the whole story before jumping off the deep end and attacking someone you referred to as a "friend".
I'm not trying to be rude, but I know how it feels when you're accused of saying/doing something and you have no idea what you're being accused of saying/doing.
Remember, believe half of what you see, NONE of what you hear.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO don't respond! Your hubby is right. It will drive her absoutely insane. LOL! But, as others have said, block her. Cuz if she is in fact psycho, I could see her sending you another e-mail in a few days thinking you didn't get the first one.

For your own sake though, write her a letter. Give her a HUGE piece of your mind. Tell her all of it. ...Then burn it.

Good luck!

Ugh. I've been through similar. Irrational people like that CRAVE the fight, the drama, the nastiness. Once I found out what type of person she was, I don't think I'd have even sent the first email. Don't send another one. It will tell her that you still care & that she still has an influence in how you feel. Don't give her the power. Silence speaks volumes with people like that - she will be more pissed off that you took control & chose to ignore her. What would the point be of a nasty back & forth with her, anyway? She's obviously a dramatic beyotch, nothing will change that. She will always be the victim, she will twist your words, and she will never look inward & realize that she is the problem. Don't waste any more time, energy, or emotion on this crazy woman.

Don't respond to her. It will be a losing battle. If you can't get this off your mind, type up everything you want to say to get it all out and then delete it. She'll be waiting for another email so she can respond with even more nasty comments, so don't give her any more fuel for the fire. It's hard, but it's the best thing you can do.

Going to have to say ignore it. It would be hard for me too, but unless you want a back and forth situation going on, now is the time to end it.

Who in your past does she remind you of? Try to focus on why you gravitated toward her. What about her seemed familiar to you? Why did you ignore your internal barometer which was telling you something?

I would answer those questions rather her than respond to her.

The emotions you feel are real and legitimate - you just need to channel their direction. Resolve the underlying conflict and your issue with her will be more clear, and easier to handle.

But the bottom line is that I would not respond.

Sorry if this sounds like a bunch of poppy-cock - just my thoughts based on some life experience.

There is no rational way to deal with irrational people. Any ways that you open the doors of communication with this woman you are opening up yourself and your family to her drama - ever seen Fatal Attraction?

I can't stand it when people use religion as a put down. Clearly she believes that she is more in touch with God, so let him handle her. Don't waste your precious time or energy on a nutjob.

I know this is easier said than done. You may think about her or wonder what went wrong, but don't engage her at all.

The best "revenge" against someone like this is to live a wonderfully happy life. In some way, shape or form your "happiness" will be shared with her via a mutual friend. Let her wallow in her psychoness alone.

Silence is golden.
Do not respond.

Your husband is exactly right.

It doesn't even matter that it will bother her more. What matters is that you will be done with it and it will bother you LESS.

Best wishes.

That's one crazy chick! This happened to me but with my cousin/aunt/uncle. They were my favorite relatives outside of my own family. I went on vacation with them. When I was 19, my cousin said a whole bunch of horrible things about me and my aunt started talking to people about me too. It was wacko and unexpected and shocking and made me cry because not a word was true. Anyways, I tried to understand by conversation, but that got me nowhere. I also wanted to "fix" it because they were relatives and friends. But, what actually happened was that I stopped all communication with them. If they think I am so horrible and every conversation is just another string of insults, why should I even try? So, I just cut em out of my life. If I am at an event where they are there, I just act civil and keep conversations to yes and no. Good luck and I know it gets to you, but try not to let it. Time will heal it.

From now on ignore her completely no matter what she says!! You'll just give her more ammo if you respond. You'll say a lot more by just walking away. Try to discipline your mind to not dwell on this. it's not worth it. You're right, she's psycho and not worth your time. You have better things to do than to let her ruin your day. I've been there and it's always holy-rollers who claim they'll pray for me, like they're more spiritual and better than me. It's just their way to make their craziness look like it's someone else's problem because they can't face their own problems. Good luck!

You have lost sleep over it...you are having a drink to relax your mind.

Don't give this anymore thought. Erase her from your phone,fb...everything. Do not respond..do not let her lure you into her psycho drama. It will drive her up the walls not having you respond. It will be immature on your part if you respond back

Next time...listen to that gut feeling and don't let ladies like her so close to your heart and family. You knew something was a bit off. Keep people like that at a distance.

Good luck and best wishes!!

If you want to tick her off and drive her mad: ignore her.

If you want to vent/ give her a piece of your mind to feel better: respond.

Make her persona non grata to you. She should no longer exist to you. Do not lose any more sleep. Do not respond. This message will self destruct in five seconds... sorry, getting carried away! But seriously, don't respond ever again.

she sounds unpredictable and bad news all around...i agree with ignoring it (although i know how hard that can be). to me this sounds like a toxic person that i do NOT want around my kids. that is a deal breaker for me. if i can't trust you around my kids, there's no relationship. therefore there's no need for any more communication. try not to lose any more sleep over her psycho butt.

Don't respond. In fact, block her numbers. Block her texts and calls, block her on Facebook and whatever other social networks you have her on. Just cut her off completely. If anyone approaches you the way this other friend did, then you let them know that ex-friend is telling untruths but I would avoid coming off gossipy about it. "Oh, is Nevaeh spreading ridiculous rumors again? I'm sorry she told you that. Clearly it's not true." Then move on. Don't waste any time on her and other people will follow suit.

You already figured it out, but I just had to add two rules of thumb. Always try nice first, because you can ALWAYS try B*TCHY second, but if you try B*TCHY first you have no where to go.

And always try ignoring (or at least stopping and thinking) first, because once you've responded/reacted you're kind of committed to a certain path...

I would say in her case ignore her. She clearly has a problem that can only be dealt with drugs and a good psychiratist. If she continues to email you I would ignore her. That was really crazy. Good luck with that!!

If you truly want to cut ties with this lady, then do not respond to the email. She will keep responding and lure you into a never-ending mess of drama. Next!
A.

You opened the can of worms when you sent her that original email. You started it and you can stop it by ending it with no answer and chalk it up to a learning experience. Your true friends know the truth and maybe you should say a prayer or two for her.

I would just say not to talk to you anymore if she is going to lie about you telling old neighbors you were trash talking them. I would personally close the e-mail with, I thought people who were involved in church were actually supposed to try to live by the bible.... Does your forehead hurt when you thump your bible? (bible thumpers are commonly referred as people who go to church, know the bible, and yet don't live by it at all and are judgmental/harsh. They are like that woman in "The Mist" who got that Army boy killed)

OR

You could ignore her since she is nuts. I do agree with others that if she is THAT person that has a screw loose she will feed of a nasty response and you should ignore her... take some shots or drink some wine and relax :)

IGNORE........ silence is better than a thousand words...and that will show her how important she is in your life.

Ignore her! If you didn't do anything wrong, then you have nothing to justify. Right now you feel like you need to defend you honor but believe me, there isn't anything to defend. You will lose more face if you engage her b/c that's all she is looking for - a fight.

Lay low and watch. In 3 months you will be glad you didn't say anything to her.

She might have said more and it might have been worse. She might say more to you if you engage her.

gl

So sorry this happened. Do not respond to her at all. You just add fuel to the fire. Delete her number and move on. As hurtful as it was, this woman clearly has an imbalance. Reminds me of someone I knew once. Build the relationship with your neighbor so she clearly knows you are sincere and as you said sane. Sounds like you've taken those steps already. Good luck.

She sounds like my stepdaughter. If I were you, I would do what I do with my stepdaughter. Ignore her. Do not respond to her at all. Your husband is right, it will bother her more if you don't respond. Do not lower yourself to her level. She is trying to get a reaction out of you. Do not respond whatsoever. Block her from your email and everything else too if you want. You need to surround yourself with positive loving people. It is unfortunate that your friendship is over but she doesn't sound very healthy so it's best to cut your losses now. Try not to take it personally. Good luck!

I had the same problem w/a couple of 'friends'. I ended it with something like "Thanks for your prompt reply, however, I really expected to get a more mature response from you as opposed to the childish, insecure, immature, response that you actually gave. Since it's quite obvious that you cannot be a mature adult at this time, I feel it's best that we part ways. I will be more than happy to be your friend when you decide to grow up & act like a friend to me. Don't bother responding to this last email because I won't bother reading it, I'll just delete it...best wishes & good luck!...." & if they responded, I just deleted it. Maybe something like that will give you closure? I hate that you hafta deal with someone so obviously immature & in need of counseling. As far as just ignoring her, well sometimes by ignoring, it might make her feel that she got to you rather than the other way around, like "ha, I told HER off!! And SHE didn't say NOTHING!..." So in that case, IMO sometimes it's best to send a final email, maybe saying something like I had in my situation. Hope this helps! Good luck!!

This W. is NOT your friend and you don't need her toxicity in your life..

take a deep breath and let it go.

Do not respond. You don't need to stoop to her level. There have been a couple mom's on here that have PMd me and went psycho when they didn't like what I said - so now? I don't even bother to respond...I won't waste my time or my breath on them as they won't get it...she won't get it either. She doesn't see what she has done as wrong. She sees her way and feels that ANY story she told about you and your family were true and correct in her sick, twisted mind.

DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL!! Even if she e-mails or calls you - DO NOT respond. If she threatens you- then keep it and tell the police about the threat. If she leaves a threatening voice mail - save it and don't erase it.

GOOD LUCK!!

Ignore - she sounds like a real mentally unstable person. But I'd call back that other neighbor who brought this to your attention and discuss what happened with her - see if there may have been something you missed.

Keep quiet, and if the occasion should ever arise that you are in her presence, be polite but essentially ignore her. It is done....walk away and do not look back. As you said, you do not need or want this drama in your life. You need your entire mind, do not give her a piece of it! Your suspicions have been confirmed. Let it go for your own mental health.....
Do not allow yourself to be drawn into anything like this.....people like this person cause enough havoc in the world, don't be a part of it.

She very well could be a dangerous sociopath! Keep quiet. Try to stay off her radar, so she will find someone else to focus on. Not that I wish it on anyone else either, but that type of person WILL keep going through "friends", because once a person finds out how she is, they want nothing to do with her.

You don't want her thinking about you and how to get revenge. Don't say anything more to get her mad. If you have to respond if she says hi to you later or something even nasty and untrue, be civil and pretend like you're not mad at her, you're just busy lately. You might even want to apologize, even though you did nothing wrong.

Don't want to scare you, but I'm serious about her possibly being a dangerous sociopath.Sociopaths can be charming and well liked by everybody that they meet. I encountered a "friend" like that once when I was going through a divorce with two little kids and had moved to a new town. She burned my house down when I stopped being her friend. Really! There was an arson investigation and a trial.

Hmmm. You only mention your reaction to and response to the "crazy" ex-friend but say nothing further about how you responded, if you did, to the former neighbor who received the lies your ex-friend was telling. I hope you replied to her kindly and promptly that what "she said I said" is simply untrue.

I would not have contacted the ex-friend at all but now that you have, don't do it again. It will give her an opening to keep going after you. Block her e-mails and if she ever phones be sure you have caller ID or otherwise screen calls for a while until she finds someone else to pick on. Yes, it "speaks more to ignore someone" as you put it, because it shows you have a life you're getting on with living, and it does not include this kind of out-of-the-blue high-school nonsense.

Your silence with her will be Golden.

Not another single solitery word or communication to her or about her. Explain to others who may bring her up that you don't wish to hear or entertain anything about her and that the friendship is over. No details needed. Let your character and sanity speak for itself.

Understand crazy is very unpredictable and you must maintain your distance for your safety and health.

I would not respond, but if you truly feel the need to keep it short and to the point, something like "you are clearly unstable and I don't need crazy in my life. I wish you the best of luck in your future, and hope you get the help you need. Good Bye" and than block her from future contact.

If shes looking for drama then I say no don't respond. I wouldn't give her a piece of my mind because she'll feed off that for more drama. You don't need people like that. Maybe she didn't like these other people and was trying to stir the pot a little.
I have a friend where we just realized the stuff thats going on with her happens to be for drama so we have chose to ignore her. We still hang out but we don't give her anything to feed off of. She did ask if she did something wrong and i told her the truth and it was because of vacations and family events or sports and we are all busy.