G.H.
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limit her choices.....2 choices is enough for her age
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When my daughter is going through a major developmental period, she does this weird control thing -she will be 4 in March. When she is in one of these moods, nothing is right, everything is wrong, and that is that. For instance, the piece of bread is too small, the chair isn't lined up with the food right, etc.
She gets tons of choices, so she has lots of areas where she has control.
So, any insight into these weird phases, and how best to handle them? The last time she had one of these phases was about a year ago; in fact, they come once a year, before her bday. Hubby and I just aren't sure the best way to cut them off quickly. We are on day 3.
Edited to add: I only do the two choice thing, so it isn't because she is getting too many choices. I do think it is part of the developmental process, and now that I think of it. Dr. Ames (a famous parenting expert from the 70s) mentioned how kids get picky like this to handle all the changes.
limit her choices.....2 choices is enough for her age
My son does the same thing.
I try to redirect him but sometimes it's just because he's tired or hungry.
Frustrating isn't it?
She might need fewer choices. Sometimes kids seem like they want more freedom to choose, make demands, etc., but are really responding to their fear of having to make decisions, growing up and what that will mean, and so on. This might be the case since your daughter has these episodes near her birthday. Growing up can be very scary to kids! It comforts them to know someone else is in the driver's seat and they have clear cut guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable behavior. When this kind of behavior comes up in our house, I respond very neutrally, compassionately but firmly. Using your "the bread is too small" example, I might say, "Does it seem too small? I've had that happen. I guess that's just how the baker made it this time. But it still tastes great and if you're still hungry after you have it, we can make another sandwich." Sometimes just acknowledging their feelings,maybe acknowledging the frustration, letting them know you've felt that way before, too, and then offering a solution. If the "fight" continues after you've empathized, that's where I'd set some clear boundaries, and be sure to follow through. "It might be smaller than you like, but this is what we are having for lunch. You could cut it into 4 pieces so it seems like more. But this is what we are having." All of it as neutrally as possible. Once the child knows they are heard and understood, solutions are offered where appropriate, boundaries are in place, there's no drama for them to feed off of. Good luck!
HAHA I have two like that.
One is still so very much like that if we do the "wrong" thing with her she becomes a basket case. For example, my hubby took her to a college yesterday. All was well. THen he started talking to the English professor before she got the chance. WWIII at dinner last night, because Daddy spoke first.
I limited her choices. This or that. And when she was younger if I gave a choice she didn't like and one she did, then she made a clear decision and all was good.
I let her do things herself and suffer the consequences, even at 3. She wanted to wear shorts in January in Illinois. Fine. She got cold. Lesson was learned she didn't choose shorts again unitl June.
Teach her how to handle the butter knife and make a sandwich, it'll get messy at first. But she will get the hang if it.
Mine had to have black and white rules. And swift, consistent consequences for breaking the rules.
Make sure during growth spurts she gets plenty of protein, fresh fruits and veggies and plenty of rest.
YES... when a child is on the cusp... of an age change... it is HARD.
They get... fussier.
BOTH my kids, do that TOO.
ANYTIME, they are on the verge of an age change, or JUST changed age.
It is- "growing-pains." Which is not only a physical manifestation.
Your child is normal.
It is not a 'control' thing.
Their mental and emotional and physical development... is ALL changing at the SAME time... and they are just trying to cope. BUT at this age, they do not even have, coping-skills. So, it is hard for them.
And they do get particular... but being particular is not necessarily a "control" thing. They are, just, expressing preferences.
These are 2 different things.
In a 4 year old... their emotions are NOT even fully developed yet. They don't even know how they are feeling, nor do they even have the ability or communicative accuracy to say what they are feeling. Not even many adults have that ability. At this age, they are not even... fully mastered at emotional or social or physical demands or expectations.
4.. is a VERY hard age, as well. MUCH harder than 2 or 3 years old.
AND yes, they NEED TO NAP.
Kids get... less patient (even of their parents), and more fussy and more picky and more obstinate... when tired or over-tired. Their ability to put up with stuff.... is, nil.
My son, is 5 and he still naps. He needs to.
I taught my kids that naps are so their body can keep up with them and all their growing.
