Terrific Twos

Sounds like a normal 2 year old to me! My first son was great when was 2 but it all came at once when he was 3! It seems like my kids will test me and dad and we will start really getting on him and he will be better and then comes another round where he will start testing us again. Kids are always trying to find out how much they can get away with. Just wait until he starts telling you that you are not his best friend he that he hates you because you punished him. That is always the hardest! As for bonding, my son is 5 but we have been doing these things since he was about 2. We have movie nights in the winter where we rent or just pick out any movie around the house and watch it at night (I allow him to stay up past his bed time, hence the fun:) Sometimes he even gets to sleep in my bed! In the summer we go camping in the back yard almost every night! When he turned 3 we started telling scary stories- I would make one up and then he would. I would play that I was so scared after his story that I needed him to hold me all night. It’s a great way to snuggle and be close to your little one. I make him earn these things to so that helps him behaving. When he started hitting we put up a chart. If he went though the day with our hitting, he got a sticker. If he hit he lost a sticker. 3 stickers earn a movie night during the week! Hope this helps!

Sounds like you adopted or have had your son since birth...I would not worry to much about attachment issues but would focus on setting boundaries and limits. It just takes time and patience.

Wow! You must feel really stressed! First of all, I am a mother of five kids ranging in age from 40 down to 11. Our youngest two were adopted 10 years ago as special needs children. I think you might want to find a support group for new parents and/or adoptive parents. Also, your child should probably be evaluated for ADD, autism or whatever else his background suggests. Our younger two were born addicted and the 13 yr old boy has partial fetal alcohol syndrome. They both have ADD and his problems seem to be becoming more evident as a seventh grader.

There are several things to be aware of during this period of your son's life. The first thing is that some of these behaviors are typical of a two-year-old! Yay, TWOS! As a first-time parent you may be blaming yourself for normal behavior. He is in the process of becoming himself, an independent being.

Our daughter, who came to us when she was 20 months old, had attachment issues. After being shuttled between foster home, birth parents and another disinterested foster home for a year, it was no wonder that she was wary. After about four months with us she started maintaining eye contact. She is now a terrific pre-teen with ADD and otherwise perfectly normal. If you've had him since birth he may be avoiding eye contact for another reason. Be sure your ped. is aware of your concerns and any possible history of heath or addiction issues in his birth parents.

Remember you are his PARENT, and it is your job to define boundaries and keep him safe. Sometimes a sharp "NO" is required. You and he must work out the ways of discipline that work for you both. Sometimes you have to try several things to find out what works for your child. There are many books available and those nanny shows are amazing. Consistency helps, routine schedule helps, enough sleep helps and taking good care of yourself helps, too.

Good luck! You have signed on for an incredible journey! Congratulations!!

I'd opt for being more rigid. Sometimes with my kids it's taken a week of discipline for them to get that I am serious about certain things. But when it's time for fun we have soooo much fun together! I've seen parents be pushovers.....you don't want to be one. Most kids need those boundaries/discipline to be very obvious. You are dealing with a new person....not an adult. Don't ask him if he needs a time out.....He needs a time out! Put him in his time out area....yes he'll scream and yell and get all upset....that's just the process. Be very consistant when you do this....keep putting him back in the spot until he gives in. Eventually he'll just go in his time out spot when you tell him to. Watch Nanny 911....she does a good job of explaining discipline. she suggests 1 minute for every age they are.....so he's almost 2....tell him he gets two minutes in time out. He'll get this....but he may not like it.

Not sure about the eye contact.......keep in tune with that.....many autistic kids can't keep eye contact....but he's probably just uncomfortable with it and knows you're being more serious. Just take charge! B.

your not going to break his spirit by making him listen. he will respect you more for it when he gets older. once he knows where his limits are his spirit will come stronger once they know where the lines are drawn.

my second son is the same way with not looking into my eyes. when he gets in trouble he will not look me in the eyes because he know he did wrong and doesn't like it that im disappointed in him. I'm not sure why he does it when we are just talking,but he doesn't look you in the eyes then eiter, he will look at our nose, forehead, chin or general face but not in the eyes. He doesn't have attachment problems and he is my most loveable cuddly one out of all of the kids.

I would just keep an eye on it and if it gets worse then talk to the dr about it otherwise I wouldn't worry about it to much. some kids ( and adults) just aren't comfortable with direct eye contact.

Establishing boundries and setting limits will NOT break his spirit. They will allow it to flourish. He will not like it at first, but once he learns you really mean it, he will accept it and move on!

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Check this out. They do a book especially for toddlers. You can usually get it from your local library. It has made a huge difference in my parenting, my stress level, and the mood/attitude of my now 3 year old. Good luck!

I understand the urgency of your situation regarding the discipline. My 2 year old son who is bright, energetic and generally happy can be quite a handful more often than not! I recommend you check out the book / video program (it is available and beneficial in either format) called "1-2-3 Magic" written and developed by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. You would be able to find this on Amazon.com for a reasonable price. The first 35 pages (the entire book is about 200 pgs) are an easy read and you will be able to start putting it into practice immediately. The program is based on the age-old practice of a caregiver "counting to three" in a disciplinary situation with a child. The author gives good, precise direction on how to build and maintain a sense of authority (kids will take you seriously if they know you mean business!) without having to resort to being a tyrant (i.e. yelling or hitting) in order to get cooperation from your child. The program is geared toward the 2-12 age group, and is designed to give caregivers (parents and beyond) confidence in disciplining the children who are in there care. I have learned a lot about consistency and keeping emotions out of it when disciplining my 2 year old son, and he does push me more often than not!!! It does take some practice to follow the simple guidelines because it requires some discipline on YOUR part, but if you keep at it and follow the rules you will definitely feel more "in control" of the situations that arise, and our kids are watching us for cues on how to handle their own emotions, so anything that helps us parents to stay a little more calm, cool and collected when dealing with difficult behavior from our little ones is a big help in more ways than just the situation at hand. One of the other moms on the group did also mention the eye-contact thing in regard to autism. I think that she does have a good point. Though none of us wants to consider that our child may have a serious condition such as this, you shouldn't ignore any cues that you think something may be wrong with your son's development. Continue to keep a close watch on any signs that you may notice and bring them to the attention of your pediatrician so you can get a professional assessment, as autism and other developmental conditions can be more sucessfully dealt with if early intervention is achieved. Good luck!

Hi, I had read in Parenting or Parents magazine (within the last few months) that latest research shows that NOT making eye contact is a very male trait in children. Since he's too young to really know cultural differences (i.e. in certain cultures you don't make eye contact with a superior), then you'll just have to ask him to please look into your eyes when you talk to him since it doesn't come naturally. The behavior you've referenced is typical behavior for his age. The positive part of it is that children tend to be their most honest selves with the caregivers that they know love them unconditionally. Just keep working with him on the behavior. It will take months and will not change overnight. Good for you!

I wouldn't worry too much about the eye contact thing. My husband and I both don't keep constant eye contact with anybody. For me it makes me unconfortable. I don't know why my husband doesn't keep eye contact but he doesn't.

As for the other. It sounds just like any other 2 yr old to me. Just stay consistant with him and he'll soon catch on that you mean business. My oldest used to think it was a blast to run off when I need him to stand still, but he quickly out grew it.. I'm afraid that you can read a lot of books and watch a lot of video on raising children but most of it isn't going to apply to your child. I personally think you are throwing your money out the window. All children go through stages, most of the time it isn't even at the same times. Before you know it he'll be out of this one and moving on to the next one.
I just bet you'll be able to guide him into adulthood to be a perfect gentleman with no problems.

He sounds perfectly normal to me- just like my son.
The best response during discipline is a calm response- much of what he is doing he is likely doing to get a reaction from you. You don't have to appear angry- in fact you will probably find that he will think it is hilarious to see you get mad and push the limits just to get that angry response again- you just have to appear calm. The more worked up I get when he's not listening to me, the worse the situation becomes. If I can stay calm and be things go much smoother. My son also will not look me in the eye for discipline; in fact he only looks me in the eye when it is totally his choice to do so. I imagine you will find that this behaviors are one of those stages they go through, and if he's like my son, who is almost three now, the next stage will be the "why" stage. Why, Mommy? Why do I have to? Why are you doing that? Why? Why? Why? So I say what you're currently dealing with falls squarely under the "this too shall pass" catagory. Do what you need to in order to cope, but know that it won't last forever. <<HUGS>>