Terrible Twos Survival Tips, Please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I am in the throws of the terrible twos myself with NO! being the word of the day (everyday). I don't have the fix-all, but I have found that asking him questions that give choices instead of questions with a yes,no answer works better. Instead of saying- do you want hotdogs for dinner? I will ask - Do you want hotdogs or mac and cheese? Sometimes I still get a NO! at which point I just go on about my business for a few minutes and then ask again in a few minutes. Anyway, hope this helps. I will be interested to see the other responses myself!

Hey M.! Just re enforce that saying "NO" is not nice and place him in "time out" each time he says it. A child only gets away with what the parents allow them to get away with. He is hearing this no, no, no from someone, some where....if he does something you don't want him to do say things like "I don't want you to do that" or "that could hurt so"....kids repeat what they see and hear. He sure doesn't have a behavioral problem. I know this is frustrating to you but,....he is no where a brat. You sound like a good mom who cares about the well being of her children.....

Melaine,
Practice Practice practice!!!! I agree with the others who have said to be consistent. Think of everytime he says "NO" as an opportunity to practice with him what you want him to say to be more polite. I am a preschool teacher who listens to the "no's" the "why cause" and every other way to dispute an order. And while it may be incredibly aggravating, I must remind myself that children (particularily at this age) are developing crucial oral skills that they will need to have in order to maintain functional conversation skills when they are older. Furthermore, I must agree that he WILL repeat anything and everything that you say to him. Sometimes if I see a child at a center pulling little suise's pigtails (example) my very first reaction is "NO!!! Ethan don't do that!!!!" But then I too am guilty of fueling the awful "NO" offenders. This may or may not be your approach when you see him doing something dangerous but I quickly changed my own phrases to limit the constant no's that two year olds hear. This will take practice...and lots of it but we as parents are the first teachers that our children meet. I'm sure you will excel in being a great educator for your son it just takes ALOT of patience, practice and help from your hubby so that everyone is on the same page! You will get pass this!! Good Luck!!! :-)

My 4 yr old didn't hit the terrible two's until he was 3. He didn't do the "no" thing but was whining and tried tantrum throwing a few times. (We ignored the tantrums and they stopped after only a few times.) At 2 they're just testing their limits. My policy was not to be concerned about what he said but about how he said it. "No" for a 2 yr old is fine (we too started with sirs and thank yous around this age though) but if it was screamed he got a talk about nice ways to use our words versus mean ways. At 4, with the arrival of baby brother and shorter tempers without the household, we had to revisited some of this with screaming "No" and running away from us if we were telling him is was bed/nap time, to pick up, etc. At this age we worked on better ways to express how he was feeling. I would tell him I understood that he didn't want to do something but that he needed to do it. I didn't want him to feel that his opinions were unimportant but he still needed to do what I asked of him. I've known 2 yr olds who were just obsessed with the word "no" and the reaction they got with it so would say it even when they meant "yes". Avoiding yes or no questions is the best way to stop this. No will still be uttered at times though. If its said civilly then fine, if its said rudely then you must react. For my son we've found that taking away toys or planned activities, or the prospect of, is the most effective way to get compliance at nap time or other non-negotiable instructions.

M.,
First breathe, This is a stage but a crucial one at that.
When our DD was 2 she did the same thing, I will tell you I learned a few things as I have 14 yrs between my children. The oldest is now an adult and DD is almost 6. He would say it so much, I felt like you do... now fast forward with DD I created a word other than NO to mean NO. Crazy I know but I still use it today.. we also learned sign language and that helped too...

One thing you can do is when he says NO, ask him what is it he doesn't want to do? OR you can give him choices say this or that, or use the word PLEASE a lot, Another thing we started at this very age is that when Mommy or Daddy calls you lets just use the name JANE, "Jane, will you please come here?" She should say to me "Yes, Mommy coming" This will later eliminate the need for yelling for the tenth time by then you are angry and ready to ground them for life..

This has worked in our home and it also shows respect and first time obedience. :)

Not everything is going to work for your child but there is something that will, that is the hard part finding out what will work.

As always, do what is best for YOU and YOUR family.

Hi! you've heard this before, but consistency wins... I've been through the two's several times, once recently. Get down on his level and say "we don't say NO, we say no thank you. Can you say that after me? No thank you." or something similar. My 3 y.o. daughter whines for or demands everything she wants. She still doesn't have it down pat, but when I say 'what is the RIGHT way to ask' she comes out with the most courteous "may I PLEASE have some JUICE". Baby steps :) Good luck, he may not catch on immediately with manners, but consistently working with him will solve this in time!

well, my son is 3 and has said his "no thank yous" and "yes pleases" with his "excuse mes" since he could speak well. he has not has call yet to address ppl as sir or mam, we dont really see anyone other than family and ppl like us, who dnt prefer "mam" or "sir", "ya'll" will do!!! he picked his manners up from me using them around the house alot, so i would say continue to set a good example and make a big deal out of it as well. it worked for me, he would say "please" and i would praise him. i was floored when my then 18 month said "excuse me" and waited patiently for a man to move out of the doorway in mcdonalds. i was so pround lol!! he still hollered "no" when he felt like it, and i would tell him "no!! that is ugly we have to be polite, do you know how?" and he would correct himself or i would if he was being obstinate, but either way the lesson was learned. he doesnt holler anymore, so im sure it is a little bit of a phase either way! good luck

M.,
I often joke that my now two year old was "two in training" for a few months before his birthday. All of my boys were - and their manners do come back around 3 and then leave again once they start school, and come back again once they figure out it is okay to have good manners around other kids:)

Just continue to model the behaviors and responses you want your son to use. As hard as it is ignore the tantrums and screaming for things and when it they are done - politely ask your child if he would like whatever it is he was screaming about (because you will know). However, do not give in until he responds appropriately with yes please or yes ma'am, etc.... He will begin to catch on that the right way is your way. And I know it sounds impossible, but learn to laugh - I couldn't with #'s 1 and 2, but by #3 I realized I had to laugh, it kept me from getting stressed and flustered which helped to difuse the situation much faster.

Good Luck - it will get better - terrible twos turn into terrific threes!

T.

Your son could be hearing it from someone else. And wants to say it that way too.
Are all of you teaching him to say it right?
Even your 5 year old. He is watching her very closely
Everyone is a teacher inyour beautiful family.

Every child is different. Some are not the kind who can be taught "no ma'am, no sir, no thank you" at 2 years old. They can be taught to "use a different voice" if they want results. "I can't let a child play with this toy if he is using that type of voice."
Children repeat their parents' words. They learn the speech applied to him and around him. If he hears grownups say, "no ma'am," etc, around him, then he will learn to say that, too. YOU and the others adults in his life set the example.
(I never cease to be amazed at the parents who use foul language around their kids and then are shocked to learn the same words coming out of the child's mouths.)
I agree with the "do you want a hot dog or mac-n-cheese?" approach. "Are you ready for your nap now, or do you want me to read this book to you first and then you nap?" Give him a sense of control by giving him choices. (I have had to ask them to choose which arm they want me to use to put an IV into. The system works!)
I also recommend distraction as the single most successful "disciplinary" method that I used with my kids. If the current direction that we were headed felt like it was doomed, then I changed course before we got caught in a downhill spiral ... or, at least, tried to. (LOL)
Last, but not least: Everyone gets their turn at their own child being labeled "the brat", "spoiled", "rude", "mean", "uncooporative", "too polite", "prissy", "snotty", whatever - if not this year, then next year. We each have to ignore what other people think of our children. We have enough to worry about without having to worry about "what Aunt Sadie thinks or is saying". AND ... if Aunt Sadie is going to say bad things about your child, then keep your child away from Aunt Sadie so that Aunt Sadie doesn't have the opportunity. That will drive you crazy!!!
It sounds like your son is a wonderful, healthy, and non-aggressive kid - AND is becoming his own person!
Good luck and enjoy the ride!

Hi M.. I'm K.. Mother of 2 girls and 3 boys with a brand new(8week)grandson thrown in. With my children I found that when NO! seemed to be 75% of their vocabulary it was mostly an attention getter. This is especially true in a home with more than one child. They crave your attention 24/7 and it does not matter if that attention is negative. Being fussed at, put in time-out,having a sit-down talk about manners or lack thereof-she has your full attention for that period of time. When any of mine said NO! I would ask back,"Did you say something?" NO! "I'm still not hearing you." NO!! "It seems like one of my children is speaking to me, but I can't tell. It must be one of those things that makes my ears turn off. I wish I could hear..." Then it was more like Mommy, I dont want to go, or Mommy I dont like that, etc. They used their polite words with their indoor voice and I could hear them again. Worked every time. Of course, by the time I was doing this with the last 2, the oldest 3 were in on it with me so I had backup. I hope this helps. Good Luck and take care.