I carpool with another family every week for dance runs. If you see my other post, I'm over this whole deal and will let them drive this Thursday, but am cutting it off after that. Even though it's only a few more weeks, I'm SO over it.
So 9 year old that I drive is a distraction and rude, to say the least. She is the baby of her family and it is painfully obvious. I have never once seen her get in trouble or be "spoken" to about anything going on in our presence.
Yesterday at dance, the girls ballet teacher walked out on them because they were being way too loud and she couldn't accomplish anything. Our room mom had to go in and chat with them, and it really upset me to know that these girls who are 9-11 acted this way.
So on the way home, I told my daughter I was very disappointed in her behavior and expected much more out of her. The other little girl chimed in and I just told her she needed to talk to her mom about it. I was not rude, but she is not my child and it is not my place to lecture her . (Though the room mom told me and another mom waiting outside she had to call this girl out by name because she rolled her eyes at her when she was speaking to them.)
So, when I dropped her off, I told her to have a good night and my daughter told her bye...she did not respond to either of us, but rather got out of the car and slammed the door shut. It took all I had not to go chat with her mother right then, but I was already annoyed with the whole situation as it was.
So this child is either way too rowdy or moody as all get out. But what really gets to me is the rudeness of her ignoring both myself and my daughter who is her firiend.
So I'm just curious, does your child thank other parents or people who do things for them? I know we should never expect to be thanked, but I know I never got out of a car when another parent was driving me without saying anything.
Thanks all,.
We certainly expect manners in our house from our kids. I expect please, thank you, yes ma'am, no ma'am ,etc. It's just part of growing up and learning things.
And I get your point Denise about addressing it with my daughter later, but I don't wait on things like that. So I guess that's the downfall of her riding with me.
I try to get my kid to say thank you. I think she was rude. But I think she's rude overall. I would not carpool with her any longer than necessary.
You know, I think you've put up with enough from this child. Just call her Mom and tell her you are sorry to inconvenience her, but you will no longer give her child rides to/from dance because she is extremely rude.
Yes, both my boys (8 and 3) and my sd (17) say please and thank you. They refer to their friends' parents as Mr./Mrs. X, speak when spoken to by an adult and are generally very polite.
I'd be livid if any of my kids acted the way this girl did toward you and your daughter. Bad manners (and being disrespectful!) are a big pet peeve of mine.
My son says Please and Thank You to everyone all the time.
The girls Mom might not know her kid is acting like a brat, but then again she might know very well and won't do anything about it.
At least she'll be out of your hair after Thursday.
OOOH Rachel!!
I think I would've gotten out of the car right then and addressed it. You know me - I don't sit back, do I?
Yes!! My kids address adults - they ask which they would be preferred to be called - Ms. Rachel or Ms. Jones., etc. But I EXPECT my kids to have manners.
Should you expect to be thanked? Yes. I think it's RIGHT to expect something as simple as manners in children and adults. There have been many times I have been aghast at the lack of manners adults show and then look at the kids and see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We've raised a generation of entitlement. My husband and I are NOT raising our children that way.
Last night - things were crazy hectic - I had a friend take Nicky to Cub Scouts because I had Greg's baseball game. Bob was expected at Boy Scouts and with his commute now, couldn't make it back in time to get Nicky to cub scouts and home...before we left - Nicky said THANK YOU for taking me and picking me up to our friends that did it. He also said he had had a great time.
Show your kids what you expect. They will model you!!!
Children around me get the same talk as my kids. She needs to know that she is not the center of your world even if her parents aren't going to do it. The way I see it is you have two choices, either to talk with her parents about her behavior and/or talk to her about what you expect of her when she is with you. It isn't fair to her to not have that talk and just stop providing her a ride. It really does take a village and I personally thank God for the adults in my life that weren't family but took the time to let me know how to better navigate life and living because they care about me.
My kids may act the same way if they were upset but I know it would be a matter all the adults in their lives would have to address. It wouldn't go unchecked.
I drill in my 5 year old's son head, "please" and "thank you".. Manners are huge in our house!!! I still have to sometimes remind him, but he's pretty good about it :)
Usually they do. Sometimes they need reminding/prompting.
I think that in this particular case you are referring to, however, the girl was angry and was making some sort of point. At 9 it seems a bit over the top to have her slam the door. But if she is a drama queen all the time, is not surprising. Nor is it surprising that she didn't say Thank You.
Sure, it would be APPROPRIATE and good manners for her to have said Thanks... but from what you describe, I would not have expected it.
Generally, from well mannered kids, I would expect they would say Thanks SOME of the time. The rest of the time I would assume they might be caught up in conversation with each other or whatever. Most of my kids' friends say Thank You to me for things like that... except one child that I pick up on Wednesday's from school. It is a "regular" thing (and in those cases I think kids just accept that THAT is what is normal and expected) and so nothing they are thinking about as "extra". She climbs out of the car with my own kids at our destination and they all go off to what they are they for. No thank you's. But also not a big deal.
When I haul kids for out of the ordinary things (a movie trip, or the beach, or a basketball game, or play-date, or whatever) they almost always say some form of Thank You. And I think my kids are probably the same.
For something a-typical, yes, they say Thanks. For something that is routine that they expect to happen, they probably don't.
In short, yes. My kids thank people who do things for them.
Just be glad, that girl ain't your daughter.
Does the Mom, even KNOW that her daughter is a disruption at dance class? The Dance Teacher, should tell the Mom.
My kids have fabulous manners, if I do say so myself! :) That little girl was definitely rude!
I think you handled the situation well, by the way. Hopefully the other little girl will glean from what you said to your daughter.
Yes, my son does thank people.
I'm often receiving compliments on his manners and general friendly nature.
She's 9.
Cut her a break. Because at 9, kids don't have a very big perspective of the world.
And think of it this way--the best way to TEACH manners is to exhibit manners, right? You did that.
(I also think you should have discussed your child's behavior with her after you were home!)
Always, but could be because of where we live. Children and adults even use, yes ma'am and no sir with every adult.
The way to ensure it is natural? Always use best manners even with the youngest of your own children. Everybody deserves respect and good manners.
Yes my kids do in front of me and with out me. In front of me I almost never have to remind the older ones ( the 3 & 4 yr old we do have to remind sometimes).
With out me there I know they do because other parents are telling me they do and a few go out of their way to make sure they let me know how polite my kids are.
I think its time for something to change with the riding schedule... I would not put up with her rudeness.. with me, even a 9 yr old I would have called her out.
my kids are 4 and 7. They are usually pretty good about saying thank you to anyone who does anything for them. Sometimes they need a reminder from me and I will tell them to say thank you and they will do it right away. If I were you, I would not let that girl back in your car. You should talk to her mom right away about her behavior.
Yes they do, but probaby not when they're angry or annoyed with the person which I'm sure this child was. What she did was normal in that situation; most adults probably would have gotten out and ignored you also if they were angry or annoyed with you. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, I'm just saying that she was probably angry/annoyed and that accounts for her rudeness.
By the way, dance is SUPPOSED to be fun!
just to answer your title, my 9 yo son will say it often if not he will if i remind him.
my 7 yo dd is super shy and even if i stand there all day, she will refuse to talk to certain people, in cluding saying thank you to them. It's very frustrating.
To answer your post.I think you know this girl and her family aren't very polite, so yes she was rude all the way around.
my daughter always does but I'm not sure at 5 she would know to thank someone for driving her. She thanks people for other things (holding the door for her, taking her to a special event, getting her something) I'm not sure she';d know at 5 to thank someone for a ride because there hasn't been enough times to teach her by example. I always remind her in all situations where she can say it if she forgets, which she rarely does, although she says it so low you cant hear it anyway sometimes.
I would call the mom and let her know. I;d tell her what happened and how you;re disciplining your daughter and u J. wanted to make her aware
They better or their little butts will be red!!!
Sorry - but manners are CRITICAL in our house - you say please, you say thank you - ESPECIALLY to "outsiders" that are doing you a kindness.
I remember when I was in 7th grade or so and my parents used to pick up a friend of mine for ski club - we'd ride to school together then her mom would pick us up after. We did this for a whole SEASON before she ever thanked my Mom and Dad for the ride. I didn't think much of it but I remember my parents both commenting "it's about time" - and my Dad saying "If I ever hear you act that ungrateful you'll be sorry."
I beleived him. :-)
my kids use please and thank you constantly.. but im in the situation where i watch a 8 yr old child for a church member and he NEVER says thank you or please.
It drives me nuts!
I hope you've spoken with this child's parents to tell them what happened? As we all know, I'm pretty pushy (but at least I know it! lol) and I'd probably have addressed both children on this in the presence of the ballet teacher, and had them apologize to her for their behavior. And then told the child's parents upon reaching their home so they could further address the situation as they wished. I'm surprised the ballet teacher didn't dismiss the girls from class. That's what the instructors at our studio do if the kids misbehave.
My children do say thank you, both to other adults AND to me. I've made it pretty clear to them that I have other things in life that I could be doing besides shuttling them back and forth to dance class, and therefore they should be thankful that I am choosing to prioritize their needs and wants. Which, of course, I wouldn't do for ungrateful children. :)
Each of my children always say thank you. Heck even my nonverbal 5 year old signs thank you and if someone doesn't understand I express that he is signing thank you. I believe children do as they are taught but also at 9 years of age they are who they are in a sense and you cannot always expect perfect manners. This is not to say that she should not have any manners and it sounds as if this is the case with this little girl. Also, due to lack of understanding social expectations on my 5 year old's part, I do often remind him to say thank you if it is needed. Perhaps, this little girl needs to be shown how to behave in social situations? It is possible that it isn't being taught at home and others will need to help show her the way as it were.
My son is five and will often give a spontaneous thank you; when he's distracted, he'll forget and we'll remind him gently.
Part of it is this child's age: nine is hard. However, you are right; it's truly a shame that the parents aren't teaching her that there are appropriate ways to be in the world and that she needs to be respectful to others. I've read some interesting articles from parenting authors about why we shouldn't force our kids to say 'thanks', and I'm not entirely sure I agree with their premise. Certainly, we should be modeling the behavior we want to see and using our own 'please and thank yous' with them.
What's also sad is that teaching our kids good manners really does grease the wheels for them in life. Being polite and appreciative gets us invited back to play, to go to fun events, etc. Being rude.... not so much.
As for the mom: I'd let the ballet teacher talk to her or the room mother. I didn't read your previous posts about this carpool, but if it were me, I'd sit this one out.
