2 Year Old Troubles

First and foremost you have to remember the move not only affects you but him as well. He is in a new place, totally out of his element and therefore taking his frustrations out on you. Also he is entering the "terrible 2s". Unfortunately there is not much you can do but be patient and at the same time stern with him as far as eating and saying yes ma'am/sir. You do have to follow through with time outs and such or he will know you are bluffing and then you will really be in for it. I myself am a mother of 4. (15, 5, 2, and 1) and it is very stressful at times, so what I do is take a time out myself. I will sit in the kitchen and just relax for a few minutes to get away from all the craziness and then when I am calm again I reapproach the kids. I hope this helps, J.

I also say relax. My son could not say yes/no sir/ma'am at age 2 either. But now at 7 he does it every time. Speaking is actually very complex. It will take some time before his brain can correctly attach the words to the right situations every time. Right now my guess it is focusing on learning as many new words and vocabulary as possible so he can better communicate in general.

Hi, I am a single mom in Tennessee. Lighten up on the yes,ma'am and yes,sirs....I tried to do the same thing and I would think that my son wasn't getting it, so I backed off now he is 7 and you would not believe the manners he has. He evidently was listening, but wasn't ready to start saying that stuff yet because he didn't understand. Now he understands respect. So go easy on him he isn't ready yet.
Try not to get too stressed with him it is the terrible two's and I understand that it is hard just be patient. It gets better!

First the "terrible twos" are called that for a reason. They are terrible. Next though you want your child to be respectful and mind you he is a little young for the maam and sir thing. He's lucky if he can remember where his favorite toy is much less the maam thing. Yes i know that it can be stressful to be pg with a two year old tugging on you but you must put your child ahead of anyone, do not be afraid to let the boyfriend know that you need a break and time to take of yourself. After all this next child is important too. Lastly this is the time that children try for more independence, but they definately want boundries too. If you are not going to work and i am assuming not then try to find a support group of other stay at home moms and form play dates and lunches out and if you cant find one then start one. Focusing on something other than wether or not your son maams you may relieve the stress of trying to be "super mom". None of us has a big red "s" on our chest so relax and enjoy him they grow up too fast. This gma would know.

Seriously he's 2! My son is 3 1/2 and is just now using yes/no ma'am/sir well. Don't get so stressed out. Your stress will overshadow everything and make HIM stressed as well. Get him into a routine and get yourself into a routine or your stress will only get worse once your new baby comes. A 2 hour nap is plenty long enough for a 2 year old but it sounds like it's not long enough for YOU. He sounds like a normal baby boy who just turned 2 and you need to calm down and let him be a baby. He didn't make the decisions to change everything in his life around all at once but he is the one who has to process it in his 2 year old mind. You say in your post that you are scared you will get too stressed and it will harm your unborn child. Your tone scares ME that you would get so stressed and harm your son. Take a breath, walk out of the room and calm down when you get that stressed. Your expectations are the issue...not your son.

Yeah, definitely relax a little. He's 2. It's ok for him to run around and have dun and be cranky and push boundaries. He is trying to come in to his own for the first time. Yes ma'am and sir is a little advanced. I have a two year old and an almost 6 month old. My two year old does not say yes ma'am or yes sir, really he doesn't even say yes well, but he will always say thank you. A schedule would be a good thing. As far as the naps go, try letting him take two one hour naps instead. One maybe around 11 or 12 and then another at like 4 or 5. Try giving him so independence, too. Let him have time to entertain himself, but also plenty of parents play time. Let him make decisions. Ask him what he wants to watch and just smile and accept that he will sometimes change his mind 14 times after about three minutes of every movie he has. Ask him to help pick up his toys and make it a game. Sing the clean up song. Pick out two pairs of pajamas and ask him which he wants to wear to bed. Things like that can help a stubborn child a lot. They just want to feel like they have some control over situations in their life. He is also probably quite lonely. I would wither get him into daycare soon or start taking him to play dates and areas where he can play with other children.

As far as preparing yourself, having two IS difficult. So start practicing patience, tolerance, and calm now. Kids respond best when you are consistent and firm, but still easy going. Getting frustrated will only frustrate him. Remember that kids need to be allowed to be kids. By experimenting and testing boundaries they are finding their own place in the world and how to interact with it. Maybe you should try setting aside time for yourself to read a book and relax, maybe take a long shower. Dealing with your children all day is tough and it's important to give yourself you time so that you are more capable of being the best mom you can be rather than cranky.

Good luck and congratulations on number two!

You are stressing yourself out. I have a son about to turn two. I realize that he is still a baby. You need to realize that your son is still a baby. You and your boyfriend seem to expect him to be a little man. A toddler, that is what your son is, is more baby than man and should not be expected to always respond with a yes sir or ma'am. You're lucky if he talks at all. What you're calling trouble with your 2 year old is trouble with you. You need a schedule as much if not more than your son. Don't stress about it, just make one based on the natural way you go about your best day and stick to it with a little wriggle room. Get up at about the same time each day, eat at about the same time each day. Give him his snack. Just make sure that it's a healthy snack and then if he eats less at dinner so be it. Don't make him hungry and then complain because he's cranky. I get cranky when I'm hungry too. When you say that his 2 hour nap isn't long enough, do you mean not long enough for you? My son typically naps about 2 hours after lunch. That's about what you can expect, 3 if you're lucky. If you need a longer nap you can experiment with having him play more actively to perhaps tire him out more. Realize that your hormones are affecting you too. You can't stress out because a toddler doesn't answer you. They are experts at ignoring, and stubborn enough to drive you nuts if you let them. Expect less from him.
Congratulations on your coming baby. Pick some music that calms you when you feel yourself stressing, put it on and talk to your belly. Remind yourself that your son has had a lot of changes recently and he is losing his spot as the center of attention. He is having to share you now. With a boyfriend and soon a new baby. He is going to need reassurance and understanding and attention from you. Schedule some time to be 100% his everyday, maybe just rocking in a chair (if belly allows), or reading a story or playing together. Good luck.

I dunno I might be out of line here. But, expecting a child at 2 to say yes ma'am and sir is being alittle too much. Kids learn respect as they see you dishing it out. I agree manners are totally important. But, I have me very few people to expect a child that young to say it willingly. Do you and boyfriend say yes ma'am and sir to each other? If this is important for him to do this to you perhaps you might want to instill those on each other. Kids learn what they hear and see.
The move has got him all out of wack. Just get back in the normal routine. You also have to realize to he probly isn't used to sharing you with someone as wonderful and your new bo.
Just stay consistant.
As for stressing out hopefully you can take a bubble bath every now and again. or just relax. Hire a sitter and you and bo go out.
But, make sure your child has a special time with YOU too.
GOod luck and he'll learn the yes ma'am & sir in time. He's still a baby and learning independence etc. GIve him time and set an example.
Jan

E.,
Relax! He's only two. You should consider back to school. There they will work him back to a regular schedule, and take a load off of your hands. Try changing the way you approach a subject with him. For instance, the more fun it sounds to a two year old the easier it will go down. Being from the South, "Yes, Ma'am and Yes, Sir's" are very important. If he see's and hear's you say it all the time he will soon follow. Trust me, I am a mother of FIVE! and I can't forget my grand daughter of 4 yrs. All of them learned the same way. They range from 23 yrs. 21 yrs. 16 yrs. 8 yrs. and 2 1/2 yrs. So I am speaking from experiance. Don't make yourself crazy and not to mention tired, trying to do it by yourself. Look up some Mommy and Me programs in your area. This will allow him time with other children, ease his way back into wanting to go back to school, and you will be able to network the other mothers in the area, for more ideas. Good Luck!
Ma B.

I know it can be tough - sorry you're having such a hard time, especially since you're obviously trying so hard to be a good mom. See if the books BabyWise and BabyWise II are helpful to you. Not everything would apply, but there might be some things that will help you with your toddler, and there will be a lot that helps with your new baby, too.

Wow, that's a lot to ask of a two year old. No wonder he gets stubborn. Did you try it with love instead of with threats? Something just strikes me as wrong with the whole picture, especially since you seem wore worried about stressing over yes ma'am/no ma'am and fearing for your unborn than whether or not your 2y/o is happy. Maybe you should try to relax just a little more? And start a routine for your day, not saying it needs to be keot by the minute, but certain rituals, like breakfast together and then some what I call floor time (I'll roll around on the floor with my 15 month old) and some alone time where he plays by himself while you take some time out etc... The sooner you get into a routine, the sooner he'll get consistancy. Just don't forget the cuddles and the praise, kids get incredibly stubborn when all they hear is criticism...Good luck!

First of all Cong. about the new baby. Next you need to relax your getting to stressed. You need to take some time for yourself. Let your Boyfriend take care of your son for a day or get a babysitter and you and your boyfriend have some time. Next get him back in Daycare or in a play group. Find some children your sons age or around his age and let them play together. Also he may be getting to much sleep. He needs the snack but something that is good for him like fruit or a few crackers not so much that he will not eat dinner. Also if he knows that your stressed out the more he will act out. They can tell when we are getting stressed and they love to puch us as much as they can. I have a 3 year old Daughter and up till back in Aug she was with me 24-7 and I got to where I was very stressed out and I was starting to take it out on her and I had to sit back and look at what I was doing. She is a very good child but we were just to close. So we started her in Headstart and she loves it and it gives me some time to myself. I also have my AS in Early Childhood, so I new what I was doing was wrong and that we needed some time appart. It has help us alot. Also don't try so hard to get him to say Yes sir and yes Ma'am. When you stop makeing a big deel out of it he will start to say it. Also talk to him you all have been throw alot of changes in the last few months and a new Brother or sister is a very big change and he may be acting out becasue of that. Try to talk to him and let him know that there is enough love for everyone. He will come around if you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me at ____@____.com I hope this has helped you in some ways. God Bless you and your Family.

K.

Congratulations on #2. How exciting. I've been rearranging my children's sleep schedules so my younger one is on the same nap schedule in the afternoon so I can have a little me time. The number 1 thing I have learned from all of this is schedule, schedule, schedule is what will rope your son back in. Not only better sleeping but better attitude. I've seen a huge change in my son's attitude. The better he sleeps at night the better he will nap during the day. I started waking my son up at the same time each morning (7:30) so he will be ready for his afternoon nap. The book I'm using says no matter what time he goes to sleep he still needs to wake up at the same time in the morning. Once this starts to happen you will see the afternoon nap evolve. The biggest thing is to make sure you get him down for his afternoon nap before he is over tired and overstimulated. I hope this works for you. If I think of anything else I will let you know.

As for the new baby... My son was 18 months old when my daughter was born and I really wish I had my son in a program of some sort a few days a week. Trying to take care of a newborn and a toddler was too hard. He also sees there is something special just for him.

I wish you all the luck.

M.

E.,
First of all he is 2. He is not going to do everything on demand. I have a 17 month old and she is the same way. I am afraid that if you push the punishing for something trivial like that, that you are really going to have problems. My husband is a child psychologist and this is what we do. When she asks for something we say to her, " can you say please?" Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. When we give it to her, we ask her to say thank you. Sometimes she does but most of the time she DOES NOT. But we always say thank you for her and we don't worry about that because she is only 2. But if you keep being consistant about saying it when you give him something, he will eventually start saying it. But if you make it a chore and a punishment then I am afraid that he is going to rebel and you really are going to have problems with him. Don't worry about whether he says please and thank you right now. He is too young to do it all the time. He is trying to feel out what he can get away with and what he can't. Pick your battles and that should not be one that you worry about. He will learn more by hearing and seeing the things that you do and say more than any punishment. Punishment at this age is just going to make him rebel and that is probably what you are seeing now and why you are having so much trouble with him. And I am afraid if you keep it up, this is going to be the least of your troubles. If you aren't married and that man in his life is not his dad then you probably want to make a good impression and you probably want him to think that your child is very well behaved. Put that out of your mind. Concentrate on what is the right thing for your child. If the man can't deal with that then he is not worth it. But more than likely... IF he truly loves you in the first place, he is going to support you in whatever you do plus his ways of doing things shouldn't vary that much from what you belive is right anyway.

Lay off the little boy and just let him be a little boy. Just make sure that you say it whether or not he says it. He will eventually learn from what you say. And if you don't make it such a demanding thing and punish for it, he will probably quit rebelling and you will probably get more from him.

2 year olds is the very phrase : terrible 2's. My grandson is 2 also and my daughterinlaw and son are really trying to stay consistent with him. When they get onto him, they count to 3. At that point if he has not responded they take him to a corner and put his nose in it and make he stay there for 2 minutes (1 minute per age) and then bring him over and explain that it is unacceptable to do what he is doing and then make him say he is sorry. After a few times in the corner, he will learn, because he knows then that he can't do that. It takes patience and love, and I know being pregnant leaves you emotional too, but he will learn... God bless you and I pray you and your boyfriend make the situation permanent.

I am now the mother of 3 children. My first wast 2 when I started dating my now husband. She was very mindful, respectful (not everytime would she say yes/no ma'me/sir, but she was respectful when she talked. I agree with the other posts about they do what they SEE and not what they HEAR at this age, though. 1 time out of 10 occasions is not a bad average, though. Keep in mind they are just learning communication skills with older people, so relax, it will come. As to the other, 2 yrs old is a testing period (aka terrible two's) and having a new man in your life is very confusing for a 2 yr old. Before my husband, I had a boyfriend who would just hang out at the house and we would both play with my daughter (tea party, blocks, puzzles, etc. which was the reason I broke up with him because he was more of her playmate than my boyfriend...) When I started dating my now husband, my daughter became very jealous of the time I did not spend with her...not the time I spent with him, but the time I did not spend with her. My husband, who had not been exposed to too many kids did not understand that...so he was jealous too when I tried to balance my time as a working mother. But doing more things together as a mom/boyfriend/child and but also setting aside a certain time when it was just me and her definitely helped. Just another thought, my husband is still (after 6 years!) resentful that I did not spend much alone time with him when we were dating so, I guess I should have done the same thing in that area! The balancing act has worked though after 2 children later, the husband understands more about my concerns of balance issues after our first child together, then our second. It makes more since when you have 2 or more and children are the only ones in the balancing act...it is easier for them to see. Your boyfriend should relieve you of your household duties (yes, even if you don't work right now) while you go play with your child. If he sees that your boyfriend is not a threat to taking his mommy away, he may warm up and get with the program. As far as telling him about the pregnancy right now, well I don't know...There are movies about having a baby and becoming a big brother/sister that are amazing and can really help with your child understanding.
As far as the birthdays are concerned...mine are all in order about 2-4 weeks different: Jan '00, Feb '04 and Mar '06! It's like one big birthday party during the first quarter of the year!!!!Try to have your child's birthday early...by 2-3 weeks depending on your pregnancy...and having a sibling may help to include him and let him feel more a part of this new relationship!

Hope my rambling helps:-).

On the one hand, just cut everybody some slack. Don't demand that he say, "Yes, ma'am." If he doesn't answer you, then just ignore him. He'll talk if he wants something. You should be so proud that he talks well enough to say sir and ma'am at all.

Cut yourself some slack too. I don't mean that you need to be lazy or neglectful. Just give yourself a break. Not everyone conforms to the ma'am/sir thing, so just take a break. If you get stressed out, go get a cup of tea or something. Take 5 minutes for yourself. Do it now, before the second baby comes and you can't.

And yes, get onto a schedule. Just have a morning routine, then lunch, then nap. It doesn't have to be strict, as long as he gets the hang of it. Charts w/stickers were always winners w/my kids (I have three). They feel rewarded and everybody wins.

First of all, congratulations on your new pregnancy! ;) I have a son who will be three next month, and a daughter who just turned one.

My son drove me crazy right before he turned two (right before I had my daughter) and during the first few months after her birth! ;) I think it's a two year old thing, and it does get better ... it has for us!

As for the manners thing, I agree with some of the other posters that they will model examples and will eventually do things if they are repeated and are consistent. Our son always says please and thank you and has since before he was two (it has always freaked people out, but he's very verbal, too)! It's something we instilled in him and used repetition for (but never punished him for). Just my two cents on that! ;)

Also, two can be a very hard age (for the child ... and for the Mommy, too), and can be even harder if they are dealing with lots of change! Children love routine (whether at home, daycare, school, etc.) and do best with consistency (scheduled, discipline, etc.). So, part of his reaction could just be how he's dealing with all the recent changes (whether good or bad ... changes are hard!).

Hang in there, and remember that it WILL get easier and better! The more your son can communicate (as he ages), a lot of this will be a faint memory! ;) Try to relax, not get so upset over the little things, and take care of yourself, too (and the new baby)! ;) Best wishes to you all!

Having 5 sons and 1 being 2, I totally understand where you are coming from. We live in Lousianna and here everyone says yes mam and yes sir. My son turned 2 in Nov. and I can't imagine me expecting him to say yes mam or sir everytime. He rarely says it, but I just repeat the correct response, he most of the time just looks at me. I can tell he is processing it though. I think you are expecting too much from him right now. I aslo have a 3 year old and he does pretty good, but I still have to reminid him by repeating the correct response. My boys are very respectful, they are still learning to talk correctly and learning all of the rules on the way. I think the sitting there looking at you when you are talking is normal to a point...they are still taking things in. I think you need to try to figure out if he is not responding as a power struggle or just trying to take it in. My 2 year old does both, but mainly just taking things in.

I don't know how long he normaly sleeps at night, but taking a 2 hour nap for a 2-3 year old is pretty normal. Some children require more sleep than others...I have 2 that can sleep in and take a nap and then 3 that would do fine without a nap...my 2 year old is in this group! Has he by chance been seen by a Dr. lately to see if there is anything going on maybe in the ears. Maybe still give him a snack, but only 1-2 peanut butter crackers or something small to tide him over.

I can sympathize with you BUT ease up. Your son will get good manners too if he sees and hears the same manners out of you. Don't worry about it!!! Still try to get him to say it but don't freak out on him if he doesn't. I wouldn't want to do something that someone wanted me to do if they were harping on me. Relax and breath.
My daughter is two and is into the NO word. We have had to change the way we get onto her without saying the NO word. Every kid has their phase.... You're not alone!!! Just don't get yourself worked up. It doesn't do anything but make you upset.
You being pregnant is bound to make you a little crazy with all of the hormones.
When your boy has had a nap and food but still cranky...walk him to his room and let him throw a fit there. Tell him that he can come out when he's done. Don't close the door and don't raise your voice. Just calmly walk out. He won't like it and will probably cry more. Enough times of that and he'll get the hint. When you find yourself getting frustrated...go to some room (bathroom, closet, garage) where you can be alone for 20 seconds and get yourself together. Blowing up on anyone won't solve a thing...much less a two year olds fit.
Good luck honey!!! Everything will be fine!

E.,
First, take a deep breath. Then look at your situation again. You have undergone some MAJOR changes and your son is probably feeling a lack of control over his environment. He also could be overstimulated and therefore is not settling down for a nap. You may have hit the time when he is growing and trying to cut out the nap some days. Some suggestions. Try having some mommy and me time just with him and read to him before his nap time. Have him pick out the books - even have an outing to the library to pick up some books. For now ease up on forcing the issue with yes, maam, yes, sir. Just say it yourself when he doesn't and move on. Remember, he has lost a lot of things recently and things may feel out of control for him and this could be a way of gaining control over at least his responses to you. Also, at this age, children start to want to have some independance from their parents. Keep that in mind as you are doing things and try the "choices" route. He can put his clothes on before breakfast or do it after he eats. Then ask which he would rather do. This will also give him a sense of having control, only you have set up the parameters! (This works great as they get older, too.) And about the nap time. When he does go down for a nap, you take one, too. Don't go do all the things on your list for the day. REST. You need it physically, your unborn needs it, and your son needs you to be rested for him. Some things can wait. Your son's emotional needs come first. Since money is tight, look into a preschool coop and let your son go 2 days a week, and you would help out say 2 days a month. Less money for you but then you are involved with the school and he will see you occassionally.

Two is when kids start to develop a sense of themselves separate from other people. It's when they start to realize that they have some control over their world,a nd they set out to see just how far that control extends. A certain amount of so-called rebellion and stubbornness is to be expected.

He's also under a lot of stress for a little guy - cut him some slack. He has had several major upheavals to his world, all very close together, and with no time to really adjust to one before another hit. I'm 43, and if I had moved to a place where I knew nobody, not had the chance for the company of people my own age, had a stranger come into my life (even a nice one) and start taking up large portions of my time with the only person I did know, and had the household rules change on me, all within the space of a month, I'd be curled up in a corner sucking my thumb.

How long have you and his dad been separated/divorced? Did he see his dad a lot before you moved? Part of the problem may be simply that he misses his dad.
He went form being around other kids every day to just being with you. He needs the company of other kids, not just adults.

When you started dating, he went from having you all to himslef to having to sahre you with someone else. Even if he likes your boyfriend, it's still a tough adjustment for him to make.

Did you insist that he say sir/ma'am before starting to date this guy? If not, he may see the new guy as having come in and chganged all the rules, and he may resent it. And quite frankly, your boyfriend should not be trying to parent him. He may be clamming up because refusing to answer is one of the few ways that he feels like he has any control over anything.

A two-hour nap is pretty long. If he sleeps more than that during the day, he's not going to sleep at night.

Perhaps he's getting cranky before dinner because he's hungry. Children's appetites change as they grow. His metabolism is faster than yours and his stomach capacity is smaller, so it's really not reasonable to expect him to keep to a meal schedule that is designed for adults. Have you tried feeding him his supper instead of a snack when he wakes from his nap, and then letting him have a snack later if he gets hungry again?

The hormone shifts in early pregnancy make us more emotional than normal, and it's not uncommon to over-react to small annoyances as though they were earth-shattering catastrophes. I don't know about you, but I was also constantly exhausted when I was pregnant. Are you taking proper care of yourself? Eating nutritious meals? Getting enough sleep? Try napping when he naps. You might find that his moods will improve if you're not as tired - his crankiness could be partly a response to your own.

I have found the best way to get your children to use polite resonses is to use them towards the child. When you hand him his cup or food sya "here ya go sir" Any time he aska you a question say yes/no sir. Make sure he hears you and bf using these things also. It also works well with please and Thank you. The bigger deal you make out of it themore likely he is to rebel against it. Hes just 2 they learn more from observving then anything else. Right before dinner time give him a quiet time activity. My 2yr old daughter doesnt nap well and is up at 5 everymorning. So we have cuddle times on the couch. once in the morning and once right before i start making dinner. I get her blanket we stretch out on the couch and we put on one of her favortie shows. Shes more willing to sit and rest if we do it together. Take time foryourself. After he goes to sleep take a nice long bath or maybe see if a friend or family memeber can sit with him while he naps so you can have some time for yourself. Dont sweat the small stuff. Manners and behavior will work themselves out. Stick with it. Behavior is picked up by observing. So be the best you and he will wanna do what mommy does. Being pregnant is stressful so if you need to talk feel free to contact me at anytime. I have a 2yr old and 4month old. Its hard but youll make it.

Oh, Sweety... There are so many pressures on moms. First and foremost I think you need to get some mental support for yourself. Find a family counselor that can meet with you once a week for about an hour. Someone that you can open up to and get objective advice from. Taking care of yourself is the only way you'll be able to take care of your babies. YOU deserve it!
About the "yes, sir/mam"... Of course, this is just my opinion based on my own experience as a mom and a women. If you use "yes, sir/mam" and "no, sir/mam" in a respectful way during your own daily conversations your son will naturally pick it up. It doesn't have to be forced. 2 is very young for rigid manners, give it time and he'll get it.
About naps and dinner time...It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. The only exception is your expectation. Amoung my mother friends we all agree that the worst time of the day is between nap and dinner. Its just plan rough.
We are all feed a media image of "perfect" moms having perfect children who are perfectly behaved because they have done everything perfect! Its hype, its not real, its not possible and it contributes to our own feelings of inperfection and guilt.

First of all you need to relax!!! and remember he is a little boy. As far as him mindind his ma'am's an sir's do you only make him say it when you want? just keep tring to enforce it everyday it does take time if you keep saying it enough and reminding him to say it it will become 2nd nature, but you really can't expect him to say it because you two demand it. And to punish him for that is kinda unjust. Was he asways like this? or did him vehavior change when you moved? if it started when you moved it maybe an adjustment period you have taken him out of everything he know's you uprooted him from his routine and that is very hard on a 2 year old. And is your boy friend living with you now and did he live with you before you moved? these are all things that need to be taken into consideration. And children as a whole can be stubborn. what time do you put him down for a nap? because 2 hours is plenty of time for him sleep. if your not putting him to bed at a decent time it will reflect during the day and towards the evening hours. try keeping him on a bedtime schedule and don't put him down for an early nap after lunch is a good time to put him down. don't stop his snacks and don't give him so much where he doesn't want to eat dinner. and it's not uncommon for little ones not to want to eat from time to time. and all of this could just stem from the recent changes just give it time to work it's self out. littleones thrive on routine. but my real advise to you is get in control of yourself relax and just try to go with the flow of things and get him into a schedule and remember he is 2 and he will try to push all of your buttons when he see's your not in control. hope this helps. Mom of 5 boys married for 18 years.

E.,

Being a 2st time mom as well it is easy to get maxed out about the little things and sometimes our expectations can be high. Try not to focus so much on the small things but the overall picture. It sounds like your son desperately needs the structure of a schedule. He may also be going through a growth spurt and need an add'l short nap in the late afternoon. Try sticking to a basic schedule so you both know what is expected in the day. It doesn't have to be hard-core, you can vary from time-to-time and the times don't have to be exactly on time, but it sounds like it would work better for both of you. For instance, our schedule for our 16 mos old is:

8:45am - snack
11:00am - lunch
11:30am - naptime
2:30pm - snack
5:30pm - snack
6:45pm or 7pm - dinner
7:30pm - bath
8:00pm - story and bed

If we aren't exactly on time that's OK, but it helps our daughter to know what's coming next and it gives her enough change during the day so she doesn't get bored or overly stimulated. We mimic the same schedule as daycare at home on the weekends for consistency and this has helped us tremendously.

As far as the yes ma'am/sir, it may be a lot to expect from him at this young age. I would continue to encourage the use of the words if that's what you want but in a positive manner. It will come with time.

Good luck!

Hi E.

It sounds like you have had quite a few changes but you need to remember that your son has too. If it's hard on you just imagine what it's like for him!! New town, new schedule and new guy in the picture. That is quite a bit for a little 2 year old to process! I have a 2 year old and the typical nap is about 2 hours - pretty soon they drop the nap all together - it's just part of growing up. Kids are typically happy when we're happy and stressed when we're stressed so maybe he is sensing that you are stressed and reacting the only way he knows now.

As for the talking issue. You need to remember that he is 2. He is not going to mind you all the time because - again - he is 2. Good manners are very important but you cannot expect a 2 year old to show them all the time. Again - that is just because they are not mature enough - he's just 2!!

I have 2 kids and work a full time job. It does get stressful sometimes but children are such a blessing and you have to try to make every minute with them count. Maybe just try to ease up a little on your 2 old and just enjoy your time w/him. He'll see that you are happier and he will have a better attitude too!

Well, E., They don't call it the terrible 2's without having a reason to call it that. I think that is alot what is going on now with your son. Also, I think that you yourself are off schedule and stressed so he is picking up on that and it is having a negative reaction on him. He is still a baby so he has an excuse for acting out but unfortunately you aren't so their is no excuses for you. You have to just suck it up and take it. It will get better soon I hope. Being a Mom is a very difficult job. You could consider putting him in a daycare a couple of days a week if you can afford to do that. It will help him and give you a much needed break. Also don't worry about not being able to handle two babies. You will make it and your son can be Mommie's little helper. Please make sure that you enjoy this time of their life's as much as possible because it passes very fast and it is indeed your very best moments with your children. I know you can't see that now but believe me as a Mother of four grown children I know what I am talking about. Incidently, my 3rd and 4th babies were only 16 months apart so I remember feeling like how will I ever manage. It was sorta like being on a Merry Go Round for several years but oh how I missed it when the ride finally stopped. Good Luck.

Hi E.,

I wonder if your son is missing the structure of day care. Children really need structure; it makes them feel secure. If they don't know where the lines are drawn they tend to act out a lot. Putting him back in day care would give you rest and extra time. It could also help to alleviate the stress you're feeling and could help you worry less about harming your new baby.

I also think it's a little early to expect that he will say "yes, ma'm" and "no,sir" correctly each time. He might get into the habit over time if you smile and gently say, "it's yes, ma'am, not yeah" patiently. I know you will need to do it over and over and over, but eventually he will begin to respond as you wish. Whenever he does, be sure to reward him quickly with praise like, "Oh that was so good! You said yes, ma'am just like I wanted you to! What a good boy!" Children respond better to praise than they do to criticism for not doing what you want, and when you get upset because he doesn't do what you want, he learns how to control YOU by upsetting you.

Good luck!
M. M.

The more positive you are the more positive results you will get. I'm not talking in a week it will be fine, but in the long run. If you don't create a loving and positive atmosphere now then you'll have hell when the new baby comes. I watched several people make that mistake and am trying not to myself. We all have moments where we want to scream. Kids can absolutely drive us nuts, but we MUST always be the bigger person. Have expectations that are reasonable for a two year old. Please and thank you are actions that thay learn to respond to. People are not actions so it's much more complex of a situation. Wait until 3-4 years old for that one.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

J.

Sounds to me that you have yourself a typical 2 year old!! Don't stress about the yes ma'am/sir... my 3 y.o. still doesn't get it. It's good that you're already teaching your son manners but they really won't kick in until after 2 1/2, in my experience. My daughters are 23 months apart so I know exactly how you feel about being so tired & stressed (my oldest was 14 mos. when I got pregnant). It's normal, just don't worry so much & sweat the small stuff. I'll be he isn't ignoring you intentionally, but he is 2 so if he sees you reacting [even negatively] then he'll repeat the behavior to get your attention. I'm a strong believer in schedules of ANY kind for kids- they like it too. Call the daycare your son was in and ask for a run down of what their daily schedule was and just recreate it (tweaking it to meet your needs). It also brings relief to us SAHM's to be on a schedule! Just enjoy the time you have with just you and your son b/c in a few months, it'll be ver limited. In the grand scheme of things, a happy mom & son is what is most important!!! God bless :)

MY God , he is just 2 yrs. old give him time. There are some things that are harder for a child to learn to say than others.
I'm a mother of 3,all grown. Please give him more time & you mom please relax.
C.

don't stress about the birthdays, my boys birthdays are 4 days apart.

Now, your 2 year old has had too many changes and you need to get him back on schedual. That means wake up time, nap time, and going to bed time.

As far as saying yes maam/yes sir. He will get these eventually. My 2 year old often forgets. Just gently remind him, and don't worry about it.

Tell your son and start prepping him for a baby sister or brother. He'll be at the age where he will be proud to be the big brother. My oldest boy was and he was the same age your son will be when his brother was born.

Well, I can say I sympathize with the young child and another one on the way. My daughter was four months old when I found out I was preggo with my twins(Here's an ironic twist for you.. my sons were born 5 days before her first B-Day). As far as the no ma'am, yes ma'am thing, he's too young. My kids are now 6 and 7 and I still struggle with getting them to say yes ma'am/sir etc. The best lesson is seeing you say and do it though! A nice warm bubble bath (Calgon take me away!), some music, and then a pedicure at a reputable place will do wonders! And if you don't know of one, go in for a manicure and watch their habits to see if they are constantly cleaning out the little whirlpools that you put your feet in. Getting a child back on a schedule is hard, but put him in his room, at a set time every day, s that he gets the idea "This is nap time, nothing I can do about it". YOU make the schedule not baby. Cut his snack down in half, that way he'll be more likely to eat supper. Also be careful not to give him too many breads and sugar items (watch for hidden sugars!!!!Like for example don't give him juice when he wakes etc etc). They will curb the appetite. Good luck hun and God bless.

Please, please, please above all remember that your son is 2 years old!!! This is a tough time for him developmentally since he is trying to assert himself as a person (as much as he can!) nevermind the sudden changes in his routine. I had a really hard time with my son as well at this age and after loosing my cool a few times - not something I am proud of - I realized that I was not going to turn every issue into a power struggle. If you have to let him win a few times for the sake of your sanity then by all means do it. It will not make you a bad parent or him an unruly child. I think that having him say 'yes' and 'please' and 'thank you' is about as much as you can expect from him right now. Regarding the daycare, I think you should definately get him back in there. It will as you said get him on a schedule but he will be with other kids and you never know - that may be what his is missing.

Hi E. H
I know that u want to raise him "properly" all parents want that. But at this age do not expect him to say Yes Sir, No Sir, yes ma'am, No Ma'am. To me that is not realistic. He is just 2 years old! When he gets older then it will be realistic! You can get him to start saying please, Thank you, Your Welcome and so on. I think that you have a very sound idea.. so please do not take offense. Go ahead and find a daycare that you think would be good for him, that will teach him manners, how to interact with other children his age and how to act around adults, and give him a heads up on learning. Its never too young to learn. Im not saying that you do not teach him anything!!!! That it just helps having someone else help you teach him. How long have u and your B/F been together?? If your B/F hasnt been there for all of your young son's life then your son could be feeling threatened. Meaning he could feel that your B/F is taking you away from him. You have also hit the stage of TERRIBLE TWOS with your son.. So my advice is.. RELAX! Your stressing over NOTHING! No offense again.. but I think your B/F needs to back off a bit on your son, assure your son that he is NOT trying to take you away from him, not trying to be mean to him, and that he loves you and him both equally!!! On that issue try to think how a two yr. old would think.. Yeah I know its hard.. lol but try..

On problem #2: CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!!! Its a wonderful thing!!! I am very happy for you!!! I wish you a very happy, healthy and may I add a stress free one! Ok back to the problem. Two yr. olds do tend to get cranky, crabby, and do not respond well. They have problems telling us what is wrong with them and what they want. Especially if they do not have a very good vocabulary. That could also be your son's problem. I dont know. He could just be in a stage of VERY extreme stubborness. Plus he could be jealous of the new baby coming along, if he knows of it. Dont try to force anything at this time. For bedtime, my suggestion is this and have your B/F do this also, start off by him helping u pick out his night night clothes, give him a bath, drinks or bedtime snacks here, make sure he goes potty( if he is potty trained) put him in bed, read him a short bedtime story. See how that works. On the miscarriage.. Try to relax on that. I think that your fear and stress levels are making you more worried than you should be. Yes, all women are worried about that when they are pregnant. But most miscarriages are caused by genetics. Just try to relax and enjoy this time in his life and not stress over the small things. I wish u the best!
Jen