Telling a Young Child About a Health Issue

My grandmother's partner lost his nose to cancer and we just told the kids that the nose was sick and needed to go away. They accepted this and that was the end of the story.

Actually I think it's best if you prepare your sister for your daughters questions and let HER answer them. Your sister should be very casual about her "ouchie" around your daughter and if your daughter asks about it, she should act like she forgot all about it and then say something like "Oh this? Well it just had too many big boo-boos on it and it didn't work any more, so I asked the doctor to take it away because it was getting in my way."

This works on many levels.
1.) she's being casual about it, so your daughter won't get freaked out, children take their cues from us so the more normal you and your sister can make this seem, the easier it's going to be for her to process.
2.) your sister is not saying that her arm was making her sick, you don't want your daughter to be afraid that her arm is going to start making her sick
3.) your sister makes it her OWN choice, so your daughter doesn't end up fearing that doctors are going to cut her limbs off if she skins her knee too many times
4.) she is modeling taking charge of her own health and her own body and not letting things hold her back from what she wants to do with her life.

Just remember that young children are self-focused individuals, so they are going to internalize whatever you tell them. They are going to worry that the same thing is going to happen to them, so you need to focus on letting her know that she will always have a choice about her own body.

Anyways, it's just a suggestion. I'm interested to hear what other suggestions you get.

You know, just be honest about things with her and keep it simple. I have found that my daughter has been very understanding and thoughtful about heavy things that I thought would be more frightening to her--like death. She hasn't learned to fear these things yet and so she takes them in stride. My BIL was in a serious car accident and his hand/arm were badly hurt and will never work or look the same again. She understood that he hurt his arm and got a big boo boo but was not dramatic or upset about it. She was curious and would talk about it a little and we'd explain again. And now she acts like his hand looks totally normal. Kids are truly incredible, resilient and accepting creatures.

I think it really depends on how other issues are discussed with the little one. I happen to be very open and direct with my 3 year old, always have. I don't really think there's one way to address tricky issues or be age-appropriate. Much depends on the relationship and the child's emotional maturity (i.e. trust, security). I believe that kids can process quite a bit of objective information. It's the emotion that the adult tries to hide that mixes up the message. Once mixed up, the child can get anxious or look for hidden meanings. For example, "She's going to have part of her arm taken off so she can feel better" is objective and direct. If it were my son, I would explain that he could see it when she got back from the hospital, that she would be able to do XYZ with him in a couple of months, and that she will have to use her other arm for hugs (or whatever is accurate).

I had a brain tumor removed recently. I was upset at times, crying and my husband was holding me. We let my son see a lot of it, talking about how things happen that can make us sad, I am so happy to love and have fun with hubby and son, we go to doctors to help us get healthy, etc. We let him visit me in the hospital the day of my surgery (I was a little groggy) and see the incision. We don't shelter him from reality. The only thing we avoid is something that would be scary or threaten his security, such as saying, "There's a chance that Mommy might die." We would never go that far with a little one. But I did write him a letter before I went into surgery that expressed some rather heavy feelings... just in case.

This is a great opportunity to help your daughter take this whole thing in stride. It's important that she feels comfortable with her aunt. I would make that my first priority. Approach it like it really isn't that scary... it's simply reality.

I think you need to walk that line between answering her questions and TMI. She might already know parts of this but what about "Aunt Susie has had a boo boo on her arm for a long time. The dr's have tried to help her boo boo heal by medicine, surgeries, etc. It hasn't worked so they are going to remove the boo boo. That means they will remove part of her arm as well. Aunt Susan will be the same person inside she might look a bit different on the outside from now on but she will be OK and the boo boo will be gone."

It's funny how we, as parents, get all worked up about what our kids will think or feel.I think you'll find that your 2 year old will take it much better than any adult will. They seem to take things like that in stride. I have a niece with special needs (low muscle tone and several other things) she is the same age as my youngest daughter. My 3 year old know this. She knows that my niece looks different and will never do the things her baby sister does. She has only ever asked me a question one time. I just told her that baby Gabby is special and she let it go at that. Their capacity for understanding is simply amazing. I'm sure your daughter is going to notice that your sister looks different, but it might not make as big of an impact as you think. Just be honest with your daughter. Definitely avoid telling her that her aunt's arm had a boo-boo and they had to cut it off. If you do that, your daughter will think that if she gets a boo-boo, they'll cut a limb off. I would also avoid telling her that her aunt's arm got sick.

be straight with her and explain it. of course you would have to use simpler terms. i feel you can just say something like, "aunt jane has to have surgery to make sure she is healthy again. she has a problem with her arm and the doctors are going to fix it. part of it doesn't work anymore and they have to take it off. we'll be sure to think happy thoughts for aunt jane and we can visit her in the hospital and when she gets home."

I think she may need less info than you think, but follow her lead. My sister had cancer last year when DD was 2. DD really did not have a lot of questions, didn't think anything about the fact that my sister had no hair. She knew she was sick, taking medicine, going to the hospital, etc.

I explained that she was ill, we used the word cancer but it has little meaning to DD. She explained stuff back to us here and there randomly as she was processing it. But it really wasn't a big deal to her. I'd use more explanation than boo-boo so she doesn't come to scary conclusions if she gets hurt but really try to be simple in your explanations and don't give her more than she is asking for. She probably won't be nearly as alarmed as adults about it.