Surgery and a 2 Year Old!

I would suggest getting a sitter for a couple of hours while your husband is at work and spend enough time truly resting and during your meal times eat with your son. since you are a SAHM your health is very important k. keep what your doing with your son and communicate with him and you will do just fine. I have had 2 more surgeries with my daughter and she has always been very helpful. She sleeps at the bottom of my bed and watches tv plays games and read while I rest and we dine on goldfishes and vienna sausages most of the time.
M. G

I had 5 different surgeries with a little one starting when she was about 2 1/2 years old and until she was 5 or so. One was a total knee replacement and one was an ankle fusion so the recovery was months and many visits to the doctor and to physical therapy. I was also by myself. She had a "special doctor box" of toys that she was allowed to play with only at the doctor's office or at therapist's office. It helped enormously since she only had it there. At home when I was bedridden I kept her in my room with me along with all the supplies I needed and we spent the days reading, coloring and playing quiet games on the bed with each other. I had a cooler next to the bed for food through out the day. It certainly wasn't ideal, but that was just all she knew so that was what was normal for her so she was fine. We always found a way to snuggle. Even today at 16 she still like to crawl into bed with ma and snuggle, but I doubt she lets her friends know that she likes to still snuggle. I was amazed at how well she adapted to my being laid up and being incapacitated. She doesn't do anywhere near as well now as she did then!

Good luck K.! I hope everything goes well for you.

J.

I understand your concern having just gone through yet another surgery myself( I have had 4 since having my oldest) and my kids are 3 and 4. My daughter was almost 2 when I had my first one after having kids. I have found that talking to them like you have been helps and although it takes reminding it does help. Also when you are recovering and on bed rest he might be able to watch special movies in bed with mommy where he is close, but not nessicarily (sp) cuddling. If there is anything you need that I may be able to help with having been there before please feel free to contact me. Also if possible try to get a sitter for most of it I know it helps, but I also know how hard it is to find others to help.
We will pray for you,
A.

My daughter was about 2 when I had a complete hysterectomy. I was in the hospital for 3 days. I had 6-weeks that I could not lift and two full weeks/6 that I could not drive. I had to remind my daughter to be careful . Ocassionally , she will go straight for my stomach as she thinks is playing and I still remind her not to hit me there. We had to get rid of the crib because after the first 2-3 weeks with my mom helping , she could not be around full-time. I had to take my daughter upstairs for naps and the bed worked out after awhile. She fought me when she felt like testing me.

My mom also went to the local library to get books about me going to the hospital and a few others related to my surgery for kids. Not sure what you are having done. You can still snuggle carefully. You just can't lift . It will be a bit difficult if you have to be on your own during the recouperation time. Hang in there, you will get through it.

J. R.

K.,
My son was almost two when I had my third son via C-section. My platelet count dropped significantly prior to surgery but, wasn't caught until after my C-section. Long story, short...I could not walk from my bed to the bathroom (in hospital or at home) without having to hold on to the wall. I would get incredibly dizzy and couldn't do much of anything. I was lucky enough to have some help though. My mom was there for a week, to help and then some of the older, homeschooled kids from church came over to help. I wasn't allowed to lift anything heavier than my baby and couldn't get my almost two year old in and out of the crib or help him much (he broke his leg the day before I went into labor!) Are you a member of a church? Do you know anyone that homeschools and has older children? These were both life savers for me. I had help for three weeks between my mom and homeschoolers coming over to help with the boys and cleaning. Don't be afraid to ask for some help from friends, family, neighbors, etc. I know that I would be more than willing to help someone in your situation and I am sure that there are a lot of other people around you that would do the same thing! Best of luck!

Hi K..
I think your doing really well now! When I had to go through surgery (removal of my gall baldder) My oldest now 11 1/2 years old when she was 2, I had to explain to her I wasn't feeling well and my tummy hurt. She knew when she seen me, that I wasn't feeling that well and I was in pain. But that was a SUDDEN thing, I couldn't explain, but her daddy and great grandma did. There could be books, but I don't think you really need it. He's starting to understand what your saying. He might forget off and on, just be calm about it and remind him when your all done. He'll do fine and so will you. Great Job on explaining it to him, some people don't consider them like that! Good Luck!

I had a C section with my second child when my oldest was 2 and a half. I couldn't pick her up for a whole month!!! It was hard, but I had help after my surgery, my mom then my husbands mom. We had to remind her to be careful when she climbed up to sit with me. We told her she couldn't sit in my lap, but I would cuddle her next to me. The doctor was concerned about hernias, thats why I wasn't able to pick her up. She was happy to sit with me and read or play, so it went smoothly. If you can, get help.

i had to go through the same thing except it was surgery on my shoulder and my son loved piggy backs at the time. he was 3yrs old when i had it and snuggling hurt my entire right side. i got him the paint with water coloring books & books like "good night moon" & 3 bears, things liek that and had him sit on my left side & would read to him or ask him if he could tell me what the story was by the pictures. it took 6 weeks for my shoulder to heal & alot more patience than i could have ever dreamed i had. it wasn't his fault when he cried for me to play games with him,. i got him a spiderman table with chairs also & set the up next to my chair or bed(where ever i was at the momment)& would let him play with playdoh, color, draw, paint & then ask him if i could see his master piece. i gave him ALOT of praise for even the slightest thing so he wouldn't feel like i was just to blow him off & after i got better we spent alot more time playing games that i normally couldn't. he's almost 6 now & he doens't even remember my surgery. good luck.

Hi Kristin,

I had to have gall bladder surgery when my oldest son was around 2. Not easy!!! You do not have to get into anything with him until you get very close to the surgery. At that age everything is so concrete, so a day or two before is ok to really start talking to him about things. I haven't heard of any specific books, but I am sure there are some out there. Check the library! When you come home after the surgery, let Daddy take over! Grandparents too if they are available! I would let my son come in for a few minutes here and there just to reassure him that I was still there and I was ok. Just make sure you have lots of pillow around you and over your incision area to cushion any accidental bumps. After a day or two I was able to have him sit next to me (with pillows!) and we would read books or watch some tv together. Your son will be just fine - he will probably act out a little bit because of the disruption in his routine and not being able to interact with you as he usually does, but that is normal. I remember my son was a little upset w/ me for a few days but he got over it! Good luck with your surgery!

I've so been in your shoes. The only difference is that as I was coming out of surgery, my grandmother passed away so I had twice as much on my plate.
What I did, was to explain to my son, in simple terms, what was going on. I told him that mommy had a part inside that was broken so the doctor would go in and fix it. After the boo boo got better then I wouldn't feel so bad anymore. He accepted this. I spent a great deal of my recovery time in a recliner because it was just easier for me but I was still able to maintain a wonderful relationship with him. In fact he asked me just the other day if we could go out and do something together, just the 2 of us. So early May, we have a date for dinner and bowling. As long as you make sure that you keep talking to your child and do your best with the hugs and showing interest in their lives, you'll do fine. The particular surgery that I referred to above was done in 2002 so my son was only 3 going on 4. We did just fine. You need to take care of mommy for a bit. Kids understand when something isn't right. Just make sure that nobody tries to scare him out of touching you or anything. Just tell him that he has to be easy on mom for a little while. Good luck with your son and with your surgery! I know that I'll be waiting to see your update here. Shannon G.
PS I've had 5 or 6 surgeries since and things are fine.

Kids are so resilient, I wouldn't worry about it. He will be used to you being a little off limits by the end of the first day more than likely. Sure, he'll try to cuddle sometimes, but I think it will be a lot easier than you think. When I had my second child, my 1st was 15 months old. I had a tubal ligation right after I delivered my 2nd, so I was in a lot of pain for the first week, and then had cramping for about 6 weeks after. I felt bad, but my daughter handled it very well. If she wanted held, I just sat down and let her sit on my lap. I had the incision on my belly button, so it was very sore. Putting a pillow or folded up blanket across your stomach while holding your 2 year old will help with any discomfort from pressure put on it. Also, offer her to come up and lay down with you while you read her a book, just make sure to use the blanket/pillow to avoid scaring her by a yelp from her hitting your incision.

Yes, there ARE books out there that address all kinds of issues, including surgery. I used to work at a children's bookstore and I specifically remember a book about addressing the responses about when ....goes to the hospital.

Find a children's bookstore if you can. If not, I'd even try Amazon or children's book searches online. On top of that, ask the doctor's office. Many times they have them in the waiting room or can tell you where to get them.

Talk about the fact that doing this will make mom better and the fact that you'll be down will only be temporary. Also...USE THAT TIME TO BENEFIT BOTH OF YOU!! More reading, coloring, working on colors, numbers, etc and manipulation work with him. Things you don't have to worry about picking him up, etc. You'll CHERISH the time if you plan it right.

K.,

About 3 weeks ago I had a huge tumor and 2 ribs removed, although everything turned out just fine, it was major surgery that I wasn't expecting, I have a 3 year old daughter and when I came home from the hospital was lucky enough to have my mother and mother in law help out, but of couse there's noone like mommy! What I did was just sit her down and explain to her that mommy had a booboo and I couldn't carry her etc... after a couple times she understood it, i also showed her the scar so she could visibly see that it was a booboo, she was fine with it and adjusted well! Good luck!

Hi Kristin,

I had to have a bladder repair when my son was 2. I just talked to him about it and explained about not being able to pick him up and how my belly would be sore, etc. I had to wear an external catheter for about 2 weeks and that was tender also. I made sure to sit on the couch where he could climb up beside me rather than sit on me. It seemed to work. I was a single mom at the time and didn't really have anyone around to help with him, but we managed very nicely. Kids like to be the "helper" too, so he enjoyed being able to "help" mommy by picking things up for me or bringing me little things. If he really wanted to be held or snuggle, I would let him lay his head on my leg or sit curled up under my arm. It seemed to satisfy him. Good luck with your surgery.

C. P.

Hi K.,
I am also a stay at home mother of a toddler and just went through this....I had major back surgery two months ago. For the most part, I first talked to him all the time before the surgery to tell him that mommy was going to the doctor and will be gone for a couple of days, but while mommy is gone, you get to go visit grandma and have fun! He stayed at various grandparents houses for the first three days, and then came home. He instantly wanted to climb up on me and play, but then we sat him down and showed him my bandage, and explained that mommy had a boo-boo and she had to rest. Since that conversation, he would come up to me, look at my boo-boo and kiss it. Then he would say 'that's mommy's boo boo, be careful!'. So my idea is to explain as much as you can in 2 year old language and then be open with your toddler and show them you are hurt. I was lucky enough to have enormous family support throughout my surgery, and I hope everything goes well for you!

S. D
Dayton, OH

I have not had major surgery, but I had my gall bladder removed. My daughter was not quite one and my son was not quite 3. I didn't look for any books so I don't know about that, but I was in bed for a few days before I felt like getting up much at all. My son knew that I was sick and I talked to him about it as much as possible. I only had a day that I knew I was going to have surgery. I think my son was just relieved that I was going to feel better. He understood that I would not be able to pick him up for a while. I think if you just talk to him about all of the things that will be different for a little while that he will understand. Plus when you come home he will see that you don't feel well and you may have to remind him to be very careful around your belly. You may let him know that you might still be able to read books to him and some small stuff as long as he sits really still (if that is a possibility). You might even tell him it is his special job to help you with something. My son is really nurturing and he would come and check on me every once in awhile and rub my back and say does that make it feel better. I don't think you will have to worry about it all that much especially if he will be able to spend extra time just with daddy. You might even explain it that way.
Good luck

K.,
Show him your dressing when you get home and let him see it all-scar,stitches the works. Let him know that it hurts you, just explain it to him like you are now in 2year terms. My daughter was facinated when I had surgery on my back. She still touches my scar and asks if it "still hurts?" :)
Good Luck. I wish you the best.
R.

My grandson knows mawmaw is broke. He touches the scar and is very easy with me. I had quad by pass in Oct. It still hurts. He does forget but I remind him with a sturn but low voice. I do not yell at him. He loves to hug me.