C.N.
Go buy the book "Yes your teen is crazy", it is a wonderful book and helps so much with understanding them at this age and understanding how you can best handle how you are or should be reacting.
With that said....don't take everything personal. Of course they want you to taxi them and do whatever they say--they're teenagers. I get SO frustrated with my 15 y.o. son too. I tell him all the time that he isn't entitled to everything that he deems necessary or appropriate to have to make him happy. It drives me crazy. But, if you are being reasonable in your requests of them and being consistent with what you expect and what you will offer in return, then just let their nastiness roll off of you and stick to whatever plan you have. I will do a lot for my kids as long as they hold up their part of things.
They know when they want to go somewhere or get something that they are going to have to clean up their rooms first, or do the dishes, or laundry, or whatever we have that needs done that day in the house. It's reasonable and I'm consistent about it. I don't scream and yell, I just tell them....here is what you have to do before I can run you here or get you this or that...
It works for us and when they do have an attitude...I just tell them to go have it in their rooms. I go in later and explain that I am nobody's maid or chauffeur and that we are a family and everyone has a part to carry in what has to be done here. Does it work smoothly and perfect all the time? No....but I remain consistent and try to be calm through most of it and I have DEFINATLY learned NOT to take things personal. They are teenagers with nasty attitudes---they all get that way, but you can't let it ruin your day!!!
As far as the husband goes....I would definatly talk to him. Differing of opinions is to be expected, but any siding that goes on should never be done in front of the kids---that is just a bomb waiting to explode. lol..Good luck.