Be grateful you discovered the truth when you did. My ex-husband maintained an affair for so many years he has a complete other family, the oldest a daughter who was already 12 years old by the time I learned of his hidden life, and a son named after him who is a couple of years younger. He and I have a boy not named after his father because "that is not done in his father's culture" or so he said. I am the first, and to my knowledge, have been the only legal wife. That fact changes nothing about the pain of betrayal. I would have much preferred to have learned the truth when I was 40 than when i was 52!! I've never been one to ask for jewelry, cars, even vacations. Instead, my money and money that should have been spent on our little family, went to his mom, his brothers, and it seems, his other children and the mother of his other children. Oh yeah, she is a former employee of his. It was only after he had been wiped up for a number of years, never trying to do anything more with his life than be a taxi driver.... working nights to drive strippers/prostitutes, still having sex with me albeit infrequently.....I did catch some serious STDs from him. Gosh, i'm rambling here. sorry. my point is that only after he quit making money, only after the price of gas went up so high, only after my dying mother bought him a new taxi.....only after all that ....and after he ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt did him bother to tell me he has two other children. I always have said it is better to suffer the injustice than to commit the injustice. It's true, he is is the one who has to live with his miserable life but so do I, so does our son, so does his bastard children. The pain of the betrayal is nearly unbearable. I think i would be happy if it had only been a woman or if i had known about the first other kid from the beginning. Learning he lied day and night for more than a decade makes for a very difficult recovery, especially at my age. So, how to overcome this situation is your question. . . I know it sounds extreme but i do take some comfort in knowing I was not married to a mass murderer. It is hard, however, to come to terms with how stupid I have been. I go forward because that is what we must do in life. Anti-depressants seem to help a little.
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Be grateful you discovered the truth when you did. My ex-husband maintained an affair for so many years he has a complete other family, the oldest a daughter who was already 12 years old by the time I learned of his hidden life, and a son named after him who is a couple of years younger. He and I have a boy not named after his father because "that is not done in his father's culture" or so he said. I am the first, and to my knowledge, have been the only legal wife. That fact changes nothing about the pain of betrayal. I would have much preferred to have learned the truth when I was 40 than when i was 52!! I've never been one to ask for jewelry, cars, even vacations. Instead, my money and money that should have been spent on our little family, went to his mom, his brothers, and it seems, his other children and the mother of his other children. Oh yeah, she is a former employee of his. It was only after he had been wiped up for a number of years, never trying to do anything more with his life than be a taxi driver.... working nights to drive strippers/prostitutes, still having sex with me albeit infrequently.....I did catch some serious STDs from him. Gosh, i'm rambling here. sorry. my point is that only after he quit making money, only after the price of gas went up so high, only after my dying mother bought him a new taxi.....only after all that ....and after he ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt did him bother to tell me he has two other children. I always have said it is better to suffer the injustice than to commit the injustice. It's true, he is is the one who has to live with his miserable life but so do I, so does our son, so does his bastard children. The pain of the betrayal is nearly unbearable. I think i would be happy if it had only been a woman or if i had known about the first other kid from the beginning. Learning he lied day and night for more than a decade makes for a very difficult recovery, especially at my age. So, how to overcome this situation is your question. . . I know it sounds extreme but i do take some comfort in knowing I was not married to a mass murderer. It is hard, however, to come to terms with how stupid I have been. I go forward because that is what we must do in life. Anti-depressants seem to help a little.