H.B.
This sounds entirely NORMAL. I just went to a 'Parenting University' seminar series calleed 'Start Talking...Keep Talking" at our church in St Pete and one seminar was specifically on "Understanding the Teenage Brain". It was very interesting and eye-opening. They actually said research has revealed that a teenagers frontal brain starts to undergo restructuring and reorganization around age 11 and continues reorganizing and building new synapses, etc until age 25!!!! They explained (but did not justify) that is why they often seem lost, confused, dazed and have to be told the same thing 50 times! They said the key to keeping a child/teen from straying and turning to 'sex, drugs and rock & roll' is to create a connected relationship with parents AND at least one other outsider that has the same values as you that they can turn to (no matter what, there are some things they will probably never come to you for...), give resposibilities, provide discipline and stick to a set of values.... Of course no family can be perfect, and they didn't encourage that but rather said demostrating to your kids that you AREN'T perfect by apologizing to them openly whenever you have done something wrong, bad in front of them or set a poor example. They said the main key is to talk ALOT, whether they show interest, are too busy text messaging or listening to music...talk, ask them about their day, life, girlfriemd, friends, etc....they also said that you have to respect their feelings, interests, etc even though it may not be what you choose....they will respect you in the long run. They said the big thing is to remember that everything you do is to create a good person in the long run, not for the moment. Everything you mentioned are things they touched on and are normal, it's just how you respond as to whether they will turn a corner and connect with you better as time passes...don't expect it right away! Be there for him, tell him you love him no matter what choices and decisions he makes, be dissapointed when he lets you down, hopefully it will strike a cord and change the next decision. Be persistant and point him in the right direction... Try to be understanding to some quirks as his brain undergoes these changes both physically, socially and emotionally.....
Good luck and come to the next series.... Its at Pinellas Community Church. www.pinellaschurch.org The site is under some reconstruction. It sounds like you have a great kid, just some normal teenage annoyances! We are just entering these joyous years as my son turns 13 in October....