Helping with dealing with a teen. Very smart(tested off the charts) but make mostly F's in school, boldly diregards house rules, and very mean to all that live in our house. Note this really started when I started working outside the home fulltime 2 years ago.
I have put my child into a program in which they can get hands on in different job fields. On a side note we did find that my child was not challenged in school, I give no privacy in my home, due to the fact I have to know what my kids are doing. That my be an issue but it is my home and I will know if their keeping drugs and alcohol in my house. We are in the process of locating a child therapist to deal with the anger. Thanks for all of your suggestions I have taken them all into consideration. Thansk again
P.S Thanks Ruby and Pauline - It is nice to know I am not the only one. I too end up quiting my Job ( but I told my kids I quite to go back to school )
I would consider family therapy. I wouldn't know what to do either.... but it would be a good idea to find someone who has dealt with this.
Good Luck!
C.
i know how it is. i have three boys ages 12, 10, 7, i didn't work for five years. then i went to work. part of the problem is you not being there like you were. it is a hard transistion for a teenager. then to have a mother go back to work is even harder. i would usually ask my dad or sisters to babysit so then my older one still had someone fimilar with him. that helped a little. my case is a little more hectic i ended up having to quit my job. it was more stress for me than it was worth. but i would say try having someone in the family more involved. as far as school goes if your teenager is that smart maybe he/she is not being challenged enough in school.so it might be boring and she/ he is just not into it. try having her more challenged in school. i know a friend of mine had that problem and she went to school and changed some courses around and it did the trick
not to sound harsh or bring up the bad stuff, but is it possible your teen could be dabbling in some drugs? This could explain the rude behaviors, could very well explain the F's. Usually when people start doing some sort of drug, their personailites change and grades drop.
As a SAHM of 10...25 yrs. old down to 4...six still at home, I am wondering if this teen has any trade they could be learning that they would enjoy. Our two teenaged boys are 17 & 15 and have learned the trade of painting and the older one also carpet laying and the younger one also autobody repair. They both have enough being saved regularly that they should be able to buy a modest home by their early to mid 20's. So work is a big answer to all the built up emotion and energy teenagers have that just needs to be channeled into something profitable....let them see their accomplishments. It's great.
Hope this helps....know a carpenter or painter that your son or daughter could begin helping and thus learning? Some other trade?
B. in WI
You said that it started when you went back to work full-time, so I'm guessing that you have thought that might have something to do with it.
I don't have teens but I was one not too long ago. Trust me when I say that being a teenager is only harder now than it was then. Your teen may feel like you're deserting her/him when they need you the most. If you are still working full time, then just make sure you have a special time set aside for you and your teen. Make sure it's just the two of you and that you're doing something you can both have fun doing.
As for the mostly F's in school, has anyone at their school ever bothered to suggest that maybe your teen's classes are too easy? If your teen is so smart then maybe his/her work isn't challenging them and they're bored.
It's worth a thought. Good luck.
Set strong punishments and stick to them. If your child is super intelligent he must be trying to get your attention.My child is also extremely intelligent. If he recieves a C on his quarterly report his hair gets cut the way I want it. I also take away "social" time. Such as rec nights, parties,skateboarding and staying over at friends houses.I have not yet had to use any of these punishments although we were close once. I also have a set time every night that homework must be done. No computer time until after homework is complete and checked.I know it must be hard with 4 children. I just think if the rules are established beforehand the punishment won't be so difficult to execute. Good Luck I know those teen years can be tough to get through!!
Your situation sounds similar to mine. I too, have a teenager who is acting out. She has been very controlling, temperamental and disregards my rules but she doesn't have the excuse that I am not around. I am not working right now. There are no drugs or alcohol involved and it has more to do with spoiling her and not following trough on discipline. We did start seeing two therapists together and I started watching videos on parenting from Love and logic http://www.loveandlogic.com They are pretty cheesy but the do have good advice.
My daughter did not cooperate with the first therapist we found. So I kept looking until I found one she felt comfortable opening up to. Our therapists each meet separately with us and then occasionally we have a group session and discuss our issues with each other.
I wish you luck with finding a good therapist. Just don’t let your son push your buttons and refuse to get angry back. Be firm and follow through on your punishments.
I am a divorced mother with two children. A pre-teen son and a teenage daughter.
have you tried counceling? how old is your child? i live in janesville and a mother of 2 boys and trying to start a teen center in town.
Sounds like your son needs an outside of the home adult ally.Do you go to church, have a neighbor or family member outside of home that could befriend him?-H.
A twist...I have a high iq, and in high school, I rebelled. Everyone expected me to excel, whether it was in academics, music, sports or socially. I had friends in superior ability classes and after school activites but I wanted to be "normal". So I kicked back a little to see what it would be like. I wish I hadn't done it now, because of the lower grades I received, but at the time, I was tired of the expectations and comments of family and teachers. Oh, btw, no one ever changed their mind about my abilities. I sunk myself for nothing. :(
