Teenagers - Mechanicville,NY

I have found with my teenager that counseling REALLY helps. Try to promote calm communication with discipline - taking things away... I know this doesn't always work - The counseling really helped our family learn to talk by allowing my teenager to have someone to talk to. I go in at the end of every other visit so he can tell me what he needs to in a controlled setting. The first month was really stressful, but after that it REALLY helped!
PS I know what it is to be short on money - Family Resources has some great people working for them.

Hi M.. I know exactly what you are going through. Been there. I have twins, boy and a girl, 21 years old now. They fight like cats and dogs. My son will pick on her and say some joke about her. My daughter, she take everything seriously. We have told her that she can't everything seriously. It is hard to tell whether if the person really meant it or joke it around. For the longest time, I told my son not to tease her anymore. He did for quite some time but then they seems to get along, he'll tease her every now and then. It will take time for them to learn about each other. My kids still have their moments but not as they used to be. You should try to explain to your daughter, not to take things seriously and as for your son, for him to tease or joke around too much. See how that goes.

my 9 & 8 yr old fight like that at times.. i got them both in therapy..a program run through ARISE that works at the school..i would say the fault lies with them both..he knows she will go after him if he jokes around & she should learn to walk away but good luck

my teens fight also....its a pain....daughter 14 and sons are 20, and 17... sometimes i get to the point and just let them have it out...and some times i get into it also...why not have fun and tickle the hell out of them both...she is most likely having boy problems.... ur son needs to stop teasing her...it may not mean anything to him....it does to her....

I also am a single mom with 2 kids. One now is 28 and on his own, the other is 19 and still living with me. As they were growing up since they are boys seemed to have that in common,but little else. The oldest always was interested in girls and hanging out with his friends and the other just in staying home and learning about cars and video games. They too were constantly getting on each others nerves and mine. I know that having them further apart helped and being both male, but I have noticed that teenagers are still teenagers no matter what. Since you have a girl and a boy it would be even harder, because girls react to things differently then guys. Since your son is older you would think he would know better, but I know that boys mature later than girls so mature wise they are probably at the same level. I also know that you wish you could just give them a good spanking and tell them to go to their rooms for an hour and chill. But they are too old for that and I know at this age they probably would just stalk off and tell you where to go. Trying to find something they have in common is probably not going to happen, but if you can find something you all like to do try and see if you can all do it together. I know this will probably sound corney or I am out of my mind, but doing something together gets their minds off of teasing each other so much and on what you are doing. We have monopoly, we like playing cards and a few other things. If you can have a movie night or have a special meal together where everyone has to participate in getting all made is a nice way to get everyone to work together. I know they both have their friends and teens now would think you are from another planet, but doing things together lets them see you can all get along. I had a hard time with my 2, but we made it through. It is only a suggesstion, but it may help. See if they are willing to give it a try. I know everyone is busy and their schedules are probably not on the same page, but I think that if they want to help you at all they should at least listen to you. I know that them fighting with each other is their way of communicating with each other. They don't know how to say what they are really thinking so it gets into a " I can out do you" match. It was hard when your kids are 9 years apart and the oldest is already almost done with being a teenager. A 10 year old and a 19 year old don't have much in common age wise and are in two different worlds in the first place. but I did find that since the oldest was out most of the time anyway it was easier. I can see that having two teens in the house at the same time can be harder. I often wanted my kids closer in age so they could play together, and I also wanted a girl, but that didn't happen. So if you can get them together for one thing, maybe just maybe they will see that that wasn't so bad and might want to try something else togther. I don't know if that will work or even if it helped. I just wanted to tell you what I know and what worked for me. I know what is was like being a single mom and still am. I now have my youngest son working with me. We both go to the same job at the same time. So, now he knows what it is to really work. Good luck.

Hi M.. I have two teens, a boy 16 and a girl 14. They have gone back and forth over the last few years with constant bickering, arguing, hating each other, etc. For the most part as they have gotten older, they have gotten along better, so I am fortunate to not have the same situation as you. I know that for my teens I encourage them to "do their own thing" and find and keep interests outside of the home. Keeping busy with school, work, sports, etc. has helped. So has making sure they know that their friends are always welcome. For one of them to have a friend over frequently helps too so the two siblings aren't constantly interracting with each other. Sometimes jealousy can cause kids to act out towards each other. Could your daughter be jealous of your son for any reason? It could be her way of seeking out attention, too. I would encourage your daughter to find a club or hobby or activity that she could become involved in and that she could get excited about. Something that could get her away from her brother for a little bit and give her something to look forward to and also something really positive she could share with her family that is just about her. Good luck.

I had a similar problem w/ my siblings, Could it be depression for her? In most cases the family never realizes thier child has built up aggression issues causing anger and depression. Try taking her to a therapist, see if she has some built up fusterations they can help her resolve.Good luck!

My sister and I were exactly the same. I am 5 years older than her and we would fight constantly....When we were younger we would play together all the time, but then I grew up and she was still a little kid. I would go out with friends and she would get jealous and mad at me because she was to young to come to. This may be the case with your younger daughter...even though they are only 3 years apart, this could still be the case. After we managed to make it through our teenage years we grew out of this and are now the best friends. I say just be patient and let them go through this phase in their lives

Hi M.,
If their fighting has been a more recent thing it could be that she feels he might be moving on to his adult life and leaving her behind? Could be depression, mad at males in general, just the way they are with each other? There are tons of reasons why they fight. Mine are very close but God when they have a fight they get pretty mad. I see things from my marriage with their bio father in their fight. I have 2 bio kids and 3 stepkids and they do fight but it is usually because of one being too nosy, teasing at the wrong time...hell with 3 girls...hormones in the cycles!!, but they usually work it out and when I have to get involved we sit down and have a real face to face talk in a safe zone of the kitchen table and I try to mediate things so they can see it from both sides. Hope things get better. Good luck!
P.