Need Help with Kids Not Liking to Be Alone

I'm not usually a fan of the "I'm the mother" routine, but it might be called for in this case LOL

You might set aside one weekend where sleepovers are allowed each month (or even two a month, if you're feeling generous about it). Plan some activities for the Friday nights when friends aren't allowed to join you. Cook supper together, play a game together, make time to sit and talk together.

You might also try to plan an evening for just you and one of the kids. Have your youngest help plan the weekly menu, make out the shopping list and help you at the grocery store, if money is too tight to allow for a "special" outting (which I SOOO understand). Your son could help prepare a meal (maybe a homemade pizza?!) to get him to feel useful and involved.

One thing my brother and I really loved, even into adulthood, was getting my dad to read to us. Several of my favorite books are "favorite" because of the act of sharing the story. It's like watching a movie, but it takes up several months of Friday nights! Not to mention it was good brain excersize and made certain we had his undivided attention (and he had ours).

Declare some evenings off-limits to friends and the phone. Say "we're going to veg around the house BY OURSELVES tomorrow night." Try to get the kids to pursue some artistic or athletic endeavors by themselves. A pile of paper, a heap or crayons and a pencil or two can keep my crew, from 1 to 10, busy for an hour. When we go for walks together, I can usually even get my oldest (who never stops talking) to be quiet and think for at least two minutes at a time LOL

Find something on tv that everyone can share. My kids have weirdly gotten "into" basketball this year. I personally despise the sport, but I love the time we spend plunked in front of the tube watching games as a family. We cheer and boo and argue, and even the baby gets involved in the clapping. My oldest, who won't sit through anything that doesn't have swords, lasers or animation has even taken to watching, just to be out with us. The best part is that I don't have to scan the plot for sexual or violent scenes that are not appropriate for any of the kids!

I'd say just be honest with the kids. "You need to learn to think your own thoughts, spend time with your family and I need some time without other kids. When I say 'no friends,' I mean it, and I'm the mother."

Your oldest is starting to unravel the apron strings, which is right and good. But he needs to also learn to build those family ties that keep us grounded and annoyed all through our adult lives :)

Good luck and take care!

I'm not really sure what your problem is or what you are asking. Your kids don't like to stay home? They don't like each other? They are having too many friends over?

Please elaborate. Thank You.

Hey T., the first step if for you and your husband to stop allowing all the sleep overs. Tell your son that you are going to start doing family things, then plan them and carry out the plan. You have to find things to fill that time in a positive manner. If you just say "no more sleepovers" and don't fill that time with things that you enjoy then it opens the door for anger and resentment. Maybe sometimes, no all the time, allow your son/daughter to bring a friend on the outings....try camping, fishing, have a date night with your son, go to a movie and out to eat somewhere that he will enjoy. Get creative, there's so much available. Have FUN! R.

You are the parent. If you don't want sleepovers every weekend, then put your foot down. Tell them you need family time too. Just because they prefer to be with their friends every weekend (what kid doesn't, when given the choice?), doesn't mean you have to let them! Also, it is good for little kids to be alone sometimes, it helps develop their imagination. You said the worst is your son (14), well that makes sense - that's his age. Of course teenagers want to hang out with their friends. But you can still put down rules that sometimes weekends are family times. You might get a reluctant and sulky teenager, but it might be fun too! But naturally he is going to want to spend time with his friends more than the family at this age, I would think! But the little one should be just fine not being with friends all the time. Find fun family activities and outings to go on, or little weekend trips somewhere if you need to entertain them and make family time fun for them. Or if it is that you want them to be more independent and not so reliant on friends for fun and actually spend time alone, then suggest a fun or educational project or something for each them to work on. The young one can do arts and crafts projects maybe, and the teenager can help with home improvement projects or work on something he likes (is he into music? art? fitness? reading? etc.) Ultimately you make the rules, not them, so do what you think is best for your family! Good luck!

Hi T.,

I agree with both responses that have been posted. I have 4 children. One who is married with a child on the way, another that is 20, and 2 more teenages still in the house. We plan family days/nights. If not, we'd never see our youngest daughter! She'll be 17 next month. We always tease her about still having a room in our home that never seems to be occupied. Our youngest son never wants to go anywhere. He has a couple of close friends that he does things with every now and then, but for the most part, he hangs around home with us. We've always had a house full of kids, even when they were small. My point on this was at least we knew where our kids were, what they were doing, and who they were doing it with. But, my husband and I also needed our down time. After working all week, I think the parents deserve a little time to themselves and with their family. We started designating family days especially when they hit the teenage years. Having a house full of teens for the weekend can get a bit overwhelming at times. I'm thankful now for the kids having their friends over so much. My oldest son only lives about 15 minutes from us and I totally miss him if I don't get that phone call every morning just to see what I'm up to. My daughter also just returned from basic training/AIT and is now working night shift and going to college during the day. I really miss her even though she's living in the same house. Just part of growing up-they have to do their own thing. Enjoy being with your kids while they're home-you may even want to propose some type of game when their friends are over and get involved. We have a blast with a house full of teenagers and twister. Be a kid again every now and then-crank up the stereo, dance with them, play games with them. Your kids may find this weird at first, but there aren't a whole lot of parents willing to get involved on this level and my kids' friends always thought it was cool that we would get involved in their shenanigans. Of course, we had to sleep in the next day to recuperate, but we had fun. Just go with the flow, but also remember to gently remind your kids who the parents are and who makes the rules.

Good luck,
R.

Well far as the kids don't want to be alone, you need to talk to them and really mean what you say, Let them know that you need the break as well Tell them that it is fun having sleep overs and that you are glad that they have friends to do it with.Let them know that you do want to have some quality time with just them and you, make it special for all of you rent a movie of there choice make some snacks cookies or what ever and as the movie is playing see if you can talk to them about the movie and point out what you like about it and joke around with the movie, your younger one would love it.
K..

Hi T.,
It's perfectly normal. I have a son just like yours, only he's 19. He is friendly, outgoing, and a social animal. When he was little, he would bring his toys into whatever room I was in to sit and play. He didn't need me to necessarily PLAY with him, just wanted to be in the same room with me. As he got older and was able to do more, he constantly wanted to have people over. My husband didn't like that idea, and we had several battles over it, but that's part of my son's personality, and I wouldn't have it any other way, now. I know right now it's a pain for you, but soon he'll be able to drive and go to other kids' houses more on his own, and believe me, by the time he's 18 and getting ready to go out on his own, you will be wishing he was staying home more. Just try to enjoy the fact that he's got a lot of friends. What if he didn't have anyone? My son just moved out in January to go to college, and even though I see him on the weekends some, I miss him so much, I can't tell you. Oh, btw, he never wanted to stay home alone, either. Even when he was a teenager--he just didn't like it. You are not alone!<G> He'll be gone in a few years and you will miss him and his friends.
C.

We also have a boy and girl with similar differences in their ages (9 years for ours). If you son is bringing home friends to spend the night, it means he is very comfortable with his home and parents. This means you'll have a house full of love and sharing. It was this way in our home. Always spend the night parties at our house and I always liked it better than going to another friend's home. Even to this day and we are all grown with kids of our own, everyone LOVES to go to my parents house with us for gatherings and they always feel welcome. We are often joked about them wanting to be adopted in to our family and it feels like a party just when we are together. Our parents let us have folks over tons but not every weekend so we too could have some quiet time under the roof. You control the schedule in the house - sit down with the kids and mark the calendar and tell them to check it for the weekends that friends can come over. You'll either love the quiet time or hate it and miss the extra laughs going on. Our parents always said they would rather have us at home than somewhere they didn't know so it was pretty open door. My sisters and I try to have this same practice with our children because our family is very close from grandparents down to the youngest grandchild. We have life long friends who love our parents and spend more time with them than their own family. We wouldn't want it any other way.