Teenagers - Elkridge, MD

Yes, I too feel this way sometimes with my 13yo. He can be so nice and then change into a monster!! I think it's hormones!!

C. - I agree with Courtney! I'm a high school teacher too (9th) and kids at that age are in between being middle school babies and wanting to be independent adults. So you kinda have to create a delicate balance. They need specific rules that are never bent and always have the same consequences. On the other hand, they also need to feel independent - ask for their ideas and follow through with them. Include them in making household rules or the way things are done (so they feel they are in charge a little-but really they're not. ha!) Overall the best advice I can give you is set essential boundries, be consistent, and try to talk to them like adults (they are sensitive to the way adults talk to them). 14 years old is tough - but don't worry - it'll pass. Towards the end of the school year I see these immature babies develop into pretty cool people. If you need any specific advice, don't hesitate to ask! Good luck

I know exactly what u r going through! I have 4 boys 2 of which r twin 13 year olds. The one twin totally defies me every chance he can. I have taken the computer away from him for a week. It seems to be the only thing that helps. The other twin use to listen all the time. Lately he has been pushing my buttons also. I think he sees that the other gets away with it so y not him. I think teen years are just plan hard for any parent. I remember pushing my moms buttons at this age also. I call her every day for advice. Hang in there and if you need to talk you can contact me. T.

Hey there -
I'm a middle school teacher and can tell you that the best thing you can do for your son is to realize that you are his parent, not his friend. The kids in school who exhibit this behavior are usually the ones who do not have boundries. It's hard, but you HAVE to be firm with your rules, or it will only get worse. If he knows that you will not budge when it comes to what you say, he'll respect you and honor you. If you bend all the time, then he will not know what to expect, and keep pushing. Remember - YOU ARE THE ADULT!!! Good Luck!

Hi, I am a mom of 13 year old twin boys and if its one thing I have learned when I was a kid is how my mom never talked to me never cared about me and would never just stop to listen so I defied her and lied and got away with so much. So the one thing I do differently is stop talk and listen. They need that just as much as girls do. I make sure I know where they are going and who they are hanging out with and I keep them on track, but we talk every day or I will take them out with out the other kids to let them know that they are loved very much. Communication is the key and never let them know that you did the bad things when you were that age. My kids respect me and they listen to me and I dont have to use force and yell. I make them think about the things they are doing and how would they feel it were done to them. They need to think about their actions and also how to treat a mom with respect. This will come in handy when they are older and get married. Their father does not live with me but that is another reason why we communicate and I love them so much. I hope that helps.
C.

i HAVE A 12 YR. OLD GIRL THE SAME WAY! I do not know what to do. I just put her in group counceling that is offered in her school. It does seem to help some. They are teaching her how to deal with anger and how to respect adults. Maybe you can see if your child has it in his school.Thank you, R..

Just keep on course. Kids develop their own personalities. We can only do the best we can to help hold them accountable. Either they wake up, or they don't. We are truly powerless over what happens. We can just do the best we can. I have 5 children. 3 teens, and two 12 and 10. It sometimes is excrutiating. Boundries and consequenses are so important. Keep up the good work.

hi first let me say my name is T. and I have 2 sons one is 8yr and the other is 15yrs .......So yes as a parent and a single mom we have those days or wks when no matter what we say we are thoughts of as the bad guy....I know its hard when you have to punish them but we have to set rule and we deseve that respect...I know its tough but it does get better My son make it clear that hey I am the man of the house But I make it clear that I pay the bills and expect thing to be ran a certain way ...In the end it does get better....There are no secret words to bring you and your son on the same wave link .just keep doing what you do and always keep the line of communication open cause even when there mad they need to know no matter what they can still come and talk to you keep your head up cause in the end he'll look back and know your job was never easy...

Hi C.,
I am so glad you posted this. As a single mother with 2 boys 12 and 13, I feel your fustration - its not easy. I'm going thru the same thing esp. with my 13 year old. I think the advice others have given you have been great and we need to stay the course. They might not understand it now, but hopefully they will tell us thank you in the future and it will get easier.

Good luck & and know you're not going thru this alone.
J.

Christy,
I am writing to tell its not jjust yours, My 12 year old is the same exact way, but..the difference is she doesnt do that when shes visiting others, But my Mother lets her get away with anything she wants. She was a only child for 8 years and lived with my parents until she was about 10, so you can imagine the spoiling that went on. Especially since she was the first and ONLY grandchild in the family.
She doesnt pick up after herself, she wont do the dishes, and she smarts off at Me and her step dad. For awhile i thought it was because of the New man in my life..her thinking I loved him more then her,but weve had that coversation too manytimes for it to be just that. SHe thinks that she just shouldnt have to do dishes feed the animals, or pick up her room at only 12. I was cleaning the kitchen everynight afterdinner till i was way into my 30's to earn my keep at my mothers house, I dont want to hear that mess.
This past april saw her 12th birthday an my mother ( of course ) bought her a DS player (portable ninetendo) and thats all she wants to do...she leaves it lay around where her now 4 year old sister can getinto it and then yells at her.
I have had it with her laziness, smart mouth and unwillingness to do anything. So last week i wrote up a Contract, That stated what her chores were and the consequeses if she didnt do them. I also signed it and my husband signed it stating that if something wasnt done and there was a exuse givin we wouldnt go back on our word and the contract would be presented saying "YOU SIGNED IT"
Its worked so far....
Let me know what you come up with as im sure my daughter will try to find away out of hers in the next few years as she is younger then your son.....
M. C

I heard a saying once ... Lock em in a garbage can when they turn 13, give em an air hole when they are 18, let em out when they are 25 !!! :-) LOL

I have a 16 yr old boy, I know exactly what u are dealing with. No respect , attitude, etc. Must be the hormones, but whatever it is, stick to your guns, he'll thank you for it later down the road.

It's normal--LOL. The majority of us go through this. Just continue to stick to your rules. It does get easier, but not until they're at around eighteen! Then, they may not listen to you, but at least they don't sass you and challenge you on every single thing! When they are about 21, they start to look at you differently, and things are really nice then! Meanwhile, it's just good to have someone to talk to and share it with.

Hang in there, Christine! I've been a high school teacher for a long time- mostly 9th grade- and they're barely human at that age! ;-) My kids at school seem to need just as many boundaries as my 2 year old- but you need waaaaaaaaaaay more patience with 14 year olds! Don't ease up on the rules- they need them even though they tell you they don't (usually in an obnoxious way!)- they get more and more human as time goes on and the good kids are that way because their parents make it clear that there are rules and boundaries - no matter how old one is. Good luck! You're sooo not alone!!!

Hi C.,
My name is Bonnie. I have two teenagers and a pre-teen so i know EXACTLY how you are feeling. It can really be frustrating at times. I come to learn that when it comes to punishment, it depends on what the teen is like. Like, it kills my teenage Daughter to lose phone or computer privledges. If that doesn't work 100%, i will send he to clean her room...She will hate me for the first day or so, then things smooth over. Now my Son, oh man he is another story! Very rebellious at times. My Mother keeps reminding me that even when i am argueing with him, he may act like he is not listening, but he IS listening to every word.(That helps to know that.) He is the type of person who doesn't care if i take things off of him, so i pile chores on him. That makes him have to ask me questions off and on. Really aggrevates him too, but helps out with his attitude immensly. One Summer my Son was a raging hormone, very mouthy, wouldn't listen--so i sent him to my Brothers out in New Mexico for a month. He came back a changed person. I think it was a great move on my behalf. I missed him crazy while he was gone, but it made him gain some insight on our situation and he respected me alot more when he returned. That trip really seemed to help him to grow up.

Hi C.! My kids aren't quite teenagers yet (my oldest is 10) but she has already started the attitude etc. I can't really give any advice that everyone else hasn't already said. Stick to your guns, they need it, they'll realize when they are older how hard it was and thank you for it. But maybe I can give you a little insight into they "why" part of it. I have a theory. I am not a medical doctor or anything like that. Just a mom that many years ago was a bit sassy and disrespectful to her parents. My theory is this.....kids are that way to their parents because they KNOW that their parents are the one or two people in this world who will love them unconditionally...no matter what they say or do. Mom and/or Dad will always be there for them. They use this time to vent some of those feelings that they are afraid to vent on others who don't "have" to love them. Maybe this is the case with your son. Sometimes it helps to understand the why.