Ok so I have sensed that my teenage son has had some peer issues. He prefers to hang out with adults, one adult (50+ yrs) says that my son is very mature and it is ok for him not to hang with other kids his own age. I am concerned, 2 friends from his youth group has wished him hb on fb. granted he is not on there a lot, but still what should I do to help him with friends.
He has only ever had one friend stay the night since 1st grade. He resently had another kids stay the night.
He plays sports, soccer football, track. When we are there he always has 4 or 5 kiddos aroung him. Yet outside of school and sports there is nothing. I am concerned for him. When he goes away to college in 4 yrs how is he going to network with kids his age, if now he is not. He always likes the older girls and they like him. He has only had one real gf, and the girl he likes is miss popularity she does not like him like that and she knows that he follows her like a puppy dog (which I don't like and ask him to let her go) Any suggestions for this mom who had a feeling something was not right, and tonight I sense something is really not right.
Son asks if he can go with friends 4 wheeling with family. I say sure, but they never show up or plan falls through. He also asks if he can have friends over after football game, but no one does. Maybe it is bothering me more than him, but that is why I am asking. Is this normal for teenage boys. Should I be worried or not. That is the true question
If the kids are in school today, perhaps they aren't on Facebook or said happy birthday in person.
Let's face it, high school can be tough. Once he goes to college, he will find a group of like-minded people to hang out with. And he's only 15, has had a GF. Don't worry so much. Not everyone is super popular.
My son is 16 and he has always had just a few close friends. He is not a social butterfly and gets along well in the company of adults. While he occasionally has friends over to the house, most of his social interaction takes place at school, band events, or through the PS3 network.
I used to worry about his seeming lack of friends. And try to arrange plans for him, or encourage him to make plans with others. But, he finally told me to back off. He is happy and does not feel like his social life is lacking.
Birthday greetings on FB are not a good indicator of social popularity. My son has over a 100 "friends" on FB, but got only a hand full of birthday greetings.
Talk to you son. Since he is active in sports and youth group, he may feel like he gets enough socialization time with his peers through those venues. The key is to communicate with him and ensure that he feels okay with himself. Because that is all that matters.
Once he gets into college he will meet people. Especially if he lives in a dorm. LOL He sill meet peers through classes, campus activities, etc....like we did in college.
As for girls, mine didn't start dating until this year in school - and he actually only sees his girlfriend at school right now since her parents will not let her actually date.
Remember that your son is unique and all teens mature at different rates. I think sometimes that we Moms have more teen angst than our teens do.
Hugs.
I think your son is more mature than his peer group.
When he gets to a point where his peers catch up to him maturity wise he'll be fine socially.
There's many a kid who totally blossoms in college BECAUSE a lot of college age kids (not all of them) are finally past the high school childishness.
You can't help the worrying but I think he'll be fine.
Is your son happy? Does he ever express any unhappiness about any of this, or does he seem satisfied with how things are? He's 15...how is it that him having "only 1 real girlfriend" at this age a bad thing? Is he supposed to have scores of girls chasing him or something? Maybe he prefers spending time by himself outside of school, maybe he prefers adults to teens his own age. Not every kid has to be Mr./Miss Popularity. Somehow I have the feeling that this is bothering you more than it is bothering him.
Not every kid is outgoing. I was always an introvert, and only had maybe four real friends, though I talked to everyone.
I also had friends outside of my age group, because I wasn't comfortable around kids my age(not everyone was nice).
It's better to have one or two REAL GOOD FRIENDS, than a hundred "fair weather" friends.
Just my 2 cp.
P.S.--if you and he are close, just ask him if he's okay, and if he's not wanting to open up, back off, and let him know you are always there for him when he's ready to talk. Oh, and try to remember when you were 15. It's a rough age to be.
Don't look to FB to gauge someone's friendships. I don't have my birthday posted and would prefer 2 friends who really know me wish me a happy than 50 who got the notification. As for college, it's often a great equalizer. He can hang out with upper classmen, non trads, people from work...I wouldn't worry so much other than him being wrapped up in a crush that doesn't love him back. I hope he's not creeping her out. As for dating, my SS didn't start dating seriously til 17ish. He just didn't have anybody who he wanted to date who wanted to date him and then he had a couple of serious girlfriends over the years. He's 22 now and just brought his ladyfriend home for Thanksgiving. Your son will be fine. No 15 yr old needs to be dating seriously, IMO. It sounds like he DOES have friends. Maybe he's an introvert and likes his down time? My SS could spend an evening in his room reading comic books but it didn't mean he didn't have friends.
And flakes are everywhere. Ms. Social Butterfly (my SD) will make plans with friends and have them fall through because kids can't always get logistics to work. They say "I'll be there" and Mom says, "How? You can't borrow my car." So try not to read too much into it.
First of all FB with is age group is not that popular any more. Now that all of us old farts are on there, the kids have moved on...
Your son sounds more mature than his friends. And for a young man to act so mature, can set him apart from his peers.
As another mom said, once he is in the college of his choice, surrounded with an entire campus of others that also chose that schoo, he will find tons f friends..
Sounds like he has outgrown these kids..
This happened to our daughter.. She liked her very small odd group of friends and could speak and have so much more fun with adults, but once she was in college, she loved all of the people on campus.. They were her people..
Just follow his lead. Reassure him that you all can do stuff together. If he mentions anything remind him he is going to love college, were he will be with people with is same maturity and interests..
Your post's title (not sending him a happy birthday message on FB) doesn't concern me. You say your son doesn't frequent FB so maybe his friends don't either. I don't think it's awful if kids don't use a public forum to say HB. Someone, on-line isn't all that personal anyway.
However, the rest of the post talks about a kid with no social circle. I think it matters more if your son is unhappy or not.
The first clue is that he has kids around him at school sports. So you might consider talking to one of the coaches - if they are professional coaches (not just a parent helping out), I would schedule an appointment or at least a phone call, and ask what they observe. Tell them your concerns about your son's lack of friends for overnights or for confirmed activities. Perhaps he has trouble reading social cues and so the other kids find him stand-offish? If he is "more mature" then does he show impatience with their teenage antics? Is he socially awkward? Does he wait to be invited rather than inviting others himself? Or does he do really well with a few groups in school when there is a shared interest (e.g. track, soccer) and he can't transfer it to the home? Is there another reason he doesn't like sleepovers?
If he has social skills and the ability to read others, he will do okay in college. However, if he is unable to establish relationships with people his own age now, it may affect his recommendations from teachers and it may affect his overall "activity resume" which is submitted with college applications. He needs to show he's well-rounded to make colleges convinced that he will flourish far from home.
There are plenty of counseling options to help a kid develop skills that he needs. The first thing it to determine if he needs them or not.
I think you're way to concerned with your son's social life. He's 15 and introverted. And NONE of the kids he goes to HS with will matter when he goes to college. They never do. Stop worrying. The people he should network with are not the people he's going to HS with.
He's 15. He doesn't need a bunch of girlfriends (what would that say about how he treats women, if he had a bunch of GF's at 15?). He doesn't need a bunch of "friends" who aren't really his friends. FB friends aren't all real friends.
He chooses not to hang out with a bunch of people. And EVERY 15 year old boy crushes on the most popular girl. She's popular because she's pretty. That will change...it always does.
15 isn't really a big birthday. 16 is. And It's a school day, when kids really aren't supposed to be on FB. Ask him if he wants to have a few buddies over on Friday or Saturday night to celebrate his birthday. No big deal.
Anyhow, I'm sure he's fine. Celebrate with your son and quit worrying about his friends.
Try to join a church. Church friends are usually more friendly than school groups.
I feel your pain.
Have family over tonight or go somewhere very special with him.
God bless.
... so your son has adults friends... one of whom is 50+ years old?
Or maybe I am confused by your post, and you mean other adults that you know/your friends, say that?
