What's the Big Deal Anyway? Am I Too Strict?

I did not have an email until I had a computer and I paid for my own internet and I did not have a myspace (pre facebook) until I moved and thought it was a good way to stay in contact with my friends (phone works better) so I closed my myspace and never started a facebook. I will not allow my kid(s) to have a FB while in my home unless something changes and you can not function w/out it (do not see that happening). People ask me all the time for my FB along with my phone number when I make new friends and I tell them, don't have one, won't have one but if you want you can call/text me. Email is for family/friends and I have an email that I give out to those stores that ask for it to send coupons and such separate from my email acct. Basically I have an "inbox" email and a communication acct that few have access to. I live my life well enough w/out blasting it for the world to see.

NO you are not strict...kudos to you. FB is just the latest fad...she has a phone and that's essential...

No facebook here, the girls are 13 and 15.
My older daughter has a phone and a computer, she takes online classes.
THey both have email.
You are not too strict about this stuff.

Sure, and MY mother wondered what was the big deal to have a PHONE (landline) in the house.

And HER mother wondered what's the big deal to have a CAR in the family.

And HER mother wondered what's the big deal to have ELECTRICITY in the house....

And so on and so forth.

Same issue, different generation!

:)

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If she hasn't asked for it, she apparently isn't all that interested in it.

Its not a big deal.
You do what YOU feel, is right for your daughter.

Just because all the other kids have it or something else, does not mean you have to follow-suit.
What does that teach your Daughter?

Just because kids that age may be having sex/doing drugs, does that mean she has to, too?
Her friend's Mom, has misguided logic.

You are FINE.

I don't think so and I am perplexed by the push to make our kids grow up. They'll get there soon enough!

How does FB or email actually improve a 14yr old's life???? It sounds like your DD has an active life that does not revolve around the internet- AWESOME. I don't think you're being strict, especially if she's not asking for it. Some parents are way too concerned with seeming cool to their kids, or being "friends" with them, and thinking FB is vital to a teen's life is rather.... immature in my opinion. Sorry for being blunt about that.

An "H to the E to the double L ...NO!" My kids can have a facebook when they have moved out and are on their own.

They can get in more than enough trouble and mental anguish without me allowing them to have facebook. We have a local woman in town who "sells her services" at the local motel she manages, she also arrives at work almost daily drunk...and she has at least three of my son's 4th/5th grade friends friended on her page. WHY would you ever allow 10 year old boys to be your friend as a 30 something woman??? Her page is filled with cryptic messages about her daliances with the local truck drivers...and these kids are on there reading this stuff...NASTY!

There is absolutely no benefit to your kid having a facebook account. It isn't fact filled, informative, life saving or necessary. Just one more thing to police and manage. Also...calling facebook and social networking sites "technology" is ridiculous. Hats off to you for holding your ground.

If she isn't asking for it yet I would not push it - BUT please make sure you are talking to her about how to use these tools safely and with proper conduct. You may not be there the first time she does some of this stuff. It is so easy to make a mistake that will either harm her in the short term or worse, follow her for the rest of her life.

Kuddos for you!!!!!! my DD is 7 and she's asking for cel phone, lap top, facebook and all kind stuff that her classmate already have...She's in first grade!! and my Husband and I have agree at least for the next 6 years she will not have any, we have our family pc that she use under our supervision...you must feel blessed that she doesn't ask for it....Kids don't need to be all day online, is very well known that cel phones can cause cancer, and I imagine lap tops too, plus damage the vision and all that social life for what?? is better to keep them busy with sports!!
this is my opinion and I respect others too.....

No biggie stick to what works best for your family and your household.

In this day and age, the mentality is a world filled with the latest technology. But I think it is refreshing to not have too much access to a world so uncensored. I think that around this age, an e-mail wouldn't be horrible. But I have to say that now that the latest Blackberry and Droid rage has arrived. I don't want to have access to my e-mails via my phone! I see the kids at my work picking up their phones constantly and answering facebook messages or e-mails. I feel when I am at home, I spend enough time wasted on the Internet. I wouldn't want it following me where ever I go!
What happened to the days when we only had landlines and they were hooked to a cord?! Life was much simpler then!
I do like the cell phone concept and don't know how I would have survived my kids not having them to keep in touch with me but all these new bells and whistles are unecesarry. So I'm with you...
As long as she is not asking...no hurry.
When you do give in... you can still set up the boundaries.

I am a fairly techy Mom, so we have smarty-phones...email and FB (well hubby doesn't anymore, but he just used it to play a game till he got bored with it, so cancelled the whole deal).

But email. My daughter is now 16 and she actually needed one for school. It was required for her to have a school one for teachers to communicate and email some of the papers and links to online textbook things at her new school, and even at her old one. The school provided it thru their server, etc, but things can be forwarded to one they check more often if they want, so I suppose it could go to a parents, but the kid needed to have access to it as well.

If nothing else, I think kids today need to gain the skills for using one, I guess, as it will also be a needed skill for college, where it WILL be required. I recently (as a 40 year old) finished pt/evening/online classes to complete a 2 year degree (that took me 5 years to do, with time off in there when my Mother died..took a year off and rarely went summers). The college provided an email acct and it was how they communicated EVERYTHING as it was almost exclusively paperless (grades, teacher communications, even more for online classes obviously).

I have no issue with parents being parents and making these choices, I just feel kids do get behind the techy curve that is a major part of their generation when someone doesn't properly guide them with it.

If she's allowed online (and I'm fairly certain her school has computers), I'm willing to put $5 on the table she HAS an email account. I'd say 50/50 on FB, so I'm not willing to take that bet... but DO try googling her name to see if one pops up.

BTW... does your daughter *know* your feelings on email/FB? I didn't even think to ask my mum to set one up 15 years ago, I just set one up. It took he over a year to realize I had email, and only because her phone wasn't blowing up (landlines) like it used to. She assumed I was making plans with friends while in school, which was true, but I was also getting a lot of email back and forth between people. I didn't think to mention it, she didn't think to ask... so I had email for a LONG time before she knew. I wasn't hiding it, it just only takes 2 minutes to check it and I spent hours in my room, at the library, at sports, at school... all places where I had easy internet access either through the house computer or my friends or the school or the library.

Not too strict, just right :)
She doesn't want it AND she really doesn't need it. Sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. Good job, mom!!

I say that since she hasn't asked or expressed any interest why would you want to push that sort of thing on her. Good for you and her for not allowing a predator gateway to your daughter. I am not and do not plan to ever be part of facebook and I would be worried to have my teenage daughter have one, espesially since I am not familiar enough with it to keep her safe while using it. Who cares that everyone and their dog has an account, if she is okay with not having one then why should anyone else care?

I think it is a little rigid, HOWEVER, IF she has not expressed interest.... just wait until she does.

We have FB, IPhones, laptops......my daughter has a yahoo email and internet access with her phone and laptop. She stays in contact with friends and family via FB as well. SHe uses her laptop for FB but also a LOT for school making power point presentations, etc.

You don't want to "push" it on her but you also don't want her behind the curve on technology.

Our daughter uses the email a lot.... coaches contact the cheerleaders via email, calling their cells, and/or texting. It is just the way things have progressed over the years. I don't buy into all the cancer causing phones, computers etc... If you think about it... everything has been said to cause cancer at some point.

If your daughter is responsible and wants FB, I'd allow it. Of course, have it set up on top privacy settings and monitor it.

You have to do what is right for your family... what is right for one is not for another.... don't worry about what others think.. you don't answer to them!!

In regards to e-mail, I am a high school teacher and I often e-mail out instructions, changes to the class syllabus, and corrections to students. They and their parents have the option of giving me their e-mail addresses at the start of the year, which I compile into a List-serve and then use if there are any changes I feel like they need to be aware of - for example, I found out last Friday afternoon that my classes were going to be used for counselor presentations today so the quiz I had planned for them needed to be moved to Tuesday. I sent the students an e-mail letting them know that they had an extra day to prepare - which the students always appreciate. I have done this the last 3 years, my guess is about 90 - 95% of my students take advantage of it, and it has proven to be helpful.

There are teachers on campus here who have Facebook accounts set up for their classes and they post questions and answers, and some also have Twitter accounts where they will Tweet a question that goes along with the reading assignment for that night that will give them a hint for the upcoming quiz. I will hold off on those types of things until the district tells me we have to do them to be more "in-touch" with today's youth. Sigh.....

Many of my daughters extra curricular coaches/leaders contact her through email. It makes her responsible for her own schedule. I dont see anything wrong with fb and an email at her age. Especially with proper monitoring.

Sometimes misery loves company! LOL
I'd say you're lucky. I wouldn't push it.
She's not even asking about FB or email so there's no problem.

why push soemthing she doesn't want or need? as long as she is happy with what she has leave it to that!!

I don't think it's a have to have situation. She's not asking for it, doesn't have a job that requires it. Although maybe for her volunteering, having an email could possibly be helpful if she needs to send a document for some random thing. But that would be more administration sort of stuff. I know my high school teachers accepted me emailing my homework to them if I was sick or what not.
I don't think it's a big deal. Why give a toddler candy if they don't ask for it? Same sort of idea.

First off... kids under 13 aren't "supposed to" have facebook accounts AT ALL. (at least that is my understanding). That said, obviously some kids do.

As a parent I would sit your daughter down and BRING UP the issue of facebook, myspace, twitter, and email and talk to her about them! Whether you decide that she is ready, or should have these things or not is between you, your husband and her (to a lesser degree).

I would say that these days technology is much like dating- both topics affect teens, both are multi-faceted and can be enriching AND both can have terrible unexpected consequences if abused- oh, and both are privileges rather than "rights".

Like dating, just because your fourteen year old isn't talking about it to you, that doesn't mean she isn't doing "it" or thinking about "it". Almost every kid that I knew who got pregnant in high-school, had parents who didn't even KNOW they were "that far" in. Kids who get in trouble online are often the kids whose parents have no idea WHAT they are doing online.

So, talk to your daughter about it. IF she gets a face-book, naturally you or your husband should have one as well- be "friends" with her on it, and frequently check in on her profile to see what she is doing and saying there, and who she is friends with.

I have a facebook account, and I use it MOSTLY to keep in touch with old friends and my family members, especially my mom. We share pictures and videos and it is a great tool when you are trying to stay in touch with people from all different time zones. That said, especially with teens.. they need to understand privacy and online ettiquette. As a parent you can teach her important ideas that with matter well into adulthood, and facebook *could* help you instill some of those life skills an personal responsibility.

If you decide to explore the idea, talk to your daughter about the fact that EVERY post can be seen by practically anyone, and if you write something down you shouldn't have it wont just "go away". Also, make sure you talk about what information is not acceptable to post on a profile (addresses, phone numbers, emails, information about your exact location at any given time, family affairs, etc...)

It is in some ways better to guide her in these matters while she still lives under your roof and you still have a say in what she does, than to "ignore" the issue until she gets into college and have her get into trouble there, without YOU around to help her.

If you bring it up and she says "Well, I don't want facebook or email" that is ok too! In some ways it makes your job easy, however that doesn't mean you should not talk about it regardless. Chances are there will be a time when she will use facebook (or whatever the newest site craze is) and she will need those words of advice and caution then!

That said... I am just a mom of a two year old... I am basing MY advice to you on what my mom did with me. I hope it helps!

-M.

Ditto what TiM said--my daughter is turning 12. We have managed to not need a cell phone--I am always here to pick her up--and I would NEVER let her on FB with all the drama I see going on there with her friends. Really, it just takes all of the school drama and extends it into the kids' home environment. No thanks!

She does have email, and I check it periodically. I have no problem with her having FB later, when she has her own sense of who she is as a person and is less emotionally dependent on her peers. Right now at this age I think she is too young.

Don't be swayed by what that other mom says; what works for her family may not work for yours...

My soon to be 14 yo daughter only has a flip phone, primarily for calling after extracurricular activities. She does not have a texting plan. And although she wants one, she does not and will not be getting a Facebook account, until she is at least 16...and it's a maybe then. She does have email, but I have the password and check it regularly. Your daughter is not missing out on anything.

if she doesnt want an account then whats that mom care? my 7 year old has an account to play the games and get messages from family out of state. (of course i have the password and am on there more than her) if your 14 year old doesnt care you shouldnt either

If she's not asking for it, then just go with the flow and not worry about it until she does. Honestly, it's just more stuff to monitor. Both of my oldest kids (in 7th grade) use FB. One is on all the time and the other maybe once or twice a week. Neither one has a computer and only one has a cell phone so that limits access for them. To get a FB account, your child has to have an e-mail address so one goes with the other. Neither one of these kids has ever used their e-mail address other than setting up FB, but I tutor high school students and an e-mail account eventually becomes a necessity. High school kids might have to e-mail a document to a teacher or classmate for a group project, and my students e-mail me their work.

Once she does request FB and goes on, you will need to become very familiar with it very quickly. I was on before my kids, so I am comfortable with setting their security and privacy settings, finding things that they might try to hide, etc. Anyone who does not regularly log into his or her child's FB page is woefully ignorant, IMO. It's pretty obvious even at this age who is being monitored and who has parents who are totally clueless.

Also, google her name just to make sure she doesn't have a FB account. At least three of my son's friends' parents had no idea that their kids were on FB until I showed them. It's not rocket science to set it up so she may have an account that she has set up somewhere else and you have no idea.

I don't know for sure "now-a-days," but my first email was in college and I had to take a crash-course on how to use it (that was in 2001). My parents did not have a computer at home at the time (my dad still doesn't) and we were not given permission to use the internet at school even until my senior year in high school. I know plenty of adults who are not into social networking or any of that other stuff, and there are definitely days when I wish I didn't have it, either. It has its uses, but is not essential to life and is just one more area you have to monitor your children and make sure you are protecting them from themselves and other people--not something I'm looking forward to. It sounds less like you are strict and more like your daughter has no interest in wasting her time online when she has people she can interact with in real life.

I don't even know what an IPhone is anyway, and I'm 27. =)

Santa brought our four year old her own pc for Christmas along with several pc related games and toys. The majority of them are from disney and use a cd, no internet required. Some, like the Dora Link Doll do require the internet but it only goes to that site. We also got the disney docking station where she places one of the character tubes into the docking station and it will automatically go only to that site for games. She is being exposed to "technology" without being exposed to the predators. I don't think you're being to strict at all. If she has not expressed any interest in it why push it on her. Hubby and I have FB to keep in contact with family and friends but our daughters will not. Too many weirdo's out there sending friend requests acting like their young kids. There is no way to know who if people actually are who they say they are. Not to mention all the cyber bullying from class mates. I say a regular cell phone without internet is more than enough for them to keep in contact with you and their friends. There are news stories every day of kids/teens going missing after meeting up with an "internet friend." We can teach our children right from wrong but lets face it, teens think they know everything and nothing bad will ever happen to them. Hold out as long as you can :)

Stick to your guns and don't let your adult friend bully you or pressure you into giving your daughter Facebook. No matter what Facebook claims, the information on it belongs to Facebook as a company; no matter what privacy settings they claim you can have, someone can get around them sometime. With Internet and e-mail bullying, with freaks out there tryiing to find kids on Facebook, with other kids putting up inappropriate messages or photos -- why open that can of worms? As for "all the kids have it," well, if all the kids want everyone in the world (including future employers) to see every embarrassing photo and read every inane, childish posting, they can go for it. Teach your daughter how to value her privacy more than that. Good for you. If her friends want to reach her, they can call her at whatever number you say they can use, during the hours you say they can call.

If your daughter hasn't asked, then you haven't even had the opportunity to be strict ;) I wouldn't give it a second thought... just cross that bridge when you come to it.

If your daughter doesn't care, why split hairs? When she feels that she wants or needs it, I am sure she will ask about it. My 10 year old step daughter has a cell phone (which I personally feel is ridiculous, but I don't foot the bill), but no facebook- even though some kids do at her age which I find frightening. I think your daughter has found much more productive ways to engage with her friends IN PERSON that she probably doesn't feel much of a need for the technology to connect with them.

I think to each family their own. My stepdaughter wouldn't have FB if it was entirely up to me, but it's not. My daughter will not have a phone with all the gadgets that her sister got very young - there is no reason a 10 yr old needs a web-enabled phone.

I think that while FB is a big social tool, I also do not think it's a mandatory social tool. My stepson (a little older and wiser) has in the past deleted is account because it got too aggravating, and I know a lot of people who have stepped back from FB for many reasons.

The long and short is that YOU are her mom and if YOU decide that she doesn't need FB or an iPhone or rated R movies, then that's your choice.

I personally would allow the email because I've found that a lot more teachers are doing things with email now. My stepkids have been able to get work while sick and/or turn in work and/or communicate with coaches and directors via email. Again, a tool you teach her how to use appropriately.

girl please, you're not too strict. my friends & I (in our early 30's) talk ALL the time 'bout how we didn't have any of that stuff growing up and since we didn't grow up that way, we don't see any way in hell we'll let our kiddos do it....of course, we all have toddlers so i'm sure our opinions may change, but for now, we're all like 'hell no' to the technology thing for our kiddos.
however, all my friends are major into the "super-connected" world & have all the gadgets you mentioned, including fb. me...i have a practical phone & cld care less 'bout having an i-phone & i just deactivated my fb. i actually feel liberated b/c i'm not doing what everyone else is doing - lol.
anyway, nope, i completely agree w/you mama! :)

If she doesn't care, leave it alone. My 7 year old has an account with no information about him on it. He just likes to play the games sometimes. But don't sail that ship until you're ready, 'cause there ain't no going back.

I had a teenager from down the street "friend" me on Facebook, and oh boy, there's a lot of stupid teen drama that goes on. None of it is anything important. It's all stuff like, "why are you so insecure that you'd think that I meant it that way?" And that's a BOY!

Stay away as long as you can!

my daughter who is 4 has a fb but only so family can see her grow that is out of state. i ok everyone on her page and if i dont know you personally you dont get added. she goes on there and plays games and i update her page and such. also her page can not be viewed by strangers in any way.

i say that you should talk to your daughter about the facebook and if she wants one set it up for her. have it set up so all the alerts goto your email (that what i have for my daughter) so i can see everything that goes on. you can just lay out the rules. your daughter seems very well mannered and knows what is expected of her. either way its your choice as a parent to decide if your child uses it our not.

I don't think your being strict. Our daughter has had an email account since 14 with us having access to it. Of course, I'm not to big on facebook, twitter or any of that stuff. Our teen is now 16 about to be 17 this month. However, since our daughter is on the high school yearbook staff; it was a requirement for her to have a facebook acct to make it easier to interview students or setup picture meets. So our daughter has a facebook acct now with the exception of she had to friend dad; so dad can always monitor her activity. Do what you feel is right for your daughter; following your instinct never goes wrong.

My daughter has a FB account so she can keep up with friends from an old school. I do monitor it. When she asked me to load some photos this week, I told her we can but it has to be available to friends only. I also monitor her email.
I recently went into her FB and unfriended 2 boys from school due to their photos--totally inappropriate for their age and their language was just unbelievable. I blocked them so they cannot send a friend request and she cannot add. She did not even realize they had it out there since she does not go on veery often. I would not worry about it if she has not asked.

BTW, I do have a FB account to keep in touch with family but rarely go in unless they send me a message.

If your daughter doesn't care why worry about what some other moms think. Thank God she doesn't care. There are so many predators out there the longer you can protect her and train /teach her the stronger she'll be to make right descions. You wouldn't put a little fragile flower in a bed of weeds. You water it and let it grow healthy and strong so it's able to flourish among the weeds when it's ready. Thats the way you bring up a child. You sound like a good mom so stick to your guns and encourage and strengthen your daughter so she can stand strong among the weeds.

My daughter is 8, and has her own e-mail account (which copies every sent and received e-mail to my own account, so I can keep track of who she's talking to - she knows this and expects it). She uses it mostly to chat with school friends, cousins, and grandparents. She has a Facebook account for the same purpose. We have the security features set up so that "random" people can't see her photo, any of her posts, friends of friends can't see anything, etc. It's a fun way for her to keep in touch with her cousins and the rest of the family without tying up the phone line for hours at a time! =)

Good for you and your daughter. I do not seen any advantage to these
things. E-mail is the only thing I might agree to for school purposes and only as long as your computer is out in the open.