Taking on Second Job and Making Me Feel Guilty . . . .

You gatta do what you gotta do. Just explain this is not a forever thing but it's what needs to be done for your son and yourself right now. Believe me, my oldest is 11 years old and I still have people try to make me feel guilty for working. I know there are women that are able to stay home but, I am not. I also take pride in the fact that i'm teaching my girls to be hard working self sufficient women that won't have to rely on a man or anyone else to take care of them. Your doing great, don't feel bad.

You should tell him to discuss it with your son's father. It's because of him that you are struggling. It's wrong for him to continue to try to make you feel bad for doing what you have to do.

Tell this uncle that if (Insert your son's father's name) would man up to HIS responsibilities and provide for his child like he is supposed to, then you would likely not have to take this second job. THAT should shut him up and maybe direct his displeasure at the situation to the appropriate place...your son's father.

K.:

The first thing I can tell you is that NO ONE can MAKE you feel guilty. You feel guilty because you allow other people to guilt you or you have a feeling what you are doing is wrong.

I personally do not think taking a second job is wrong. I would STRONGLY advice you to go to the library and borrow the Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman or some other financial planning book - get your finances under control - YOU CONTROL THEM instead of them controlling YOU. You will find something in there that works for you.

Tell your uncle that unless he's willing to flip the bill and doesn't have anything constructive to say - he can butt out. If he's willing to watch your son at a discounted rate so that your son is around family - then tell him that. Other than that - DO NOT LET someone "make" you feel any way. You are the mom. You are doing what you have to do to make it.

Just a thought, do you have medical/dental/401K at your full time job? This will help you, long term with your money. If you don't, I would definitely think in that direction. You have to think about the future... Regarding a second job, is there anything you can do from home to earn more?? Maybe being a tutor?? Lots of parents would pay big money to help their child succeed and I saw on your profile you work with teens so you'd already know kids to help...Good luck to you. You sound like a hard worker and a good Mom so I wish you to best!

I would tell your uncle that if he is willing to pay the bills that you cannot afford, then you won't work. Otherwise, stay out of it!

I've been a single mom for a lonnnnnnnnnng time. It's a constant juggle.
We do what we have to do.

I don't know why you are discussing any of this with the uncle. No offense, but if I were you, I would tell him to butt the hell out. I really would.

My ex is trying to make ME feel guilty because he has to find a "third" job. He gave up a high paying position to get out of child support and went into the real estate industry. THAT was a brilliant move in this economy. His "second" job is maintaining washers and dryers once a month for an older couple who owns apartments. He doesn't even leave his house unless he has to show a home or something.
Meanwhile, I'm up and somewhere clocking in every day 40+ hours a week and commuting 60+ miles a day. I get all the overtime I possibly can. He thinks it's unfair that I don't have a second job.
I'm killing myself at the one I've got. If I could find something closer to home on the weekends, I'd gladly do it because I need the money. But, I'm not going to do what my ex husband TELLS me I should be doing after 14 years of divorce.
In your case, "uncle" has no business telling what you what you should or shouldn't do.
It sounds to me like you are trying to make up for the lower income Dad will be making.
If someone is supposed to feel guilty about this, why does it have to be you?

I've worked my head off for many years and raised two kids myself. Neither of them hate me. It's quite the opposite, in fact. They know everything I did working so hard was because I love them. I couldn't count on child support. I could only count on me.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for doing the best you can to provide for your son. It doesn't sound like you have much help doing so.
You sound like a pretty awesome mom to me.

Best wishes.

I agree with the ladies that recommended that your uncle (is it your brother or your husband's brother?) butt out. If he really is bringing this up repeatedly and telling you it will make your child hate you, I would ask him why, out of curiosity... why do you feel it will make my son hate me? He gets to spend that time with his father and he gets more access to necessities that cost money (and kids may view some items as necessities that are not, due to social pressure).

It sounds like your brother or brother in law has some issues with his own mother. If she is still living, perhaps they could work on that to better understand one another and mend their relationship. If you are familiar with that relationship, do you see any similarities between their relationship dynamics and yours with your son? The other possibility is that the uncle is a bit dim witted and doesn't think through what he is saying. I'd probably be frustrated with him if I were you. Did you ask his opinion or did he just offer up his thoughts unsolicted? If you asked, I wouldn't do that again.

It sounds like working as a paid mentor will be likely be a fulfilling role for you, with pay as a bonus.

I am a single mom with two jobs and this is something I've encountered a lot as well. For some reason people just get all bent out of shape about women working a lot. I've never heard of anyone trying to make a dad feel bad about working two jobs to support his family. At the end of the day you are the only one responsible for your life and your son. I know it sounds tough but try not to let someone else's opinon about what you are doing get you down. You are doing what you have to for your son.