Taking Care of Me

Good and Healthy for you to recognize this early on-this is what I've learned: It's honestly, the little things...and find something that makes YOU happy besides your husband and your child (ren). Take an inventory or needs assessment-when was the last time you painted your nails, had a manicure/pedicure? Massage? a haircut or a facial? Read a good book? Made something? (whatever it is, something new for dinner? Cookies? Bread? A quilt/blanket/hat/craft/painted?) Buy yourself something-like make-up, bras and undies or whatever it is that you might NEED (moms forget to do this stuff sometimes because we get so wrapped up in our families' and kid's needs). Reunite with or find a new woman friend to chat about life with. Other women understand and they're probably looking for another woman to talk with as well. Keep close with at least one good woman friend. There are so many things that make us Women/Moms individuals and unique so you have to find what you enjoy and maybe what you'd LIKE to do and try as well. You might be able to switch off taking care of each other's children so you can have more than 45 minutes a day if you needed it...also, find a mom's group that get's together for playtime/park time and gets out of the house. Exercise is important for all of us so good for you on fitting that in. I wish you the best...

hot yoga at 5:30a
one afternoon per week just for me, alone
date night once per week
guilt free fast food night (i.e. no cooking Wednesday)

When my daughter was a toddler, I was happy to connect with other moms and that helped with regaining a bit of me. We women need our friends so connecting with others is vital.

Even now my daughter is six, I will set her up with an activity so that I can do what I need to do: work, clean, sneak a few sentences in from a book I'm reading. I make a plan for the next day to spend quality time with my daughter and connect with me.

I also garden, a lot. I see you're in N. Hollywood which means there are not only tons of activities for kids where adults can be engaged as well, but you are able to get outside. For me being outside, moving my body, appreciating the beauty around me is a must.

I don't know if this helps, but this time, each moment, is temporary. Meditating on how fleeting moments are, the beauty of this day, the humor in the mundane, the context and vision for your life and that of your family's life... all helps. And planning vacations... And drinking a lot... kidding.

I give myself 45 minutes of quiet time while drinking tea both in the morning and in the afternoon.

It's amazing how we forget that sometimes, the things we own start to own us. I was surprised at how liberating it was to occasionally stop answering the phone. You have caller ID and voicemail. Or at the very least, I would guess you have an answering machine - if not, buy one. You do NOT have to answer the phone just because it rings. My husband has a special ring, and I answer when he calls, but everyone else - unless I KNOW I have a friend or relative with a problem, and she NEEDS to talk RIGHT NOW, most folks can leave a message. I am not a slave to my phone.

Find a moms' group. Set up playdates - the kids can play, and you can have a conversation with a grown-up.

Also, go get your hair cut. I have a fairly long hairstyle, so it doesn't require getting a cut terribly often, but when I do, I make sure that I see a stylist I am friendly with, who I love - she is pricey, but as my husband says, cheaper than therapy.

Sometimes, you can find surprising little mommy moments. I indulge myself in little ways. For instance, we have only one TV, and it's in the main family room, which means we all have to take turns, or all have to agree on whatever we watch. When the kids are asleep and husband isn't home, I consider watching WHATEVER I WANT to be "me time." (Depending on what else is going on, I might even celebrate that with a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine or a few Girl Scout cookies from the freezer...) When we eat out, I get to order things that I like but no one else does, and I make SURE that I order something that I don't cook at home, thanks to a family of...discriminating...eaters. It also helps to fire up the computer and play some more grown-up, mentally stimulating video games. Sims or Civ are my favorites.

Also, my kitchen is a NO TOYS ZONE. No toys at the kitchen table. No toys on the kitchen floor. The kids are 7 and almost 4 now, so this is something they can handle. (Also, there are only two toys in MY bathtub - rubber duckies - and if we're being perfectly honest, one of them was mine when I was a kid, so that one doesn't really count.) It helps my sanity to have those spaces.

I'm familiar with this class. They had it at my son's school and sent around the powerpoint beforehand. It was very informative and great reminders.

For my husband and I, who both work full-time and share household duties and caregiving equally, it means that we both need to carve out 'me' time and for the other person to be mindful of this. It is the same in your case - you're both working full-time, you at home and he outside of the home so it's important that with those full schedules, you carve out time for yourselves.

Some of the things we do are as follows:

Saturday mornings are my day to sleep in and/or schedule something that I want to do that may take a few hours. Sometimes, it's going to the hair salon, sometimes it's going to lunch with my Mom or a friend, and sometimes it's all 3 of us going to a local farm that I love for us to just hang out together and get lunch. Whatever it is, it's my day to choose. We still do the rest of the day as a family and I'm certainly not absent when I'm at home, but it's my day. A couple weeks ago, I couldn't sleep on Friday night, so I stayed up late reading knowing I could sleep in the next day. I slept until 10:00 a.m.!!!!! That's not the norm, but it was great knowing that I could.

Of course, that means...Sunday is my husband's day to sleep in and do something he wants to do - build something in the backyard, garden, go to lunch with a friend, etc. And, the remainder of the day we spend as a family.

I do morning duty and my husband does nighttime duty. Meaning, I get our son ready for school in the a.m. so my husband can be out the door early and he puts our son to bed in the evening so I can clean up the kitchen and then watch a show of my choosing. We both still participate when needed, but for the most part, our son knows who to go to during those times and we step up to the plate.

It's a give and take and every situation is different. You'll need to decide what moments are important for you and then figure out a possible equal plan for the both of you, discuss it and put it into action.

Best of luck with giving you and your family a nice well-rounded home;)

I'd find another 45 min in the day for me to do absolutely nothing to charge my batteries. Heck, that would probably be my time to sit in the tub and enjoy the peace and quiet.

For a momma to find time to herself she has to make the time and not feel guilty about something not being done. Make up a daily schedule and put you on the schedule so that the time is allotted just like lunch or breakfast.

You will find it and then say "no" to anyone who wants to change it. It is your time and you earned it. Don't feel guilty because no one else will take care of you other than you.

the other S.