Advice on Staying with Friends and Four Year Old

Get a hotel room. He can stay with his buddies, but you need to get that poor kid back on a schedule. We tried staying with family, but it didn't work. We got hotel rooms because I could go back with the kids and put them to bed, keep them on a schedule, and catch a break myself.

I'd say try to keep her on a schedule and feed her on your own at her normal time. Then excuse yourself and put her to bed. Then re-join the party, or not! The couple that has older kids will probably understand, but if they don't, so what? I think they will appreciate her good behavior.

You are the only one with a young child.
Husband, is busy hanging out.
This is an adult, trip.
Not a 4 year old trip.
So there is a conflict.
Then, this is the 1st time for Alyssa to see these "strangers." Even if it is her cousins. She doesn't know who they are and at this age a "cousin" is still a very abstract idea for them etc.
And she is out of her routine.
And she is guaranteed... VERY overtired.
Overtired kids, are fussy and have NO tolerance for things.
And this is basically a pool/beach trip.
Some people even adults, get tired of that. Being out all day at a pool or beach... is... tiring. Even for me and I am an adult and live where there are MANY beaches and pools. Being out all day at one, is tiring.
AND the sun... and heat.... can EASILY EASILY make a person, tired and overtired and hungry. HUNGRY.
The heat itself, is very draining.
I live in Hawaii. I know.
Even if you are just hanging out.
Even if raining, it can be hot here.

You have a young child. She is having to, be like an adult. She is not. She is only 4.
You.... then need to, do what is needed, to help her.
Craft projects are not doing it.
She needs, rest. And not bustling around. Even if on a trip.
When she is tired, excuse yourself. You don't have to be apologetic. She is only 4. At 4 years old, both my kids were still, very regular nappers. AND needed it. Daily. If not they turned into Jekyl and Hyde.

It is not her fault.

And, her meal times are going to adult, timing.
Not child timing.

This is an adult trip per everything that is going on.
And, playing all day for a young child, is very tiring. They cannot possibly go on and on with no break or nap.

When people are guests at our home, they also have their own, needs/routines. And that is expected. They do what they need to, per their own child.
And, when we have guests here... I don't make my own kids, go according to them or their schedules or activities. I go according to MY own child. And I tell them that THIS is our routine/plans/needs per what I need to do and when.

Kids, do not have to be entertained all the time constantly every minute.
That is very exhausting especially when on a trip.
They NEED... DOWNtime too.
Even more so, than an adult.

Sleep deprivation.... causes a ton of problems.
Especially for a young child.
It lessens... their tolerance for everything. And they get fussy.

Can you just do something else with her?
Even just go in some shade and rest or hang out with her?
Or go for a walk etc.
All I know is, being out in the sun, all day everyday at a pool or beach... I would get tired of it too.

Traveling with kids this age can be stressing and difficult at times but if you are essentially sticking to her general routine even on vacation, the moments of insanity really should be few and far between. Not to be mean...but as a former teacher, I think you probably also realize that constantly throwing tantrums and acting up like this at age four is pushing it. I am a kindergarten teacher and a mother of four and this kind of behavior did not fly with me when my kids were this age. Alyssa needs to also learn patience and to respect some grown-up time as well.
Okay...back to the main subject.....can you keep her on her normal routine of eating and sleeping on time even though you are on a trip? Try to do that even if it means that you or your husband have to stay back from an outing or leave early to return to the house to keep things normal and prevent a melt-down before it happens. Prevention is the key. Tired kids and hungry kids are volatile kids, LOL. Oh boy, do we know this from our days at school, right? Insist on a short nap if she didn't sleep well or is repeatedly acting up. Lie down with her if you have to to take the edge off and press the re-start button. I would always insist on "down time" for all my kids even on vacation because they are out of their element and often get overloaded from all the activities we would do. Feed Alyssa on time and as big of a meal as you can get her to eat along with snacks in between. The chronic eating or snacking is either from the erratic eating times or like you suspected....boredom. Split the day up so that there are fun and also active events for your daughter combined with low-key visiting and also time away from her as well. She might be four but she needs to learn that adults have friends too and you are entitled to visit with your friends and relatives in peace! If a tantrum seems to be looming, remove her from the scene and flat out tell her that the behavior stops this instant or she will not be able to go on trips until she can behave better. Time her out or give her "think time" if she starts to escalate her mood or there's signs of a tantrum coming. Don't give in. When ou or your husband would like adult time, give Alyssa something quiet to do or maybe some down time with a movie or a coloring book and take advantage of the bliss. Remind her that this is now "grown-up time" and that she needs to respect that. If she interrupts or starts acting up, you need to address it and then go right back to your adult time. She has to learn that you have a life too and that she needs to find something to do without your constant attention. She really does. When you get back home, work on this tantrum thing with her more. At this age, Alyssa is nowhere near a toddler or a baby anymore and this tantrum business needs to stop. She will be a kindergarten student soon and meltdowns and flip-outs need to be a thing of the past. I applaud you for all the creative projects ou packed and the toys and DVD's you came prepared with on our trip. Put them to good use and tell Alyssa to cut you a break as well. I hope you can enjoy this vacation and many more to come!

First off, kids aren't an audience, they don't need to be "entertained" but what they do need is to be cared for and somewhat stimulated.
I ALWAYS feed my kids when they need to be fed. Even (no, especially) during vacation, if the official meal doesn't happen until 9 or 10 at night I will be making them a PB & J, or scrambled eggs and toast, whatever, at their regular dinner time. Hungry kids = cranky kids, and that's no fun for anyone.

Being around a bunch of adults is boring for most young children, that's a given. So doing the crafts on her own are probably boring too. Are you doing them with her? I've pretty much mastered the art of "engaging young children while drinking and having fun with friends" so I suggest starting there. Making macaroni necklaces over a glass of wine is a whole lot more fun than leaving the party to focus solely on the child.

What age did you teach? I'm assuming not preschool, because trying to reason with a preschooler is pretty pointless, they're just not developmentally ready for that kind of thinking and abstract thought. Anticipate and take care of her needs before the tantrums and you will all have a better time!

When I am a guest, I try to balance 'going with the flow' with taking care of my child's needs. In your situation, I would make sure my child ate when they usually did, even if it was only a light snack at five to get her through until dinner at seven, for example. I think most people can be gracious and understand while adults can handle the later nights and disruption in mealtimes, a four year old should not be expected to do so.

That, I guess, may be part of the cause of the tantrums. She's not getting some significant needs met. Could you just decide bedtime is at eight (or another time near her bedtime) and go lay down with her at that time so she can relax and start to wind down?

My feeling is this: a good host will know that sometimes we need to step out of the room to tend to our children, who often get short shrift on these sorts of trips. Family should very much understand that our littlest people aren't necessarily being 'catered' to, but they do need more consideration than just being expected to follow and adult-oriented schedule.

FWIW: we recently had a great guest visit for five days. I chose to stay at home with Kiddo on a few occasions because the guys (It was a childhood friend of my husband's) were off doing things which Kiddo would find boring. This worked out well. There were other times that I just went off and played a game with him or spent time with him when there was a lot of chatting and such happening. We had a few later nights, too. Even though we all made sure Kiddo was well attended, it was a stretch for him... and we were at home, too. When the friend left, we just spent a day at home, he and I, snuggling up and watching a movie and getting back on track.

If you need to feed your 4 yr old earlier, feel free to go get her food. In the end, it will make everyone happier than making her wait and be cranky. Yes, you do need to go with the flow but you can also do what is best for your child (including maybe going someone else geared towards her age...the park, a zoo, something to entertain her during the "down time").

Do the crafts with her?!

And don't worry about the tantrums, most people know that traveling is hard on little itty-bitty kids....but at 4y/o she needs to get those tantrums under control, IMO, 4y/o is too old to be throwing tantrums & she should know better at this age.

If things are getting too late for your daughter, I think it's ok to take care of her needs on your own. Make her something easy for dinner - do the cooking AND the clean up yourself - and put her to bed. Let your husband spend time with this friends while you do it, and make sure you're not coming off as frustrated or annoyed that their schedule isn't working for you. Trust me, they would probably rather have your daughter fed, well rested and happy than throwing tantrums.

Also, remember that guys don't generally care/notice tantrums the same way women do, so they might not be bothered by it. If the other mom there has older kids, she probably feels bad and understands your frustration because she can remember when her kids were four.

It's also totally ok (assuming you have access to a car), to take your daughter somewhere else for the day. If she's tired of the beach and you want to explore somewhere else, go for it. There is absolutely no rule that you have to spend every minute with your hosts. In fact, they may appreciate a bit of separation (most hosts do, it has nothing to do with you or your daughter!). Just make sure they know approximately when to expect you back and whether or not you plan to eat your meals with them. The last thing you want to do is show up five minutes before dinner and have them think you've already eaten.

Finally, it's probably bothering you a lot more than it's bothering anyone else, so try not to worry about it too much. Relax, have fun, and do what you need to do so that you and Alyssa have an enjoyable trip.