Which is breaking as I see my 19 y!/o taking the hard road in life. She finally married this boy she has been dating on and off for a yr. They have had some major issues this past year and I am just praying. It will turn out ok but in the mean time I am really sad. So. Any positive suggestions on how to get thrum thus time?
I took a step back, called periodically, and stayed neutral on the subject of her husband. In December he asked for a divorce, I encouraged her to try to work it out, not wanting her to ever feel like she didn’t give it her all, she is now back home, headed for divorce but things are looking up. It is so hard to let go when you’ve raised them but having faith that you raised them right can help tremendously.
Accept that you cannot teach her the lessons in life such as these - she has to learn by doing. If the marriage doesn't survive, she will have learned that what you told her was true. If it does, then it's the life she has chosen.
I'm sorry that you are sad. I hope that she grows as an individual and that things will turn out better than you hoped for.
Dawn
I am sorry you are hurting. The only thing you can do is love and support from a distance. Let them do what they need to do and keep your communication open. Invite them for dinner etc. Keep praying. Talk to your friends, family, pastor etc. You can't live their life for them---its hard when they choose something you wouldn't want for them. Good luck and hang in there.
You may be sad for a long time and this may not be the only thing that breaks your heart with her or other children. You think the worst pain is giving birth to your child. It's only the beginning sometimes. You may not think you can handle it but you will make it and just be there for her when she needs you, don't try to fix things or interfere, but just be there. Don't say I told you so if it fails but in the meantime you may be very sad. I don't know where you stand on prayer but that helps tremendously to pray and leave your children in God's care.
You raised her as far as you could.
Now she's got to finish growing up on her own.
Who knows if the marriage will work or not?
Whatever you do, don't be making predictions on how long it will last.
My husband to this day is irked at my Mom for saying our marriage would last less than 5 years and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary.
With your girl grown up and married - you need a trip to Disney World.
Her marriage is a rite of passage and a phase in your motherhood journey is complete.
Celebrate it!
I took the hard road at 19 also, marrying someone that I should have never married. Our marriage lasted less than a year. But I learned from it. My marriage to my second husband has had some very major issues, but we have been together for 18 years and married for 11. Every relationship has struggles, especially when it is young. Don't be sad. Celebrate your daughter! Support her, love her, be a shoulder when she needs it. Don't be negative about her husband or she will distance herself from you. Just be her mom. That's what she needs most from you.
It is SO much easier said than done but you have to step back and let her make her own mistakes. It's her life and, at 19, she has to go out and live it. Make sure you are supportive (not an enabler but supportive) so that you do not alienate yourself. If this ends as you predict, she will need you and need to know you are on her side. Don't bash her hubby - that will only create the "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome where she clings to him more. If she complains about him or needs to vent, listen and give honest, earnest advice but don't use accusatory statements. There are going to be a whole lot of "bite your tongue" moments. Steel yourself. It might not be the path you hoped for but you never know what will come of it. Perhaps you will get a grandchild that will become the light of your life. Or maybe they will both grow up and mature and actually make this work. Or perhaps she will move on from this marriage a lot wiser and will recognize Mr. Right when he comes along for real. Life is funny, who knows what will happen. Good luck to you and your daughter.
I'm praying for them, too-sometimes these younger adults that marry just seem to sort it out-I am hoping for the best for them. Try not to have any preconceived notions and don't judge or offer criticism-be supportive and don't take sides-God bless!
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I'm praying for them, too-sometimes these younger adults that marry just seem to sort it out-I am hoping for the best for them. Try not to have any preconceived notions and don't judge or offer criticism-be supportive and don't take sides-God bless!
