We have a custody hearing next week so I'm hoping to FINALLY have this resolved then, but in the meantime I need your advice. My ex moved 9+ hours away and picked up our kids last weekend. Current decree is "joint" with 10 consecutive days in the summer (which is why he has them now instead of after court). I've never argued again the kids spending the summer with dad, except that we can't agree on the exact timeframe. They're both teenagers and want to come home for two weeks in July and then go back to visit their dad and come home mid-August (I am complying with their request in my motion to the court). He has come back with me not seeing them at all the entire summer.
My attorney was surprised when I told her what I wanted for his parenting time this summer because its more than fair to him. I'm just not sure what to expect from court.
Will the judge review both and choose one or compromise between the two?
As hard as it was to say goodbye to the, not knowing when I'll see them again is making it so much more difficult.
For anyone who has been through this, what could I expect? Is it just the attorneys that speak or does the judge just review the motions?
Before the comments on how divorce was my choice, etc. He had an affair, left, lost his job publicly and chose to move away and start over.
Your request sounds reasonable. Noone ever knows what a judge will do. Sometimes they have the 2 attorneys meet ahead of time to try and hammer out a deal. It may only goe in front of the judge if there is no deal made. If your ex is obstinate about this just to punish you, the judge will see that and he will not be kind about it!
Since the kids are old enough, they should also have a voice in this. It isn't their fault that the marriage broke. It isn't their fault that their father moved away from them. Honestly, he needs to understand that they have a life as well and being away all summer is not an option. I thought most agreements had 6 weeks in the summer. I didn't know it was the whole summer. I believe what you are proposing is responsible for the kids. They do want to see dad but being teenages, they don't want their lives anymore messed up.
Dad made the choice to move, with choices comes consequences.
Your children are teen agers now and YOU dont know how to survive without them for the summer?
It doesn't matter your divorce history. With father living so far away, then it makes sense while there is no school for him to see them more often.
he isn't mad at you. you have the children ALL year. he just sees this as his perfect opportunity to play catch up parenting.
you should just view this as you would any other summer camp and you would never hold them back from that opportunity. now would you?
If you stop internalizing your exes every move as a personal attack, you might fare better.
Your teens want some time with you, so don't shut it out. The way our summers work with the kids being teens (and maybe having a job) is that each parent gets 1 week (sometimes a little longer, by agreement) for a family vacation and the non-custodial parent gets them during the week in the summer and the custodial one (we live closer than you do) every other weekend. I would ask for a middle ground where you do see your children some, get to go on a trip if you want, and they still spend time with their dad. Bear in mind, too, that teens want to see their friends, boy/girlfriends, etc.
I think he's coming back with nothing for you in the summer because he's mad at you. He's not thinking about the kids.
Generally the court tends to be reasonable. If you are proposing pretty much the same as your ex except a couple weeks home to see friends and coming back to get ready for school I don't see why the courts wouldn't accept it.
Granted I don't know all the particulars and sometimes the court does strange things.
Ease up on the personal attacks, Michelle. Jeez.
I think your request is more than fair. The attorneys will speak first. Your husbands attorney will come back with a counteroffer. You can counteroffer back to him. If you can't agree, submit a motion to the court. The judge will consider them both and make his decision after hearing the attorneys.
The judge has full discretion to review both proposals and choose just one or pick a compromise between the two. In general judges try to be fair and allow both parents time with children. Your ex husband's request that you don't see your kids at all during the summer will probably be seen as too extreme, especially since your kids want to come home for two weeks in July. If they're teenagers, they are old enough for the court to listen to and it's very possible the judge will ask them what they want (or will read a statement that you submit from them).
Usually both attorneys will speak, and the judge may not make a decision right there. Talk to your attorney about asking the judge to make a quick decision so you know when you'll see your children next. Good luck!
