Sudden Attitude in My 15 Month Old What to Do? Did Yours Do This?

K., this behavior is completely normal. My son started to throw temper tantrums around the same age. It really took me off guard when he did it a few times in the same week and I thought we were headed into the terrible 2's early. The most important thing is NEVER to give in to his temper demand, no matter how bad the tantrum. You can hold him if that helps, leave him to calm down from a distance, but do not give in and the behavior will "extinguish" or gradually subside. He may still have tantrums once in a while throughout toddlerhood (they are not good at controlling their emotions at that age), but it should not be frequent as long as you don't give in. I found the book "The happiest toddler on the block" helpful in dealing with tantrums and generally tips on raising a positive, cooperative child. Hang in there and this phase will pass.

No, he's not becoming a "bad boy," he's just a completely normal child who is feeling more autonomous and realizing he craves a little more control of his life. "Popping" his hand for slapping at you may be confusing to him – you get to do what you don't want him to do. And a five-minute time-out is quite a bit longer than is generally recommended for this age group.

Here are my favorite tips to reduce friction and increase understanding during the next couple of years:

1. I hope you will hold in mind that your son is not "trying" to be naughty; he's trying to meet some need, and he has a very poor repertoire of strategies with which to try. Children truly don't want to cause problems or get in trouble if they have any other way at all to meet their own growing need for autonomy, independence, and control of their circumstances. Adults have so much more practice in meeting our own needs in more civilized ways. Your toddler doesn't know any of that yet, and for a couple more years, he just won't see very much from your point of view. He can't help it. Dawdling, digging in heels, bolting, ignoring, and even tantrums are often a natural outcome of being more scheduled, pressured or frustrated than he can endure. And some children have a MUCH harder time of it than others.

2. There are methods for eliminating much of the mutual frustration he will experience during the next couple of years. While some steps require a bit of advance planning or extra patience from you, overall, you'll spend LESS time and energy than you would if dealing with behavior that isn't evolving in a positive direction.

3. When he wants something, empathize, big time, and in his language. I love the advice of Dr. Harvey Karp on how to get on a tantruming toddler's wavelength in this and several related videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&featur.... . Once your little guy realizes you do care about what he wants, he's more likely to be able to calm down and cooperate with what you need from him.

4. There are lots of positive ways to approach discipline (which actually means teaching, and not punishment), rather than just saying no. Kids hear NO! often, and they can be so frustrated. So look for ways of finding a mutual "yes," and save "no" for those occasions when children are trying something dangerous. Instead of "Put that remote down!" for example, try "Here, play with this (dead) cell phone!" There will also be times when you must have cooperation, like diapering or trips to the store, so keep a special toy or distraction that he gets to play with only at those times.

5. Keep it playful, and keep it respectful. Children learn primarily through play and imitation. You may need help with this if your parents didn't model a lighthearted and kind approach when you were little. The book Playful Parenting is a great resource. Your son's sense of humor is developing, crude though it may be. (Also be aware that some "behaviors" like throwing are a natural experimental activity for kids, a form of play that is programmed into them for the purpose of developing brain/body connections. Find plenty of "acceptable" outlets for those repeating behaviors.)

6. Here's a big one: give advance notice when you'll want him to be doing anything differently, especially when he's grooving on some activity/play. Children absolutely hate unexpected transitions. With my grandson, we let him know at least a couple of times that a change is coming ("We're going to go to the store / have lunch / take a nap pretty soon." … and then a second alert a minute before making the change.)

7. Whatever the next activity is, make it sound as desirable as possible. Give some detail about the ride in the car, or a favorite food at lunch, or sweet snuggles before nap. Be positive and enthusiastic. And be calm. Desperation will show, and even though he's too young to deliberately engage in a planned power struggle, he will quite naturally sense any cracks in your resolve. And this is where future power struggles truly can begin.

8. Learn his limits. Try to keep demands low when he's tired, over-managed, overstimulated, hungry, or sick. He won't have any emotional reserves left with which to cooperate.

9. Get to know his most likely trouble-spots, and plan ahead. For many kids, it's when they want some temptation they've seen. So keep those things out of sight when possible. Be prepared with a distraction – for example, another toy he likes when you have to take some fascinating object away, or a healthy treat when he wants a sweet snack. Laughter, introducing a new game, a few twirls and bounces, hugs or tickles, a goofy song, can help break into his determination to get something he wants (that short attention span is both a curse and a blessing). And those interactions will give him some of the positive strokes he might be missing now that a new baby is distracting you more.

10. Avoid bribes, but let him work toward occasional rewards. Don't try to buy cooperation with "IF you'll do X, we'll let you have Y." Instead, phrase it as if he gets to assist in advancing something good for himself: "Hey, as soon as you help me get X done, then we get to do Y." It sounds like a small distinction, but it's important. It gives the child a chance to cooperate in what feels like choice, even when there's no "if" about it.

11. Encourage lots and lots of physical activity during the day. Time outdoors in nature is calming for most children. If he has pent-up energy, it will have to come out some way, and unless channeled in a positive direction, it will likely to add to both your stress and his.

12. Limit TV time – the passive receptivity to all that fast editing seriously interferes with children's normal brainwave patterns, making focus, cooperative behavior, and engagement in the "real" world more difficult.

13. Whatever you are trying to teach will need to be repeated hundreds of times over the next few years. That's completely normal. Attention spans and impulse control are extremely limited in toddlers, and the areas of the brain where those connections are being made develop only gradually during the toddler years.

14. Spanking and time-outs don't work for every kid, and will sometimes actually backfire over time. Children may be annoyed, scared, shocked, or shamed into compliance, but behaving for the sake of avoiding discomfort is NOT the same thing as developing an internalized sense of "good." Consistent, calm guidance and modeling what you DO want from him will work better in the long run than punishing for what you DON'T want him to do. See more on this by googling The Science of Parenting or Emotion Coaching.

15. Pay attention to what you love and appreciate about your son, and make sure he knows. Treat him with calm and respectful authority. Children crave attention and approval, and if he knows you're noticing his good moments, he'll try to create more of them.

16. Be open to learning new things about your son daily, even hourly. Avoid labeling and pigeonholing him or his behaviors. Often, what we think or assume gets in the way of noticing what is actually happening.

I wish you well. Enjoy your little boy – this is a challenging AND rewarding age!

He's learning to be more independent. This is the beginning of finding ways to give him choices and allowing him to have a limited amount of power over his life.

As to your two situations. It might've worked better if you'd allowed him to walk out of the room while you're cheerfully making a suggestion of what he can do next.

I would put a child proof device over the door knob so that you won't have this situation. In the mean time, instead of saying no, divert his attention to something else. And, as you're doing ignore the tantrum if it doesn't work to divert his attention. In that situation, I might've just left the room giving him no attention at all. Consistently ignoring poor behavior is one way to extinguish (stop) it.

I would definitely not pop his hand. You are teaching by example that a pop is an acceptable way to show disapproval. Putting him time out in his crib could be a good thing as long as he doesn't come to associate his crib with punishment.

I suggest that you're doing the right thing by ignoring his fits. This is not the start of being a bad kid. It's the start of his learning what he can and cannot control. He will continue to test his boundaries. It's now time for you to be clear about the boundaries and allow natural consequences. i.e. throwing a fit does not get what you want. In fact it gets you no attention at all.

Do notice when he's most apt to do this. Perhaps he needs a snack or a quiet time if he's tired or hungry. Try to anticipate these needs before he has a meltdown.

It's the age & the teething. You answered your own question & you are doing all the right things. Don't question yourself, keep up the good work!!

Totally normal! Dr. Sears has some GREAT advice on helping shape behavior and some good discipline tactics here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

This is completely normal. Imagine you are two feet tall, have no language and your world is ruled by (generally benevolent) giants who prevent you from doing interesting things (like playing with the door knob and jumping in piles of clothes). Completely frustrating and they lack impulse control (simply age related). What else would they do.

It's a straight forward (but extremely repetitive and frustrating) matter of redirecting them to something they can do in a positive and completely non-punitive way. I would not ignore him - he needs attention and has no good methods of asking for it yet. When I redirected my son to a toy - that meant I took out the toy and we sat down together with it. Redirecting to a book meant I picked him up and read to him.

He is not a bad kid - he is a baby who is growing up and you are seeing that his attention span is getting longer. He used to forget about whatever you were distracting him from in a matter of seconds. Now he remembers whatever it was that he wanted and he understands that you told him NO.

Removing him from the situation is still a good strategy but now you might have to make it a bit more exciting. Also, only use NO for something super dangerous (hot stove, electrical outlet, etc) otherwise it begins to lose meaning - if you say NO too many times he will tune it out.

Five minutes is too long of a time out for a little guy - 60 seconds is fine. Typically one minute for each year of age...and try hard to not look at his "fit" as a temper tantrum - he is trying to communicate but doesn't speak your language yet so he is using other means to get the message across. Be careful on the pop his hand strategy - you are teaching him that poping the hand is an acceptable way to communicate and you should expect him to imitate you and do it to you and others.

You might find that a big hug and some tickling go a long way towards distracting rather than "punishment".

If it makes you feel better, my 14 month old just started doing all of this and more ....fortunately, I have a 5.5 year old also so this time I know that it is all normal development. I'm trying to get as many cuddles from the 14 month old as possible since I've learned they don't want to cuddle so much later.
C.

its probably a bit of both - the teething and the age. he's at an age where he's learning that he's a seperate entity from you and has his own desires/wishes (ie. go play in the spare room). distractions start not working as well as this age so definitely still try to redirect him but be prepared for it to not work as well as it used to. if he throws a trantrum, ignore it and walk away (not far but enough for him to realize his tantrum isn't getting him anywhere. personally i dont think you should pop him on the hand b/c you're punishing him for hitting by hitting him which i think is confusing but tha'ts your decision to make. oh and i heard somewhere that timeouts should only be as long as their age. so if he's 1.5 years old, he should be in timeout for 1.5 minutes. what i do with my 2 year old when he does something like try to hit me is i pick him up and put him in his bedroom, close the door and tell him that he can come out when he's ready to be nice. more times than not, he stays in a couple of minutes on his own adn then comes out smiling and ready to play. thats worked better for me than me confining him in an area b/c he has a better sense of control over the situation and he has time to chill out in his room and calm down from the tantrum. a few times when its really bad, he'll stay in his room crying and won't come out on his own for whatever reason then i'll go in a couple of minutes later and pick him up and hug him and ask if he's ready to be nice. he'll nod through his tears and everything is good. so that's worked wonders for me. anyway, it's a tough age.. remember to give him extra patience and love since he is teething too. good luck :)

It is a stage. He can't quite talk to you yet about his frustration, so this is what he does instead.

Redirecting is the right thing to do. Also, though it is very hard, walk away from him and don't give him any attention at all. NEVER give into his tantrum, at all. If he runs to you crying, you can say once to him "Mommy doesn't listen when you act like this."

Before he gets upset, get face to face with him and say "Use your words". Then GIVE him the words. "You're upset that you can't stay in the room. It's okay to be upset, but you still can't go in there. Let's go downstairs and get your toys."

As he gets older, either this will disapate because you have not given in and you have not given him attention (kids even like negative attention), or he'll ratchet it up. (Sometimes a difficult temperment will ratchet it up no matter how well you handle it, so don't feel bad if this continues.) When he's a little older, put him in his room when he has a tantrum and don't stay near him. Having a captive audience will just make him cry more. Let's hope his tantrum time doesn't last long.

Good luck!
Dawn

Completely normal.. Just growing up and realizing that he has more control of his environment than he thought. Lot of love and patience. I always had my best luck when I listened to his their body language.

wow, we are going thru the same thing with our grandsons TWINS, our grandaughter never acted like this or i don't remember...she is now 5 yrs old..anxious to see your answers...good luck, ours come in two's...ha..

He's not turning into a "bad kid". He's testing you. Our oldest goes through cycles of behavior like this, and we stay as consistant in our own reactions as possible. He has only tried to slap me twice, and got the same reactions, and it stopped. At this age redirection is going to be challenging as he no longer sees things as "out of sight, out of mind"....so, saying no and meaning it is going to be your duty no matter how much he tries to fight it. It is not giving up to set him in the livingroom on his bottom and tell him that he can come and find you when he can talk to you like a big boy. And, at this age putting him in his crib for time out is going to become a problem. He may start fighting bedtime or naptime because he may see it as a "punishment" because you put him there when he's been misbehaving. All phases pass, and they generally come back in a little while, so no worries...you aren't doing anything "wrong", you have a perfectly normal little man!