Suckered into Watching Neighbor Girl

Like Tami said, this is a CPS issue. Please don't hear "CPS" and think, "But I don't want them to lose their kids." In a case like this CPS will most likely educate and work with the family to find appropriate child care. (On the other hand, if they are here undocumented, bringing in the county could open up that can of worms....) At the very least, you should talk to BOTH parents about the situation, and if there is no change, then call CPS.

I wonder if the mom knows the child is left alone???? she may have no idea! The first time it happened you should have walked her down to her father told him how she wandered over unattended and expressed shock that she was unsupervised. And then invited her father to permit his daughter to play at your house. Repeat as neccessary This is so dangerous! she could get into medicine, knives, etc she wont know what to do in an emergency. Yes do a search for registered sex offenders in your area and than share the results with your neighbors. I'm not sure this is cultural, any South Americans I've known cherish and adore their children and only let relatives babysit.

Tricky subject. People can get really angry at criticism of their parenting, but that little girl deserves better. You're a good person to not want the little girl to be alone. She is too young to not be in the presence of an adult in case she gets into trouble. He can't possibly watch her while out in the parking lot. My half-siblings were raised in a village in another country, and there is was pretty normal for small children to wander from house to house, but then again, it was a village, not an American apartment building! You'd be surprised if you do a search for sex-offenders in your area how many there are anywhere. I did one years ago when we lived in an apartment, and there were 4!!! in the complex alone. It's been the same any urban area I've checked. How scary if you said not now, and she wandered into the wrong place. You might do the search, and next time she comes over and its not a good time take her down to the father, share the results of how many offenders are in the area, and let him know you love having such a sweet girl over but tonight's not a good night and it's not legal to leave a child that age alone in this country. It's not okay for them to leave her alone. How difficult to get involved though. Be prepared for an unpleasant reaction. Or, you could just keep on having her over knowing you are doing a good deed.

I do think it's somewhat cultural, but you should really chat with mom or dad. What happens if you are not home one afternoon?

If this is becoming a daily thing, mention it to the parents. I would say exactly what you have said here, which is essentially that you do not mind if she is at your home, but that you would prefer that dad walk her over before he heads outside. Let him know that if it's not a good day for you to watch her, then you would like to know who will be supervising her.

My opinion would be that I would want someone to treat my child they way they would treat theirs. I know your not always in the mood for your own but you forge through so why not for this little girl. She is alone and by being at your home she is not and she is learning kindness, empathy, and geniune concern. If there are days that you simply just can't tell her that today is not a good day or ask her to come over a little later after you have had time to relax. Is she doing her homework? maybe they can do it together? maybe you can give her a routine that she really needs. I think that children come in contact with a handful of people that make a lasting impression and change their lives. If you can be that person how amazing.

It's cultural but when you don't want the company, you have every right to let her know, not today.

My mom used to do the same thing when we were growning up. My sister always had friends coming over and staying for dinner. There were 3 little girls that came regularly at one point or another. My mom would just tell them not today and that was that. They were older children.

Flip side of this is if something were to happen to her CPS would come in and take her away from her parents. You should speak to the parents. Are you willing or able to commit to x number of days a week. That would just be a neighborly thing to do.

You didn't indicate how long she sits with you.

Of course you tell her no on those days you don't want company. This is not a situation where you have committed to the parents to watch the child and are now taking back your committment. If it makes you feel better, I suppose you could say something to the father, but be prepared for a possible negative reaction. If you say something, try to word it in the least offensive way possible - in other words, don't make assumptions that he is not looking out for his daughter's safety.

If you really think the girl is in danger, then mention it. Otherwise, I would continue as you are, declining the company when you feel the desire. Talk with the dad if you are overly concerned, and perhaps you can make set arrangements, although I don't know this would "cure" the problem on those days she is not with you.

In Minnesota, children under the age of 9 are NOT allowed to be left home alone. This IS a CPS issue. Although he is only outside, it's an appartment building, not a single family home to where she can just come in and out or see him out the window. Also, if she is unattended, how often is he checking on her. There are so many dangers to having a child of that age left alone. Even tho she may need the attention due to her mother working evenings and father is outside, it is up to them to make sure she is safe, not you. I do agree w/ "it takes a village", but when and where do you draw the line if not now? Please don't wait until something does happen to her to make the right decision.

Oh my goodness, first, you are a gift in that child's life to be there for her. On her young, innocent behalf: Thank you. Second, this is neglect. It is NOT right for that father to completely ignore his daughter and leave her alone in an apartment at FOUR YEARS OLD!
The building, I don't care how much security it has, is NOT safe for a young child to be wandering around in. This is absolutely a safety issue. For all the father knows, you could be a child molester - of course, you're not, but that's not the point.
This is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. I don't care what culture this guy comes from, in THIS culture, children who are not supervised are at an incredibly high risk for injury, abduction or worse.
This father is not fit to be a parent. Period.
You MUST notify child services. How would you feel if she was found dead after you were unable to watch her one day?
If you're unwilling to do that, you must at least talk to him about her SAFETY.
Your lack of concern for her situation and the focus on your own is startling. I don't mean to sound harsh, it's just I am passionate about keeping children safe. Clearly, this young girl is crying out to you for help, even though she doesn't seem to understand the danger of being left completely unsupervised so early in life. She doesn't have any business being left alone. Your biggest concern should be her safety, not your own comfort with her being at your house.
Children need and deserve safe, nurturing, protective environment, not to be put second to a car.

You know I'm sorry you are in the situation but I think you are a great person for taking care of her. I already know it's a cultural thing but just because it is doesn't make it right IMO. I do understand and see why it's not CPS worthy. I doubt they'd do anything anyways. I've seen kids in real danger with far worse situation get no attention from a CPS call. I mean he pry is technically close enough to her anyways that they wouldn't bother. I just wanted to say that you are a great mom to "mother" a child that isn't even yours when she has no one around. :)

I agree with the other posters in that I would try to set a schedule with her and her dad (you really do need to talk to him) about a couple of days a week that she could come over. In the big scheme of life, this might really make a difference for her to have someone to play with, you can set an example for her, etc... Try to think of it as blessing their family. With the being said, I, too, agree that you really should mention this to the dad (and mom if possible). Maybe on the weekend if you notice they're both home, stop on by and mention that you wanted to visit with them about their daughter. Check to make sure it's okay with them that she come over, discuss a schedule, etc. While you're at it, mention that you think it really might be best if dad could take his daughter out with him to work on the cars, and maybe she could do her homework or sidewalk chalk or something nearby while he's working. Explain that at 4 yr old, she really needs an adult around to help and observe her - I think by offering to be that adult sometimes, they might be able to see that a couple of days a week they could do it too. Or, as another poster said, ask that dad be the one to bring her over and pick her up, so you and he both know where she is/what she is doing, etc... Good luck!

I know exactly what you mean . . . there are days when you don't want company.

I might tell her "sweetie, now that's school is back in we can only play on Monday, Wednesday & Friday." Or you could make it Tuesday and Thursday. In other words - make it a pattern that she can clearly understand.

You guys have a right to your privacy, too. But she sounds like a nice kid. I would be worried about her by herself. :(

In a situation like that, I guess I look at it from the little girls' perspective. She is probably lonely, missing her mama and sees you as someone who is kind and loving. As a mother, I find that I tend to take responsibility for other peoples kids when necessary.

Case in point, most of my kids were grown. We have a backyard neighbor who has two little girls. At the time that this was going on, my son was maybe 10 and the girls were 9 and 7. They would come over randomly and ask if my son could play. I would invite them in and ask them if their mother knew where they were. It tickled me so one time when one of the girls said "our mom told us we could play for an hour"...and sent them over. I was fine with that...their mama needed a break and she felt they were safe with me.

Now, that being said, if I had chores to do, or errands to run, I would tell them now was not a good time. But if I was simply going to be home, I would invite the girls in and keep them for awhile.

It does indeed, take a village to raise a child...I am so thankful I get to be part of that village!