3 Yr Old Neighbor Unsupervised Outside

I would ignore the child because to engage her, you are in essence watching her. To report her to the family--you are a busybody.

This sounds harsh--but I am 54 and have been around the block.

No because people like those cute little kids for their own. However, I have often thought a small town would be great to raise children so they could play more freely outdoors.

maybe the 3 year old is being watched from inside like you are doing with your kids. i don't think you should say anything. why start a war with neighbors.

Don't question their parenting. Just take the 3 year old down to their house and say, "Look who I found down the street by himself! Isn't that so frustrating when toddlers run off by themselves?? I'm glad I happened to look outside and find him! Whew, what a relief!" Then hand the child over and go home. If you make them defensive, you build bad neighborhood relationships. But if you make yourself, and them, part of the "frustrated parent club" of trying to keep track of children, it makes people a little more alert. You can also say, "Please if you ever find my 6 year old down here at your house, please call me immediately and I will come get him." That puts you in the same boat but still makes the point.

If it keeps happening, you can call child protective services (which might be kind of extreme but necessary if this keeps happening) or even your town police (if it's a small town and they have good neighborhood policing policies) - the officer can say he was on patrol and found the child, and leave your name out of it. That's worked well in our town because it's not used a lot, just on occasion.

NOPE...go ahead & walk down to their home, talk with ALL of them, one of them, two of them...you don't have to be ugly just let them know you are concerned for the child since you are not able to care for a 3 yr old in your yard because you are generally busy doing _____ and that SHOULD take care of it. (hopefully)

FYI I became a granni @ age 34 and a greatgranni @ 58...I wouldn't trade my experience for the world! ;)

I was just reading over all of the posts, I must tell this story, when my daughter #3 was 3, she & her sisters were supposed to be in the back yard (not fenced but not allowed out front w/o permission so we could keep an eye out) I was on the phone with my attorney, my youngest sister was washing dishes...my 5 yr old ran into the house HYSTERICAL! She was screaming, "the car ran over Jaimee" over & over, she had gone out front with her little bike, the car was parked in the drive and was in park with the parking brake on, whatever happened we will never know for certain, but the car got out of gear or the gear shift was not completely on drive but the right back tire was completely on her, I could not get her out without getting into the car and actually DRIVING it off of her! While we waited for EMS (who I had to give directions while giving my child life saving breaths because my sister was too crazed to do so) I would count 1001, 1002, 1003, etc. . The EMS got lost (took 25 mins) I lost her a few times (how many I will NEVER know) consequently she had collapsed lungs, fractured skull and damage to her ear that was repaired, she was on a ventilator for 7 days, in ICU for 10 and in hospital for 3 weeks. She still carries the scars.

I wanted to share, not to freak everyone out but just to say: life changes in the blink of an eye and our children are our MOST precious commodity, we DO need to look out for ALL children even if it means stepping on someones toes sometimes!

I meant the car was maybe not completely in 'park' not 'drive' duuuuhhhh

Do you live in a safe neighborhood? Is your cul-de-sac pretty quiet? On our cul-de-sac, this sort of thing will happen frequently, and nobody gets all up in everyone else's business about it unless the kids are doing something they shouldnt.

Sorry but I don't know that it is really your place to tell them how to parent. It does not sound like the child is playing in a busy street...if that was the case then I would suggest calling CPS. However that is not the situation you are explaining.

If you don't want the child in your yard, which is your right, then either tell the child that they are not welcome to play and they need to go home, or walk the child home and just casually make a statement to the dad that his child wandered.down and you just wanted to make sure he/she got home safely.

Other than that there is really nothing more that you can do.

Yeah sorry that's none of your business. It's annoying that he comes into your yard but that comes with neighbors with kids. When the child is 6-7 etc he is going to come into your yard too.

At the age of 3 in a safe cul de sac I would let my son play outside too. My son is 3 and I let him play outside by himself. I peek out the window all the time. Lots of times his sister or brother go outside with him. Now I don't allow him to get into neighbors yards but all the older kids do. They are all over the area and taking turns playing in each others yards. Once I'm sure my child knows the rules of going into the road they can play outside, without me out there the whole time.

I would never ever let my 3 year old out by himself, it is simply irresponsible. Especially in a neighborhood, where cars are driving. He is walking down the street unsupervised and that is absolutely unacceptable. I could see if he was in a fenced in yard, with no way to get out. I think you should say something very casually to the grandmother, choose your words carefully though. You must approach the subject as a caring adult and mother. What if something happens to this baby and you are the only one around to help. Accidents can and do happen, it is our responsibility as adults to keep ALL children safe. If I ever see a child in need wherever, whenever I would and have stepped in, I could never forgive myself if a child was hurt or in danger on my watch.

I think your should mind your own business. What you are describing sounds ok to me. When my daughter was 3yo I let her play outside with the neighbor kids because I had a newborn and couldn't always be outside to watch her. I did go out and tell the older kids that if she gets in the way or they go inside then they need to bring her home. They always have and it's never been an issue. Maybe you should do the opposite and tell your child to do the same. At 3 they are just starting to learn how to play with other kids. Instead of shunning the child and sending them home maybe encourage the interaction. The parents age and living with their parents has nothing to do with how they parent. And if this bothers you too much then just go talk to the parents not the grandma you would be undermining the parents if you only speak to the grandma.

I suppose it depends on your definition of supervised. I let my 3 year old play in the yard without me sitting out there twiddling my thumbs. We would watch her from inside. It builds independence, learning and creativity. She was not allowed to go play in the neighbor's yard without asking me or the neighbor and then we still check on her regularly. Perhaps the dad was checking from the garage and he probably could hear them playing so knew all was well. BTW, I'm an older parent so certainly not clueless. Just want to give her as much latitude as possible. I have seen the effects of helicopter parenting in the workforce. Its not pretty :)

It would depend on the neighborhood. You said your kids were playing outside and the child came over. Does he wander the neighborhood all over? Or just come out of his yard where's he's playing if he sees some other kids playing outside too?

If this is a safe neighborhood with neighbors outside watching then I'd let them go out.

I have a boy who is trouble on legs. He will get into trouble or wander off at the slightest whim, well, when he was 3 and 4 he was like that. He's not like that now.

I let him go outside to play without one of us being out there if I saw the neighborhood kids playing outside, if there was a mom watching kids like you were doing, I'd have come over and asked if Little Guy could play too and if you minded him being there though. But that's because I am over 50 years old and have life experiences behind me in child care and overseeing kids.

Some just aren't good at it. Some are exceptional.

You say you live on a cul-de-sac. That is usually a super safe area for little kids to come out and play without mom or dad being right there. I think that if you live in a residential neighborhood that is pretty safe then I'd let my little guy outside to play without me. I'd be keeping an eye on him from the windows or in the garage too though. Just because you couldn't see the mom or grandma doesn't mean they weren't keeping an eye on him every little bit.

Wow, I have to admit you have a wide range of views on your post. Even though I didn't read them all, I am surprised. I don't think you are being judgmental or anything of that nature. The point is, it's your yard and you took responsibility for your son and his friend to play. If this uninvited neighbor were a little older, I am sure you would not be as concerned. It is unfair for you to have to supervise an uninvited guest, that your child is not playing with. We live in a rural area, in a subdivision and I have a neighbor that let's her 3yr old in diapers out to play alone unsupervised. Cars fly through our neighborhood all the time and I worry for the 3yr olds safety. If my children are outside, I am outside. I do not hover but I am there keeping an eye on things, because accidents and abductions happen in the blink of an eye. I think you are on the right track with what you have planned to say/do.

As evidenced by the range of answers you got it certainly isn't neglectful to allow a three year old to play outside without an adult standing right there.

I allowed my three year old to run with the big girls in our yard and around our home. It was an old fashioned dream childhood for them. The kids in our neighborhood who were allowed some freedom had an sweet childhood filled with made up games, bicycles, sidewalk chalk and running in sprinklers. They looked out for each other and not once in many years did they break our three rules.
1. Play only in front/back of and between our houses (two houses apart)
2. NEVER go in the street
3. Be respectful of each other and others
Between 3-4 my youngest could handle those rules and she had more freedom than most kids her age. It helped her to grow into the super confident, mature kid she is today.
Anyone who might have called CPS would've been making a huge, stupid mistake. If I were you I'd assume the best and MYOB.

My older daughter was allowed to walk to friends houses at three. She was my only child given that privilege because she earned it. She was my second of four and I know what my child are or are not capable of doing safely.

My point, get to know them before you judge.

I'm sorry I'm 22 years old and have a 4 yr old your post is kind of offensive to me at least since you had to put the mom was young we live out in the country and I don't let my kid go out side at all. I know some parents in their 30s that do this age has nothing to do with this n we live with my boyfriends parents aka grandparents and we are responsible just can not afford a house at this time. But to answer your post I wouldn't let any kids under 10 outside unsupervised

I never let my 3 yr old outside without me being out there, even when my 11 yr old and 7 yr old are also outside.

There have been a couple of times over the years when I have had to say something to neighbors about little ones being outside alone. Both of these neighbors were foreigners who told me in their country it was normal to let very small children play in the street unattended. I had to remind the one lady that our street does not have donkeys walking up and down for transportation, but huge vehicles going 25-30 miles per hour. I told her if I ever saw her two year old sitting down in the middle of the street again, I would call the police.

In your situation, I would casually mention the grandma that you saw the little girl in your yard without an adult nearby. Tell her that you just wanted to make sure they knew she'd gotten outside. And reiterate that you are not always outside with your 6 yr old so she really shouldn't in your yard without adult supervision.

Sure. In fact, when my oldest was 3 she supervised her 20 month old brother in our fenced in yard all the time! (I would keep my eye on them, but I didn't sit outside with them.)

With that said, my kids aren't allowed out of my backyard, so there is no wandering to see the neighbors. If they want to go to the front yard, they need an adult to mind them.

If you don't want the kid in your yard, then I would say something. Otherwise, it's none of your business about the kid being outside alone.

No,you have to pay attention because on minute you can turn around and you don't know were your child is.

I think it's crazy to let a 3 year old play outside unsupervised. And for the people saying their 3 year old does it, for the most part, it sounds like you do it with the understanding of the older kids/parents, or you live in a rural area. For those who let a 3 year old play unsupervised, alone, with an unfenced yard, in the suburbs, they are asking for trouble. These people didn't ask if their daughter could come play. They don't know you or your sons. I personally wouldn't want a 3 year old girl playing with boys twice her age. Boys like to roughhouse. As for "maybe they were watching from inside the house" that's ridiculous. That's fine for older kids who can play on their own, not a 3 year old. Unless you have a chair pulled up to the window and you're sitting there with binoculars watching every minute, then you're not really watching. You're in the house, doing dishes, vacuuming, whatever, and glancing outside from time to time. That's not the same as supervising your child. For people who say its none of your business: 1. Children's safety is everyone's business. If you see a child in danger it's your responsibility as the adult to help. It just takes a minute for a child to wander into the street as a car is coming, or for someone to snatch her and drive off. 2. You bet it's my business when a kid is in my yard. If a child is injured on my property or by one of my children who do you think will be held responsible? The people who say its none of your business are the same ones who let their kids run wild and inconvenience everybody else in the neighborhood. Yep, there's kids like that in my neighborhood. They were just here the other day knocking on my windows as they run from yard to yard because its funny to make my dog bark. I guess their parents are watching from the window.
FYI: My son just turned 3 in April.

I'd be concerned with this if I were you. I think what I'd do is, simply and gently take the little girl by the hand and say something like, "let's go home, let's see where you live (even though you know), they must be wondering where you are." as you walk her home. When you get there address the one who answers the door and just simply and politely tell them, "I found your little girl playing in the street and thought she might live here and so I'm bringing her home before she gets hurt."

Some parents just simply don't care, some don't think anything can happen to their child. I've known this kind of situation more than a few times.

Good Luck with this.

Edited:
Calling CPS is ridiculous! She could have slipped out without anyone realizing it. My parents are wonderful and this happened with my brother when we were little. The next time she does it, don't let her stay and play. If you didn't go out and watch her, you would feel awful if something happened to her even though it would not be your fault. Immediately take her back home. Walk to the front door and just tell them nicely that she was down at your house and you weren't sure if they realized she was outside. If they say they did, then express your concerns.

We did let our 3 yo play outside but we live in the country and the main road is a half mile or more from our house. I still watched him like a hawk.

I would never expect 6 year olds to be responsible for a 3 year old in a front yard..no fence...

Maybe a sibling in a backyard fenced.. But it would depend on what was out there..

With gardening tools laying about? No.

Ladders leaned up against anything. No.

Rope swing, no...
I agree to just say, oops, your baby walked over to our yard, and I do not think our girls can keep an eye on her..

No judgement, just facts..
Imagine a neighbor backing over a 3 year old.. Who just darts off..no one could recover from an accident like that..

Hey just need a reminder of consequences...

If it were me, I would go over with my kids, say hello and introduce ourselves, and let them know you met their three year old the other day. As long as my kids liked her, I would let them know she's welcome to come over any time. That's what I would do.
That seems a lot more friendly and neighborly than going over to question their parenting skills.
Besides, how do you know they weren't watching from the window?

Here's what I would do. I would go talk to the mother, not the dad alone. (If they are both there, that's fine.) I would tell them that my son, who is twice as old as their child, is allowed to play in the cul-de-sac and my yard along with his friend who is his age. Tell them that you do spot-watch them, mostly from inside your house. However, you are not comfortable with the 3 year old playing with your son unsupervised, and you cannot be responsible for their 3 year old.

Smile and be pleasant, but have the conversation. If they are clueless, they need to be told because YOUR child will be blamed if you don't. You do NOT want them at your front door fussing because their daughter got hurt. I know that the 3 year old wants to "hang with the big boys". I saw it plenty when my boys were little. Believe me, when a younger kid gets hurt playing with your kid, you will not like being yelled at because YOU weren't watching the kid who got hurt. That has happened to me and the person doing it tried to tell me that I had to pay the kid's dental bills because he grabbed a chair and hit himself in the mouth. I felt sorry for the kid, but everyone agreed (except the kid's mother) that my son was NOT to blame.

Be proactive now before anything happens. And if it were me and no one was out there to supervise the 3 year old in YOUR yard, I'd take her HOME. They need to know you will not babysit for her.

Good luck.

I would not let my 3 year old out of my sight to play, unless I have spoken to the parent. I am right there with my kids.

Next time the little darling is in your yard, go find who is "watching" her at the time and have a chat. Let them know that they have to walk to her to you and talk to you if she is to play in your yard. This ensures that you are not in the middle of something, and so you know that when she is supposed to be in "your" care.. This might wake them up. Either they are not thinking clearly, but the you have provided the ground rules.. she can not come over with out your knowledge. I know you would hate for her to go missing .. they assume she is at your yard, You have no clue and some stranger has her.. ugh.. the horrible thoughts.

Good luck

I think the rational thing to do is walk the little girl home next time she comes over. Introduce yourself. Kindly mention that you weren't sure if they knew that she'd gone down to your house.

If you're close enough in proximity to see the dad working on his car in the garage, it's highly possible that they can see the little girl from inside their house as well.

I wouldn't try giving a lecture as that won't be appreciated, but you could say that you'd feel a lot more comfortable if they asked if it's okay to play so you know that she's there and you can keep an eye out and make sure she goes home when she's supposed to.

I used to allow my 3 year old to go down the street and play with his little friend. I walked him down there, of course it was prearranged with the other mom, and they were allowed to play outside on their own on sunny days. They could be seen from the front windows of her house and I could see them from the front windows of mine. We lived in a very rural and safe area. I also used to take my son outside with his easel and paints and let him do artwork in the front yard, not fenced, while I did work in the house. Again, I could clearly see him the whole time.

Thank goodness I never had to worry about anyone taking things at face value and assuming that he wasn't being supervised. I've lived in plenty of places where my kids were the only ones for other kids to play with or make friends with. Maybe there aren't any kids the little girls age in your neighborhood. Kids gravitate to kids.

I would have a nice, neighborly and non-confrontational talk with the little girls family and see if you can come to an agreement where it's okay for her to come over sometimes for an hour and a half or so at a time. She should be reminded to go home for lunch or if she still takes naps, she should be reminded to go home for dinner, etc. If you become familiar with the family, they may feel more comfortable coming to get her and bring her home when it's time.

Just my opinion.

I suggest that you're over thinking this. Take the child by the hand and walk him back home. The father was in essence outside with him but wasn't vigilant enough. I suggest that you bringing him back will be embarrassing to him and he'll watch more carefully next time.

I would knock on the door so that the mother or grandmother knew what happened.

If this continues, I'd take him home 2-3 times first,) I'd call the police and report an unsupervised child at your home. The officer taking him home will certainly cause a change or the situation will be documented and the child taken into custody.

I wouldn't talk to them, but if it happens again I would simply walk the child home and return her to her parents, they will get the hint. 5 and 6 also seems a little young to me to be outside alone when not in a fenced in year, JMO.

Nope. My 6 yr is allowed in our backyard unsupervised, but front yard/street means one of us is out there.

As for how to approach this, I would talk to the Grandma and maybe ask for her phone #. Tell her how you just happened to notice that grandson was over to play. You weren't sure if that was okay or if grandson had just wandered down. Having the phone # would help keep everyone safe and located.

**I'm kind of baffled by all the people who think it's OK to let 3-year-olds wander off and play in the yards of people they don't know? Even if it's the safest neighborhood in the world it's still weird to assume A) That someone else they've never met will watch their child or know by telepathy that the parents are spying from their house down the block....or B) No one needs to watch a 3-year-old. ?

Don't make it about them, make it about you so they don't get offended, because obviously they feel this is OK. ??! They must figure if anything happens, someone ELSE is watching their 3-year-old or that they can see your yard..? Rude. But stay friendly. Unless you feel fine babysitting the 3-year-old by watching her along with your kids, just walk her back and say, "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm not comfortable watching a 3-year-old, I'm only just starting to let my own child out without being outside as well."

They didn't "ask you to watch her" but your statement means you feel you should on your own property so they can't contest it. If they say something CRAZY like, "Oh you don't have to watch her, we just let her run" then repeat that you are not comfortable with a three-year-old on your property unsupervised. If they say they're watching from their house just give them a weird look :)

That's what I would do with a big nice smile. And DO address it (if it happens again), because now that it has happened and worked out for them, it will probably keep happening. The next time, take her back RIGHT AWAY with a confident, friendly demeanor.

I'm not an "in your face" kind of person. I go about confrontation in a whole different way. I would (and have) idly mention something in the news... an accident involving a young child being hurt unsupervised, a kidnapping, etc.. (sounds horrible, I know) and then casually mention that since their child is out sometimes alone, they may want to have her/him play in their yard or within vision because you'd hate for something sad to happen. It's like being nice and thoughtful without being intruding or judgmental. I guess you can call it passive-agressive...

3 years is awfully young to be out unsupervised... even more so that the parents did not walk over & make sure it was OK for their daughter to hang out with your kids (who are twice her age, & that's quite a bit at 3 & 6).

I am not saying that they are doing so, but this type of behavior can & has been reported to CPS as parenting neglect. But I appreciate that you are recognizing that maybe it is just naivete on the part of the parents, & hopefully they are open to understanding the dangers to their child.

I understand you might be more comfortable talking to the grandmother, but I would suggest starting by talking to them, out of respect for their role as the parents of the child.

If you truly think they are not aware of how to responsbily parent, what a great opportunity for you to establish a relationship in a non-threatening way & bring this situation to their attention. Let them know that when your kids are outside, you aren't actually out supervising them, but keeping tabs from inside the house.

But that you know from personal experience, such supervision wasn't adequate when your son was 3 & you were concerned that they may not have realized you weren't outside with the kids.

Maybe you can offer to have the daughter & mom/G-ma over for a play-date. That way, play is supervised & you can establish more of a relationship with them, & help be a positive influence on their parenting.

T.

it would depend on your street layout traffic in the area, how your neighborhood is, how well this kid knows the neighborhood, etc.
But yeah, I let my 3 yr old (almost 4 when allowed just cause that was the warm weather time) do just about anything outside. She knew her boundaries and followed the rules.