Stubborn Potty Trainer

Does she go to preschool or Mother's Day Out? My neightbor's son was 4 before he potty trained. He could have cared less until he started school. Then he wanted to be like every other boy in class and was trained within 2 weeks.

Each child is different.
In my case, my daughter potty trained at about 2-2.5 year old.
My son, is now 3.5 years old, and has only recently wanted to do it.
We don't push him or use treats. We went by his cues. When HE was ready.
He will now tell us if he has to pee, and he will go, happily, to his potty chair.
Some days not, some days he will do it all day. Pooping is hit or miss. But we don't force him.
He is happy now... doing it.

Both my kids are real smart and perceptive too... but that has nothing to do with it. A child, if they are ready, will. And, it will make the whole process easier, with LESS battling about it.
Then I have my mother-in-law... who ALWAYS would say WHY my son is not potty trained yet, and how she did it before her kids were even 15 months old. Whatever.
A child, once they are ready, will do it. My kids are proof. I did not use "methods" or prizes or stickers or rewards. Just a high-five. And they would feel proud and happy about it. Naturally.

For me, I just kept the potty chair out and around. That way, the child can get accustomed to it and go to it if they want to, or even just to "pretend." Which is fine. All part of a process.

Good luck,
Susan

My daughter was the same way. I finally asked her when she wanted to stop wearing diapers. Her answer? "When I'm 4 years old". And you know what? She had one accident on her birthday, and that was that! I nagged, cajoled, punished, rewarded and turned blue in the face with my son, and wished I could have asked him the same question. If she is as bright as you say she is, then give her some power to make this decision. Then it becomes her choice and will stop being a power play over you. Have the pretty underwear available for the day when she picks. Maybe even have a calendar so she can do a countdown to the day that she picks. Stop with the stars and excessive celebrating, though. It's a part of life, not a constant party. Good luck!

BTW, she's almost 13, and is a straight-A student who still appreciates it when I give her some things in her life to control. She rewards us with excellent behavior and a really great attitude!

Have you tried dropping the whole subject for a month or two? I, myself, just had this same dilemma but only with the pooping part(my son will turn 4 in May). I dropped the entire subject for a month. Once the month was up he still wasn't quite ready so I added some miralax (1/2 t) to his morning drink because it seems that he has a tendency to be constipated and the very next week he finally pooped on his little potty. Daddy caught him going to hide and put him on the potty. He didn't fight it, but it wouldn't have happened otherwise. I think the Miralax helped get him over the hump so to speak because my husband caught him at just the right time and it was coming no matter what. 2 days later he told me he had to go on his little potty and he's been accident free since. Some children are just strong willed and no matter what you do they cannot be bribed. My older son was SO easy to bribe so he was fully trained during the week of spring break and never had poop accidents so I can totally relate to what you're going thru. Good luck!!!

I think you need to proceed very carefully, because you can set up a battle that will spill over into every part of your relationship. I agree that she is old enough and should be using the potty, but with a strong willed child it can be difficult. I have a very strong willed child and he would not use the potty. He is very bright and he knew what to, but he didn't want to do it on my schedule. What happened with my son is that one day he came home from the church nursery (at about 3 1/2) and announced "I am not wearing diapers anymore." and that was it. No battles, no accidents, he just started using the potty. I found out later that he was the only one in the nursery that was still wearing a diaper. So, maybe you need to get your daughter in a situation where she will be the only one in a diaper and see if that encourages her to make the decision herself. Try to just back off for a while and let her take the lead.

Intelligent children are often difficult to potty train, in their minds, they already have that figured out. It is easier for them to go in their pull-ups and have you clean it up than to remember to go to the potty. To start with, if you are using disposable pull-ups, you may want move to cloth training pants (they are more uncomfortable when wet and dirty). You can also make her part of the 'clean up' process where she has to wash herself every time she misses the potty. That will make going to the potty a lot more appealing.

I agree she is old enough to be potty trained and some children need a little push because they might not do it on their own until they start school and for most parents that is just too long to wait. However, I do not think it is right to punish a child who doesn't want to use the potty. I would try telling her that her pedi said it is time to use the potty and he/she said she must sit on it( 1 minute or less) every 30 minutes until she decides to use it. I would give her a tiny treat for complying like 1 M&M. During one of those 30 minute times she will certainly have to go and when she does show her how proud you are of her and pretend to call the pedi and tell him about it. Also, put her in underware and have her help clean up any accidents. Most importantly, never show anger or frustration. Good luck and I hope something I said helps.

My son was the same way. He didn't potty train until one day before his 4th birthday. Finally he moved to a class at his preschool where ALL the kids were potty trained and that peer pressure/ modeling worked. Up until that time he was in a class where only some of the kids were potty trained. goof luck as I know it can be frustrating!

At about 4, little girls start to like "pretty" things. Let your daughter select some "pretty" panties to wear. But pretty panties can't be wet or soiled or we'll have to go back to plain, old training pants. Although you daughter may want to show everyone her pretty panties, she will be careful not to mess them up and go back to trainers.
Good luck! Grammy Ward

My dd is the same age. She trained last month, still working on the night thing though ..............I told her that she was out of pull ups & would have ti wear her big girl panties...............we had a couple of accidents at first (btw, only at home though not at mothers day out) & she would clean up herself & get new panties on........then she started telling us ALL the time so she didn't make a mess. Within a week it was done & she was stubborn like yours...........she wanted the attention too like baby brother was getting.........since we told her all the time about what she GETS that bb is too young to get, she now loves being able to do MORE than bb.

Back off for now. Don't use punishment as a potty training tool. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. Don't compare your children.

All three of my children were about 3 years old when they potty trained. Each was a very different experience, but the one common thread is that they had to be mentally ready. My oldest was peeing in the potty at 2 1/2, no problem, but it took her another 6 months to be mentally ready to poop (lots of underwear thrown away during that time!). As her third birthday approached, we would occasionally -- and conversationally -- mention that 3 year olds go poopie on the potty. And once she turned three we created a reward chart with pictures of her rewards (a verbal promise of a reward won't stick in her mind, but a picture reinforces it). Within 3 weeks of her third birthday she was a pro! My youngest just potty-trained. She showed a great understanding of the concept when she was about 2 1/2 and even went in the potty, but it totally freaked her out! And the reward system was not a motivator for her at all. So I completely backed off. She turned 3 in mid-January and still showed absolutely no interest and could care less if she was sitting in a dirty diaper. But then, about two weeks after her birthday, my MIL asked her if she wanted to try going on the potty and she agreed and actually did it, then did it again for my MIL later than week. But she wouldn't do it for me. So one morning when I knew she had to go (she was doing a pee-pee dance) I put her on the potty and wouldn't let her off. I wasn't mean about it . . . and I sat with her the whole time. And she put up with it . . . no tears or hysterics (if she had done that I would have stopped because I didn't want this to become a point of stress). Finally she could hold it in no longer. And I gave her a big smile and hug and she saw how proud I was and she was so proud of herself. Within the week she was a pro! Because she was mentally ready at that point.

So just relax a little, back off for a few weeks, then try again in a stress-free, punishment-free manner.

As a parent, you may be interested in a university study about how kids think about other people's thinking. We will ask you to watch with your child three brief, online videos of puppet actors and then to record your child's answers to questions about what the puppets are thinking. We will also ask you some general questions about yourself, your child, and your household. Participation would take less than 15 minutes, and it's a great way for you and your child to contribute to our knowledge of how children think. For more details go to the following address:
http://www.milestoneshome.org/current/thinking/

Best wishes,

Kimberly

Hello A.,
At 3 years and 8 months, I wouldn't give her an option about being interested, she is past the point where it's an option. I wouldn't clap or give stickers or rewards, she isn't a toddler and at this point, using the toilet should be expected behavior. It should be a rule, and if the rule is broken, I would punish the same as for other rule breaking behavior
Is she in disposable diapers/pullups? Kids are more interested when they are in cloth diapers or heavy cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer,
it means when they pee themselves, they feel very wet and yucky. If you're asking her if she needs or wants to use the toilet, I'd take that control away from her. Take her every hour and a half, not to the toddler potty but the big toilet, she is going to be 4. My kids did the toilet at age three. Dont ask her, simply take her, and use those cloth trainers.
If she knows what to do but is opting not to, and you are not insisting, then the issue is you mom. You need to be the parent, take control and demand the behavior that you expect. There is no reason for her not to be using the toilet.Good luck!

have you tried taken her shopping for knickers and letting her choose them by herself so she can see how grown up she will be when she wears them?