Potty Training Strong Willed 3 Year Old

Just leave him naked on the bottom and keep a potty chair nearby wherever he is.

My son, was similar. Then at about 3 years old... HE on his own... went and peed in his potty chair. Then it got more often, over time. We would leave him naked on the bottom at home with the potty chair nearby. We didn't 'nag' him. He just did it.

My friend's Son... was like that too. Didn't do it... until he was already in his 3's. Despite being at Daycare and the other kids being potty able.

But bear in mind, even if a child is potty trained... nap time and night-time dryness is not biologically attained until even 7 years old. So the child will still need a diaper for sleep/naps. Its normal. Just get waterproof bed-pads (several) to make clean up after leaks/accidents easier. I got mine from Amazon.

all the best,
Susan

Hi C.,

You aren't the only one! Between my years as a preschool teacher and my own experience as a mom, I found in these situations I usually have two choices:

First, continue to back off. Let the child initiate interest, drive the train, etc. Use these tools for assessment of readiness at this link:

http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...

The other option, if I feel the child is really ready and it's time to start, is to offer him either cloth diapers or cloth underwear. No pull-ups, no paper diapers (maybe except for bedtime with the paper diapers.) My son was ready, but too busy doing other things. This summer I just made it clear that he could wear cloth diapers or underwear and that we were all done with paper diapers during the day. Feeling *being wet* is important to their learning, and can be a big motivator. And having a choice is important for kids who need to have a say in things.

And because he's strong-willed, when it comes time for him to use the bathroom, don't *ask* him "do you need to go potty?" , just tell him clearly "In one minute, we need to take a break and go potty." I do this with my son and all of my preschool students. Asking often leads to accidents with younger children. Once every couple hours is usually fine, and you'll notice if you need to send him more often. Just tell him to 'sit on the potty for one story and we'll see if anything comes out'. If he's at school, he can look at a book for two minutes on the timer. Ding and he's done, no matter what. Keep the stories short, and then, unless he's still going, let him get up when it's done/the timer goes off.

If you need any ideas for helping children transition out of playing to go use the bathroom, PM me. I've got plenty.:)

One more thought: you might want to wait until after the holidays before making this switch. For most families, we are taking our children out on visits, to the houses of friends and family or shopping. With so many distractions, asking our children to start using the toilet now can set them up for mistakes and accidents.

And don't worry: they rarely get to kindergarten wearing diapers! There's a lot to be said for the peer pressure your son might be feeling as he travels through 3 and 4 in this area. Bon chance!

Here's one of several sites that gives some great "readiness" checklists. I question whether your son is truly ready for success yet: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness...

Lots of little boys, particularly, don't have all aspects of readiness and willingness in place until they are between 3.5 and 4.5.

You just can't push a river any faster than it can flow. Same with maturation of our kids. Actually, when I was a toddler, around the time the wheel was invented, it was the fashion to force kids to potty train by the age of two. Some children succeeded early, but others were in training for a year, or two. Moms who "failed" perceived themselves to be objects of public ridicule, so the social pressures to train early were intense. Some parents (like my mother) went so far as to give their toddlers daily enemas to conveniently control their bowel functions.

It's almost a standing "joke" in my generation that a surprising large percentage of us (several whom I know personally) have been psychologically scarred by being forced before they had the physical readiness or emotional maturity. I am glad you're not willing to punish your son for his refusal.

The GOOD news:

When he's ready, he will probably become enthusiastic about getting himself trained. If you don't give him any reasons to resist or dig in his heels (and he could experience the "reverse" bribing by rewarding other children for success as psychological pressure), at some point he will want to use the potty and get out of diapers, just as he wanted to learn to walk and talk when he was ready. See severak stories related by mamapedia moms here: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/6651391040949452801#re...

So, yes, you can back off completely, and he WILL train, possibly sooner than if you push. But some parents also have really good experiences with light-hearted pre-training, some of which you've already done: reading stories about using the potty, watching videos, having potty-parties with your son's favorite toys "going potty," allowing him to watch how you and daddy use the potty, letting him flush, getting those big-boy pants ready, etc.

Some moms find rewards helpful, but I doubt that they'll really help if the child's bladder and nervous system, and emotional maturity, is just not there yet.

And as S H. notes, pee training generally happens first. Night training can follow by a few years in some children, and they can't help that. Poop training may also be a separate, and often later, step for many kids.

Stand him up by the potty to tinkle or pee, and let him see his Daddy sit on the potty to do the other. When he does tinkle brag on him and the same when he sits on the potty like his Daddy.

Both of my kids had a fear of sitting on the potty at that age. My son has been potty trained for over a year and if there is anything strange about a potty he still won't use it. For example, my parents put blue cleaner dye in their toilet. It took 4 months for him to use it again, and they still have to go in with him. Our toilet backed up and overflowed one morning last month, and I had to get the m&ms out again to get him to go back in there again. I would try to find out why he doesn't want to sit there. Maybe he just doesn't want to take the time. In my son's preschool class last year most boys were almost 4 before they were trained, and I told the teacher flat out that I would not accept that (the teachers there would not support potty training until the child was almost 4 because they didn't like accidents).

With my daughter, the preschool director who had 4 of her own kids told me to throw the diapers/pull ups away, except during naps, put her in underwear and clean her up when she got wet. her philosophy was that in our generation we used cloth diapers and didn't like being wet. Our mothers wouldn't accept having a 4 yo that wasn't trained. So at 3 yrs 3 months, I got her underwear she liked, let her pick her own potty out and found a reward she liked (ho hos and tastycakes). It took a weekend for pee. then she learned to hold it until nap time when pull ups went on. One day when I knew she had to go, I told her she had to use her potty or she couldn't leave the kitchen. 5 minutes later she pulled her potty out, went on it, and she was pee trained from then on out. It took a lot longer for poop. We had to make up silly stories about sending the poop on a party, put the potty in the living room in front of the TV and really give a lot of praise.

We did a lot of the same things for my son. His school really disrupted the process, and instead of a weekend, it took about 2 weeks. when I knew he had to go one day, I got him on the potty (he wasn't happy about it either) and it was like a light bulb went off and he realized the feeling. I took M&Ms to school and he soon was trained there.

I don't think you should punish him. But do encourage him and dump the pullups in the daytime, they are the enemy. Also encourage your son or someone that he admires to take him in with them while they go. My son was also fascinated by the urinal at our Moms Day Out program.

Yep, been there. My son just wasn't interested at all and is extremely strong willed. We got lots of advice to back off and finally did. When he was ready, he did it (at a bit over 4 years). I decided that it should be at his pace, not when "we" thought he was ready. After all, I was reminded that he won't go to high school in diapers:) I would just let it go completely and wait for him to show an interest, which he will at some point. Hang in there!!

We tried treats with my daughter... M&Ms, Whoppers, jelly beans. Sometimes they worked as an incentive to go, sometimes they didn't. One thing that I think helped was that every hour, I'd ask her if she wanted to go potty, and when she said no, I'd say good because I needed to go. It always started a race to the potty so she could go first. Other than that, we just had to wait for it to click. (Which is obnoxious to hear, I know!) She turned 3 in September, and seems to be good now, but for a few months I swore she'd be in pull-ups forever!

My strong willed son seemed to fight back the more I tried to encourage him to go to the potty. Then one day I decided to stop with the rewards, timers, and everything else I tried. Before I knew it, he was going to the bathroom by himself without any encouragement from me. Sometimes they just want to do it by themselves. I did praise him when I saw him going, but other than that I let him do it himself. The same happened for pooing on the potty too. I just told him that when his tummy started hurting, he needed to go potty. He finally got it after a few accidents.

Hmm...well it might be that your LO just isn't ready so definitely do not push and do not punish (good job for that much lol). I agree with the teacher and using his fav. candy or any kind of reward for doing all his business in the toilet is an idea that I very much favor for potty training....check out these tips and it should hopefully spark some ideas that you may not have tried just yet...good luck!

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/potty+training?utm_c...

My son was the same way. I took him to the store and had him pick out a new potty just for him and then I let him decorate it with stickers while he sat on it. We also put it infront of the tv. If he wanted to watch tv he had to sit on his potty. It took a while, but it eventually started to work. He really liked decorating this potty too.

All I can offer is that "when they are ready, it 'clicks' and will happen quickly. I agree that he just sounds 'not ready' yet. I'd try the backing off completely.

In our case, backing off completely was the answer. We tried it all -- treats, stickers, candy, even gift-wrapped toys (small, dollar store stuff). When my son decided he was ready, he was ready.

The plus side to handing over the control to him is that when it clicks and he decides to go potty, there will be zero struggles between the two of you and very, very few accidents.

i have three boys... they all potty trained late, my first refused to go on the potty, my Hubby carried him kicking and screaming to the potty one day (which I did not agree with but that is another story) but my son hated to go to the potty, he was ready for potty training and had been dry at night for several months so I bought a timer one day while at the grocery store and I gave it to him and I told him to set it for 30 minutes and when the timer went off he had to go to the potty, so he did, he set the timer and when it went off he ran in sat on the potty went pee just like that, (I was completely shocked!!!) but it worked, he set the timer again for 60 minutes and we continued from there. my second child... the timer didn't work for him at all, he had to pee every 5 minutes, finally my mom trained him (I was in the hospital for a month) I told her to let him run around naked, so she did, I think she used the timer also (15 minute intervals to start) and he eventually trained in about 2 weeks time. my third trained easily in about a week... then he completely regressed and refused to go potty... I was so fed up with it about 6 months later (he was wearing a pull up and never going on the potty) I just told him that was it all the pull ups were gone and we weren't getting any more and he had to use the potty like a big boy, so we did practice drills in almost every room of the house... a practice drill was where we would pretend like we needed to pee and we would jump up and shout how we needed to go pee and we would run to the potty as fast as we could and we would pull his pants down pretend to pee then get dressed again and hoot and holler how happy we were to have gone potty, I'd make a big deal about how great he did (even thought it was just pretend) then we went to the next room of the house and repeated the same drill, I think we did his room, the play room, the family room and the kitchen and outside, and we went to the closest potty each time, and he loved it, I cheered after each drill, and we laugh like it was some silly game of tag or something and he was fine with it, he began going on the potty again that day and only had a few accidents after that, (if he had an accident we would practice our drill again once from that spot after he was cleaned up) but it worked great, you could modify the drill by not making your son sit on the potty if he doesn't want to, but still giving him the idea that you pee/poop in the bathroom. I never used a kid size potty I always used the potty seat that fits on the regular potty, it seamed to work better for me with boys to keep the pee going in the right direction, my boys thought the little potty was to little for them and and it was not comfortable, the best potty insert I found was from baby bijorn, I don't know i they still make it but it was comfortable for them and provided the best protection for not peeing out of the potty when they were sitting down, only my third chose to stand during training, but I left it up to them.

I also agree with another posted that said let him see his dad on the pot if possible, my hubby was not around much for potty training so I just let them see me sit on the pot, which helped but seeing Dad would have been helpful too.

Hi there, C.,
I recently potty trained my 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter, who is also strong willed. At some point right before we began potty training, I noticed that she was motivated by anything that "big girls" did. She also got a big kick out of seeing her father and me dance around and lavish praise and hugs on her when she did "big girl" things (like going tee-tee in the potty).

Finding what motivated her and then using that in potty training I think was a big part of our success. (Candy, for instance, didn't really motivate her for some reason. If it had motivated her, I definitely would have used it!)

Also, at the advice of my in-home daycare provider, I used a three-day potty training technique. I found this technique here: http://www.babycenter.com/0_potty-training-in-three-days-...

If you try this route, you have to mentally prepare yourself for some messes. But with carpet cleaner and a carpet brush in-hand, it's not so bad. I also had some arts-and-crafts and other fun activities for us to do during the three days we stayed at home. This process worked wonders for us, although I know it has it's critics. My daughter still had a few accidents after the three days, but I'd say after a week, she was accident free. And after three or four months, she was sleeping in big-girl panties through the night.

I will add that I have two friends with children the same ages as my children, and their kids are not yet potty trained. These friends have used pull-ups for months. I think the pull-ups really hamper the potty training process, but that's just my opinion.

I still have one more kid to potty train (my son is 9 months). I'll probably try this technique with him, too, but who knows if it will work. Every kid is different! Best of luck to you!
M.

I feel your frustration. My oldest son is crazy stubborn and he was not going to be told he had to potty on the potty chair until it was his idea. I tried it all including taking away the pullups. He wasn't at all bothered if he peed and pooped in his clothes; he just kept right on playing. One day he decided he was too old for pullups and that was the end. My guess is that where your son pottys is one of the few things he can control in his life and he doesn't want to give it up yet. In the next few months it will become socially unacceptable to him to be the only one in diapers. Try to stay patient.

My strong willed son did not respond to any kind of rewards or encouragement. None of my attempts to potty train him worked. He came home from the church nursery one Sunday at about 3 1/2 and announced, "I am not wearing diapers anymore!" That was it. He never had an accident and it was no big deal. Once he made up his mind that he wanted to do it, then he did. I found out later that he was the only kid in his Sunday School class that was still in diapers, so I am sure that was his incentive. Relax and let him decide the time. My son is now 15 and still very strong willed. I would encourage you to pick your battles and only worry about the big things. Give him choices (that you would be happy with) whenever possible, rather than commands that you can not enforce. You can not force a child sleep, eat or use the potty, so don't even attempt those things!