Stubborn 12 Month Old Who Refuses to Nap

Hi S.!

My little guy will be 12 months in September. He's a pretty good napper, but usually cries for about 20-30 minutes before falling asleep. I have two suggestions for you that have worked for us.

First- On the days when my little guy cries very hard when I put him down, I go in every 5 minutes ( and then increase to every 10 if it goes on for a little while) and give him a hug, tell him I love him and that it's time to sleep and lay him back down. He usually cries even harder for about a minute after I leave the room, but after a few times of going in and putting him back down he usually falls asleep.

Second- if your little girl just won't nap have you tried putting her in her crib with some toys and letting her have some "quiet time"? I've found that on the days that my son just doesn't want to nap that it does us both a world of good for him to have a little "quiet time" playing in his crib with a few toys (rattles are a favorite at my house because they make a fun noise when banged against the crib bars). Leave the monitor on and step away and spend a few minutes relaxing (I like to read a chapter in a book)while your daughter plays . It's essential for YOU to have a little break during the day and when she just won't nap this might be a way for you to have a few minutes to yourself while you know she's safe in her crib.

Hi S.,

If you are home with her, maybe ou can try letting her dictate naptime -- if any. She's getting 11-12 hrs at night and may just not need too much more. If she does, maybe she would be happier with an hour early at noon or late at 3 or whatever. I have always noticed that third, fourth etc. children have a much more chaotic schedule than older kids and still seem to do OK. I would not let her cry it out for naps -- that's gotta be counterproductive.

good luck!
S. F.
mom to 2 big boys!

Well, to begin with she is not 3 mos old any more. Since you are running into the ppossibility that she is ruling the roost with this nap thing and can tell you worry so much about her crying, I think you should set the pace for a change and follow through with teaching her to sleep during the day, two naps, at least 1hr.15 min. The clue for you is not to pick her up when she wakes up crying after the 20 min nap. Try the 5, 10, 15 min routine. Lay her down for her nap without a lot of soothing routines and mustering up as much non-challance as you can to fool her. Set the timer for 5 min and pop your head in, but do not talk or enter the room. Set timer for 10 min and repeat. Set timer for 15 and repeat until she falls asleep. Can you feel the peace descend upon the house when she finally falls asleep? When she awakens after 20 min let her cry 5 min then pop in head, 10 min, pop in head and so on until she falls asleep again. If she sleeps more than 20 min the second time she falls asleep, you know that this appraoch will work. Keep it up until you can lay her down, she cries a short while and takes a decent nap. Also, when to say she's had enough sleep. Go by the charts or your doctor. But she should wake up without crying and then you know she's had enough sleep and is ready to let you set the pace. Her sleep time at night will decrease, no doubt. Be prepared for that and treat it the same way.
Now another aspect of this situation is your emotions. Do not feel guilty about letting her sleep in the swing. That was okay and you do need a break. You have been a responsible parent in enduring the colic and getting medicine for the reflux. Pat yourself on the back. You want to be the best parent you can be for your daughter and now that means learning to let her cry without imagining she is going to hyperventilate again or be traumatized for the rest of her life. Life is not easy, and even at her young age she has had to learn to deal with it, i.e. the colic and reflux. She has the adaptive resources within herself to deal with a lot. She also has an uncanny ability to learn to manipulate and control you but she has to learn that is not an acceptable way for her to deal with life.

Please check out the book "healthy sleep habit happy child". She needs naps, it will direct you how much and at what times. The timing off naps are so important. Once you get tpast the right time it is harder for them to settle. I've struggles with sleep for my three. When I schedule their sleep based of the book it helps.

HI S.,

I read your request and remembered how hard it was when my oldest had sleep issues and we let him cry at nap and bedtime. I don't have any magic solutions for you - I'm sure you will get a lot of advice here. I just wanted to share with you that what you are going thru is really difficult on you! So be kind to yourself and take care of yourself, not just the baby. If you can't get her to nap would it be possible to hire a babysitter at least a couple afternoons a week so you know you will get a break and can plan for that?

I wouldn't worry that the baby isn't sleeping enough if she doesn't fuss all day and isn't acting cranky etc except when she doesn't want to nap.

Don't give up! My colicky first napped/slept well after the first year. In the meantime take care of yourself and good luck!

M. G

Hi S.,

When my son was young he hated naps in the same way. After a while I realized that sometimes by taking a nap, he wouldn't go to bed at night. Some days he was more tired than others. A doctor would probably tell you they will sleep when they get tired.

So I decided for an option. At 1:00 all activity stopped for the most part and it was "quiet" time, as opposed to nap time. He could play but in his playpen and I could get a few things done. If he was tired, he'd lay down and sleep if not, I still got my quiet time in. When he was 3, quiet time was, "You lay on the couch and get some "rest" and I'll put a disney movie on." giving me at least 1 1/2 hours of time to get stuff done. He had to stay on the couch and could not get off until the movie was done. Some days he slept and other days he didn't. But there was less crying and less fussing at him. Prayers are with you!

I'm also S. T.

I can relate - my son would sleep 2 1.5 hour naps at the sitters but only 20 minutes for me on the weekends. He also would only sleep in the swing but then grew out of it. I was so frustrated but then I noticed what the sitter did and copied it at home. I tried laying my son in his own room - full of bright colors, animals - all sorts of visual stimulation. So, like the sitter, I put his pack-n-play in my bedroom - where it is darker and nothing fun to look at. I also kept a fan on for background noise so he wouldn't hear everything we were doing. It took a few days but eventually he started sleeping for me as well. Mind you sometimes I still had to put him outside in the swing or drive in the van so he would fall asleep but I could transfer him without him waking up. Good luck!

That's more than enough nighttime sleep. Do you try exercising her during the day? Actual exercise, on her back, work her legs up and down 10 times, back and forth 10 times, arms up and down, arms back and forth etc. Then start gain. You can do these things on the floor or on the bed. Lay her on her tummy then and play with her favorite toy for a minute or so then put it on the surface just out of her reach so she needs to stretch for it...you can tease her with it like you're playing with a puppy (understand?). Tickle her and play some more with putting it out of reach. She'll scoot and work her little body getting the exercise she needs for a little nap. Do you get her outdoors much? Fresh air also knocks them out. Swing at the park, slide, etc. Good luck

Hi S..
Your daughter's acid reflux is probably worse when she is lying down. It travels to her throat easier when horizontal. If she is not experiencing this anymore due to the medication working - the memory of this happening while she laid down could still be with her. Pavlov's dog, ya know? Good luck! Also, keep in mind she may have sensory processing disorder (sensory integration disorder). My friend's son had gurd as an infant until about 1 year old. He had to have all sorts of therapy to learn how to eat (eatting was so painful for him that even when the pain was gone...the memory of the pain kept him from eatting) PLUS he needed speech therapy due to the poor muscle tone from not eatting properly. He was diagnosed with the SPD at about 3.5 and at almost 5 has been diagnosed on the spectrum for autism. I'm not saying this is the path for your daughter - but just be aware of the signs.
S. in Lisle

Oh my gosh does this bring back memories. My son also had colic and reflux plus 4 ears infections, bronculitis (sp?) and RSV all within the first 8 months of his life. We too also relied on the swing for him to sleep. It was the ONLY thing that worked so I completely understand where you're coming from. My son is now 14 months, sleeps through the night (but didn't start doing so until he was 10 months old) and does still have some difficulties taking naps. Sometimes he just gets very stubborn and just won't sleep even though I know he's tired. The crying can be very hard to handel, esp if my son hears us in the house or God forbid he sees us, he looses his mind. But then we have the same problem, he's exhausted at 6 or 6:30 and his bed time isn't until 7:30.

This is what I've found that's worked. Stick to the same nap times everyday, without fail. If she just will not cooperate then perhaps move her to 1 afternoon nap. Create a routine. Give her a special stuffed animal that she's only allowed to have at nap time and buy a CD of lullaby music that you only play at naptime. Maybe also incorporate reading a book and singing a song too. Just as long as it's the same process everyday. It's hard at first because there's shopping and errands to do. I simply put everything off until my son's slept because otherwise he's a mess and I understand the importance of sleep for a growing child. But it takes time to reestablish something that she should have had in the first place. I had a sick baby, as did you, so things just take a little longer to become rutine. The crying is a lot to handel but know it's for the best. Just stick to it. Otherwise you will have a baby going to bed at 6 PM, waking up at 5 AM and then your life will really be turned around. Best wishes to the both of you!

For me what worked was to create the ame pattern and environment as night. we followed the night time routine and had blackout blinds and curtain in her room. So it was dark and she slept much longer the first time and ever.

V.

She sounds to be about the age where she could probably cut down to one nap. A child at that age still needs about 12 hours of sleep a day. So with that much sleep at night she may not really need a nap. But I wouldn't suggest cutting out naps altogether. Sleeps definetely begets more sleep. If she gets overly tired from not napping at all you could end up with more sleep problems at night.
A book you might want to check out is Elizabeth Pantleys "No Cry Sleep Solution". You might get some good ideas from there.

T. S.

Your baby is getting more sleep at night than most kids do in my opinion - mine never slept more than 10 hours. I'd cut the naps out entirely during the day for a while and just let her be to see how she behaves. If life becomes unbearable because she's too tired, she'll be more likely to collapse in a heap. Make sure she gets a lot of physical exercise to wear her body down as well.

Then start one nap a day back after a week or so. Definitely limit her naps to one nap once you start giving naps again. Perform all the nightie-night ceremony's that you do before she goes to bed at night. It will start calming her down.

In the end, if all this doesn't work - as much as you hate it, I'd let her cry it out - she's learned that if she starts crying so hard and hyperventilates, then you'll come running. Therefore, she knows it's worth the effort.

Good luck!

S

S.-

I would suggest the following: try to get your daughter into a routine around nap time. Start slowing her down before nap time and then read to her or something that is going to her prepared for nap. I am not sure where you live, but Delnor Hospital has a great toddler/infant massage class that really teaches you (along with your child) how to massage your child to relax them. Lastly I would pick up the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. This book really addresses the importance of sleep, what results if the child does not get enough sleep, and how to fix the problem of lack of sleep. Hope this helps!