How Long to Let a Baby Cry?

Have you tried letter her sleep on her belly. Babies that wake up within a few minutes of being put down usually like their belly more. 3of my 4 slept so much better this way.

At that age I used to put my boys to bed awake, and then leave. As long as the crying was light fussing (not full on crying) I would wait 5 mins and then go in and comfort without picking them up. I would rub their tummys and sing softly until they were calm and then leave again. If they started to fuss (not full on cry) I would wait another 5 and repeat. I rarely had to go in more then once.

When they would wake at night I would wait 5 minutes before going in if they were just lightly fussing, and 9 times out of 10 they went back to sleep on their own before the 5 mins were up.

Have you tried sleeping with her on the couch? Both of my daughters breastfed, co-slept, and CIO'd. Is she constipated? My youngest daughter HAS to have juice everyday otherwise she has incredibly hard poops, and she's had that issue since she was a few months old. She has always been a crier, too. Just non-stop wailing whenever you'd put her down. She will be 1 in a month, and she's still like that quite a bit. At first we thought she had colic or bad gas. Now I know she just really REALLY loves being held. You could try CIO... But I'd suggest sleeping with her on the couch. It's a neutral area where you two can be alone. You can help her adjust to sleeping alone later. Right now the only goal is to help her sleep peacefully. :)

Do you breastfeed her?
If so, are you producing enough milk? If not baby will be constantly hungry and whiney.
Are you feeding her on demand... or according to a schedule? Nursing/feeding on demand is needed. Not scheduled feedings.
I know several friends, that this happened with their baby. Their baby was constantly whining and crying and unhappy and just never peaceful. But so, until they realized baby was not getting enough intake... and they increased their baby's intake and frequency of feedings... then their baby normalized.

2) Then, I have another friend who's baby would constantly cry too and be so difficult to sleep. So she took her baby to the Doctor. The Doctor looked over her baby VERY carefully from head to toe. The Doctor found, a very fine Blonde hair that was tangled and wrapped around her baby's toe... and it was getting tighter and tighter and the skin was getting cut into. Now, the hair was blonde and fine and very hard to see. It took the Doctor to see it with a magnifier. But after the Doctor removed the hair (which he had to cut away because it was so tangled), her baby... was THEN happy again.

I would take your baby to the Pediatrician.
Your baby, does not seem happy/comfortable.
A baby that does not nap at all.... is and will be, very very very unhappy.
It is like having constant... insomnia and sleep deprivation.
I would be, concerned about that deeply... your baby is only 4 months old. And she seems, very very uncomfortable.
Crying it out, is not the solution.

Or maybe she has reflux? Or colic? Or allergies? or maybe she is sensory sensitive???
My daughter as a baby was not easy and similar to yours... BUT, I had realized that she had BAD gas problems and pains. She rarely even farted or burped. Hardly ever. So I'd give her Mylicon Infant Gas drops and that helped immensely. AND she was, noise/sensory sensitive too etc. A toilet flushing down the hallway, would wake her up screaming. For example. And when she did not feel well because of the gas and gas pains... she got very clingy. Which is what babies do when they do not feel well or are in pain.
My daughter is 9 now, and she still gets occasional gas pain issues. JUST like her Dad. But when she was a baby, it really caused such discomfort.

3 months old was also a growth spurt time. IF her intake has not increased and she is not nursed as needed, baby will cry. Intake has to keep UP with a baby. At at growth-spurts, hunger increases and frequency of feedings.

I would really take baby to the Pediatrician.

But also, you might try swaddling her. Or try co-sleeping.

Really, her non-napping as well, is really causing your baby to be not well.
Lack of sleep/sleep deprivation etc., is very unhealthy for child OR adult. It is like Insomnia.
Lack of sleep for you & your Husband is hard... BUT... can you imagine how it is for your baby, and she does not even nap???
Most babies that age nap 2-3 times a day.
Her not napping, makes me wonder if something is wrong.

BEFORE any naps or bedtime... how do you do that?
I would, make the house or room dark while you are nursing her or winding her down. Also before any nap attempt or bedtime... make the house quiet and calm. Only leave on a dim light etc. I'd do this with my kids, and it helps.
Some babies/kids, are very sensitive to the vibes in house or room. And they NEED to key down and unwind before sleep.
ALSO, what is baby doing before any sleep attempt? If overstimulated, a baby cannot settle down.

Remember: this is about sleep deprivation/Insomnia for a mere 4 month old. Non-sleep causes a host of health problems in adults, let alone children. As hard as this is for you/Husband... it is harder... for the baby.
They do not do this on purpose.

You said she wakes every 3-4 times during the night. But, so are you nursing her when she wakes??? If not, she is constantly hungry. She needs feedings.
My kids as babies, woke about every 2-3 hours. I woke and nursed them, AND they cluster-fed too, which means a baby will even nurse and need to, every single hour. And this is normal. And after feedings they would be satisfied. Until the next feeding.

Hi! We never let our babies cry for long. It's not like they are doing it on purpose to annoy anyone. It is our responsibility as parents to care for them and if they need comfort we should give it to them.
Have you tried a swing? My son especially loved his swing. He was (and is) the one that never slept. When my Sarah slept through the night for the first time (at six weeks) I woke up positive she was dead because she had slept for so long.
Yes, we let them sleep with us, it just worked out better for everyone. I've never figured out what people are afraid of.
Good luck!

Since she is only 4 months old, her only way to tell you she needs something or something is wrong is to cry.

She is a new baby and needs something.

She could be hungry most likely!
Hold her, rock her.
Don't put her down all the time.
Yes, she will get up between 3 & 4 times a night.
She needs to be fed.

Are you breastfeeding?
If so, are you sure she is getting enough to eat at each feeding.
Talk to your ped about this.

At this age, she needs to be held, changed, & constantly fed.
My son did not go longer than 3 hrs btwn feedings and did not sleep through the night yet.

How about swaddling her at night when she's ready to go to bed for the night?

Make sure you're feeding her often enough.
It sounds to me like she's hungry and needs to be held.

During the day, does she ever fall asleep in the car or on a walk in her stroller?

When ppl do the cry it out method, it is never for 3 hrs. It's a few mins.
She's trying to tell you she needs something
Pick her up, rock her & feed her.
Let her co-sleep if you need to or at the very least have her by your bedside in a cradle. Easy access. You can hear her & feed her easily.

Don't compare yoursel fw/your friends' babies.
Every child is diff.
Every fam is diff.

Make sure she is fed, changed purped after each feeding so she doesn't get gas. All this before you put her down for bed.
During the day, make sure she has stimulation (swing, baby recliner support chair).

Try feeding her when she cries.
Hold her
Burp her
Change her.

Don't let her cry it out and try different thing!!!!
Good luck, listen to her & things will get better.

You can't spoil or give bad habits to 4 month olds. Rocking to sleep is normal at this age and not causing her to not stay asleep. She is too young for sleep training. To do so would be cruel. (Experts who believe in sleep training don't even recommend it until 6 months old - which I personally still find cruel even then. Regardless of what anyone tells you they will eventually learn to sleep on their own. I never let one of mine CIO and they are all great sleepers now at 10, 8, and 4 and they have never ONCE balked at going to bed. I believe this is because we have always made bedtime a happy, secure, peaceful experience.) Do whatever it takes for you both to sleep. Take her to bed with you. Cuddle and nurse her. Also, I'm betting you are missing sleep signs. Run now and get the book "The 90 minute sleep solution". My third daughter had the exact same issues. I would nurse her to sleep, she'd sleep 5 minutes, and then be up. I got this book, learned to watch the clock and early sleep signs so she didn't become overly tired and it worked the VERY FIRST DAY! Definitely check it out. We practice attachment parenting so I kept everything else the same - cuddling and nursing her to sleep was our main way to get her to sleep- but by knowing when to start the ritual it fixed the problem on day one and she became a beautiful sleeper. Good luck!

CIO is not recommended for under 6 mos.
She is WAY over tired if she's not napping at all during the day.
Will she sleep in the swing? The car? A bouncy seat?
Swaddle her. Make sure she's got a really full belly. Place her on a warm blanket in her crib--cold sheets can wake them up.
If she's just fussing--let her go for 5 minutes, but 4 mos is too young for CIO

Updated

CIO is not recommended for under 6 mos.
She is WAY over tired if she's not napping at all during the day.
Will she sleep in the swing? The car? A bouncy seat?
Swaddle her. Make sure she's got a really full belly. Place her on a warm blanket in her crib--cold sheets can wake them up.
If she's just fussing--let her go for 5 minutes, but 4 mos is too young for CIO.

Updated

CIO is not recommended for under 6 mos.
She is WAY over tired if she's not napping at all during the day.
Will she sleep in the swing? The car? A bouncy seat?
Swaddle her. Make sure she's got a really full belly. Place her on a warm blanket in her crib--cold sheets can wake them up.
If she's just fussing--let her go for 5 minutes, but 4 mos is too young for CIO.

Updated

CIO is not recommended for under 6 mos.
She is WAY over tired if she's not napping at all during the day.
Will she sleep in the swing? The car? A bouncy seat?
Swaddle her. Make sure she's got a really full belly. Place her on a warm blanket in her crib--cold sheets can wake them up.
If she's just fussing--let her go for 5 minutes, but 4 mos is too young for CIO.

Every reputable professional who advocates for crying it out, says that anything under 6 months is too young. Have you spoken with your pediatrician? When babies have reflux or digestive issues, laying down can be very painful and irritable. (The fact that she likes standing, make me think of that.) Has she been evaluated for reflux issues, or feeding issues? I think you need a good talk with your Dr. about all this. Have her ears been looked at?

Keep in mind, it's VERY normal for a 4 month old to be waking at night. I do suspect something is making her uncomfortable, though.

My 4 kids have slept through the night with us, since birth. After a year, we start transitioning them into their own beds, easily. I never lost a bit of sleep. I'd roll over and BF them and fall back asleep. You are BOTH exhausted, maybe give it a try. Not everything works for every child, as you are finding out! Hang in there. All of our kids sleep through the night and sleep in complete darkness. They started their lives secure and comfortable at night, with a pattern of no waking and in darkness, so they've continued it.

Also, around 3 months, they go through a growth spurt, and again every 3 months from there for a bit. I find that if I supplement with good calcium (NO calcium carbonate or oyster shell), we all sleep better. If you are BFing, that you can take a bunch and she'll get it through your milk. Take a couple every few hours after noon, so it gets in your milk in time for her bedtime. If you are not BFing, then using Bluebonnet or Lifetime liquid calcium - blueberry flavor - works like a charm in the bottle or just a spoonful of it. It may take a week or less to notice changes, but stick to it....and you'll see!

We also got/get our babies/kids adjusted periodically by our pediatric chiropractor and they sleep like rocks...and are never sick. www.icpa4kids.org

If it takes three hours to "get her to sleep" then she's not ready to be put to sleep. Of course she's crying. She's telling you she's not ready for bed. Her sleeping patterns are changing which means YOU have to adjust to HER. You're going to have to figure out her new patterns and adjust to them, not the other way around, because she's still only four months old. She's too little to sleep train. Her gut is too immature for rice cereal or any other solids before bed to just sit like an undigested lump all night, not giving her any chance to absorb nutrients. So you adjust your thinking.

No! do not let her cry it out. It won't work, and you will both be emotionally drained even more. Both of my kiddos did this. Honestly, the best thing I ever got was a Graco Sweetpeace soother. I could use the seat it came with, or the infant carseat when they fell asleep in the car. I would check into some gas or a acid reflux, but the reason she sleeps on you is because of your angle and you keep her more upright. The soother and carseat keep the baby above the 30 degree angle that is recommended for keeping acid reflux down. Would let my kids sleep in the soother all night, and actually go to sleep in it if they needed to. Give the carseat a try and if it makes a difference, then get a soother, it is a life/stress/sleep saver! it keeps the motion like the car, but in your house. good luck mama! If you need or want to pm me and I can help more.

I wouldn't let your baby cry at all. I believe CIO is cruel to babies. Babies cry to express their needs. That is the way they communicate. Please don't let your baby cry---pick them up and comfort them until they are able to go back to sleep. I understand you are tired and need to sleep--- but this time in your life will pass and in my opinion it is much better to sacrifice my own needs as parent for my child's.
As for the bedtime :
My suggestion is to give your baby an earlier bedtime around 7pm. Nurse before and then put to sleep at 7. Baby sleeps and then when you are ready to go to bed, you do a dream feed. She is still sleeping but you nurse her and she will sleep longer through the night. In time your baby will get a routine down but for now, she needs you to do whatever it takes.

my daughter will be 3 months in a few days.. my cousins sent me "the miracle blanket" it swaddles the baby.. greatest thing ever!... after using it she only wakes up once at night to eat and goes right back to bed... recently we've found that if we give her an extra ounce of formula at night before putting her to bed she sleeps through the night and doesnt wake up until about 530/6am when daddy wakes up to go to work... so my advice is try letting her eat extra at night and try swaddling

I didn't let her cry. If she woke up, I took her into the bed with me.

It could be that compared to your body -- her sheets are COLD. Try the Tee shirt fabric sheets it's warmer or put a large receiving blanket over the sheet, tucking it in at the sides, she will stay warmer. Maybe put a wedge, 1-2 inches, under her mattress so one end is higher, put her head at the higher end. Make sure her feet are not cramped in her sleepers.

Hands down you mush get the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Chld by Dr. Weissbluth. It has worked miracles for EVERY M. I gave it to and recommended it to. First off, your chld MUST take naps throughout the day, I think he should be at 3 minimum now. Your child is over tired from not sleeping through the day and thus cannot sleep through the night. Read the book, you can check your library if tey have it but you'll be referencing it for the next year so might as well buy your own!
AND yes, I think you should cry it out if your fed up with it. Some people can't do it, but I was ready to do it and in your stage and it worked great while following the guidlines in the book!

My 3rd child was a non-napper and I ended up co-sleeping with her for both naps and at night. And her naps were an average of 20-30 minutes tops. Co-sleeping was the easiest on all of us. She did frequently fall asleep in her car seat and I would carry her into my room in that. And she often stayed there all night. However, I just could not let her CIO. I tried several times with great patience, but after 10-15 minutes, Forget It. I felt like was torturing her.

My daughter sleeps fine now on her. She does however sleep walk. Each child is different . So adjust your family needs to accommodate what works best for you, not for others.

It's also important to rule out all the other possibilities listed in the other responses. Lots of great tips there!

GL! And I'm sorry to hear that your own husband has complained about the crying. Has he had better success with her?

Try having her spend time/sleep in her car seat. If she has acid reflux, which seems to be common, this will help her feel better. It helps to keep the acid down in the stomach. My granddaughter had acid reflux and slept well in her car seat.

We buckled her in, covered her with a blanket and put the seat in her crib.

My grandson slept best in his swing. I don't think he had acid reflux either. During the day time the swing rocked him to sleep. Once he was asleep he didn't have to be moved.

If she sleeps better sleeping with you it may be that she needs that closeness. Have you tried laying down with her for naps? I'm in favor of co-sleeping when it allows everyone to get better sleep.

She might sleep better at night if you can get her to nap during the day.
Things that helped my son nap were - his swing, a long stroller walk outside, car ride (to this DAY he falls asleep easily riding in the car and he's 13 yrs old now).
Dad took him hiking in a baby back pack carrier and the walking rocking motion and fresh air had him snoozing in 10 minutes and he didn't wake up till Dad finished his walk 2 hours later.
You need a break every so often, so get a sitter to watch her so YOU can catch up on sleep for a few hours.
Some sleep will make you feel so much better and better able to cope.

If it makes you feel any better - my M. tells me I was a colicky baby for the first 6 months of my life and I screamed my head off morning, noon and night.
She said it seemed like it went on 24 hrs round the clock day in and day out.
Then at 6 months, it was like a magic switch flipped over and the constant crying was over.
I became a giggly, laughing, sleeping all round easy baby after that.
Hang in there!
This will pass sooner or later!

Do you have a sling or carrier, that might help during the day, you can wear her and she can sleep in the carrier. As for night time, sorry I dont have any ideas, my 9 month old still gets up every two hours to nurse and if I have the audacity not to wake up immediately to nurse him he screams like a wild banshee animal.
Sleep training worked well with my dd, I never let her cry for more than 10-15 minutes. Tried it with my ds, he just screams louder and louder, working himself into a frenzy.

Sounds like maybe your baby is getting overly tired from not napping and that is causing the bedtime issues. Aside from wearing her, does she nap in the car? Take her for a car ride and then bring her in the house and let her nap in the carseat.

You've given her a bad habit with all the rocking and the ritual. Read up on the Ferber method and decide that you will give 2 weeks to it absolutely 100% consistently. If you are not consistent, it will not work and you might as well not even have bothered.

Your husband is right. Your baby will not learn to self-soothe if you don't stop bailing her out. She deserves to learn and be able to sleep through the night. You and your family do too.

Another thing I want to say is that you REALLY need to do it now before she learns to stand up in the crib. It's much harder to break this cycle then.

Good luck,
Dawn

i never believed in letting them cry, i didnt do it with my first 2 kids, i walked rocked bopped forever and ever.... so i obviously am not good at the whole sleep thing. but by my 3rd baby, i got to where it sounds like you are now, or past. i know its awful. it got worse and worse, and by 10 mos, tyler never slept more than 45 min in a row. ever. i mostly slept on his floor so the whole house wouldnt wake up, it was insane. nobody was sleeping and its just not good for any of you. so at 10 mos, i let him cry. i just had to. it was awful... but it worked. in just a couple of days. and he still 5 years later is easily the best sleeper in the house. my point being, try other things first, swaddling is great., though she might be getting too old? i used to swaddle my daughter with one arm out, with a rolled up little blanket under the opposite shoulder so she was kind of tilted onto the arm that wasnt swaddled, so it wasnt flailing around but she could have use of her hand. it helped a lot. they are growing so fast, you know, and a lot of nerve and muscle control stuff happening... anyway, im sure you got good advice of things to try here, i didnt read....i do think 4 mos is a little too young to let your daughter cry, personally. but i do know that sleep is so important. it can change you if you never sleep. so just saying that everyone has a different situation, keep it in mind and keep an open mind. she will probably outgrow it sooner than you think. probably a growth spurt, makes her uncomfortable. oh and btw, i let my first 2 sleep with me all the time too, usually not on purpose. then i saw a horrible show where the M. rolled over.... and i could never do it again. so, the floor.... ugh

You have gotten some great advice! I wanted to throw my 2 cents in since I haven't seen a bath suggested. My little boy sleeps much better on bath nights-I let him sit in his bath seat for a good 10 or 20 minutes and use the lavender baby soap and lotion-it's the stuff in the purple bottles. He lovers it and I do too! After bath time he gets massaged, dressed, swaddled and then we snuggle and nurse.
I also have noticed he falls asleep during the day if he is laid on his tummy-I know it's not reccommended now but perhaps you can try to lay her down on her tummy(I put our son on my boppy pillow) and when she is deeply asleep gently turn her over on her back or side.

We used the Ferber method. It worked for us.

Before you do anything for this child, I recommend that you and hubs get a weekend away from all the kids. Let one grandma take the older two, let the other grandma take the baby. Hire a sitter, a mommy's helper, a retiree, anything. A night or two of rest for both of you will leave you better able to formulate a plan, and to stick with it.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My son is now 10 months and I started out not wanting to co-sleep and not using the cry it out method. Yeah....we co-sleep, even now by the middle of the night he ends up in bed between my husband and I and for us that works but he always starts out in his crib first.

My son was never a big napper at 4 months. He would cat nap and then be full of energy when he woke up, it's only been within the last few weeks that his naps are actual naps and he takes 2 of them a day that its been great. It could be the same with your daughter. Suffer through it now but be rewarded later.

My husband and I finally used the Cry it out method when nothing else worked. I got all the baby books, I tried everything they said to do and nothing. Once I knew my son was fed and changed I would lay him down and let him cry. I would check on him in 5 minutes, pick him up, calm him down etc and then lay him back down and I would check on him again in 10 minutes etc. I stopped at the 30 min mark-mainly because I couldn't handle his crying. One night I think we finally did let him cry and it was the longest 45 minutes ever but he went to sleep at night.

I would just say give it a try. I know you have two other kids to worry about and you don't want the crying to disturb them but if you start it early enough it shouldn't be that big of a problem.

I would ask to make sure she is truly fed. And I only say that because I will feed my son and put him down and he will still act hungry so I'll put him back to the boob. Sometimes I'm not positive how he can still be hungry but he is and I wait until he pulls twice to be sure that he is done. So that could be a problem.

And maybe you just have a crying baby. My sister's daughter (9.5 months) is like that. My sister is about to go out of her mind because she's constantly up with her daughter and spending hours to get her to go to sleep. I know it's gotten better but I thought my sister was going to go bald the first six months.

I understand your husband is tired of the crying but he needs to understand that he's not helping and he is putting even more stress on you. I like the idea of a weekend away or even a night away or half a day if you can't handle that. Give you two-you time and then start again.

Sometimes it is also easier to put a child to bed if it is a different parent. My husband has the "Go to sleep" magic that I don't possess. He'll sit in the rocking chair, hold our son and the next thing I know he's asleep. When I do that, I have a baby trying to crawl all over me and I end up having to put him in his crib and listen to him cry for about 10 minutes before he goes to sleep. Some people just have that magic touch. Same with my sister, her husband has it but she doesn't. Has your husband helped to put her to bed instead of you?

Hello,
I had the same problem with 2 of my kids. My youngest is now 17 months and she did the same thing. It was exhausting! One thing that would help tremendously is swaddling!! Its easy and you can use any recieving blanket to do it. Wrap her just like they did in the hospital. Infants are very uncomfortable being loose still as they were in our bodies for so long. At 4 months babies are becomming much more aware of their surroundings. Their sensory of touch, feelings, sound etc are rapidly developing. Swaddling was somthing I didnt even think to keep up, but when I asked her doc...that was the first thing she asked me "are you keeping her swaddled" lol Also, she is used to being rocked and feeling close to you so after being put down, she may wake up and notice now. I know this can be a debate but it is "totally okay" to let her cry. Just like she got used to being held alot while sleeping, she will get used to being put down and being swaddled snugly. Honestly, you sounded just like me a year ago, so I feel your pain! One thing I have to mention tho, as exhaused as you are as an R.N. that has seen babies not survive from accidents, I would immediately stop from having her sleep with you. I know how exhausting it can be, trust me but you want her to stay safe while teaching her how to sleep alone, in her crib. You being rested is important. It may take a week of doing this. It usually dosnt last beyond that. It took my dgtr 4 night. It is hard at first, but just know that no baby ever died from crying and it is a healthy, normal part at this age in order to get them on a sleeping schedule and yourself too :) Sounds like you are a great M. and are working hard at this. Just remember....all babies will cry, SWADDLE, SWADDLE, SWADDLE! Good luck to you and your family! :)