Struggling Between 6 Yr Old Girl and 3 Yr Old Boy

Love & Logic is great! It works wonders with my 19 month old twin boys. We have been using it since they were about 7 months old.

Regarding the shopping issues...this works best if you are able to take only one child with you at a time. Don't go to shop. Go to teach your child. Take the child with you into the store and browse as you normally would. At the first instant that your daughter runs, calmly go get her, pick her up and leave the store quietly without saying a word. Go home. If you can do this a few days in a row, it will become evident to her that running equals leaving the store immediately. After you have done this with each child alone, take them both. If only one misbehaves, pick them both up quietly and leave the store. At some point, they will start to discipline each other to avoid the departure. I know this will take some time, but you will reap the reward.

You have gotten some great advise! Along with all that you have to remember you are not a victim. Lots of people have stayed in abusive situations because it is just plain easier, but you dared to take control and responsibility for the situation and made a good decision. Remember your priorities, children, your ability to bring in a good income and let other things go. It won't be forever. Things change. Ask for help. Find a good church. Trust that you can and have made good decisions. When they are hardheaded (and all children are at times, even ones that have had stable households) then you have to be harder headed minus the anger. You are smarter and more mature than them. Take one day at a time, one situation at a time, don't decide everything is bad and can't be ever be fixed because this day is bad. Celebrate the little things, the kids can show you how. They arn't deprived because you can't give them everything you want to. Many have it much worse without even one loving parent like you! You are great!
This won't break you it will make you a much stronger individual!
May God guide you.
B.

I'm so sorry! I don't have a lot of tiem to respond this morning, but please check out love and logic their website is is www.loveandlogic.com (I think). they have very creative ways to dicipline that are appropriate for the "crime" and ways of dealing with out of control kids.

Keller ISD frequently offers Love & Logic classes for a very small fee. Check your local ISD to see if they offer it as well. Also check with The Parenting Center in Ft. Worth to see if they have something to offer also. I'm not sure, but I believe they charge on a sliding scale. Contact United Way at 211 to see if they know of anything else.

It sounds like you're dealing with a very tough situation. Congratulations on getting out of an abusive situation.

I recomment you check you "Love and Logic." It's a great resource for parenting tips. To help minimize the overwhelmed feeling when it comes to cleaning the house, I recommend you check out www.Flylady.net.

Best wishes on your journey!

I feel your pain! As a mom of 8 I completely understand how it feels when a child is running over you. I would plan specific "training missions" to help instruct my child how to behave. They aren't born knowing the right way to act, we have to train it into them.

Training mission for proper store behavior - My children were told that if a stranger told me that the children were well behaved, then the children would be rewarded. They didn't have to impress me, they had to behave in such a way that others would notice. I would lay down the store rules before heading into the store. Children do not run in stores. Children do not touch anything in the store. Children do not ask Mom to buy anything. (Never buy a child something they ask for if you have laid down this rule) I would even say,(in a playful way) "Oh shoot, now I can't get those apples because you asked for them. I guess we'll just have to get them another time." I would remind them that I am needing particular items and that is my mission. I am not taking them to the store for their enjoyment but because it is a necessary part of my life.

Now, plan to take them on training missions. Be prepared to leave the store when they don't obey, run off, or whatever. If you have a child who runs off in the store this is not only embarrassing to you, but more importantly a huge safety issue.

Always speak quietly and firmly - never loud and meek. If a child senses that you are not in control, then that means - they are in control.

This is the basic way I would speak to a child who was not being obedient. I would get down on his level - eye to eye. Then I would tell him quietly and firmly, "Look at Mommy, I have something important to tell you." Sometimes you have to gently turn their heads, but they must look at you. Then reiterate the rule. "You are not allowed to leave Mommy in the store. You will now need to hold right here to the cart while I push it through the store." If he lets go and runs again, retrieve him again and repeat the process. As he holds the cart, remind him what a great job he's doing and how impressed you are with him learning how to be a big boy (or something like that). If he runs off for a third time, or simply will not respond favorably at all, leave the store. Don't leave in a huff, you are on a training mission and the goal is to train your child, not get the groceries. Put the children in the car. As you drive around, talk to the about the proper behavior in stores. When they agree with you that it's important to behave in a store, then return to the store and try again.
You will experience a wonderful sense of peace when you are able to walk out of the store, with your groceries and your sanity - every time!

I would encourage you that the time you spend now training and instructing pays off exponentially as they grow. It's worth the investment!

T. "Ta-Dah Mom" Camp
www.terricamp.com

Find some local parenting classes on discipline. Find a support group of single moms. Contact the battered women's centers to see if they help you with counseling. If you go to church ask your pastor.

F. Decker
http://www.safe4myfamily.com
Helping families enhance their lives.

Good for you for getting out of the abusive marriage. I agree with the first response, get some counseling and parenting advice if you can. I know you've probably read this here before, but I strongly recommend Love and Logic books. There is a website you can order the books from, and you can sign up for weekly emails also, www.loveandlogic.com . It's a very easy, logical way to parent. We've used it with our boys since birth, and our kids are very easy, well-behaved children. Because your children have been through some tough times, they would likely benefit from some counseling in addition to love and logic. It would probably help you get a handle on everything and would offer you a support system which it sounds like you need. Get the help you need, though. You deserve it, and so do your kids. You've done a wonderful thing be getting out of an abusive marriage. Now take the next step and get the help you need. ((Hugs))

Children create attention any way they can get it. Spankings work but they are getting attention and for you to stop what you are doing to give them that spanking they have won. I went to Tough Love for a year and they say do what you have not done. If you are a screamer stop and stay calm. If you are calm stream. Shocking them into not being able to perdict your behavior and do not let them second guess what will happen if they misbehave. As hard as it is shopping stop what you are doing and head home, at least try it. Also the one acting up does not get the attention the victim does. So if one hits the other it is the other that gets the attention. They are saying time out does not work any more. But children have to be removed from the situation of others. If they do something to something it is removed. If what they do for attention does not work then they will have to find another way to get your attention and hopefully it will be when they are nice and behaving. Good Luck G. W