Seeking Advice on Parenting a Busy Toddler or Books to Help

Get the book The Spirited Child. I have read it eight times in 8 years! I am about ready to refresh again! These are wonderful qualities in a man. This book with help you to pull on the reigns and not squash his strong personality.

Get the book, called "Parenting with Love and Logic". It is wonderful!! It teaches responsibility and what to do about tantrums.

Try using a pack-n-play for time out. Works like a champ for my two toddlers. There are some days that my two year old will actually seem to be happy when I put her in it, but she doesnt come out until she apologizes. My one year old has only gone to time out twice and will stop any mischief if I ask him if he wants to go to time out. I put the pack-n-play in another room so they feel that they are missing out on the fun...

I've been there too and sympathize. My son is seventeen now, so you will survive! There is a really good book that helped me called "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" by Thomas W. Phelan. It provides a system to help your child behave without losing your mind or your cool. It has advice and suggestions to stop negative behavior and promote positive behavior. If you follow it, it works! Good luck!

No offense, but I bet those children who sit at the table nicely are spanked. I don't spank for everything, but I do spank appropriately. The book To Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl (nogreaterjoy.ORG) can change your life! Consistency is the key. You have to find something that gets his attention and stick with it. Personally, time outs are for minor issues that the kid needs to calm down over and be redirected (or when I need to calm down :-). Spanking is for real offenses that call for complete attention getting - like running out into the street, hitting Mom, absolute disregard for obedience no matter how minor the offense, etc.

I have been going thru some similar issues with my son, who will be 2 in a week. He is also very verbal and can at times be very much a handful! I find myself saying alot "yup, can you tell he's almost 2?"

I work at a montessori school and some of the ways we discipline or redirect are really neat, and you could give them a try! First off, you want your child to be able to tell you no about things. Teaching a child to have the options not to do something, and let someone know it nicely, is something they will use for life. We teach our children to say "no, thank you" when they dont want to participate or when they dont want a friend to bother them (i.e. hit them touch them push them). It actually works well for my son. It has taken MONTHS for him and he still doesnt do it all the time, but he is comming around. If you try it, just be patient, and continue to tell he did good when he says it "wow, you said no thank you so nicely!" Just the other day mine didn't want me to put any socks on him so he said "no socks, no thank you mama" You will be so surprised when yours can tell you this....and its really cute!

As far a tantrums go, just ignore them if at all possible. I know how imbarrasing it is for a tantrum in a store! I have yet to figure out how to deal with public tantrums.

Make sure that you explain how what he is doing can hurt him when he gets too hasty "if you ___ you ___ get hurt, or you can get a bo'bo" Whatever works for you!

As for spanking, of course we dont do it at the school, but I do believe in it at home for certain things. It only took my son going into our parking lot 1 time and getting a spanking, and now he requests to hold our hands. The day he got the spanking I made sure to talk to him first. I asked him not to go into the street because he could get hurt, then he jerked his hand out of mine a few more times before the spanking. One rule: Spankings are useless if you dont explain the reason for it, and tell the child you love them. Needless to say, I would recomend not ruling out spankings just yet.....some things deserve one. Just my opinion though!

One more thing, when a child does something that they should not, we tell them "awww....so sad" or if it is a continued behavoir throughout the day we will tell them "sad day" It shows them that yes, they have done something wrong, but they are not bad for it, they just dissapointed us, made us sad. And time-outs, we use a rug or mat and call it the peace mat (so the child can get some peace), some classrooms have thinking chairs (so they can think about their actions).

I hope this has been some help for you. I use these "tools" on a daily basis. Good luck, and stay strong. If you want to ask any questions or anythings just send me a message, I will be happy to share with you what I can!

The Busy Toddler Handbook has 123 activities to do with your son to fill time. I keep a bookmark on the page we're on and just open it up whenever we need something quick. Also, I haven't read it yet but Toddlerwise is a follow-up to Babywise and is one in a series of books suggesting firm discipline and boundaries. Good luck!

Hi! I'm a teacher and a mom of a 3 year old. The best source I've found for keeping my sanity in the classroom and at home is "Love and Logic." Go to www.loveandlogic.com
Try out the book "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" among others for your toddler! Attend a seminar someday if you can! If they come to Houston, you'll see me there!
M. E

This is exactly how my son was/is. I didn't read any books or anything. He hit this stage right as his little sister was born. He was climbing on everything. He had to get stitches at 9 months (when he started walking) and again at 20 months. He was so very active. So, I would take him to the park whenever possible so he could get his energy out. I had to put chains way up high on the door because he would unlock the front door and head outside on his own (we lived on a very busy street). One morning I awoke to him sitting on top of the stove turning the burners on, so, we put a door knob cover on the inside of his door so he couldn't get out of his room at night. As far as eating out went, my husband and I would take turns taking him out to the car if he got carried away. We slowed down going out to eat too. When we really needed to go out though we would try and pick a loud restraunt. you know, the ones where you have to yell a little to speak to the person across from you. This way, people couldn't hear him when he was being a little more loud. Well, I'm happy to say that at age 3 he is pretty good now. He can sit at a restraunt just fine and he can even entertain himself. It is just a phase that all children go through. Just be patient, this too shall pass.

Hey I know what you mean being jealous about other kiddos sitting quietly. I think different kiddos have different temperaments and different activity levels, and regardless of the discipline method some will have trouble sitting still at that age.

What was helpful to me, in parenting my active curious toddler, were the books "The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears" by Elizabeth Pantley and "How to to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Farber. I also found her book "Siblings without Rivalry" very helpful in preparing for my second child.

I also like "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Brazleton and the Dr. Sears baby and parenting books.

Be prepared for a little regression, behavior wise, when you second is born.

Good luck, I hope this helps!

We use a sticker chart in our house. There are 2 options that we've used. The first was just one good boy chart. When he behaves well for a whole day or cleans his plate without being asked or something to that effect, he gets a good boy sticker. We put prizes on it and if he earned so many good boy stickers, he gets the prize - like a bike or a sandbox or a particular movie. When he's bad, he loses a sticker. The other is a good boy chart and a bad boy chart. The same applies with the good boy chart, but when he was particularly bad (like running to the street in your case) and he got a sad face. After 5 sad faces he lost a toy or some other priviledge like juice for a day or tv time. Both have worked incredibly well for us and we don't have to lay hands on him - he knows what will happen. Hope this helps for you.

Your son sounds just like mine. Mine is 15 months old and already outsmarting all of our childproofing. It can be so frustrating. I really like the Positive Discipline Books. They remind me that he is simply doing what is developmentally appropriate for him and that he is not doing it to drive me crazy which helps me to change my expectations. Also, they have some really great preventative strategies for temper tantrums. In regards to time-outs, I recently began using them and they have been effective. First I tell him no, then I give him a warning that he will receive a time-out if he continues (the warning is usually enough to make him stop), if he continues then I put him in the corner and sit with him for 30 seconds to one minute. I tell him the reason he is in time-out. After the time is up I give him a hug. My son hates being still so he cannot stand time-outs. When he is older I will expect him to stand in the corner by himself, but I think that doing so now would be impossible.

My first thing would be to remember that even though he may be verbal, he is not logical. I have to remind myself frequently with my 3 year old, that even though he can communicate, he can not reason with me.

There is a series of books by Ames called Your 2 Year Old, 3 Year old and so on. They are a bit dated, but offer excellent insight to where your child is developmentally.

We have had a time in both our children's lives where going out to eat just wasn't worth it. It does get better. We would go early, and go to a place that was more child friendly. Take food into McDonalds or another fast food restruant with a play ground so your son can be occupied while you eat. And I completely disagree about children who sit still at a restraunt being spanked (don't adults get frustrated as well when they have to sit and wait for the their food?). Some kids have that ability at a younger age and some do not. It all depends on their activity level. Positive discipline is very effective, when done correctly with firm boundaries. It does not mean your children get to do whatever they want.

And, at 2, just because it was no 5 minutes ago, does not mean it will be no now. They are defining their little worlds and part of that is seeing if the same thing will happen over and over again. Sure you said no yesterday, but this is a new day.

As far as time outs, we don't really do them in our house. We take breaks when our emotions are getting to big to deal with. Sometimes I need a break, and I wouldn't want to hear that I need to sit in a corner until a timer rings. Sometimes I may need more time to get myself together, and sometimes less. We are teaching our children to identify when they need to step aside to get themselves together, not that when our emotions get too big, we must be punished. When my son was younger, he had a comfort corner. We had books and a chair and a blanket in there. When life was getting too much for him to cope with, he would go there to have a few minutes to cool off. We would also verablize his emotions to him. Now tha he is older, he hears when you are ready to be kind, you may join us. But, at 2, he wasn't ready for that yet.

If you are going to do time out, you need to be consistent about it. It doesn't have to be for 2 minutes, you can make him sit until you count to 10 or sing a song. If he gets up, you have to put him back where ever you had him. You have to stick to the boundary that you are trying to set, even if it takes an hour to get to that count of 10.

Discipline in our house means teaching. We do everything we can to teach right behaviors and offer alternatives and redirection when those behaviors aren't on target. It is work and takes time. There is a lot of lather, rinse, repeat involved. There isn't really a quick fix to getting children there.

I am a stay at home mom of 6 aged, 10- 9 months. You may want to use a rolled up magazine. Alot of times the simple threat of a spanking does the trick. When you are reprimanding him roll up a magazine point it at him and say "no" and state the specific behavior you do not want repeated.
We are blessed that our kids are well behaved, but it takes work on our part to properly discipline them, and that includes time out, restricting activities and spanking. An out of control child is a danger to themselves and can make your home life unpleasant to say the least.

Hi C.,my husband and I have 4 grown children and I have babysat for 56 children over the years. Some of the first words a child needs to learn as a command from you is "Stop", "Hot", "Hurt". As you already know, when a child is dashing into the street, shouting a sentence while chasing is useless. Play a younger child's version of red light-green light or "Freeze" shouting "Stop","Go" away from the street. You can do it while running, playing with building blocks or throwing a ball. That will give him the association of stopping Whatever action he is doing that you might find dangerous.

I taught my children when they were quite young by saying "hot" and having them touch the closed oven door when the oven was on or the outside of a hot coffee cup. It was hot enough to make an impression but not hot enough to burn. You know they understand when you try to put their hand on the hot door and they draw back when you say "hot". When my daughter was a baby my parents and I were drinking coffee on the deck. A squirrel approached my cup. The baby started shouting "Hot,Hot" to the squirrel.

The "Hurt" works for anything sharp or dangerous or poisonous.I taught my children "Hurt" by holding several sewing pins in a bunch and tapped the sharp tips on the top of their hand--not enough to draw blood, but hard enough to startle them. That lesson stopped one child short from running into a cactus garden! There is nothing more useless than shouting a two sentence reprimand while a child is dashing toward danger.

When my son was little he liked to eat a bite or two and run around then come back to the table for another bite. The baby was in the high chair, so he was in a booster in a regular chair. I told him I'd forgotten to use the seat belt. I used a belt of my husband's and buckled it in the back of the chair so he couldn't unfasten it. I told him now he had a belt like a big man. He liked the idea of having something nobody else did and wanted a seat belt Everytime he sat at the table.

One more thing, when your son throws a fit tell him that you will help him if he will use his words. When he is upset because he cannot go/do/eat what he wants, say to him "I understand that you are angry that you cannot have a cookie. You must eat your lunch first." Repeat that sentence 2 or 3 times. Often when the child cannot express that they are frustrated, tired, hungry, angry, speak the words for them. As their speech improves, they will be able to recognize that you have told them repeatedly that you will help or that you understand. A teacher told me that my child had a far greater understanding of what she wanted but her verbal skills were not equal to what she wanted to say. She threw screaming, twisting, whirling fits. I didn't spank her, I talked to her in a normal voice. She had to stop screaming in order to hear me. I repeated "I will help you. Show me what you are trying to do." And "I know you don't want to <whatever> but that is the rule."

Whether we went to a friend's house or the doctor or a store, before we arrived, I told them what we would be doing and about how long and how I expected them to behave. I told them what reward we would enjoy (the park or water sprinkler) if they behaved appropriately
and what punishment (no tv or friend over, whatever) if they misbehaved. I rarely used cookie/candy/icecream rewards. Too many people use food as a reward for trying times which can lead to weight issues. It usually only takes one time of following through they will trust that you will do what you say. It took my husband threatening to go back home when the kids were arguing and pestering each other 2 hrs into a vacation trip. Yes, we lost out on a day into the vacation, but when we drove back into the driveway, they knew he wasn't joking. When we started out again the next day, and every year after, there was little bickering. Tough lesson, but they still remember it 20 yrs later.

Congrats on the new baby. It has been my experience that whatever you learn with one child is not applicable to the next one. They usually have a different personality or different learning style. I think God likes us to keep learning, too. LOL

C.

Boy, when I read your question I shivered as you described my second son (15 months old) perfectly from when he crawled/walked/climbed to his everyday behavior. The only difference is mine while quite verbal for 15 months is obviously still limited in communication and bites or hits when he gets frustrated that we don't understand or do what he wants. Let me tell you, I thought my first child (3 years old) was active and I think a lot of advice on here is from parents who have kids like my eldest and THINK they are in the same boat. My youngest, and your son, are a whole different story.

I have not yet used a harnass, but I am considering it for my child's safety. He will hold my hand when we walk, but every now and then he gets determined to have his own way and will shake my hand free and bolt. If he was my only child this wouldn't be much of a problem but I can't leave my newly 3 year old alone as I bolt after his brother. It has been a problem and with a baby coming, you really won't be able to bolt so it may be an option for you. Also, if yours is like mine - while strollers, high chairs, and grocery carts are fine for a few minutes, when he wants out he gets out and no strap can hold him. I spend most of my time shopping with him in my arms (unless he is struggling) or in the main section of the cart with his brother to keep him company and calm. Of course, it is real fun trying to find places for all my groceries where they won't get thrown out or smashed! On the eating out front, hubby and I do a lot of turn-taking walking our youngest around the restaurant once he burns out or holding him on our laps. We are trying time-outs for dangerous or mean (bite and hits) behavior - but we are just at the start so I'm not sure how effective the time-outs are yet.

For books - What to Expect the Toddler Years has a good section on adjusting your parent style to your particular "type" of child. If I had more time for reading I might have more advice for you but the What to Expect books have been a great resource.

I wish you luck and I REALLY do commiserate with your situation.

Hi C.,
I want to commend you on the fact that you recognize that these can be wonderful qualities your child carries and that you want to direct him in the right path to utilize his strenghts. From what I read you may be giving in too much to him. You need to go places so he'll learn to act accordingly, don't keep away from places it will just take you longer to get him to know how to act in those places. Parenting the strong willed child is a good book and so is Parenting your Spirited child and also James Dobson has alot of great books on rearing strong willed children. Any of these books will help you see and know how to deal with everyday matters. You will feel more in control of what your doing with the support these books offer.

I have a few quick tips here. I just know that whatever you do has to be consistent. Our son thinks we can't understand him when he's crying, screaming, or whining so he has to use clear words without the emotion if he wants to get anything in return.

The moment he starts throwing a fit, I tell him he gets no more of his ideas. I explain to him (yep, I say all this) that I don't want him to think he's getting something because he cried, screamed, kicked, etc. and therefore as a good mom, I cannot give him anything to make sure he knows it wasn't his bad behavior that got him what he wanted. I make sure to have a "good idea for him" (he picks the bedtime book, I play with him and a favorite toy, etc) shortly after if he straightens up immediately although I have never told him this. He must be catching on since we have fewer incidents these days.

Also remember the people with the kid nicely eating probably had a nightmare of a time with the same child last Friday night. Mine is great 90% of the time. You should see him the other 10%.

We decided practice would be our best option. We liked noisy places...CiCi's, Jason's Deli, etc. for good practice. We also learned at the age your son is that if we asked him if he wanted to go out to eat and he said no, it was going to be a bad one, so we stopped asking.

We do spank so I can't give you advice there.

Hi C.,

Well I am experiencing the same thing with my 15mo old. I am just trying to be consistent with my responses and standing firm. He is so strong willed that he will not give in after hours. We had a four hour stand off about water today. I will pray for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck. This was meant as more of an encouraging message than an advice because we are both going through the same thing. Best of luck.

I agree with MaryAnne on the Love and Logic series. They have one on CD for the toddler version because they know parents of busy toddlers just don't have the time to read! The "uh-oh" part of the discipline is priceless. They talk about how the kid just wants to know you love them enough to stop them from what they (the child) are doing is wrong. This reminds me I've got to go get one on the teens, my 12 year old is driving me crazy! It's him we bought the toddler version for, and I feel as though we're hitting toddler town all over again!!! Good luck and do go check out the love and logic series!

S.

Hey you are doing a good job of staying in behind your son! But I think he has learned that he doesn't have to sit in time out if he throws a fit and unfortunately has probably transferred this behavior to other situations. So I believe you will have to back track on the sitting in time out. Only don't make it a time out but rather an exercise in just sitting. You will need a time during the day where you can work on just sitting in a chair. You will have to physically restrain him to the chair by holding him there. At first try 1 minute or whatever his tolerance is and stretch that tolerance. After he has reached a goal give him a reward, like a raisin, or something small. This will be the only way I know of reteaching his behavior.
He probably doesn't sit still for television or videos either.

C.,
Welcome to Motherhood. It sounds like you have a normal, healthy, egotistical toddler. Enjoy as much of this time as you can as it passes so much faster than you realize. When my boyz were young, I had the same problem...for a short while. You and your husband may need to go out to eat ALONE for a little while, until boundaries have been learned by your toddler. A couple things may happen when you start going out without him. Once your son realizes that he can't go with you because he misbehaves and doesn't use his "inside" voice you may begin to see a change in his behavior. There may be times that you have to leave the restaurant (taking dinner "to-go") but he will quickly learn the consequences of his behavior. The wonderful thing about this is that when the new baby is about 18 months, the eldest will know how to behave and we all know how much younger children want to emulate the older kiddos. It gets easier. However, in the meantime there may be sacrifices on your part to instill the desired behavior in your children. This stage really only lasts a couple years at the most. Be sure to get time with your husband as things will get crazy very quickly as your family grows. Good Luck and keep your sense of humor!
B.

C.,

I too have a Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde 4 year old boy. He is the most stubborn, obstinate loving child. Dr. Dobson is a wonderful source on raising the "Strong Willed Child." As far as time outs go, this may sound extreme but you can do two things. Sit there in front of your child while they are in time out. Tell him he is in time out and that there is no talking or getting up until the time out is up. Sit there so he cannot get away and do speak to him until the time is up. Use a timer with a bell so he knows when his two minutes are up. Tell him you want an apology and explain it to him again why he was there. Or get a chair and a bungee cord. Bungee cord his rear end to the chair. One of the other ladies is correct in you have to take them out to make them understand that we have to act a certain way in public. I am sorry to say I have been embarrassed on countless occassions by tantrums. Most people are very understanding, as their kids used to do that. I have received many encouraging words from older ladies in Wal-Mart when Sam is having a meltdown. Don't sweat it. They will eventually grow out of this. I hope I was helpful. Just know that you are not the lone ranger. Not to scare you but most of the time the oldest one is the easier one. God gives you the easy one first, to ease you into the whole parenthood thing.

this may sound mean but it works.......have a sitter watch your child why yous go out to eat tell him he can not go because he won't sit and behave. it truely works the next time yous go take him and remind him he can go to the sitters if he is not behaved.make the punishment fit the crime. out side if he runs off towards the street time to go in the house....tell him that was bad.very easily done if you are consistent. i had 4 little ones and could take them any where. (they did not want to be left out)good-luck

Whatever you do, DO NOT get a Dog Leash, or "harness" as one mother put it. Your child is NOT a dog, he does not deserve to be put on a leash like one. Dog Leashes serve no purpose to teach your child to stay by your side.

Besides, other than your mention of him running toward the street, you make no mention of him not staying with you when you go out places. If he does, I would suggest a stroller if you are going to be out for an extended period. Otherwise, for short outings carry him. I know you are pregnant and carrying might not be always possible.

When my son was that age I would tell him to hold my hand so I wouldn't run off. This worked wonders in parking lots, stores, etc. It gave him a sense of control. He is 6 now and all I have to do is stick my hand out and he grabs it from me.

Additionally, I agree, somewhat, on your idea of no spanking. I don't believe in spanking my child in the manner of several swats at a time. But a quick pop on the leg (bottom once out of diapers) is quite allright. This only serves to get their attention. A quite, soft pinch also works well to get attention. I'm not talking about a pinch so hard a red spot or bruise is left, just something to turn their head.

A great book that I highly reccomend (and was reccomended to me by a very experience child psychiatrist) is Parenting the Strong Willed Child. I think this book is just what you need!! I think it may be a bitt too early to worry about ADD or ADHD he sounds like a pretty normal, active toddler to me.

You can find it fairly cheap at Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child-Clini...

You can probably also find it at your local library or hald price books store.

Good luck!

Poor C.--

I almost want to laugh & cry with you at the same time. Why? Because you described my son, who is almost 7 years old now and he is STILL the same wild & active boy since birth. Nothing has changed. Even before he was 1 year old, he got kicked out of two childcare situations. They couldn't handle him. The first time I think he was around 7 months. HE HARDLY SLEPT and was constantly on the move!

The only thing that worked for me was letting him be who he is and I told his teachers that he's a hands on & very active child and medication was NOT an option. My son is super hyper. I basically try to be as patient as I can and don't expect him to behave like an adult. Sometimes we forget that. Also, take him outside as much as you can and let him get all of his energy OUT. And when my son is REALLY getting on my nerves, I take a deep breath and look for things that he can help me with around the house. I also asked his teacher to do the same, by making him the classroom helper. And you know what, I bet you anything that your son is going to be super bright and STILL may have problems in school, because he won't be challenged, which is happening to me. My son stays in trouble because of his behavior and does his work super fast & SLOPPY. He's not challenged and then he has plenty of time to joke around and laugh at other students who are struggling.

I can totally relate to you. And from what I understand, most children are not diagnosed for ADHD until they're in school. If you feel strongly about it, speak with your pediatrician.

OH...I have to tell you this. When my son was around year old, his little sister was born, yes I had my children VERY close together. Anyway, the day I brought her home from the hospital, that was the wonderful day my son learned how to climb out of the crib. I was dismayed and depressed, because putting him in his crib was peace for me for a while. I couldn't believe I had no way to contain that busy body. BUT...I got one up on him and purchased a crib net. It was the best purchase I've ever made. SWEEEEEEEET!

Hang in there C. and pray for patience my lady, pray for patience, because I'm living it and he hasn't changed since being a baby and I refuse to put him on medication. I'm just coming to terms with his hyper activity and I really don't want him to change, because he's a super active & outgoing little boy. I love that about him, I just have to look at myself and let him be who he is and not who I want him to be. So when I've had it up to here, I take his tail to the park until we can't see!

Your DS sounds EXACTLY like my DD! She is 3.5 now, and things are much better. I know you're tired of hearing that it will get better, but believe me it will.
My first recommendation is a book by Harvey Karp, MD called The Happiest Toddler on the Block (he also wrote Happiest Baby on the Block). It has some really great ideas. My daughter is extremely verbal as well, but he gives some great communication ideas that sound silly at first, but worked quite well. Today her new words were "congratulations, imagine and supposedly". I had to learn that even though she can speak well and use words in context, she's still learning what they actually mean. When it came to discipline, I took my language back to a toddler level which was a clue to her that things were not good at that moment.
As far as time out goes, we stopped using it until she was actually able to keep herself in one spot safely (we use the stairs)then resumed when she was around 2. It's very hard to imagine, but we redirected most of the time and it started to sink in. Now we use TO as part of an increasing list of consequences (first she's given her choices, then we remove whatever it is causing the problem, then we go to TO). During the tantrums I let her safely scream and rolling around on the ground without interacting. She learned pretty quickly that was not going to get her what she wanted.
As far as the restaurant, we brought LOTS of distractions (cheerios, gold fish, crayons and paper, etc.) and ALWAYS put her in a high chair. Don't worry about others looking at you funny as you work through this stage. We asked to sit in the back of the restaurant and always went before dinner rush. Once your DS gets the hang of it, you'll enjoy that time together.
It sounds silly, but don't forget to give yourself a timeout when things are spiraling out of control. Tell him "Mommy needs a time out" and leave the room (with him at a safe distance of course), he will be floored and it wil help both of you re-start and go forward. Good luck!

Well I've got one of these little boys too! Sweet, loving, and a pain in the butt all in one. Haha.

First I'd like to say "Good for you for not spanking!" We don't either but can understand why some parents do.

We've been going to counseling for him and us, as his parents. It's helped wonders. The first thing I can advise you is when he's in trouble and won't sit still you've gotta make him sit with no distractions. My counselor and I discussed putting a high chair in his room away from everything or anything he can get or touch. The trick is letting him scream, spit, or whatever he needs to do to settle back down and think about his action that got him into trouble. That means, don't go in there and tell him to be quiet or stop yelling or banging on the tray (as this only leads to the attention he's seaking for doing that) As soon as he's quiet for a minute (because yours is so young) go in and tell him how good he did for quieting down and remind him why he got into trouble. Make sure you tell him that you love it when he acts well and know that he can do that more. Kids love to hear that you like something they're doing.

Your son is almost exactly a year younger than mine and I can say if you don't start now he just may get worse. If you can afford it I would recommend seeing how well he does in a daycare environment becausewhen my son started he was a hellion, to say the least. If he's having problems in an environment where he always has something to do and someone to play with you may consider getting him evaluated for ADHD. I wouldn't try putting him on meds for another year or so because he IS so young. And always get more than one doctor's opinion because it's easily misdiagnosed. I went to MHMR first, then his pediatricion, then a psychologist. I was extremely happy I did.

My son is doing great on the meds and the doc explained to me over and over (I didn't want him on meds to begin with) that counseling in ADHD children will not work without meds..As well as the meds won't work without counseling in addition.

And the only reason I'm bringing up this is because you sound like I did a year ago. "It's only his age." "He's just a young boy. He's got energy." while, of course these statements are true my son got worse and worse and at three already had gotten kicked out of daycare.

You sound like you're doing great with your son. Just remember to praise him EVERY time he's doing well. Parents tend to tell their kids when they're doing something bad but never say anything when they're doing well. They need praise for good behavior or they will not improve. Also, bad behavior, in public, (the hardest part for me) is if he's being bad you must remove him every time from the place (take him to the car, wait for him to calm down without saying anything to him because the more you say the more attention he's getting for bad behavior. And expect to do this 4 times at least the next time you go eat. It will take time but it does work.

I wish you all the luck with your son. Keep it positive and he will do well!

Parenting though Love and Logic - my favorite parenting book. Its all about discipline without hitting or yelling, but rather through love and logic. Now a simple "uh-oh" from me gets my children's attention. We also do plenty of rewards in the house - you will be amazed what your children will do for one skittle or a mini-marshmellow (and your praise of course). We also have a surprise box - just little books, toys, stickers, etc. that I pick up from garage sales or clearance racks, but its a huge motivator for them. Good luck!

For public places use a harness to restrain him. By a harness I mean one of those that goes around his chest and has a 'leash' for the parents to hold onto on his back. We used that for our 5th child because he was so active and at 22 months of age, they are not going to respond to the word No, unless he recognises it as a 'danger' word. By that I mean, if you constantly use the word No for everything, it loses its effectiveness. No needs to become an important "I must stop and listen" word. A harness might sound cruel, and you might get looks from other people, but what is more important, your child's safety (and your peace of mind and sanity) or some random stranger casting disapproving looks.

If you feel time outs are effective, then go for it, but you need to supervise it. If you choose the place for time out, then you can't let him decide he wants another place. His room is too easy - too much space, too little supervision. Find a corner near where you will be - in the kitchen, living room. Set your timer for the time you are giving him. Place him in the corner, set the timer. Every time he gets up, you, without yelling or telling him 'No' put him back in the corner and reset the timer. That first timeout of 2 minutes may take 30 minutes, but he will eventually get the idea that when you place him in a corner you are the boss and he has to stay there.

You have a strong willed child, no doubt about it. We have 5 kids and 3 of them were strong willed. It means you have to be stronger than they are. You cannot back down, especially where his safety is concerned. He has to learn to listen to you otherwise he could get really hurt. It is hard work because you cannot let down your guard, or let him get away with anything now. But the extra vigilence now will pay off in the long run.

A good book for all ages is "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson, a veteran parenting expert.

Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson is a wonderful tool. I recommend it highly!!