Stressed Out and Depressed by Afternoon/early Evening Routine

Hi J.,

The other two responses are very good and I'm sure ALL the PAPAs are working hard for the home and family. Still, family must be first and finding a way to make that happen will make everyone happier. It is all about LOVE and FAMILY, so even if you have to cut back on a little spending, its more important to have more "PAPATIME". If Papa can work a little from home, maybe you won't have to cut back and can give a little something to others who are not as fortunate.

Blessings......and Happy Thanksgiving to ALL

Dear J.,

Kim has some pretty good ideas that will probably help. However, neither of you mentioned your husband's participation in your situations.

No matter how hard your husband is working, he needs to reorder his time and spend MORE of it with you and your children.

I suspect his absence (long working hours) from the home is probably contributing greatly to your depression. Does he know how terrible you are feeling? Can the two of you at least start having dinner together?

I hope things get better for you very soon.

PS...You are NOT lame!

Blessings....

I have a "just turned 5" year old and an 18 month old special needs baby (both girls). I know where you are coming from, and understand the frustration. What I have done is the following:

1) Baby does not get a bath each night or I bathe both together. (Get a baby bath chair for this.)
2) I don't cook each night. I cook different things two days in a row, and make enough for left-overs with both, then I alternate them. It saves a ton of time, but you're not eating the same thing 4 nights in a row.
3) My older daughter gets to watch cartoons on Noggin or part of a movie while I change the younger one and get her in jammies.
4) I ask my older daughter what she wants to do while I nurse the baby, then bring a boppy nursing pillow to where she is and nurse the baby with her. This way I can at least talk with her. It can be coloring, a bit more of the movie, puzzles, etc. It must be a quiet activity, though.

You are definitely not lame! I'm a working mom with only one baby and sometimes I feel the same way since my husband gets home late too. You need to talk to your husband about the situation, not in an accusing way, but just to let him know how you feel. My husband works over 60-80 hrs a week, and he has to because of his job situation. While I have empathy for how hard he works, I had to talk to him about it because family needs are also important, including sharing of parental responsibility and taking care of his spouse too. He tries harder to make it home earlier now, picking up dinner half the time and then working from home later that evening. He enjoys taking care of the baby, we just needed to find a way to make it work.
good luck and take care!

Hi J. - I am the mother of three wonderful grown adults (ages 19, 21 and 25). My eldest daughter and my youngest son were 6 years apart, so I know how hard it is to keep two children in totally different age groups occupied and still handle housework and a hubby. It is truly a challenge, but a labor of love. I got some good advice from a friend when my kids were little to try and do things as a group as much as possible. When you are caring for the baby, could you structure a special activity for your 5-year-old that is only done during baby bath-time? (I used to have a large box of special activities that my older daughter liked that was only brought out when I was making dinner- I would put the baby in baby seat near the older, and the older would include the baby by talking to him while she did her activities, while I made dinner. Older kids feel special and valued when they are part of the family activities and are helping younger siblings as well as mom. You have the ability to make your 5-year-old feel more confident and capable by making him a part of the adult responsibilities (contributing what a 5 year-old is capable of) instead of parking him in front of the TV and left alone. Also, as he getsolder, his help will really come in handy so think of this as his job training time! Combine themes (dinosaurs, cars etc.) that appeal to your older boy into the routine of taking care of your baby with songs, activity books, etc. while you are taking care of the baby's needs. Your older son will feel engaged/connected and important and less likely to have negative feelings toward you, and you can find a new way to praise him and build his self-esteem. I know this is easier said than done, but I believe you will find the solution you are looking for through additional love and support toward your older boy. For mild depression, XanGo is a wonderful whole fruit mangosteen juice supplement which provides antioxidants and more energy which can help mild depression and that "over-extended" feeling moms of young children often have. When you yourself have more energy and vitality, it is a benefit to the whole family. You can reasearch XanGo and magnosteen on my mom-owned biz websites. May you and your family be blessed! V. G. :o) www.referralco-op.com www.findgreenhere.com