My 21 month old son visits his father every second weekend and every Wednesday overnight, for the past 9 months, since the father and I split. Since that time, the father has been claiming that our son has serious constipation issues and has claimed that our son does not have a bowel movement while he is with him. He continues that our son hides in corners and won't let anyone look at him while he has the urge to have a bowel movement. Our son (while with me) has never had this. He has a stool at least every day, now sometimes he will have more than one in a day and then go a day without another stool. His stools are always normal in color and soft (not runny or too hard). Our son doesn't seem to have any issues passing his stool either while in my home. Father had decided that he was going to start giving our son a stool softener (colace) which the pharmasist recommended to him. He has been taking this since the early summer. I took our son to his doctor and she said that he doesn't need it, but if the father wants to give it to him, he is going to do it anyways. Doctor assured me it won't harm our son in any way. Last week father decided the colace isn't working so inconjuction with that he gave our son a Glycerin supository on Wednesday. Thursday my son was home with me, and was very sick!! He had massive explosive diareha, and kept saying his tummy hurt. He wouldn't eat much of anything. I pumped the electrolights and plenty of fluids, no dairy and only plain/ bland foods. By sunday he was doing better - no diareha. I told father about this and instructed him that our son does not have a bowel problem and never has and what he is doing is not healthy for him. My question is - I have heard of children being shy/intimidated/uncomfortable/stressed in any given enviroment/setting. So much so that they purposly withhold their stool. Is this true?? Does this sound like something my son is doing while with his father?? I know the household there and it is a very volitile place (lots of yelling and fighting). Perhaps
the dad and i do have a communication book that goes between the houses. i started this to ensure our son was staying on his routine, eating properly, ect. the father writes that our son eats oatmeal, grilled cheese, yogurt, bread, ham, pork, ground beef, potatoes, bananas, corn, cheese strings, ect. that's a general list. most items are given in random. for example this weekend for Breakfast he gave our son - nutri-grain bar, yogurt, 2% milk (he is supposed to get homo milk until he is two according to the doc) and prunes. Lunch was egg omlet and blueberries. Supper was ground beef, potatoes, peas and strawberries. milk at bed again. And again this weekend dad complained that son didn't poo. He gave son colace again every day too. now dad said that son woke up from nap crying, holding his stomach and saying owe. It saddens me to say that i don't always believe the things dad is writing in the book. dad doesn't believe that our son has bowel movements at my house. so last week when son had the massive diarrhea i saved the diapers and gave them to dad. dad commented that there were only 15 Not the 18 i told him there was (because some were just to nasty to save) and then said that some were hard stool and the others were soft. And then proceeded to write that "if i am mad at dad than i should take it out on him not our son by neglecting to deal with sons bowel problems". Well needless to say im getting pretty mad\angry\upset about this! we have a doctor appointment monday in which dad says he will be there (his first time ever going for any appointment). I just don't really know how to get my point across that our son doesn't have a problem!
It is possible, but also one thing you did not mention is what is he eating at dads house? Is he being offered water on a regular basis? Can you both meet with the pediatrician about this and come up with a plan that both of you follow?
The answer is yes, definitely children can/do withhold stool in stressful situations. It would be best if his Dad ignored his toileting habits. The less fuss made about it the better. To much focus on it can lead to bigger problems.
A little about me: A child and adolescent psychiatrist,in practice for 18 years. Mother of two, a 21 yo boy and 14 yo girl, both successfully toilet trained as toddlers.
I would be worried that my ex-husband would be giving our child medication and suppositories....
Yes, children can hold their bowel movements due to stress. However, it is normal for some people to go every other day and for some to have bowel movements every couple of days.
Does your son have verbal communication skills? If so - ask him what happens at Daddy's house - DO NOT give him information or "feed" him what you want to her - get him to tell you what he does at Daddy's house.
Sounds like your ex-husband and you MUST meet a pediatrician TOGETHER so he can hear that some children DO NOT HAVE Bowel movements DAILY.
He should NOT be giving him medication to encourage a bowel movement. If it goes on too often he will damage your son's growing body and internal organs...too much medicine will stop his body from working naturally...I doubt he wants his son being stuck on colace and/or suppositories the rest of his life...
I think I would see if I could stop my son from going to my ex-husband's house until he learned what harm he was doing to our son and promised to stop administering medicine our son doesn't need.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Girl don't worry about your son holding it. YES - your body can withhold going when in a different environment. When I go to visit my in-laws (in CA. I'm in TX), I can go 2-4 days with no poop! Did that as a teenager too. Went camping up in the mountains. Peed fine while up in the mountain for 3 nights. No poop. Once we got back to a real toilet I finally pooped.
Dad needs to lighten up. He's got issues. I have never heard of a kid that young needing a suppository just b/c he doesn't poop for a couple days. He could take extra magnesium perhaps. I have heard that helps you go regularly.
Hi hayley-
Yes...it is entirely possible...
When I was in college...(first time with a consistent 'community' bathroom) I swear I nearly didn't have a BM until my first break at home!
Even now, as an adult, I have trouble anywhere but 'home'!
A few days or so should NOT be an issue...I am perplexed that ex is making it one ...(sounds...from what you have said with fighting and all that they already have plenty of issues...lol)
Best Luck!
Hugs to your little guy from another 'shy' one!
michele/cat
Not everyone goes every day. I don't see the big deal if he doesn't go on a Wed. night or even for 2 days EOW that his father has him. Why is your ex obsessing on this, I wonder? If it's not normally a problem, I don't think stool softeners and suppositories are necessary.
Good luck!
I will repeat what others have said, it is possible & common that he is uncomfortable going poop at this dad's house. Also like others have mentioned, I, too, have issues in that area every summer while my boys are on vacation w/my folks in their RV. One thing to keep in mind; small children have control over very few things in their lives. Eating, sleeping & toileting are really the only 3 things they can control & if they feel stressed, pushed or anxious, they will what they can to take control. If you continue to stress about this, talk about it, put a lot of engery into it, this gives it more power & your son will continue not pooping at his dad's & may carry it over to the point that it becomes a daily problem. Let it go. You can try to let his dad know that this is normal & to stop giving him these meds & to make sure he drinks more liquids & eats fruits but who knows if that will work. You can't control what happens at his dad's house. Good luck!
Hayley,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Yes it is entirely possible for the environment to cause no bowel movement. I have always been this way....when going camping or anywhere away from home for any extended time I cannot go poop. When I get back home all is good again.
I hope you can convince your son's father that this is normal and he does not need a stool softener or anything else.
Good luck!
It is entirely a possibility. However, before you go the route of too much stress, try to kindly find out what he is eating, as well as find out the altitude of Dad's home town. Higher altitudes will cause a little back up.
I am pretty sure he is only trying to help him, even though you disagree. I am sure he is not going poop and that is why he is trying to offer him relief.
Try to talk to Dad and if it is an issue of altitude difference, perhaps natural relieve would help. Perhaps a plum or date, and some water will help him.
We just returned from a trip in a slightly higher elevation and we all had stomach issues.
The more issue this becomes the worse it will be. Putting a suppository in a child that young will scare them too, especially if not in that home as often as with you. Yes, children can withhold stools. There are some that do that without all this extra drama your son is experiencing. Here is a link from www.webmd.com that will confirm this.
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20031015/anxiety-link...
I don't know how you can get your child's father to leave him alone and let him just go when he needs to but this would be the solution to me.
I am definitely glad that dad is going to the doctor with you. This way he can hear that there is no problem and therfore no need for stool softeners and suppositories. I had a similar situation with all three of my children. Not to the extent and young age of yours, though. When my kids started grade school (they are now 19, 17 and 12) They refused to have bowel movements at school. The two younger are girls and they went so far as to not urinate at school either. They would ask to go to the nurses office to use the faculty bathroom. I was not ever a strict or super sanitary mom. They wash their hands after they go, thats the most important. I think it was the environment they were in. Whether it's school, a friends house or a relative. If they don't feel comfortable doing their business, they can't. As long as they are healthy and no bowel issues arise, it should not matter where thy go, just that they do indeed go, regularly. I sure hope this helps and wish you the best.
Both the change in environment (even if it is a totally good environment) could cause this. Also the diet that he is given at Dad's house could be a factor. Since he apparently is not at the Dad's home for more than two days at a time, the lack of a bowel movement while there should not be of enough concern to be giving him anything for it anyway. Yes, it is preferable to have a daily bm, but two days usually won't cause any huge problems as long as the child goes back to the routine of having a regular bm once he's back home with you. I would definitely try to find out more about what he's eating there. It has always seemed to me that at such a young age a written report of eating habits, toileting habits, medications given (including time, amounts and frequency) should all be passed back and forth between the parents anyway. This is something you'd definitely expect from any childcare if you have your child being cared for while you work. The childcare would also expect at least a report from you on what a regular routine looks like at your home and any unusual occurences that deviate from that routine so they could give your child the best care possible. So why shouldn't it work that way between the parents as well? Just my opinion, and I'm afraid none of our courts involved in custody cases have taken that idea into consideration. It just seems like it's common sense, and in the best interest of the child.
Yikes. I can't poop when I travel - I can go over a week :/ Definitely sounds environmental. Sorry to hear your ex is such an a$$hole. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Good luck dealing with him!
Some people, me and my niece included, can't poop in a bathroom that we are not completely at home in. Vacations can be rough, because neither one of us will have a bowel movement without the use of a laxative. I have gone 3 - 4 days while on vacation without a bowel movement. Your son may be the same way - he can't poop there because he's not familiar or at home in the surroundings. We have a time share and have had it for over ten years. Just this year I finally was comfortable enough in that condo to have a bowel movement without a laxative. If your son is pooping when he gets home (and probably several times) then I wouldn't worry about it. It's just like you said shy/intimated/uncomfortable in the environment. NOw that doesn't mean that he doesn't like being with his father, it's just that he's not yet comfortable enough in that environment to have a bowel movement. The laxatives won't hurt, but I would do whatever I could to stop the suppositories - he doesn't need them.
My nephew gets HORRID diahrriah when he is upset, bad weather distresses him and when it storms too heavily or there are warnings etc he starts instantly. I think the opposite (holding) could be true too. My dog does not use the toilet other than urine for days any of the times we have moved with him (3 times). Yes, I know I just compared your son's BMs to my dog's but I think it has some merit in comparisons. If you think the environment is so bad then I would suggest you have a social worker do a supervised visit IN BOTH HOMES, just to be fair, to see if you can find a solution to the problem since it is bothersome to ALL parties. Oh, and my son pees "too much" when he is nervous or upset, just about anytime he gets upset for any reason he has to use the toilet.
Yes, it is absolutely possible. Neither of my boys will poop when on vacation, no matter how long the vacation is. They won't poop at school either. I would encourage everyone to relax. He'll poop eventually and will hopefully get used to the routine. By the way, you sound like a great mom. :)
