Still Having Problems

I'm no expert on child behavior and sadly can't answer your question in total, but I will respond to one thing - the issue about not having enough nice things to give positive reinforcement for. I noticed a problem like that with my twin girls when they were about the same age. Some of it had to do with insecurity and needing more attention. I did the behavior chart like you describe, but I got a ton of stickers at Office Depot; there was like a hundred in a pack. I made a big deal and started putting stickers on there for everything I could think of. Every time they did something good - even basic expectations, I would put a sticker on there. We had a deal that every time they had five little stickers they would get a big sticker as a prize. When they had 5 big stickers, they got a trip to Planet Pizza (we would ride 5 rides and leave; that's just $10). I worried that my scheme was too complicated, and planned to adjust if that was too hard to comprehend, but they loved it and it really helped. They really appreciated all the compliments and the excitement of getting the stickers. If they sat right at dinner, bingo a sticker; if they ate all their food; bingo another sticker. I stretched to find all the positive things, and let them make suggestions too. It really worked well. I only had to do it for about 3 or 4 weeks and noticed a big turnaround. Of course your son may be different. I understand, though, recently one of my 4 yr olds has been having some real troubles at school; more than once the teacher has had to pull me aside and mention they have had rough days. She used to be the sweetest best kid. I handle it by sitting down later and having talks with her; try to find out what is wrong. In my case, she felt other kids did not like her and it was making her act out. I reassured that the other kids did like her and talked about each one; she got better for a good while. So talk to him and see what's going on at school (from his eyes)

D.,
He's only 4. Because you only have one, you don't really have enough to go on as far as what's possible and what's not with a 4 year old. You can watch other people's kids, but that's not the same..... you don't see those kids every moment so you have no idea what behaviors they do when you aren't looking.

Your son sounds like a young 4. They all develop differently, and he may be overstimulated with a large crowd. Smaller might be better. Less activities might be better.

I have 3 teens now, and I can tell you I am still upset with the amount of schoolwork they give the little ones in Elementary school. It's ridiculous. And I believe it is more harmful than helpful. They need to play, have stories read to them and have fun with art. Forget class work. That's something parents have been told is good for their kids to help the kids get a head start on the rest. Forget it. Really. It's over-rated, and school work as you will soon find out, is alot about you the parent doing the work at night with your kid.... which makes you wonder what they were doing in school for 9 hours.

Your boy sounds too stressed out already. Too much is expected of him by you and the daycare and he's acting out.

Life is short. Let him enjoy it and learn to love learning by not forcing him to do classwork at daycare but by playing and listening to stories. An in-home day care may be much better for him.

I used to teach school, and it sounds like he may be bored. Is he not being challenged enough?

Can you try him in martial arts? Martial Arts is a great outlet for behavior learning.... gaining respect for authority figures; having self control over body, emotions.... in addition to getting good exercise and building self confidence.

Not sure where you are located.... but USA Martial Arts in Plano (spring creek/coit) is wonderful. they are great with little kids. they take children as young as 3 1/2 yrs old. And they really are helpful with children who have behavior issues, learning disabilities or speech delays. USA Martial Arts has other locations around the Dallas area.
www.usamartialartsfitness.com

feel free to personal message me if you have any specific questions.

There is nothing wrong with in-home childcare,in-home childcare teachers do the same things a daycare center does quote unquote somtimes a child with problems like that needs to be with a smaller group of kids and in a more home setting,i am a registered childcare provider and i had a kid that came from a daycare center after being kicked out of 2 centers because of his behavior and he did really well with me, i watched 4 kids at the time.

I'm no expert, but it sounds like he may be bored and in the wrong environment. In my opinion, again I'm not an expert, they are not handling this right. He's only 4 for goodness sake and frankly I'd be surprised if he COULD focus on something he's not interested in in the first place. Have you ever considered maybe a Montessori or Reggio school? I think it might be worth exploring in your case.