Still Believing at 11 Years Old

Believing is a good thing, shouldn't we all? Think about how many wonderful acts happen at Christmas, done by total strangers. I still believe too. Santa just needs some help from his elves. It's also more fun and gives us a chance to play.

Let her keep believing because like everyone else has said kids grow up way too fast nowadays. So let her keep believing.

Hi C.... Well, I see the overwhelming majority of Moms out there say to let her believe... And I agree too, with a couple of caveats:

It might be time to start dropping hints. If she's testing you, she'll get it. If she's questioning, she'll get it. If she's still totally involved in the fantasy, she won't. So shifting in your total immersion into her fantasy might be a good change right now.

ALso, I had a sister that was PISSED when she found out. And still gets mad telling the story! (She's in her 40's!) OMG - get over it... However, I suppose it's all in the way it's handled at the time, and the older they get, the harder it is to explain our involvement. (As you might imagine, my sister brought some trust issues into the situation.)

So when my daughter was in third grade (public school - they hear things... But life is public, right?), I started using the word "magic" a lot. Christmas is such a magical time, isn't it interesting how Santa does that? Magic! How does that tooth fairy know we've lost a tooth? Magic! Easter Bunny - long trip doing all that hopping... Magic!

And so when the time came that one of her friends told her in school (and believe me, they ask their friends before they ask you - she will find out in school - let this happen naturally...), she came home and asked - she was very serious and deliberate about it - I knew exactly the question that was coming.

I was very kind and loving, but straighforward and honest with her. We talked about the magic. We had a long conversation about how I felt about her growing up and how sad it was for me too. I think I actually cried a bit with her!

Because this is such a rite of passage for a child. It's a threshhold. We were both sad. But because I had thought about it and planned for it - as you are - it wasn't so traumatic and there was no anger.

I think that's your goal. And it seems you're on the right track. Just love her - she'll be fine!

Dear C.,
I have heard that some people don't believe in Santa Claus. BUT, he has ALWAYS found my stocking, no matter where I've been, no matter how many years have gone by. I am now 74 years old, and I KNOW Santa Claus will fine my stocking this year too, because he always has found it. Maybe I have a special stocking (given me by my grandmother...) Or may be Santa Claus ... well, all "rational scientific" speculation aside, whatever is the harm in HOPE and FAITH and LOVE? Aren't they, in fact, the basis of our values? Our religions? Our aqbility to Keep on Truckin', Plugging, Working, instead of just quitting out?
Love to your daughter -- and to you.

It's possible she believes wholeheartedly. But it's also possible she WANTS to believe because she wants the traditions to continue.

Our neighbor, who has five kids all a little older than our son, helped me on this one. She said, "Santa is the spirit of giving." I liked that.

For a few years, I used that answer and it satisfied our son just fine. Then, when he was about 9 or so, he trapped me. He said he wanted to ask me something but he wanted me to promise to be totally honest with him. When he came out with "Is Santa real?" I was totally caught off guard. I had no idea that was where he was headed. I HAD to honor my promise! I also figured he was to the point where he could handle it. So, I answered honestly.

I reiterated that Santa was the spirit of giving. But I also asked him about various gifts he'd gotten throughout the years. One in particular was a treasure chest my husband and I spent hours on. It was just a cardboard box but we transformed it into a curved-top treasure chest with wood grain drawn on it, duct tape for the metal edges, a latch made out of a belt loop, and a hand drawn treasure map inside. I told him about how much fun we had making it for him and the delight on his face when he saw it the next morning.

I also told him that even though Santa was us or Nana, had he noticed that Daddy and all of us still got gifts from Santa? So, even though he then knew that Santa was us or his grandmother, he could still enjoy believing for as long as he wanted.

I thought we were done with the conversation. He looked relieved. And then a somewhat concerned/knowing look came across his face. "Mommy, what about the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?" YIKES!

Alas, they all fell at once! I've since heard that that is VERY common.

The cute thing is that our son still believes, or wants to believe, at 11. He plays right along with us. At this point, we just have stockings at the mantle with Santa stuff. But he loves that we keep it going. And he'll probably always enjoy the interpretation that "Santa is the spirit of giving." We keep it simple and he delights in the simplicity of our stocking gifts.

Keep the spirit alive!

Dear C.,
Please just let her believe! Kids grow up too quickly today and sometimes have very little to believe in. There's no harm in allowing her to hold onto comforting, magical, childhood beliefs and heroes for a little longer. At this point, your daughter may even sense or know on some level that Santa is just pretend or make believe, but if she's not ready to broach that subject directly, why force it? Follow her lead. I have never known a child who blamed or hated or distrusted their parents for "lying" to them about Santa,or the tooth fairy.When she's ready she'll broach the subject in some way with you.Even adults sometimes take comfort and joy in "believing" in magic or fairies. When the time is right, there are a couple of books and movies I highly recommend for children and parents to share together, that gently "deal" with the issue of Santa and fairies. One is: The Polar Express.Another is: Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus. And as for movies: The Secret Garden,The Secret of Roan Irish,and Darby O'Gill and The Little People. Good luck. L. S.

Hey I'm C. M too :O) I say leave it alone, let her believe in those things....as long as she is still believing in the magic of the holidays, it will still be fun for everyone....and if she is believing in those things, she isn't thinking about sex...and in this day, we need to try and keep them innocent for as long as possible. My dad's girlfriend's 14 year old daughter is WAY into boys, talks about drinking at parties on her myspace page ad has her own cell phone. Like I said, hang onto her innocence. She will find out on her own soon enough.

I teach sixth grade. Every year about half the kids still believe and about half don't. The ones that still believe usually have an inkling but WANT to believe. I always get lots of questions around the holidays and I tell the kids that I still believe because if I don't believe then Santa won't come for me! If they push the issue I make a joke out of it acting hurt that they say he isn't real because someone must bring those presents to my house (etc.). They get a laugh out of that and it makes both groups of kids feel better about what they feel. Let her believe. There is enough horrible stuff out there, let her believe in a little magic that makes her feel good.

I would tell her that things are make believe. It' s fun to believe but you're right eventually she'll be made fun off and it's better youtell her over the summer before she says soemthing to her friends and they tel her the truth. My husband and I choose not to tell our son about santa, easter bunny or the tooth fairy for that reason. But my parents raised me that way. My son knows who the easter bunny and santa are and gets excited when he sees them but knows that they aren't real. good luck when youtell your daughter and i'ld take her out someplace special and break the news to her gently. She may be really upset that you "lied" to her but I bet she'll be okay.

In my opinion you have to let them believe as long as they choose. I didn't want to lie to my son when he asked at a very young age and now he try's to ruin things for his much younger sister. I'v often told him to keep his opinion to himself and not force it on other people b/c he might hurt their feelings. So maybe the best thing is to make her aware others don't always believe and let the rest fall as it will. It'll all happen soon enough. Teasing is an awful part of childhood too and impossible to avoid. A childs imagination is also an awful thing to lose.

It's wonderful that your child still believes in that....
There's alot of other stuff she could be doing at this point in time,and in this day and age...be thankful that she isn't into boys,drugs,and alot of other unpleasant things.....not saying that she shouldn't have some of the joys in life of boys....but there is alot of young girls who experience alot of unpleasant things in their life time..
So cherish this time with your daughter....my daughter is now 18. And she had a little girl at 15. Now i love my granddaughter but i would of preferred my daughte to wait til marriage...and to had still be into playing with barbie dolls, but the truth is the truth.. It's still wonderful to see young girls still be young girls to their heart!!!! So let her have that, she will grow out of it in due time....and maybe not, she might end up one of those woman who is a big kid... And that is a good thing,because kids need adults who are kids at heart, at times......just a little note for you....thanks for reading. K

I'm with you! Same thing with my child. I'm not sure if he really believes or if he just doesn't want to not believe. He has come across some kids at school that asked if he believed and he said no. He then came home and asked if santa would be mad that he lied. I don't want to break his heart, but I don't want him to be teased either...fill me in on any good info you find!

C. . let her be your baby as long as it takes. dont tell her anything. my daughters believed in the tooth ferry till they where 13 years ol . just be happy that she still believes. when she gets to bea little older she will find out her self. so be happy about it .
B.

What??? There's no Tooth Fairy???? ;) N.

Hi C.,
Wow a lot of kids outgrow this.
I told my daughter when she was a toddler that there was no such thing as the easter Bunny or Santa or tooth fairy etc...
I felt I was haveing her live a fairy tale and I wont lie to her,so she has known since she was a toddler.
My daughter is 10 and heading into Junior High in the fall,but I do know there are kids in her class this past year that still believed and I just simply told her to keep her mouth shut as it wasnt up to her to open her mouth about it,when those kids parents are ready to tell there kids they will.
She understood.
But I also have brought my daughter up knowing that Halloween is just a holiday and she does not dress up and she does not go out,I usually try to arrange the day off and we do something else special,she has been brought up this way and is fine with this.

sorry probably not much help.

C.,
I was about 12 when I found out that Santa was "not real." I was devastated! I think that it's sweet that she still has that innocence about her. Yes, kids are cruel, but what is the harm in believing in such wonderful "make believe" characters!?! I understand that you do not want her to be teased but I think that she should find out from others and not from her family, she'll come and question you when she is ready enough but for now, like I said, I think it's great that she has that innocence about her. Good luck

a couple of years ago my daughter who is 13 now rigth before christmas was struggling with whether or not these things existed. i could ruin her holiday so I asked her what she wanted to believe and seh said these holidays would not be any fun with out santa easter bunny etc. so she wasn't ready.... My kids haven't said they are teased for believing the magic of the holidays are still there for all of us.... mother of 1 8 11 and 13 K.

It is hard but I prefer the same old adage. I would rather hear it from me rather than feel betrayed. She will be teased unfortunately. I had a mother the other day confide in me how immature another womans daughter was. Wish we could let them all grow up when they are ready but society is a bit less forgiving if your out of the know. I can remember vividly thinking Santa was real and being teased on the bus. So you have a choice tell her gently or have it become a source of discomfort when she finds out via someone who will not be as gentle.

Good luck.

I think at 11 years old - I would let it go. Like someone else mentioned - kids these days grow up way to fast and her "still believing" is a wonderful sign of innocents! I wouldnt emphasize on these things if I were you... ie: saying things like - If you dont behave - I will call santa and tell him (or whatever - somethings I have heard other moms say). Dont encourage it, but dont take away her belief. She will find out the harsh truth one day - through her friends (I'm sure) and she will recover from what little teasing could come of it.

Please, please, please let her be a kid for as long as she wants to be/believe...the grown up world is tough enough without being rushed into it! Aren't we all just big kids anyway, inside larger bodies...maybe with a little more wisdom under our belts? I'm 30 and still love the idea of fairies and magic, Santa and the Bunny, etc... Here's a quote I have up on my cabinet:
"Come away O' human child, to the waters and the wild... With a fairy, hand in hand... For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand!" ~William Butler Yeats

Kids grow up so fast these days. I personally would let her believe in things as long as possible.

I would let her keep believing.

I would let her believe, it is so much more fun that way. I believed until I was 13 years old when my mom told me that it was all fake, you wouldn't believe how long I cried for. Don't worry about her being teased she will handle it just fine on her own if she truely believes..I did. It didn't matter what other people said, eventually you just don't let anyone bother you any more, and the only people you let know your secret anyway are your friends. I wouldn't worry, she'll figure it out on her own someday, if she gets to be like 16, then I would worry; you don't want your grandchildren never getting anything!!

My 2 cents worth:
Let her continue to believe. She may be starting to have some doubts and is testing you to see how you react. There truly was a Santa at some point, and he may not be the exact same mythical being we think of today, but why dash her joy? My brother believed until he was in the 6th grade--partially because I made it a great effort to keep it that way (long story). He would get into arguments with other kids, get me involved and ask, "Isn't it true that we get to actually see Santa on Christmas? Doesn't he really come to our house and visit us that night?" And I would always back him up--one of our neighbors really did come to our house to play Santa. I didn't lie, I just didn't clarify. It is one of my favorite memories from childhood. I, also a child, appreciated the joy my younger brother experienced in his reality. A good book to share with her is "The Polar Express." I haven't seen the movie, but the book is wonderful and it may be a gentle way to start the transition.

Good luck and enjoy this fleeting time with your daughter. She will appreciate your efforts.

I think it's great! My daughter when she was 10 found out about the Easter Bunny because her friends told her and she came home and told me I lied to her, her whole life. It was a sad but funny moment. I told her when she stops believing then Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. won't come .. I am surprized your step kids haven't said anything .. but keep her young as long as you can!