Step Mother Needing Advice!

If there is a child from a previous relationship, that person will always be tied to your husband.
Just another reason for practicing virtue.
You will simply have to accept that the child your husband made with this other woman is his responsibility, and by marriage, yours.
It is not the child's fault.

When the child is in your home, try to love her and treat her like your own. If her mother says things about you she will eventually see that it is not the truth.
You need to get over the past in order to move on with the future.

First, I want to say I fully understand. I grew up with a half sister. Our mother was the "step mother", but I want you to know that it takes more then biology to be a mom. You have been there for your oldest all the time. Every skinned knee, every loose tooth. You are Mom, don't let anyone tell you different, not even your oldest or husband. To this day my sister calls our mom and not her mother whenever she needs help.

Your husband's ex should only have a relationship with your oldest daughter, your younger two of course will know who she is, but that should be about it. You can and should put your foot down on that.

As for your relationship between you and your oldest, take her out on dates. Talk to her, don't trash her mother, if possible try and say positive things about her, if you can't talk about yourself. Let your daughter get to know you, get her to understand who you are, have fun with her and with luck if the EX is saying things, your oldest might even stick up for you and even come talk to you about it. You can even have girl nights where you and all three do something together, help bond all the girls as sisters. You might also take your younger two on individual dates too, to keep things fair and it couldn't hurt to bond closer with them too, the teen years will come.

Try your hardest to not even think about the ex or even talk about her, think of her like you would one of your daughter's teachers or babysitter. A part of your life, but not really. Do not giver her power over your marriage.

Good luck.

I know its hard but just be the bigger person. She is saying things about you behind your back to family and if you can just over look it then they will soon discredit her and eventually it will build a wall between the family and her. Even though you dont like that they have a relationship with her the fact is they are doing it for the child. I sort of have the same situation in which I couldnt be around his daughter due to her having issues with us. Now after years that has changed but her talking about me to her daughter hasnt. But she made me out to be this horrible witch and his daughter has seen that maybe her mom was too quick to pass judgment. It takes time....there is no overnight fix. But if it's worth it to you, you'll stick it out.

You definatly should find some one to talk to that's on your side. not some one who knows her or them, some one you can talk feely with that you know won't say anything. But also try to assure yourself that you are the one with him now and focus on your family not some one else or their issues, cause it sounds like she (the ex) has a lot of issues in her life and relationships. that also makes it hard for his other daughter, so finding fun things you can do together might help. getting along with all of his kids will take some of the strain off you relationship as well.

Definitely counseling! Counseling is like furthering your education. It teaches you how to deal with people whether it be your husband, his ex or some jerk at the grocery store. Now this will take practice but here is something that you need to start telling yourself. What the ex thinks does not matter. I know the truth & what she is telling everyone is not the truth. It is not the child's fault. Prove the child's mother wrong by loving her child as if she were your own. Your behavior will win in the end. If you let all the ex's pettiness get to you then you are enabling her. Eventually your stepchild will see the difference in your behavior & her Mother's & she can decide for herself who is telling the truth. Don't let this woman get to you, it is not worth it.

Good luck & God Bless!