H.B.
I wrote a very lengthy reply to you then before sending it I read your little note about yourself and I started laughing.
Your son is 2.. even pediatricians recommend not giving time out before age 3 because toddlers in general do not grasp the concept of time out anyway.. My husband is a pediatrician and when I told him about your post he said toddlers in this age love to play "make believe" and they usually copy the actions of the adult around them, so if she is mean to him he is just copying her actions without even understanding them! he is a baby for God's sake and she is being illogical and MEAN..
I have a step mom and I truly understand what you are going through, sit them both down and say I am sorry you think my son is giving you such hardship and i appreciate your offer to help me out with him but I don't want you to go through any trouble with him. so, from now on when we visit you guys we'll be together so I could be a "buffer".. it's your role as a mom to protect your kid from any harm either emotional or physical and if you feel someone is harmful to your kid in any way, you just cut him/her out..
kids who throw tantrums are not mean kids, they just lack the communication skills to tell us what they want. Also kids who refuse to nap, eat, bathe..etc
My kid has been crying non stop for the past few days, and my husband is in a conference. he was slamming doors, throwing food on the floor, he did everything that could drive an adult crazy and I was crying all the time. today, i took him to the DR. and it turned out that he has an ear infection. To your step mom he is rude, mean, and probably a brat but the Dr. explained that sometimes when they are in pain they act out because they are frustrated.. I know I babbled a lot but your son is 2, they did not call it "terrible two's" for nothing, kids are angels. It is we who are mean