Hurt Feelings from Step Parents

Updated on February 10, 2008
K.G. asks from Cody, WY
9 answers

My son is 12 years old and his Dad and stepmom recently moved back to our area after being away for four years. He and his stepmom have always had a stressed relationship at best, he spends every other weekend with them, and this weekend he over heard them argueing and heard her say that she didnt enjoy having him as a part of her life. and that dad doesnt spend enough time with her when he is there for the weekend. The adults have had a very tough time getting along and have just in the last year or so been able to get along at all. I dont know if I shold approach my sons Dad, stepmom, or just stay out of it and let it go. My son will not approach either of them. any advise would be great

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So What Happened?

I did speak with my ex husband about this problem and he has spoke with his wife. My son did not hear the whole conversation or arguement so it did make it worse for what he did hear, however that is beside the fact. But they are working on issues at their house to make things better. Thank you all for your input.

More Answers

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J.H.

answers from Billings on

Your poor son! How awful for him to have heard that. He should NOT feel like he is unwanted when he visits his dad!I would DEFINITELY speak to his dad, and make sure that his dad talks to him and explains things. His dad will need to reassure him that he is welcome there, and that he is loved. I think it would be nice if his step mom apologizes, but you can't force that. I am so sorry he has to go through this. At least he is open enough to tell you about it so you can help him through it.

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E.B.

answers from Duluth on

You need to talk to his father about this first. He needs to know that your son overheard this and you need to find out what his response was. Was he angry, hurt, indefferent by his wife's selfish remarks??

If he was angry & hurt he needs to talk to his wife more before you get involved with her. But she defnitley needs to be called on this. If he is indiffernt to his wife's complaints & demands you need to remove your son from such a toxic environment.

Perhaps spending the weekend at his father's is not such a good idea and they should plan activities away togther instead (without the step mom of course). No child should have to be exposed to such a self centered woman I no father should allow such a woman to tarnish his relationship with his child.

Definitely talk to the father and take it from there...

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K.H.

answers from Grand Forks on

I would approach the father. I am assuming that you have a better relationship with him, and a better chance getting through to him, then his obviously immature needy wife. This is your child and you need to stand up for him before things get worse. The last thing that i am sure want is for him to not want to see his father anymore because of his stepmom. If his father knows what's happening then, hopefully, he will put his sons needs before his marriage. Good luck with this sticky situation and i hope that it works out for the better
K.

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J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

There's no doubt about it, I'd get involved, even if I didnt let my 12 year old know. I'd definetly ask them what's going on? And call them on it. Both of them. Actually I'd probably loose it on them, but I'm just angry for you rignt now. That sucks, No child needs to grow up with that. I hope you can keep your cool in the situation, that would be hard. I wonder how his dad feals about her saying that, Oh how I'd like to hear what Dr Phill has to say about this (lol).
Good luck to you, really, my heart goes out to you and your son. And I hope you get better advise than what I just gave :).

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T.Y.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I would step in also and let them know what your son over heard and how he feels about it. I had a stepmom who's family didn't like me and my mom wouldn't listen to me and it caused major problems. I haven't talked to my dad nor my stepmom in over 12 years because of it. Things need to get fixed now or your son could grow very angry about it and not want to talk to them either.

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K.P.

answers from Grand Forks on

My advice would be to stay out it. That is their relationship not yours. As his mother I would reassure him that you love him and listen to him. Nothing more can really be done in my opinion.
Just for the sake of argument, I think we have all said not so smart things in the heat of the moment, and most of the time we don't really mean them.
Hope this helps! :)

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K.S.

answers from Milwaukee on

I think you should definitely say something to them. They need to understand that this is not good for your son and will only harm their relationship with him even more and will likely start to crush his sense of self-worth.

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T.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi K.,

I would talk with his dad. Is it OK with you for them to argue in his presence? I don't allow arguments in front of my daughter. Children don't understand adult situations and they get scared. I would expect that your son has more than hurt feelings, but is uncomfortable and scare of the situation at his dad's house.
If his father is not aware that he witnessed the argument, then he should be made aware and explain himself and protect his son from any future incidents, and reassure him that he is safe and wanted in the home.

Those are my two-cents worth.
Kind Regards,
TRUDI

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D.G.

answers from Lincoln on

I would talk to his dad and let him know his son overheard. Then I would have a talk with your son and reassure him you and his dad love him and love having him around. I would tell him you are sorry his stepmother treats him badly, but not to feel bad because of her, this is her problem not his. I hope this helps and I wish you all well.

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