S.P.
I have similar issues with my situation. I do not know if I have any great advise to give you just sympathy. I also had to pick my daughter up this weekend and she came without a jacket even though I had provided one for her at the day care for her father to take with him. If I address anything with him he become combative. Luckily I am on the other side of the fence as I have primary custody of my child. The advise I have to give you have probably heard many times before but getting there is hard. Some things are not worth fighting about. I really want my daughter changed when the father has her and dressed properly but it isn't worth the fight. Bring cloths to change her into when you pick her up. It sounds like you both are doing everthing you can to help her with her hygene and are being a good parental model to her. She may feel she isn't getting the attention she wants at home and when she comes to you she will only half shower so that you will spend the time and attention with her. Try to figure out what her true feelings are or if she isn't getting the proper attention at home. This is all you can do. You can not control her mother or what she does with the time she has her. I actually sympathize with the mother and the hair cut. The father decided to cut my child's hair for the first time and I was trying to let it grow in. Things like that should be discussed prior to taking action. Call her and ask if you can cut her hair. If this is not possible send a letter with the child explaining that you would like her hair cut and why then say if it is not cut next time we will take her to the hair dresser. You could even offer a comprimise by asking what style she would prefer in this event. Make sure you are documenting everything. Take pictures of her nails and document it, take pictures of the cloths and get a copy of the weather report ect. This is a lot of work, but it is what you need to do. Try to find a way to communicate with the mother if possible even if it means giving on some of your fights, pick your battles carefully. It will work itself out. If you both really feel the child is better with you, go back to court! I wish I could help you more and I hope that I didn't offend you... GOOD LUCK. I have been seeing a counselor who is good with this type of situation. I would be happy to give you her number if you think would help. She can help you decide what battle to pick and how, she also can help to find the best ways to deal with the issues for the childs sake (how to ask questions and what questions to ask without affecting the child ect...) S.