Need Some Useful Advice!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish i had some advice for you! I hope this is not tacky, but I am looking for a Pampered Chef consultant. Are you in Knoxville? you can email me at ____@____.com

R.,

The first thing you need to do is find out if there was any type of Parenting Plan or Custody Agreement filed with the courts. If there was one filed, read it and see what the original agreement was (and you'll need to know if any changes were ever processed through the courts).

If there wasn't one filed with the court, then you need to see an attorney to get one prepared and filed. This way, you will have a legal court document for everyone to follow and you won't be at the mercy of the mother's whims.

Hope this helps you out.

K..

You definately have a chance in court! It sounds to me like the mother is pretty much neglecting the child, if she isnt being the primary care giver. Your right, if the child isnt with her mother, she should be with the father, i say if you can do it, take it to court.

My mother was a single mom when I was a young child and she worked full time and I stayed with my grandparents a great deal and loved it and learned a lot from them. She has every right to let her mom spend time with her grandaughter.

Could it be now that the child is a little older the mom feels threatened by you and your connection with the child? she might feel you are trying to step in and be the little girls mommy , when the little girl dosnt need another mommy.

You should try and sit down with the mom and talk to her maybe something else is going on. Don't Judge her for trying to give her child what she thinks is best. Does the grandmother take care of anyother childern? if not then the child is getting one on one attention and you as a mother of 4 know that 2 yr olds can be a handful alone much less with other children around. There are a lot of veriables that could be involved. sit down and talk it out is my advice comming from a now adult that has been in the childs spot.

Hi R.,

I just adopted my stepdaughter, so now she is my daughter. The court has even re-issued her birth certificate, the judge was wonderful as well as our attorney. I would be happy to recommned her - we were lucky though, her birth mother gave up her rights completely. Her children were an inconvenience to her lifestyle. She had another daughter by another man as well and she is with her Dad also. I know we did what was right and you seem to want to pursue this - so I say go for it and do what you can. The Lawyer we used is with Spicer, Flynn & Rudstrom in Nashville. Her name is Michelle Fassbender, she is wonderful and quick, we began fighting in April and now have full custody. Feel free to ask any questions

I can't see you getting far in court. Court may look at it as you are trying to limit quality time with the other part of the child's family, which has rights to be with her too. If the child isn't in danger and is enjoying herself, then maybe it's okay. As I read it, it's only once a week and every other weekend. It IS unfortunate that her mother doesn't spend her scheduled time with the child. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX IT (remember the serenity prayer). I don't know her issues, (if it is due to work or pleasure). but I do know that Grandmas are special and no matter what, unless in danger, she deserves to know her grandma.

I think u should avoid listening to natalie and jaimie i think in the name, U should really take the advice from julie. The other mothers seem to be making a snap jumdgement against the biological mother who is working and rightfully using her mother to watch her child. You have all the right to want to spend time with the child. But Im sure if you all sat down together and made arrangements for you and the grandmother to share the days of having the little girl it would be better for everyone. Im sure the little girl wouldnt want the people she loves at each others throat over something that can be solved between adults. The other mothers Im sure are trying to be helpful but what alot of people dont understand is when you get the state involved they can press further charges or put the family through more stress than u were antisipating. Always best to work things out like adults...it sounds like all any of u want is to love and care for this precious child. GL

Can you, the mom, the grandmother, and the dad sit down and discuss your being able to keep the child at least half of the time? OK, I'll go ahead and say it - what a blessing it is for this little girl to have her stepmother AND her grandmother available to keep her! I'm a young grandmother, in between jobs, and I keep my granddaughter much of the time while her mother is at work. Even though there are no other options, family-wise, I have so enjoyed being with that little 15 month old dynamo. My point is, if the grandmother is a caring, competent, able-bodied caretaker, please don't deny her that pleasure by going to court. Please, first try talking with the mother. It's possible there's a solution that would be amenable to everyone.
Good luck to you!

I would suggest seeing if you could get some free legal advice. My husband got custody of his 2 children so it is possible however some court systems are very difficult to work with. There are a lot of varying factors and a lawyer would be best suited to answer your questions.

My suggestion would be to try to talk to the mother first and if that doesn't work, you can try mediation (throught the court without court having to go to court or go in from of the judge). If that doesn't work, then legaly matters can be taken for more visitation or more custody (50/50 or more). IF you need more info, let me know.

Is the mother working full time and that is why she is with her grandmother or is she just not interested in taking care of the child? I only ask because it is very hard to prove the parent unfit, you will have to have both of your homes evaluated by family services. It could be a very ugly court battle if the mother does want to grant the father full custody of the child. How is the custody now? I really would get an attorney and have him or her advise you. Like I said this could get very ugly and it seems like you are trying to avoid it from being so.

hi R.,i think u should sit with all of them and discuss what the problem is and what evryone wants and if that doesnt work then,yes i think for sure u should seek legal advice,there are so many people out there that go through the same thing and win there battle.especially when it comes the child she needs a mommy and daddy around and u are the best next thing for her as being a mother.obviousley her mother doesnt want to bother with her.so make sure u document everything that happens,ive never gone through this before but just through wisdome i know some things and the most important thing is documentation.i learned that through my husband of 6 yrs,i also have 4 kids and im 23 but me and my husband already discussed what would happen if we ever split up.so like i said right everything down that u think would be helpfull,and even if ur not sure right it down anyways theres no harm,stuff like that will help ur case and also recored anything that u can.hope i came to some use i know im only 23 but its amazing the things u learn from listening to other people.lol!good luck with everything.

Maybe she feels the little girl will get more attention one on one with her grandmother because you are taking care of 4 kids already. Isnt the limit 3 children to one caretaker? I dont see how she is a unfit mother if she has to work full time to take care of herself and her baby. She knows she can trust her mother, maybe she does not know you well enough or maybe it is more convienient for the grandmother to take care of her. She could have any number of reasons. If she is not denying the father his visitation rights then I don't see the problem. When you go through custody battles, they rule that the father gets every other weekend, so letting him see her once a week as well as weekends when she doesnt have to is actually a blessing. If they are not together,then the mother has rights and you should respect her decision. I would be hesitant to let another woman care for my child as well. The father is not present when you are caring for her daily. Now if she is a unfit mother, then that is another story all together...

Dear R.,

I understand what you are going through, I have been through it myself. You have tried to do this on ya'll own and that is great, but from what I am reading, well she isn't budging. I think you should seek legal advice. That baby needs a REAL FAMILY and I think it needs to be the two of you.

I am in the process of FINALLY settling a visitation issue with my ex-husband. One thing that you must understand is no matter how much we say to ourselves "we are not invloving the child or we are not taking this out on the child" the child will ALWAYS be affected, no matter how young. They can sense the tension and the older they get they will realize what is going on.
In state visitation is going to be every other weekend and one night a week, unless you have proof that the mother is endangering her child, selling drugs, prostituting herself, the likelyhood of you getting custody or even more time than that is slim.
Do your family, yourself, your husband, your step-daughter's family and most importantly your step-daughter a favor - if you have concerns or issues, sit down and talk with the child's mother. As a mother yourself, try to understand her point of view, try to understand what it would be like to only have your other children half of the time or no time at all! As mother's we are very protective and our children are bonded to us in a strong way. Sit down and talk, work it out, be understanding and respectful and SAVOR the time that you do have with your step-daughter. Stop focusing on the time that you don't have and make the most of the time that you do have. And be thankful that you are so close that as she grows you will be invovled, you will be close enough to go to her activities.
Perhaps hard advice - but we have been through HELL because of this very same issue over the past two years. My son, who is 5, now sees a child therapist everyother week because of how the ongoing tension effects him. Don't set your step daughter up for heartache.

Hey, well you should try to get that little girl if her mother is leaving her grandma to raise her....esp if her daddy wants her and you want her, and if you can prove in court that the mom is leaving the little girl at her grandmas allthe time and not taking care of her then do it.....its better to have her father around a good portion of the time then not having her mom around most of the time and Im sure she would love a motherly figure like yourself to spend time with and do all the girlygirl stuff with......but if i was you i would be contacting a lawyer asap.....the younger you getthis done the less likely she is to remember and be stuck understanding and hating everyone.........good luck