Starting Dialysis

Speaking from experience, the best thing to do is be completely honest with all of your boys. You need to explain to them exactly why you are going to the hospital, what dialysis is and why you need it. Then explain to them how its done, show them where your stint will be and explain that if they hit it or you too hard it will hurt you very badly. Kids understand pain and they will not want to hurt you.
Good luck to you and remember, honesty is always best, your kids will know if you aren't telling them the whole truth.

I have 3 boys too - ages 2, 3 & 5 - and I know what you mean about how active they are and everything. Make sure you show them the port and how it's a BOO BOO and be careful of Mommy's boo boo! I find my boys do well when things are explained to them.

Explain how your kidneys aren't working right and the machines will do the work for you... maybe one of them will be so interested they will become a doctor.

I would suggest taking one of them with you to dialysis and of course, bring them something to do, so they understand it more and to be with you!

God bless you!!
V.

hi T.,
i'd be completely honest with them, keeping the information simple and age-appropriate. i think they'd be much more scared and upset by picking up on the fact that there's something wrong but not being informed.
they can learn to love you gently, and they will.
my prayers that all goes well for you.
khairete
S.

Hi T.,

You are smart to ask for help. Start early teaching the kids about things that might hurt you. You can back off later if it gets easier for you. Just keep them in the loop and enlist them as helpers.

I am a 53 year old mother of 3. Josh 29, Jennie 26 and Jeff 22. I am in the hospital for a bone marrow transplant. My oldest son has a boy who will be 4 (Chris) in June. My grandson and I are close. My son took pictures of my confinement in Feb/March and made a 'book' for Chris showing him what I was doing in the hospital. My advise is to explain age appropriate descriptions of what you are going through. It will help them if they are included in your health treatment. There are a lot of books in the library about sickness for kids.

I had the same problem with my port because my grandson and I like to wrestle. You need to explain that they have to be careful now instead of running and jumping into Mom. You will have to enforce it until it becomes habit. I know it's hard but it will be best to say no now not try and do it later. Make it a "big help" to give Mom gentle hugs and touches. They can be proud they are "helping you". Maybe see who can be the gentlest in loving Mommy. Enlist active family and friends for climbing practice. God Bless You, D.

I think the 8-year-old in particular should be done with jumping and climbing on you in any case - he is big enough that he could hurt anyone, let alone someone with a medical issue. [Something I've worked hard on with my 8yo.]

If you haven't already done so, schedule a time to sit down with the counselor at your oldest's school. S/he could suggest resources for you, so that you're able to tell your children what's going on in age-appropriate terms.

Hey sweetie. I'm sorry that you are having to start dialysis. I am a dialysis nurse here at local clinic. I also have a 9yr old, 3yr old, and an 18mos old. My mother died very unexpectedly in December, she was only 50. Surprisingly, my 9yr old and my 3yr old both understood what had happened and we've been very open and honest that things do happen, but you can't always worry about that. It may help your 8yr old if you tell him that the dialysis people are trying to help make you feel better. That is how my 3yr old understands my job. All of my kids have gone up there and seen how it works and visited the patients. Depending on the clinic's policies and procedures and as long as you don't think it will traumatize your kids, seeing you on the machine and that you are alright while you are on it, may help. You know your kids best though, so if it will traumatize them, then don't. As for the catheter hurting during rough housing... You probably shouldn't rough house too much but some is okay. When you are at treatment and they are changing the dressings on the catheter, make sure that they tape it to your chest fairly well so that the chances of it getting pulled or snagged are minimized. If you stay on dialysis long term, then at some point you'll get an access in your arm and then you'll be able to go about life pretty much normally. I hope that you'll regain kidney function or get a transplant before then though. Let me know if you have any questions. I don't mind answering them.

Teach the oldest one that though death is a part of life that no one can predict, you expect to come home, as people rarely die from dialysis treatments. I had surgery a few years ago and had to prepare my children (my son was 8 at the time) that sometimes things do happen, but they shouldn't worry. We had good doctors and Mommy expected everything to go smoothly. At 8, they understand that. And, Dad and I taught him that I wouldn't be able to play for a while, and might sleep a lot, but once I felt better, then I could play again. My parents stayed with them while I was in hospital. When we came home, my parents had been teaching them the same thing, so even my 3-year-old understood she couldn't bounce on me and had to touch me gently. And, there were times they had to play quietly around the bedrooms where I was sleeping. Soon, I moved from painkillers to just Motrin/Tylenol and was able to hug them. A few months later, I could move without the pain. Your boys will learn empathy and sensitivity to what's going on around them through this experience. Do not worry. Make sure you have your support system in place. Get friends who don't mind cooking meals in advance. See if you have someone who doesn't mind doing laundry. See if you have someone who can run errands to grocery store for you. And, be ok with getting a cleaning service to come in once a month until you're back on your feet. Plan to spend storytime with the boys, so they know that sick or well, Mom is tuned in. You mentioned your MIL and her passing, but you didn't write if Dad is around. If he is taking off during this time, don't be afraid to take this time to lean on him, too. If you are a perfectionist, this is the time to let go of a lot of those tendencies and just let people help in the way that they can. When you've recovered, you can rearrange everything the way you like.