Holy cow, honey you guys are so young. I'm so sorry this is happening, but you are in a GREAT position here. Some people would be much older after 20 years of marriage. I'm 44 and divorced after a 13 year relationship-9 years married. And the nice thing? I have my whole life ahead of me. I met a nice guy I'm seeing, my age, and he's hot! And youthful. And I'm a mature independent woman who doesn't need to put all my psychological and physical energy into supporting a man like I did my ex. So I can date and settle with a nicer man-or not! Whatever!
You were blindly in love you say. While that is admirable, it's also not good to be blind. Maybe he hasn't been so great with his issues. Maybe he hasn't put you and your relationship first and you just got used to it. Maybe he has taken you for granted. This is NOT UNCOMMON.
He feels "trapped" by you overbearing love? This sounds like you are constantly warm and affectionate and loving (after 20 years that is quite rare!) and he wants...to be alone or to be with someone colder...?..Here is where therapy could be interesting to see where the void is between how you've been regarding the relationship vs how he has been..
All the ladies here are right. Get your legal ducks in a row. Leaving you is doable, but you will be PAID for the years of your life you did your job faithfully. My husband is paying full support and I have full custody of our kids. And I'm still young. And so are you.
Your husband can't appreciate what he had in you until he goes out in the world and finds himself. It's not fair to you, but there is nothing you can do about his frame of mind. If you had KNOWN there was a problem years ago, maybe you BOTH could have steered things differently, but he didn't give you that chance.
I like Wild Woman's idea of demanding therapy because you are blind-sided. If you feel you want some clarity, and want him to have some, this may be a good thing to do. But if you rest with yourself and look deep inside and realize you and he will not be staying together, you may want to skip that. Every couple is different, only you know if you and he should try to work anything out before splitting.
I do sort of marvel at people who marry so young and actually stay together. Only half do. Some young couples I know are so used to having good spouses, they take it for granted and want something "else" by the time they're 40. All they've known since 20 is "family life". Who can blame them for wondering what else is out there? Most happy couples I know are divorced or got married later in life. You will survive and you will be better one day, Im so sorry for the pain now.