Sponsoring Another Family for the Holidays

I think that it is wonderful you are choosing to give this gift to another family. It is also great that you are recruiting donations. But also please respect respect that others will give when they can, whether it be financially, physically or emotionally. Ask without expectations and you will never be disappointed;)

Hi L.,
It's not clear what you meant by "Kind of go in": money, food, lending pots/pans, etc.? The 6 people who responsed have found a way to help you make a family remember this holiday season as very special.

We never really know someone's financial situation and so I wouldn't put others on the spot by sending another email.

Use what you have and make it memorable.
Bless you for thinking of others.
E.

I dont believe it's ever appropriate to force someone to donate, they may already be doing their own thing?! If you send out another email in my opinion that would be more forcing, let them choose to help or not. That's my opinion?!

First of all, your story is very inspiring! I think I'd follow the other mamas' advice and just be happy with your one brother and your friends' responses, make it work the best you can with the help you get willingly.

And trust me, you may not really *know* their financial situations! I have a relative (through marriage) who presents as very successful, generous, giving, yet my husband and I discovered that he is really struggling greatly and is almost bankrupt. It's an accident that we know. If we hadn't found out, we would think he and his family were much more secure than ours.

The other thing to consider is that not all people feel comfortable adopting a family over one season, since it's temporary. My parents always donate to church, but never directly to the "adopt a family" group because they thought their money would go further if it was directed to a resource focused element (like ESL services, housing assistance, or jobs training). It was just their thing. My mom volunteers at the ESL office of her archdiocese, translates for the school district, offers homework help for kids, etc....

One other thing you can do is send out another email in a little while that says something like, "Thanks to so many of you for responding! Here are the details of what we're going to do. If you have any other suggestions or ideas, or questions, let me know. I hope to have any donations (fiancial or otherwise) by _______date_" That way they aren't on the hook for not previously responding, and they get a reminder in case they may have been interested but didn't respond.

Hope it all works out for you!

Good for you! I think what you're doing is wonderful. If it were me I think I would keep my mouth shut about the whole thing with my family members. If I did anything I would send out another group email, to everyone, closer to whatever it is you're going to do thanking people and giving a last chance to help out if anyone was busy and missed the opportunity the first time. I wouldn't ask people personally/individually. I think it could cause tension with you and your family. Just my two cents. :)
Again, good for you!

What a great idea. We are thinking of doing the same this season. What an awesome task to do with your children. It teaches compassion. They are at the perfect age for it.
I'd say your first email was fine, but don't send another. Some people have a hard time saying no, so they don't respond. And don't hold it against them. It is kind of like when you do a fundraiser, not everyone is going to say yes or respond. You just have to not let it bug you.
Enjoy the holidays!

What a good idea! You already had the answer, you sad it in the poster: "This Christmas/holiday season my husband and I decided that we wanted to "adopt" a family that may be struggling this season." It something that you two feel like doing and just think how lucky you are that few more people want to help. I won't say anything to push the rest of your family. It is very true that you might not know their true situation. This is your THING and you are the one to be rewarded to watch how happy that family will be. If you and your husband decided to get a new furniture, would you expect your family to step in? This is the same, just in this case you are buying some hapiness for someone else and I wish you good luck with that. There should be more families like yours in this world! After all, this is what the X-mas is about... giving, not recieving!

I think it is putting them on the spot, but it can probably be done gently - 'we're trying to budget for presents for the family we're sponsoring, and i wonder if you had time to think about whether you can contribute?' One question is enough, unless they ask you to check back.

You may know their financial situations, but you don't necessarily know their charitable giving philosophy or plans. I plan out, in the beginning of the year, how i plan to spend my charity capacity. I have something to give, but not an unlimited amount to give, and i choose both the amount that i'll donate and the places that i'll donate it too. This means that sometimes i'm asked to give to something that isn't in my budget - especially if it comes up at the end of the year. This is your project, not theirs, and they can be both wonderful people, and people who are not interested or able to participate this year.

I always appreciate being asked to give to a cause, BUT, I hate when I am made to feel guilty about not giving to it. I support a few specific things through the year that we can afford to give to. I always hate it when I get pressure to give more...especially when I am already stretched to the limit. I would let it go at one email.

I had someone expect me to give $25 to something just yesterday in a pressurig way, it was embarrassing for me because she wouldn't take no for an answer. I finally got emotional and had to blurt out that while I did have $25 in my wallet it was all I have to get through the week with for gas and groceries. I budget very carefully to pay the bills and put food on the table but people probably think we are doing ok. Please don't pressure, it will only put tension into your family holiday get togethers.

Mara's idea for a follow-up email is brilliant – it could serve as a gentle reminder without applying inappropriate pressure. You don't want to create resentment among friends and family, and pushing people to give is a sure-fire way to alienate family and friends.

(It's just not my business whether or not anyone else gives of their personal resources. I really can't know the situation of those who have not stepped forward.)

My husband and I are asked to give to all sorts of causes, most of which we would love to help out. But we mindfully budget a percentage of our income for giving that amounts to personal sacrifice every year, and it's amazing how quickly that runs out. So we have to decline many requests that are attractive to us.

And I extend my heartfelt thanks to all who give. Many years ago I was a young single mom, struggling to stretch my small paycheck far enough. A church "adopted" the low-income daycare I used, and gave each family $25 toward holiday groceries. I was staggered and deeply affected by that generosity. It helped so much, perhaps more emotionally than financially. Someone cared!

As I worked my way toward greater financial stability (I will never be rich), I took that gift to heart and made giving part of my lifestyle. Giving, no matter how tight it leaves my budget, has been an ongoing gift to my soul, much more nourishing than having lots of "stuff."

I love it that you have been moved to help a family in this way, L.. I hope the blessings you receive are as rich as the blessings you bestow.

What a wonderful idea to share with all of us on Mamasource on how we could make someone else a present that lasts a lifetime...the kindness of others.
As for the e-mail those who volunteered to help and wanted to help you have come forward. I would not bother my relatives again. They will respond if they want to later on when they know whether or not they can.
Meantime you have inspired many of us who read you story to do something we had not thought of.
Have a beautiful Christmas and may you be blessed in every area of your life.

I would send out an email thanking those who have contributed, and updating them as to progress made. You could figure out which family you are sponsering and let them know if there are specific needs/items that could be met or donated. Include those who have yet to respond to your first email. This will remind them of what you are doing, as well as let them know that people have started to chip and and help out, without putting them on the spot. Once they see that you are not the only one working on this, perhaps they will be more motivated. If not, it's their loss. Giving to those who are in need is a reward in itself and they will miss out. But it is also catching; if you can get pictures of a family to send out so they know where thier efforts are headed, it may help and plus it will become more personal when there is a real person behind the story.

I can totally relate: our family sponsored a group of children in a church in South America last year. (in Chile, where my husband comes from) We personally purchased the only gifts they recieved - so this year we decided to ask our church to take up a collection and it really is hard to handle when you know others are capable of giving more than you see them giving, but you need to find tackful ways of getting them to contribute to what you know is a good cause.

Good luck and good job!

I would let the family members respond on their own. If they don't wish to participate they will be the ones missing out.You really can't force someone to give if they don't want to. You want your family to do this from their hearts.Maybe as Christmas gets closer they will want to be a part of this.

I agreee with Corie R. No individual requests. One bulk email to say "thank you" and "last chance". I know I would not be offended to receive that as I often forget or procrastinate! :)

I agree to let it go. This is something you wanted to do, not your family and friends. You don't want to make them feel like if they don't give money than they're bad people. Everyone gives to charities when they can and to which ones they relate to the most. There may be another charity they would like to give to. Just because you feel passionate about adopting a family for the holidays doesn't mean they do.

I do not see a problem with asking your family if they received the email you wrote OR if they want to help.
I wouldn't be offended if it were me. They may not want to help or have the money to help and they may or may not like you spending money if they know your financial situation,.... but they at least have to commend you on such a good deed and good heart that you have.
If you know how you sponsor another family, will you let me know as I would like to do it also.... not that I have money running out my ears but I have a little girl that is 3 that I would like to teach her how to be generous, thoughtful, and to teach her that Xmas is about giving and helping and having compasion for those less fortunate.... not just about "getting". And..... like you, I feel fortunate to have the things that I do and would like to give back. So if you know how I can find one of these families or how I go about doing that, please let me know.
Thanks so much. You are a very good person.

If you were to do anything, maybe a reminder email to everyone would be okay. Something along the lines of the date that the money needs to be in and thank you to "those that are able to chip in". No names mentioned. If your familly members don't want to be a part of this project or don't say anything, I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, there are so many things to give to, maybe they give to other things. Either way, we need to be careful not to judge others, right? It's great that you want to give to help others and sets a great example for your kids. The most important thing is that we give out of love.

Hi L.,

I don't think that you are putting people out at all...Isn't Christmas a time to give of ourselves and help those in need? That is where the "gift giving" tradition started in the first place. As a single parent of twins on public assistance, I put myself through college and earned a degree. I was hired on at the school I graduated from but still struggled as a part-timer praying for full-time work. The second year that I was there, the girls in the office got together and sponsored us for Christmas...I had been ill and needed antibiotics for a rampant strep infection but had no insurance. They helped me pay my electric bill to avoid shut off and got me food gift cards, got the boys some much needed winter clothes, and paid for my antibiotics. It was such a blessing I will never forget. I was laid off from there in January and have been searching for work since. I KNOW that if I could afford to give even $20-$40 I would because I know what a difference it makes for someone who is desperately needing it during such a harsh time of year. I have moved up to Bellingham to find work...and really look forward to be able to do what you have chosen to do - give truly for the spirit of the season - unselfishly and compassionately to someone who really needs it. I mean who really needs another bathroom soap gift set or more pocket tools? I commend you for your effort and believe that it is one of the best ways to celebrate the season - helping ease the suffering of others. Cheers! I hope you find a wonderful, deserving family to bring joy to...keep up your quest for others to give freely of themselves too! ;-)

Hey L.,

What a great idea! I hope you have a good time making your adopted family's holiday season that much brighter. As for your family, you know them best. Do they typically respond to your emails quickly? If they do and you haven't yet heard back from them, how do you interpret their silence? Doing something for someone less fortunate is awesome but your family members shouldn't feel pressured to give just because you are. I would email them again only if it normally takes a few emails to get a response from them. Other than that, take their non-response as a response that they aren't interested.

Good luck and here's hoping for a happy holiday season!

I'd say its important to be careful how to approach them a second time.. if its not in their ability or hearts to do this, then that is that.

Some of them might be wondering what you are expecting and are hesitating because of that, so perhaps you could list some things you are hoping to do.. but in a general way.. but also individualize each email so that you can encourage that person.. Something like: "Grandma, I didn't hear back from you, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to make a batch of your famous cookies and fudge that we could include in a tin for the family we are blessing. I know they'd love it. I remember how much I appreciated the blessings from others back when I needed help. I'm hoping to provide some items to help them to make a nice Christmas meal and maybe a few presents for the adults and kids. Also, I'd love any ideas on what would make this a nice holiday for them." (or "Uncle Bob - do you remember that year you made blocks for my son? The family I'm helping has a three year old son and I think it'd be a great gift. Do you think you could find time to make another set? I keep thinking of how much Tommy loved them when he got your gift..." "Aunt Louisa.. you always make such beautiful jewelry.. this family has a mom and a 13 year old daughter...")

An email like that asks them again without putting pressure on them. It shows that they can help without any financial sacrifice. And, asking for something special from them and their ideas is a nice way to get help and also "butter them up" to make them a bit more pliable to the idea.

I love that you are being so selfless! I hope you also have a great Christmas. God bless you for helping this family!!

Jenn

I think let it slide. You didn't say that you need their help, you asked if they wanted to help. Their lack of response seems to be them declining. You could send a second e-mail reminding people of when you need their $$ by or something of that nature. It's be a gentle reminder to your family that you've asked before, but wouldn't feel like arm twisting.

What a nice thing for you to do. I think that if you dont hear back, then assume they arent in a position to help. Maybe they are helping in a nother way but feel bad to say no. You cant expect others to participate because you feel its a great thing to do. I am sure whatever you get contributed to this amazing venture will be greatly appriciated by the family who is blessed by it. Dont look down upon those who dont contribute, just thank all of those who do!

I think it is great you are supporting a family who could use some help. It wouldn't hurt to send a friendly last minute reminder that 'if they are interested in contributing, to please let you know by next week b/c you are shopping/assembling/whatever next week'. That way if they were thinking it over they would have a chance to let you know they still wanted to contribute. Whether or not they want to contribute is their choice. Your email sounds a little like you expect them to.

Most of us get asked to contribute to a lot of different things and not contributing to something is neither a personal rejection nor a lack of belief in a cause. I personally already have a couple things i support every year, and have a limited amount beyong that to give. It's possible they have already contributed as much as they are able to other things. Or they just have other priorities, which is their business and doesn't require explanation. Either way, nothing feels less like giving than being told to give because someone else wants you to. Please remember to keep the joy in the experience for all of you who choose to contribute!

let it go. you made your request. if they want to help they will. not everyone is as thoughtful and generous as you and your friends. let that warm your heart this holiday season.