What Would You Prefer: Give Money or Bring Item to School Party?

Use sign-up genius.com if you can get a email mailing list. This has been VERY useful and people will sign up...it also gives them a reminder email.

I hate the welfare mentality. If a momma is poor, she can contact the teacher and explain that while she cannot afford to contribute, she will come to clean afterwards.

Everyone should contribute in some way if their child will profit in any way from the classroom party.

Phone calls work better than emails and sign up sheets. Call people, and be specific.

"Suzy, can you bring 15 cupcakes to the party? You can drop them off before school."

"Dave, can you bring paper plates and napkins?"

"Linda, can you bring juice boxes?"

People usually don't care what you ask them to bring, especially if you are just requesting items. Just assign something. If they say they can't move on to the next person on the list.

Most parents would probably prefer to give a check. Having said that... are you the head room mom? Is there a budget for these parties? Usually in school there is a request sent home from the teacher asking for a small amount per kid and that money is then divided between the 3 parties per year. I think usually it's $5 per kid. Some paper napkins, a treat and a game or 2 and your done. Are you going way over that? At preschool age it's not usually a big deal for the parties.

Delegate. Don't ask, just tell. We need 12 cupcakes, etc. They have you figured out. Get tough.

Offer both. We're hosting a teacher appreciation breakfast next week and do several lunches a year. We ask parents to donate specific items or money. I like to cook and throw parties so I usually bring something in, but for many families, the convenience of chipping in a few bucks can't be beat.

Track the donations and keep receipts for what you buy in case any asks where the money went, and if you have excess money, use it for the next event or put it towards something for the class or teacher.

What are you using to request items? I find that Sign Up Genius is very effective. People can clearly see what's needed and where the gaps are so they won't just assume that everything is taken care of.

I prefer to send money because it's easier. I try to respond every time they need something. I think this is a common problem for room moms. I find that several reminders help me to remember to send money in.

You shouldn't be doing all the parties yourself. Do you have the teacher ask for volunteers?

JB below is right -- use something like Sign Up Genius (VERY easy site to use and does not require you to give up personal info. You generate your list for an event and send the site address and folks sign up online; everyone can see what everyone else has committed to bring/do and everyone gets an e-mail reminder that the system sends so you do not have to!).

You could have the list say things like "Cupcakes, one dozen, OR $8 for class to purchase cupcakes" etc. But really I'd try it first with just the items themselves and not money. When everyone sees what they and others are bringing, it seems to prompt folks to do more.

On that list be sure to put in tasks, not just items! "3 volunteers for setup, 12:30-1:00 p.m." and "4 volunteers for clean-up, 3:00-3:30 p.m." and so on. You should NOT be doing all cleanup yourself. Tell parents that if they want their kids to have parties, you must have volunteers. No one steps up to provide cupcakes? No cupcakes, kids. No one brings juice boxes? Water from the water fountain, kids. One party with just the pizza you order from class funds and no juice or dessert, and parents might actually commit. When they complain, send an email to all saying that "since no family came forward to provide cupcakes, we did not have them this time."

By the way, in older kids' classrooms, some room parents just ask up front at the start of the year for a larger, set amount (it was $30 for us in sixth grade) that covered: Class gift for teacher at holiday; class gift for teacher at end of year; pizza for two parties; craft materials for two parties. Then parents did still sign up for treats, drinks, paper goods and volunteering at parties. All the parents I talked with (I was not the room mom) liked this arrangement a lot -- we were not being constantly asked for small amounts. I'd rather pay one larger amount at one time than be asked repeatedly for small amounts.

You could always give an option for both. We need these items or, if it's easier, you can give $3 to the teacher for the Holiday party. I understand what the moms are saying about wanting to bring something personally, but at one school my kids went to they were asked to each bring a dollar on the day of the party and those dollars were then used to buy Little Caesar's Pizza for the class. Trust me...everyone had their dollar. I cannot imagine begrudging the teacher and room mom $3 every month or two for the party MY child will enjoy. I don't think most parents would and it is often easier to give money than go out buy stuff or make it and send it in.

ETA: I love doing the more personal stuff now, but I really appreciated knowing I could contribute the other way when I was working. I felt at least to some degree I was doing my part.

In my kids' classes they ask for $20 or whatever we can handle in Sept. to go towards the parties and teacher's gifts for the year. I love the simplicity of writing a check. I've been room mom before and paid my dues. lol

Of course you shouldn't foot the bill!
Our preschool parties were nothing more than potlucks, one during the holidays and a picnic at the end of the school year, that's it. And really, the only items we had were the items people brought. Sometimes it was more, sometimes less. The school provided paper products and drinks (water/juice.)
Talk to the teachers about what has been done and worked well in the past, and go from there. If people aren't responding and participating then maybe they aren't really interested in parties at this age and you should just stop doing them. The kids have MANY years of this kind of thing ahead of them, and doing it at the preschool level IS kind of a hassle.

Ditto below, Sherry.
If the Teacher, sends out the note, per the party, then parents are more likely to contribute.

You can draft the letter yourself, for the Teacher, then have the Teacher sign it etc. Some Teachers I know do that, then the Room Mom sends it out.
That way, you save the Teacher time in doing the letter herself etc. but it also is more legit if the Teacher is saying it.

Per elementary school, there is a Room Mom. At my kids' school.
Then, the Room Mom organizes said events.
And the Room Mom, sends out a flier, ahead of time, per any classroom parties, AND in that flier, is a sign-up... form. On which, the parents are asked to sign-up for food/drinks/decorations/paper goods or utensils etc., AND/or, a monetary contribution. Of which the amount is usually $5. AND the flier also makes note, that of the contributions, a Teacher gift... will also be gotten, FROM THE CLASS. But monetary contributions are voluntary.
And a deadline, is noted on the flier.
And on the flier... is it also noted, how much of each item is needed. It is itemized. So that parents know exactly, what they can or cannot contribute to or what they want to or not.
The flier does not just say "food and desserts needed." It says "2 desserts needed, for 15 kids. 2 parents needed to volunteer this item. Or, "2 main dishes needed for 15 kids. 2 parents needed to volunteer this item." and so forth. And next to each item needed, is a blank line to fill-in by the parent. And then the form is returned to class, by the deadline.
If not, then a flier gets sent home, saying there have been no returned forms. Hence, the party cannot be organized.

Or, a list of parents are on the flier. Half of the class's parents, are asked to contribute to the Christmas Party. Then the other half of the class's parents are asked to contribute to the end-of-the-year party.
And they are given a head's up, and forewarned, so that... they can plan ahead. Then on that list, per the season's party, a list of foods/items are listed. And how much of each item is needed. Then a blank line next to it for the parent to fill out, and then returned to class by the deadline.

Well, I always offered a game and prizes or a craft and I bought all supplies.
When I was room mom, I would be given the contact info for 2-4 other moms that WANTED to participated & at times, if yet didn't offer ideas, I'd assign each a game or craft of their choosing.
You might just have a crummy class.
So...Throw it out there...people might surprise you. Many are HAPPY to give a few bucks if it means they're off the hook.
BUT, my experience has also taught me that you can do crafts and games for VERY little money and the kids love it just the same.
Oh--be glad you can bring your little ones--our school policy prohibits it!

I've done both,depending on my schedule. I prefer to bring something, though. You do what is best for you. I think it is rude that you do not have the help you need, especially with two babies in tow!

Just an fyi if you are class mom next year: For most of the grades my son was in, party sign-up sheets were sent around at the parent meeting at the beginning of the school year. All the parties were labeled with 5 or 6 blanks for each party and we were asked to sign up for at least one party per year. It always worked out great and we always had more than enough help and supplies because it was not the same people over and over doing everything.

You are the room parent, not the host. These parents are using you and they should be ashamed.

I really think the school director needs to get involved. You have done so much for this school and the teacher/director should stand up for you and your hard work. Most preschool have a 'system' so the room parent does not need to recreate the wheel. Is there a form? Shutterfly sign-up is working for our room.

We give $5-10 for the whole year which covers 4 parties.

Most often a sign up sheet holds people to their responsibility. In the last week or so, put a note out, "For those of you who haven't had the opportunity to sign up, we still need plates, forks, and cups etc. A donation of $3 would be appreciated so we can make this year holiday party a great success for our little [class]".

You cannot expect parents to donate. You don't know their situation and you cannot continue to even ask them for money or donations.

You have no idea how you are humiliating people that may not have an extra penny of money to go towards this.

Many poor people are on food stamps. If they donate anything they buy with their regular food that is against the law. They can't feed anyone else with the food they buy, they can't donate it, they aren't even supposed to have people over to eat. They cannot give anything they purchased with food stamps to anyone else. So they'll give nothing.

Some people work and have a very small amount of pay left over. If they buy any foods to donate they may not have enough money to buy gasoline to go to work or to get the kids to school. So they'll chose to not give anything.

The kids that live away from their families, in foster care, with an aunt who is a single mom to them, or grand parents who are on SSDI, they count every penny so they can have enough milk to last the month or enough bread.

You do not know anyone else's true financial situation. You cannot continue to think they should give. YOU need to buy things within your budget which is the amount of money that is given. The kids that do not or cannot give should not be penalized because they can't give you what you want.

There were many times we just didn't have a single penny to send to school for a party. We couldn't buy M&M's for math games, nor could we buy napkins, paper plates, nothing. It would have meant going without something else.

So stop asking these parents to send money or food. Instead find ways to do stuff for free. Have parties that are fun with activities instead of doing something that costs anything.

You should stop thinking they owe you. You spent your own money instead of cutting stuff out since you couldn't afford it.

I suggest that many if not most moms work and are busy and might appreciate the option of sending a one time money contribution to a fund for parties. That way it's always taken care of with no mutiple requests. Makes it easier for you and the moms.

You cannot please all the moms. Do what works best for. You're doing the work. Also ask for volunteers to help set up and take down.

As a SAHM I would absolutely prefer to bring an item. If I were working full time (as I am this month) I would rather opt for sending cash. I would give the option of either bring an item or send money, then everyone is happy.

I never keep cash on hand. I would much prefer to just grab whatever item is needed from the grocery store and send it in my child's backpack on the day of the party or even deliver it to the school. (However, we live about 5 min drive away from school).
I have heard good things about an online sign up for school parties, I will try to remember the name of it. Many moms here on Mamapedia recommended it.

Is this a public preschool or a private preschool that the parents have to pay tuition to attend? Do you know any of the parents personally? Perhaps you should stand outside the class one day and meet all the parents as they pick up their kids. Explain that you are the room mother for the class and would like to contact them to help with some of the parties FOR THEIR CHILD IN THIS CLASS. Ask how it is best for them to help --volunteer at the party and for clean up, purchase or prepare items to eat or send some money to help with the cost. I agree that asking the teacher to help your gain support can be very productive. FYI -Most of the schools in our area will not permit younger siblings to come to school parties, so you are lucky. But it does cut down on the parents that are available to come. Good luck~

V.,

There is a tool to use to sign-up - I need to find it and give you the link. It has parents sign up for set up and clean up as well as items to bring.

For elementary school parties? I volunteer and donate items. They don't need decorations or anything like that. I would NOT put myself in the situation to purchase all the stuff that was not done. Send a message to the teacher and tell her that parents are NOT signing up. You would be surprised what happens when the teacher sends a note to parents stating the upcoming party will NOT be a success for the kids because no one has signed up to bring anything.

At the beginning of the year? Ask each parent to donate $20 - this will be for the teacher gift at Christmas and end of year. Many parents will donate more than $20, some will only donate $5.

Talk to the PTA and see what funds they have available for parties.

If you sent me a request for money or donations? I would NOT find it rude - unless I was receiving one every other month for something. If you make the presentation something like this:

Dear Parents,

I am the Room Parent for Ms. Smith, our child's 2nd grade teacher. I am asking that each family donate $20 to the teacher gift for Christmas and end of year. This will also help with the Christmas party and end of year party for our class.

We need parents to help with set up, chaperone during the party and clean up. Please let me know what you are able to do to help make these parties a success and fun for our children.

Thanks for your support!

V.

then give your contact information.

Hope this helps!

Give parents a list of items you need and then also put a note that if they are unable to buy any of the items needed to please donate $2-3 so that you can give the kids a fun filled party.

At my kid's school they do an auction fundraiser and each classroom makes a gift basket. I have donated but sometimes it's just easier to send a few bucks with my child to contribute.

I would rather bring an item. Today, I was asked to bring three onions for my son's Thanksgiving feast and a small bag of green bean's for my daughter's. I would rather do this than constantly give a few dollars here and a few dollars there. We also gave $15 up front for all class parties (for my son - first grade), celebrations, etc to cover the rest of the items that people aren't asked to bring. This system works well for me.

of course they will sign up to bring you money, but you will probably never see it. If they don't know you, they won't know that you are the one they need to pay, unless you ask the teacher to collect it, which is just another task for her. Do you have sign up sheets for the parents to sign up for treats, and then call them a week or so in advance to remind them to bring the treats? I'm sorry that it's all falling on you, but it seems to be that way lots. When my kids were in elementary it seems only a few of us parents ever showed up for that stuff.

With my daughter's preschool, there was always a sign up sheet next to the sign in/sign out sheet, and frequently everything would be signed up for before I even picked her up after work. Each item needed was listed with a line next to it for the kid's name.

With her 1st grade class, there is a class mailing list and the mom in charge puts out a list and as people reply they sign up for each item. That worked out really well except that some moms responded to earlier emails and had to be asked to pick something that hadn't already been picked.

I like being assigned a general item and then I still have a choice of what. Ask the parents to sign that they acknowledge they received the request or donate 3 dollars.

I prefer to give money... most of the time, the kids wouldn't eat what we would bring, fruit, salad, healthy finger foods.. at most of the parties they have had, they serve caprisun, chicken tenders, caesar's pizza... in other words, kinda junky.. I give my money and they do what they want with it.. my son seldom eats what they serve and prefers his own lunch..

I vote for money ! :)